being undermined

The biggest problem with forums is their is no professional counselor to moderate people.

Of course she feels underminded. I'd bet $1,000 she has told her mom her goals and what she is avoiding eating. While all of you have valid points about "growing up" and "being appreciative" none of you look at the psychological issues OP is going through.

Many people do not have an eating disorders, but everyone has peculiarities that can even be seen as disordered eating (there is a huge difference between and eating disorder and disordered eating).

I know where you're coming from OP. I have a friend that constantly tells me what to eat in her fridge when I stop by her house (she's much older than me, I'm 28 and she's 65ish) She maintains that dieting doesn't work and yet says things about people she percieves as heavy like "put down the fork fatty!" I am clearly overweight, but she has apparently decided I'm not. And she does undermine me, much as your mother is. But it's not because they are being terrible people. It's how they were taught to show love and care for people.

You love your mom, I love my friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings but not eating the food she makes. But I also have come to a realization that I have to take care of ME. So sometimes I lie. Sometimes I take the food she is pushing on me and give it to someone else that wants or needs it. Sometimes I throw it away. If I told her "no" she would DEFINITLY be hurt. Sometimes I tell her I already ate or I'm just not hungry (these are often met with shows of unhappiness and sighing or saying " SOOOOOO????? EAT!!!" So between her show of unhappiness with my needs and choices, and already over-taxed willpower, YES it does FEEL like being undermined.

But sometimes just reminding yourself you have the choice takes away the power that food or person may have over you.

i always have to tell my mum no thank u. no thank you until she gives in. some days i will give in

So, she's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to eat junk food? Think you should call the police first.

Is this about food or control issues with your mom?

Do you live with mom?

We went to the Zoo on a hot day, and treated ourselves to Gelato from a stand there. At first the servings looked SO tiny (maybe 1/2 cup), but they gave us mini spoons to eat them with - smaller surface than an Iced Tea spoon. I could barely finish mine, and my 6'4" 330 lb husband and monster child also thought it was a lot by the time they were done. Lesson learned!

Since then even when my son's friends come over I give them ice cream in a fancy Sunday tall glass, with an iced tea spoon - they have the same reaction - looking like "that's all!?" but when I ask them after they are done if they want more, they always tell me they've had enough.

Portion yourself. eat off small plates and use small utensils, and you can "cheat" and still feel satisfied.

I've experienced the same thing myself with gelato and those tiny spoons. It's so true!

The biggest problem with forums is their is no professional counselor to moderate people.

Of course she feels underminded. I'd bet $1,000 she has told her mom her goals and what she is avoiding eating. While all of you have valid points about "growing up" and "being appreciative" none of you look at the psychological issues OP is going through.

Many people do not have an eating disorders, but everyone has peculiarities that can even be seen as disordered eating (there is a huge difference between and eating disorder and disordered eating).

I know where you're coming from OP. I have a friend that constantly tells me what to eat in her fridge when I stop by her house (she's much older than me, I'm 28 and she's 65ish) She maintains that dieting doesn't work and yet says things about people she percieves as heavy like "put down the fork fatty!" I am clearly overweight, but she has apparently decided I'm not. And she does undermine me, much as your mother is. But it's not because they are being terrible people. It's how they were taught to show love and care for people.

You love your mom, I love my friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings but not eating the food she makes. But I also have come to a realization that I have to take care of ME. So sometimes I lie. Sometimes I take the food she is pushing on me and give it to someone else that wants or needs it. Sometimes I throw it away. If I told her "no" she would DEFINITLY be hurt. Sometimes I tell her I already ate or I'm just not hungry (these are often met with shows of unhappiness and sighing or saying " SOOOOOO????? EAT!!!" So between her show of unhappiness with my needs and choices, and already over-taxed willpower, YES it does FEEL like being undermined.

But sometimes just reminding yourself you have the choice takes away the power that food or person may have over you.

Feeling undermined and being undermined are not necessarily the same thing.

And people don't always mean what they say. A good communicator and a good listener, and an avid reader (when it comes to the interwebz) can usually pick out what someone means from what they say.

