As a guy I wanted to know what it was like as a woman...

wewon

Meeting people online is different than "online dating."

Meet online, and then if things seem to go well meet in person. That's when you actually start dating.

But filtering through dozens or hundreds of people to find ones with similar attitudes, education levels, interests, etc, is quite a bit more efficient than meeting them randomly in bars or whatever.

Could part of the problem be that people are expecting bars to be a prime meeting place for a long term relationship?

Most people I know that have met someone (long term) didn't go to bars. They basically set up their life first, complete with hobbies and interest.

Meeting people that way you pretty much have weeded for interest, hobbies, education level etc.

Myhaloslipped

The guy who faked being a chick is worst than the pervs that wrote to him.

This! I find this rather disturbing.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Let's be honest here people. What can you really go off of online? Some information on a profile that could be correct, or could be made up. A picture that could be real or fake. Conversations that very few people would even attempt to have in real life. Websites that pay employees to keep users on their sites. Bots. If someone is really looking to start a long lasting, honest relationship, online is not the place to do it. Just have fun and take it for what it is. A tool to help people feel connected with other people.

Ok, just curious, where would you suggest, this day in age for a nice person to meet other people?

Libraries, concerts, bars, workplace, supermarket, friends house party, etc. Just off the top of my head.

I'm 36, not 18, so house parties? lol. With the exception of the grocery store, I don't really go to those places and at the grocery store to get my food and get out of there.

Eh. I kind of agree with him. Those are just some examples.

And I don't go to "house parties," but I do go to get-togethers at friends' homes and there are often people there I never met before. A friend of a friend who I got into a discussion with on Facebook offered to set me up with a friend of his (I wasn't single, so had to turn it down).

I had a horrid online dating experience overall. I really think, despite being able to read a profile, you miss a lot of important things that you get in person. Body language is underrated.

I realize for a lot of people, especially those of us who are no longer in school, it's tough meeting people -- even just new friends! -- so I don't judge anyone for doing it. I just think it's more difficult that way.

One thing I've observed watching my friends online date is there are a LOT of men on those sites who will take them out, be all wonderful and date them pretty seriously for months and then suddenly decide, "Oh, I just realized I'm not ready for a long-term relationship."

I mean, this happens A LOT!

hmm, sounds familiar.... of course it happens, but I think those things get talked about way more than the good. Meh.

jonnythan

Meeting people online is different than "online dating."

Meet online, and then if things seem to go well meet in person. That's when you actually start dating.

But filtering through dozens or hundreds of people to find ones with similar attitudes, education levels, interests, etc, is quite a bit more efficient than meeting them randomly in bars or whatever.

Could part of the problem be that people are expecting bars to be a prime meeting place for a long term relationship?

Most people I know that have met someone (long term) didn't go to bars. They basically set up their life first, complete with hobbies and interest.

Meeting people that way you pretty much have weeded for interest, hobbies, education level etc.

What "problem" are you talking about, exactly?

DebbieLyn63

I met my current husband online, (in a chat room, not a dating site) and we didn't meet in person for 2 weeks. By then, we had made a connection based on our personalities, rather than just an initial physical attraction. We have been happily married for 16 years.
All my previous relationships had pretty much started with a physical attraction, were fantastic in the beginning, then fizzled when the shallow attraction wore off, and there was not enough substance to sustain the relationship.

That said, today's online dating scene looks like a nightmare, and I would not want to be single now.

I would think, however, that it would depend a lot on which site you used. Sites like Plenty Of Fish, sound to me like a meat market, and you would most likely get the same type of people that you would meet in a dive bar.
Surely there are some more reputable sites where people who are looking for actual relationships, not just hookups, can meet.
Hopefully there are sites that are more discerning about profiles and discourage members that are reported for inappropriate conduct.
Women also have to be extra careful with how they present themselves online. Flirting and suggestive photos is going to attract a certain type of guy. Something said online comes off differently than in real life. Men will make assumptions based on pics and innuendos that a woman puts out there. Sure, you will get a lot of attention, but it may not be the attention you want. Save the heavy stuff for after you get to know someone better and the intent has been established.

