Do you agree with this statement?

"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."

I do and I don't.

I do think a person needs some kind of desire to lose weight otherwise they won't begin (obviously.) Having said that given the huge stigma, bias and prejudice attached to obesity I suspect most overweight people do want to lose weight on some level, and in many cases quite desperately.

The question then becomes why don't they consistently stick to a plan. Many begin but most do not last the distance or maintain their loss. Why is that? Are they lazy? Weak willed? Gluttonous? Unmotivated? Have no self control? I think in most cases none of that is true.

Losing weight (and more importantly keeping it off) is a skill based on good habits. It requires information, confidence, self belief and mental coping strategies. The problem is that many overweight people simply do not have access to those skills, especially if they have tried dieting more and have failed (repeatedly). Saying to them "if you really want to you will" is about as useful as saying to a person living in crushing poverty that "if you really want to get wealthy you will". Well, duh! In many cases, in my believe, it simply plays into prejudices about obese people which makes it harder, not easier, for them to succeed.

I sadly agree that this is certainly part of the problem. Weight loss in this country can be far more complicated for some than for others -- usually due to psychological factors or unknown physical factors (i.e. undiagnosed thyroid issues, insulin resistance, adrenal imbalance, etc.). And often times, too many are told that they simply don't *want* it enough.

I'd say get a reality check -- are you eating well, both the content of your food as well as your macros? If you're not sure, start a diary so you can be honest with yourself and look at what you're *actually* doing. So much of weightloss is diet. Then, throw in some exercise, even if just good walks. If you're confident that you're doing that, then really push for other reasons -- whether psychological or physical. Best of luck to you!

What is personally motivating you to want to lose weight? Your looks? Your health? Is it holding you back from something?

Decide WHY you want it and focus on that. If you want to change things bad enough, you will feel like you'll do WHATEVER it take, including the unpleasantries of eating healthy and exercising.

Good luck!

It's much easier to stay the path if you're committed, which would imply you want to achieve your goal, whatever it may be..

"You're not losing weight because you don't want to. When you really want to lose weight, you will."

My mom keeps saying this to me. IMO, it's not that I don't want to lose weight. It's that I don't want to work out or eat healthy. I've been struggling with that since I was 15. I do want to lose weight, but the working part is the hard part.

Follow up question:

When will I know that I want to do it? Is it like having an epiphany? Or do people just force themselves to do it until they want to?

I agree with your mom. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten". I know that is incredibly cliche but also quite honest. If I'm reading your statement correctly, you don't WANT to eat healthy and you don't WANT to exercise. Some people just don't. And that is fine. You are the one who lives in your body, and if you are happy and comfortable in it, then that is where you'll be. What made her make that statement? Was it just a random comment? It reads as if you may have been upset or complaining about not losing weight. If that is so, it doesn't sound to me like she is unsupportive, rather she is putting the ball in your court. Only YOU can do this. Figure out where you stand, with regard to calories in/out, emotions, overall health/happiness, etc., and go from there. Try something different. It doesn't have to be everything all at once. Just a step out of the norm. See what happens.

On the question of epiphany, I think you'll know it when you see it/feel it. I've had many 'epiphanies' regarding my weight. Most of them came from vanity. My motivation now is my risk for T2 diabetes. I've been told by my doctor that I run a higher risk due to family history and having had 2 bouts of gestational diabetes (insulin shots 4x's/ day for 3-4 months) and I'd rather never go back. I don't know if that would ever happen, but I'd rather take any precautions that I can to avoid it. It will take time to get these last few lbs off, but I'm patient (usually) and making several small changes I can live with. I don't really love exercise. I do it happily some days, grudgingly on others. Either way, I make myself do something, hit the gym, walk a little more, move more at home, just something that is above what my normal day would consist of.

I wish you the best of luck & happiness on whatever you decide. :flowerforyou:

If you are like me, its not that you don't want to lose weight. You just don't want to put in the work it takes to lose weight. That is how I am. When I think about how hard it is going to be and how long it will take, I quit before I actually even start. I am new to MFP and I have only lost three pounds but I am more motivated now more than I have been in the past. My defining moment I guess you could say is when I stepped on the scale and realized I weigh more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant with both of my children. TERRIBLE! I don't know how I let it happen. Anyway, don't give up. You CAN do it. You just have to start somewhere

I agree, your mother knows best. Losing weight is mental warfare. Every single day. Once you decide that you want to live your life in a healthy, happy, fit body, you'll be willing to wake up earlier, exercise, eat healthy food, go to bed with deliciously sore muscles, and a smile on your face.

When I think about how hard it is going to be and how long it will take, I quit before I actually even start.

I saw something in a fortune cookie and totally made me look at this sentiment differently-
It doesn't matter how long it takes to make your dream come true- time passes anyway!

For me that meant, if it took me 3 years to get to my goal, would I rather be at my goal in 3 years, or with a 20lbs gain? Or the even the same?

I LOVE THIS!!!!!

Thank you!

There's wanting to do it, then there's wanting to want to do it.

I wanted to want to lose weight for a few years, but it's only recently that that turned into really wanting to get down and do it.

The difference? Logging. My brother said, "do myfitnesspal". I was like, "OK, why not?" For a couple of weeks I just logged my food and activity, made no effort to change it. But those red numbers did it for me. I started wanting to see green numbers.

Then when my diet and exercise patterns changed, my body started to want more veg, more water, more balanced food. As the weight started to come off (and you'll see from my ticker, I'm not talking big weight, but it made a surprising difference) my body started to want to move more.

Start where you are. You don't want to do it, but you want to want to. That's enough to get you started. So start logging. Don't try to change what you're doing right now, just log. Religiously. And see where the journey takes you.

I've struggled with my weight and body image my whole life, and I would "try" diets and exercise but never stuck to anything. I really do think it's because I wasn't ready in a way, not that I wasn't ready to lose weight, but I wasn't ready to put in the work, take control, or potentially fail. It was more of a confidence thing, which is silly because getting healthier has made me more confident than anything ever has. I would look at fit, healthy people and think "why not me?!" and then realized "no really, why not me? There's no reason I can't do it too". It's hard and took a long time for me to find what worked for me, but now I can't imagine going back to where I was before.

If I had spent a fraction as much time being active and eating better as I did wishing I would have in my life, I'd be in freakishly amazing shape by now haha.

My initial reaction upon reading the statement was that your mother is an idiot. When I read your explanation I realize that your mother is exactly correct.

Look, for anything in life there are a million reasons to do it and a million reasons not to do it. All of them are valid. You've been choosing from the "Not to" side. That's your right and no one should judge you for it. However, making that choice and then complaining about the consequences is just annoying. If you want to make that choice, and again it is a valid choice, then don't complain about being heavy or out of shape. Accept both sides of your choice.

As for when you will choose differently, that's entirely up to you. Every day is a new opportunity to choose. Maybe tomorrow you will choose differently, Maybe you never will. Just know that when you do there will be a lot of folks here willing to help.

^^This, combined with "Pick your Hard" is when it finally clicked for me. I always thought every day was about being "perfect" with diet and exercise. I beat myself up when I wasn't. I always felt either deprived (but perfect) or guilty (but a failure). But then it clicked: the beauty of this world is that we get to make choices. So perhaps tonight you choose the burger and fries (and log it) but then tomorrow you need to choose to eat less (theoretically) or choose to exercise more. This is real life, and no one is perfect, so don't put that burden on yourself right away. If you make the "big" choice to take care of yourself, then if it's too overwhelming to go big, then go small, because the small changes will add up as well.

Best of luck!