Many people on here will tell you how you can't blame her blah blah blah... But as someone who struggles with will power around food, and who has all my life, I know what you mean. The people I live with keep offering me foods that are not good for my weight loss journey, they have never struggled with their weight. Yes, your mum is not being supportive. But the truth is, it's your life, and your journey alone, make the commitment to do it with or without support.

how do you all handle people actively undermining you?

You're sick, the person who brought you into this world brings you comfort food, and you accuse her of "undermining" you?

Get a grip.

And really, you might want to think twice about demeaning your own mother on a public forum.

You might want to think twice if you think ice cream and doughnuts are comfort food, sick or not.



For the OP, just politely ask her not to offer those items.

Mothers feed their kids - especially when they are sick - but whether you eat something or not is up to you - turn down the sweets - if you tell her you would love some homemade chicken soup I bet she would make it

yeah, she would. shes a good person really, and she wasnt offering it to be mean, she was getting one for herself (it was a klondike bar) and asked me and my hubby what flavor we wanted. i just said no thank you, and she didnt try to force it on me.

it's REALLY hard to see her making poor choices when i know how much better she used to eat. she lost 50lbs when she was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago. her a1c is as good as my non-diabetic self, at right around a 5.5 (7.0 makes a diagnoses of diabetes fyi) and then to add another layer i know i;m the one thats going to take care of her when shes really old and can no longer take care of herself. which, really is fine, and how it's supposed to be, but it sucks knowing i'm going to lose her early when i dont have to. it's also REALLY hard to make her eat better when her a1c IS so good, she seems to think that as long as that number is ok, everything else is moot, but then beats herself up when she goes to the dr and shes gained weight. so she buckles down again to lose the 5 pounds or whatever, and then never makes any real progress.

i never asked her to change her diet or told her she HAD to. i did offer to do it together with her, but she refused. i'll be sitting there with an egg and something or other healthy for breakfast, and shes eating two slices of breakfast cake.

I can totally relate OP - my mother was diabetic and had heart problems (we lost her young at age 52 - I miss her) and honeslty our parents were brought up on meat and potato diets it's hard to change life long habits. She was also an awesome cook and baked all the time (we had dessert almost every day!) All you can do is love her and be there to help her through :flowerforyou:

The biggest problem with forums is their is no professional counselor to moderate people.

Of course she feels underminded. I'd bet $1,000 she has told her mom her goals and what she is avoiding eating. While all of you have valid points about "growing up" and "being appreciative" none of you look at the psychological issues OP is going through.

Many people do not have an eating disorders, but everyone has peculiarities that can even be seen as disordered eating (there is a huge difference between and eating disorder and disordered eating).

I know where you're coming from OP. I have a friend that constantly tells me what to eat in her fridge when I stop by her house (she's much older than me, I'm 28 and she's 65ish) She maintains that dieting doesn't work and yet says things about people she percieves as heavy like "put down the fork fatty!" I am clearly overweight, but she has apparently decided I'm not. And she does undermine me, much as your mother is. But it's not because they are being terrible people. It's how they were taught to show love and care for people.

You love your mom, I love my friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings but not eating the food she makes. But I also have come to a realization that I have to take care of ME. So sometimes I lie. Sometimes I take the food she is pushing on me and give it to someone else that wants or needs it. Sometimes I throw it away. If I told her "no" she would DEFINITLY be hurt. Sometimes I tell her I already ate or I'm just not hungry (these are often met with shows of unhappiness and sighing or saying " SOOOOOO????? EAT!!!" So between her show of unhappiness with my needs and choices, and already over-taxed willpower, YES it does FEEL like being undermined.

But sometimes just reminding yourself you have the choice takes away the power that food or person may have over you.

You sound like an awesome person and very diplomatic. I have friends at work that know I have an ED and I'm diabetic, but push food off on me anyway. I usually thank them and try to walk away without taking the food but they seem to be hurt over this. I think from now on, I'll just take the food and throw it away. I don't know about giving it away. If the food isn't good for me, it isn't good for anyone else, so I don't want to give it to someone else, even if they don't have a problem, right? :huh:

The biggest problem with forums is their is no professional counselor to moderate people.

