As a guy I wanted to know what it was like as a woman...

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  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    But instead of making me take up a cause to eliminate a-holes from the world it makes me wonder why anyone continues in that particular medium.

    Because the alternatives are in many ways worse.

    It's hard to meet good compatible people.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Unless this was a one time article, I'd say that he has the agenda of building up a following of loyal readers.

    Even if that were the case, does it make his recollection or the accounts of many women who corroborate such an experience untrue or any less worth of note?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Gender role reversal exercise:

    Imagine as a guy that you have an overflowing inbox from the most unattractive women you can imagine. Then imagine that the majority of them have dead-end jobs, emotion problems, physical limitations, lack motivation, live at home with their parents, and are generally not on your level physically, intellectually or emotionally. So you get messages every single day from women you would NEVER consider hitting on.

    The big take away from your rant is that only attention from certain types of guys is welcome. Yeah, I get flat out rudeness and extremes like living with your parents are unattractive but an unwillingness to converse with someone because they're "on you're level" is narrow minded. You see this in real life too. If a hot guy leers at you at a bar it's flirting. If an ugly guy does it he's being creepy. There was even a post about this recently somewhere. It was by a women who lost a lot of weight and suddenly started getting attention. She talked about how great it was that young guys at the gym were looking her over but how uncomfortable she was by the guys that did it at the gas station. Sorry we're not all male models ladies. It happens.
    So I just have to put up woth complete strangers sending me shots of their junk? I don't care what you look like, I don't want to see that.

    And when a guy asks if you want him to send one and you say no and he does it, anyway? Are complate strangers sending your shots of their vajayjays?
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    And I think that what makes people TRULY uncomfortable is that both sides have legit gripes.

    Yes, of course that is true.

    However, in the context of online dating I think that getting rejected isn't quite on the same level as being repeatedly harassed and degraded.

    So there are no alternatives to online dating?

    You either get harassed or stay single?
  • WontShareChocolate
    WontShareChocolate Posts: 107
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    Wahhhhhhh!!! Too many guys want to buy me free meals!!!! Life as a woman is soooooooooo difficult. Let's be honest, you ladies have to put literally no effort in to meeting guys. You're basically just waiting for one to hit on you that meets whatever shallow standard you've imposed for looks. You then simply decide if his annoying qualities offset his looks and by how much.
    Yeah ... OK.

    I guess you're probably single.

    Thankfully no! It's just eye roll inducing to hear women complain about getting too much attention. It's a movie star complaining about the papparazi. Ok, let's see how you like it when no one wants to take your picture and you're not longer famous. Same thing. On the flip side of this little experiment I think every woman should make a profile for a fake guy. Maybe send out 20 or so thoughtful emails to get one three word response from a woman who on her profile says, "I don't respond to one line emails!"

    Awe someone has been burned here before :flowerforyou:
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    imagine OP what it must be like to be a women in general if thats what its like on a simple online dating site
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    ridiculous trolls like Nutellabrah out there (seriously, ladies, just use the "ignore user" button and stop giving him what he wants - if you can't see his taunts you won't be compelled to respond)
    What fun is that?
  • WontShareChocolate
    WontShareChocolate Posts: 107
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    imagine OP what it must be like to be a women in general if thats what its like on a simple online dating site

    You know what is worse then being a woman and online dating? Being a woman and being punished every month for not being knocked up.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Seriously, has anyone ever had a guy pull out a picture of his junk and hand it to you when he walked up to you in a bar?

    Lulz, in RL that would be considered public indecency.

    Online some people consider it to be courtship ;)
  • howcanthatbetakenalready
    howcanthatbetakenalready Posts: 107 Member
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.


    Same story here.

    Most people in real life meet through mutual friends so I guess we (people our age) need to make more of an effort to hang out with new people and go to new places.

    I've actually thought about going to a few "meetup" events. You meet new people and just may hit it off but without the pressure of it being some sort of dating site/event.


    I need to be LESS anti-social too.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    But instead of making me take up a cause to eliminate a-holes from the world it makes me wonder why anyone continues in that particular medium.

    Because the alternatives are in many ways worse.