This is not to say that there aren't guys who are just total horndogs out there and have no respect for women in general, because there are. Just like there are women who have no respect for men and just use them for whatever purpose they can.
The anonymity of the internet often brings out the worst in some people. And the worst people.

For anyone who is using dating sites to find a serious relationship- Be very careful how you present yourself, with photos and text. Set firm boundaries, because subtle doesn't come across very well on the internet. People treat us how we allow them to.

And if you have a benign profile, but are constantly getting inappropriate messages, then perhaps you need to use a different site.

wewon

What "problem" are you talking about, exactly?

LOL!

You might want to read the thread.

bd0027

Calling me "princess" or "babe" or "baby" in the first few messages is creepy. Don't do it. I tried POF and most men didn't get the hint to leave me alone after sending me a creepy message. Ignoring their messages didn't work since most of them would just message me again. Men are super aggressive on dating sites.

mank32

2. With an online profile you can find quite a bit out about a person right off the bat.

tried P.O.F., with a picture. not at all surprised by how that went down. i ended up abandoning that one. for fun (and science!) i experimented with a pictureless profile on O.K.C. i got so many responses to my pictureless profile that i quit O.L.D. entirely. it weirded me out.

rml_16

Meeting people online is different than "online dating."

Meet online, and then if things seem to go well meet in person. That's when you actually start dating.

But filtering through dozens or hundreds of people to find ones with similar attitudes, education levels, interests, etc, is quite a bit more efficient than meeting them randomly in bars or whatever.

Could part of the problem be that people are expecting bars to be a prime meeting place for a long term relationship?

Most people I know that have met someone (long term) didn't go to bars. They basically set up their life first, complete with hobbies and interest.

Meeting people that way you pretty much have weeded for interest, hobbies, education level etc.

I met my fiance at a bar. We've been together nine years and are very comaptible. We caught each other's eye, began talking and hit it off. It was really very easy and has turned out just fine.

I'm 36 as well, and I have friends that like to entertain guests at their house. I didn't mean college parties with WOP. And no, people don't normally to go to a grocery store to meet some. That's not saying you can't. I met my wife through a friend in college.(not in a bar) I don't have a problem with online dating if someone wants to do it. I just think they should have realistic expectations.

I have been asked out (by non-creepy guys) at the grocery store and even while just getting gas.

Hell, maybe it wouldn't be so bad being single again. lol

wewon

Also if you're not single this subject just isn't for you. You got out of the pool, your opinion on the temperature of the water is pretty meaningless to those of us still swimming.

I don't see why not, the topic is interesting so I think that I'll stick around.

Thanks

When a married guy in his 40's finds the topic of dating so interesting I can pretty much fill in the blanks for myself.

Yes, that he found a topic interesting.

Nice personal attack though.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Calling me "princess" or "babe" or "baby" in the first few messages is creepy. Don't do it. I tried POF and most men didn't get the hint to leave me alone after sending me a creepy message. Ignoring their messages didn't work since most of them would just message me again. Men are super aggressive on dating sites.

I put that in my profile - anyone who calls me a pet name will not get a response. Ick!

WendyTerry420

Let's be honest here people. What can you really go off of online? Some information on a profile that could be correct, or could be made up. A picture that could be real or fake. Conversations that very few people would even attempt to have in real life. Websites that pay employees to keep users on their sites. Bots. If someone is really looking to start a long lasting, honest relationship, online is not the place to do it. Just have fun and take it for what it is. A tool to help people feel connected with other people.

Ok, just curious, where would you suggest, this day in age for a nice person to meet other people?

Libraries, concerts, bars, workplace, supermarket, friends house party, etc. Just off the top of my head.

I'm 36, not 18, so house parties? lol. With the exception of the grocery store, I don't really go to those places and at the grocery store to get my food and get out of there.

18 year olds have houses? :laugh:


I didn't start having house parties until I hit my 30s. I'm hitting 40 next month and my husband is 55, and if not for house parties, we would never have any fun. :smokin:

orrr, when their parents are out of town..... I've not been to a house party, since the 90's.