Of course she feels underminded. I'd bet $1,000 she has told her mom her goals and what she is avoiding eating. While all of you have valid points about "growing up" and "being appreciative" none of you look at the psychological issues OP is going through.

Many people do not have an eating disorders, but everyone has peculiarities that can even be seen as disordered eating (there is a huge difference between and eating disorder and disordered eating).

I know where you're coming from OP. I have a friend that constantly tells me what to eat in her fridge when I stop by her house (she's much older than me, I'm 28 and she's 65ish) She maintains that dieting doesn't work and yet says things about people she percieves as heavy like "put down the fork fatty!" I am clearly overweight, but she has apparently decided I'm not. And she does undermine me, much as your mother is. But it's not because they are being terrible people. It's how they were taught to show love and care for people.

You love your mom, I love my friend. I don't want to hurt her feelings but not eating the food she makes. But I also have come to a realization that I have to take care of ME. So sometimes I lie. Sometimes I take the food she is pushing on me and give it to someone else that wants or needs it. Sometimes I throw it away. If I told her "no" she would DEFINITLY be hurt. Sometimes I tell her I already ate or I'm just not hungry (these are often met with shows of unhappiness and sighing or saying " SOOOOOO????? EAT!!!" So between her show of unhappiness with my needs and choices, and already over-taxed willpower, YES it does FEEL like being undermined.

But sometimes just reminding yourself you have the choice takes away the power that food or person may have over you.

Agreed. Characters like Dr. Sheldon Cooper in the Big Bang Theory and Dr. Temperance Brennan in Bones, also Dr. Gregory House in House are entertaining and yet in real life their interaction patterns of insulting bluntness would get them more negative feedback than the shows indicate. I am a bit elitist about intelligence and sometimes unintentionally condescending; but I don't find it very socially rewarding to insult people- except for chiding arrogant bullies, I admit that has sometimes felt appropriate. Perhaps people make comments on internet venues that we would not make in person.

We cannot forget that the OP is trying to lose weight and that her eating habits were heavily influenced by the food on which she was raised as a young child by her mother (assuming her mother actually raised her, of course). Also, assuming her mother hasn't been a lifelong Type I diabetic, the diet hasn't been healthy for either of them.

don't eat them

We cannot forget that the OP is trying to lose weight and that her eating habits were heavily influenced by the food on which she was raised as a young child by her mother (assuming her mother actually raised her, of course). Also, assuming her mother hasn't been a lifelong Type I diabetic, the diet hasn't been healthy for either of them.

LOL yes my mother raised me. she didnt develop type 2 until she was just over 60. we suspect her mother had it as well, but was never diagnosed. my father also had diabetes (type 2 also) he NEVER controlled his sugar, and i watched him die a slow painful death with blindness and multiple amputations. he passed at the ripe old age of 62, in agony and chock full of cancer. i want better than that for my mom and myself. we wont even get into my horrendous family history, as if both my parents having it werent bad enough, and myself having 2 gest. diabetes pregnancies. i suspect i will have to fight this horrible disease for the rest of my life.

Maybe now everyone here can take a step back from their "self-control" diatribes and really understand how hard this is for you. With a little luck, no one will chime in that you should eat all the sugar you want as long as it's in your macros.

All you can do is chart your own journey, work toward your goals, and be open and honest with those in your life. And remember, your history and your present circumstance are not your destiny. Your destiny is in the journey you make from here.

Oh, and wanting better for yourself and your mom? Tell her that. And tell her every time she offers you something she knws neither of you should have.

As an RN who teaches a diabetic support group, I tell my participants everyone should eat as if they had diabetes (30-45 gms carbs per meal) with lots of veggies and we would all be much healthier. And it is all about choices....just like our calorie counting is. If you choose to have pasta, you should skip bread/dessert, etc. so you are under your goal. I think she thinks she is helping, not undermining, or feeling if you are sick you should not have to be so strict with yourself.
I am just starting here, but my plan is to keep "treats" I can have like special herbal teas, strawberries even if a bit expensive, etc on hand so I don't feel "deprived" of cookies or cakes. My downfall is salty snacks, but carrots and celery with sea salt help with the potato chip craving. maybe you can find a treat that works for you.