    It's hard to meet good compatible people.

    Which raises a host of other questions like social skills, venues choices, expectations, attitude, time management etc. When you consider how many people are successful at meeting in alternative ways.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    And I think that what makes people TRULY uncomfortable is that both sides have legit gripes.

    Yes, of course that is true.

    However, in the context of online dating I think that getting rejected isn't quite on the same level as being repeatedly harassed and degraded.

    So there are no alternatives to online dating?

    You either get harassed or stay single?
    I don't think that's the point, though. I think it's just bringing to light the issues women face. No one is saying stop doing it, because of course there are decent ones out there. Heck, the guy who wrote the article was appalled, which means he doesn't do it himself and thinks it's awful. HE'S out there.

    It's just a discussion.
  • WontShareChocolate
    WontShareChocolate Posts: 107
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    Seriously, has anyone ever had a guy pull out a picture of his junk and hand it to you when he walked up to you in a bar?

    Lulz, in RL that would be considered public indecency.

    Online some people consider it to be courtship ;)

    Lol what would his pick up line at the bar be? "Look I'm sexy, your sexy, let me just cut to the chase and ask you if THIS is worth your while ;););)."
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    But instead of making me take up a cause to eliminate a-holes from the world it makes me wonder why anyone continues in that particular medium.

    Because the alternatives are in many ways worse.

    It's hard to meet good compatible people.

    Which raises a host of other questions like social skills, venues choices, expectations, attitude, time management etc. When you consider how many people are successful at meeting in alternative ways.

    I can't quite tell what point you're trying to make. There's a reason online dating sites are used so heavily, despite the problems.

    It sounds like you, who has never tried an online dating site nor actually been on the dating scene in quite a while, are dismissing online dating entirely because other things are better. I humbly suggest that you don't know much about online dating OR its alternatives in the context of modern post-college adults.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.

    True story, I actually met a really nice fireman in the grocery store one day. He struck up a conversation and we were really connecting, then his pager went off and he had to go put out a fire. As I was checking out, he came running back in, all covered in soot. It was a kitchen fire, no biggie. He told me which station he worked at and asked me to come by. I was too chicken to do it tho.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    Single folks don't use phones, don't go to parties at their friends' houses

    Of course they do. At least in my circle, they do. I have friends from 22 years old to 60 years old. Many of them are single. My daughter and her group of friends are in college.

    I have people over to my house all the time and my friends have people to their houses. Whether it's for the Super Bowl, Halloween or a random, "Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while!" Friday night.

    Who are these people who never go to each other's houses?

    IDK...It was stated earlier in the thread that only teenagers go to house parties. It seems strange to me. That's my main "social life" is house parties.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I haven't ever tried an online dating site, but at 34, working nights at a company that doesn't allow inter employee dating. Being a single parent so my free time is generally spent with my kid. The rare times I do venture out with mates these days I'm out to chat with them not a drunk stranger. Plus throw in living in a rural area which limits venues & events beyond a pub (know 98% of folk already), & a working mans club (caters to the older generation, or the pool players). I've never heard of anyone IRL getting asked out in a library? - don't they frown on talking. Or a supermarket? - Umm, do you come here often? Wtf please!

    Dating is definitely harder the older you get in my opinion.


    Same story here.

    Most people in real life meet through mutual friends so I guess we (people our age) need to make more of an effort to hang out with new people and go to new places.

    I've actually thought about going to a few "meetup" events. You meet new people and just may hit it off but without the pressure of it being some sort of dating site/event.


    I need to be LESS anti-social too.
    Meetup is awesome! I've moved a few times as an adult, so just making new friends is difficult. I didn't join Meetup to meet a man (I was involved already), but I have made some great friend friends through it. I highly recommend it.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    Unless this was a one time article, I'd say that he has the agenda of building up a following of loyal readers.

    Even if that were the case, does it make his recollection or the accounts of many women who corroborate such an experience untrue or any less worth of note?

    It does speak to your point on having an agenda.

    That being said, I never doubted anyone's personal anecdotes for online dating. But when I do hear them I wonder why they chose to continue that method.

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