I thought that only happened in the movies. So parents really did that, eh? Left their kids in the house to throw a party? I feel robbed. :laugh:

mine did. I'm still not really sure why, because we definitely partied. They busted me and said they were coming home, but they were an 8 hour drive away, so them telling me that gave us time for a few more beers and to kick everyone out and clean up before they got back.

My parents would never have done that. But then, they usually watched all those 80s teen movies with us and were scared to death. The worst I ever did was smoke herb with my brother in the garage after mom and dad went to bed. But once I got out of their house... :blushing:

jonnythan

What "problem" are you talking about, exactly?

LOL!

You might want to read the thread.

Well I don't think that the "problem" of women being harassed by men when trying to find someone to date online comes from people treating bars as places to find long term relationships.

That's why I asked what problem you meant. Are you talking about bars, dating in general, where women can find nice men, online dating, or what?

GBrady43068

I could use this story to rationalize why I don't get responses...but I'm not sure it's the norm.

From the women that I did manage to talk to on these sites it goes like this:

New profile= tons of messages in the first week or so. Creepy guys, normal seeming guys, prospective dating material, etc.
Two week old profile=substantial decrease in messages, creep factor increases, substantial decrease in prospective dating material

100% Correct.

If they aren't creepy, they're dumb as all hell, or they have 6 kids to 6 different women.

I'm just gonna go buy some cats...

ADOPT! some cats.

Cats have commitment issues, too. :laugh:

I tried online dating with no luck but I did meet my wife of 10+ years online...and it did involve cats (see how I bring this full circle a la Seinfeld?)

I used to do a daily blog and she happened upon one I wrote about how hard it was to put down a stray cat I adopted. I was forced to move for work and the new place I could afford wouldn't allow animals of any sort. I was able to get the other two cats I had adopted but no one was interested in the third one due to some "issues" it had from being a stray so the shelter had to euthanize. She was also an animal lover and commented on the Blog. We began to regularly comment on each other's Blogs for about a month. In that time, we found we lived within a two hour drive of each other. We made plans to meet and the rest is history. We now have an 8 year old boy.

TLDR: Online dating is rough...but it IS possible to find someone online....if you don't "try too hard". Happy V Day, single ladies and dudes. :flowerforyou:

SugaryLynx

When I was in the neighborhood of dating, I did originally try to use Internet dating engines. Finding a nice Japanese man in my neck of the woods is like a needle in a hay stack.

rml_16

hmm, sounds familiar.... of course it happens, but I think those things get talked about way more than the good. Meh.

I have a lot of single friends who are online dating and this happens to them regularly. One just had it happen twice in a row, within six months.

fannyfrost

I think in some ways no matter what, it can be easier or harder for a woman anywhere. When you are young or fit the right look, all the men hit on you. When you are older it gets harder.

I have had guys try to dance me into a corner to touch me, I have had guys dance at me crouch first, I have had guys come at me and try to touch me to the point my girlfriend and I made it look like were were lesbians, didn't work. It can be very hard to be out and a woman too.

On the other hand, there were plenty of nights I got free drinks or met nice guys, some just ended up friends. I don't think it matters where you are, some guys are pervs and some aren't.

My girlfriend re-entered the dating scene and was sent many pictures of man parts, she was also invited to Orgies, these were in person or people she gave her number to because she thought it was OK. My other girlfriend met her new boyfriend on Facebook and there was no creep factor.

FYI, I also know plenty of women out there just looking for sex or that come on too strong. they can be just as creepy sometimes. Oh and these Orgies exist because women do attend as well. I think it all goes both ways and I also think that men and women both get afraid due to rejection or the creeps and shut down nice guys or girls because of it. I am totally jaded, but believe if you want to meet someone you have to take some chances.

wewon

I said your age and that you were married. The fact that you view that as a personal attack is your own issue. Maybe try being happy about where you are and leave dating to actual single people.

You can always ignore my response can't you?

Or maybe we can use your focused attention to me to "fill in the blanks" on the tact that you use for online dating?