Dealing with Haters

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  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
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    You should report the misuse of your school email address. Seriously. Do NOT report them specifically (unless they have admitted to you they are the culprits) but let the school know that someone is using your address to sign you up for offensive news lists. The school may or may not investigate and track it back to them, but at least it will be reported. Let the little so-and-so's over hear you tell a friend that it is so strange that you have been subscribed to these funny lists and that you have reported it to the school. Then shrug your shoulders and move on to another topic. Like how your super hot boyfriend has just gotten his black belt.

    I hate bullies. I really really do. It is easy and unfair to tell you to try to ignore them. Bullies sometimes amp up the ammunition if they don't get the response they want. Sad but true. What sort of personal support do you have at the school? Friends in the same class who will stick up for you? If my friend was getting bullied I would hope that I would march up to the little snots and give them an earful. Personal safety is always something to consider, but these girls don't sound like they want to get into a fist fight.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    its easy enough for everyone to give you their input and i am no different. Ive always had the attitude that unless your opinion matters to me then i do not care about it. can say whatever you want. my standard feelings on people is that everyones an *kitten* until you prove otherwise. that way im not let down when its true and am pleasantly surprised when its false.

    what you DO have to do is find a way to not let this get you down and feel like giving up. you are doing this for you and not them. just keep repeating it until it no longer matters what they say
  • donnat238
    donnat238 Posts: 309 Member
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    I'm going to play the "mom" card here :) My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

    Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

    And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either. :wink:

    +1
  • dswolverine
    dswolverine Posts: 246 Member
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    Ew, what a bunch of *kitten*. Don't let that deter you from keeping true to your fitness goals! They're obviously insecure if the feel they need to put down others. Just ignore and move on!
  • DirrtyH
    DirrtyH Posts: 664 Member
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    I remember dealing with people like that in high school - not to the same extent, but I have to disagree with anyone giving you advice to engage them. Verbally sparring with these people is fruitless. You can't win and all it does is exhaust you and make you feel worse, not to mention bringing you down to their level. Who would want that?
    Reporting it is better, and then just try to ignore them and stay strong. Change your email address. Block their numbers (or change yours if that's an option.) Remember how strong you are, and how much better than them you are because you don't have to tear down other people. Eventually you'll be done with school and you'll never have to see them again.
  • Blossomforth13
    Blossomforth13 Posts: 41
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    That is totally out of order! Honestly some people have no idea.
    Personally I spin twice a week and I have for about 4 years now. I was a whale on a spinning bike when I started and I'm pretty sure I nearly died on several occasions. Out of everyone exercising in the gym (classes or not) I have the most respect for those who are just starting out, because that is when it's the hardest.
    Keep with it and use the anger to keep you going an extra 5 mins next class :-)
    Good luck, keep going and you'll make it to the end of a class very soon (at which point you can stick your tongue out at the haters because being thin doesn't necessarily mean they are fit).

    P.s. Love the cat :-)

    Yeah. I just...can't let Spinning beat me, if that makes sense? I feel like I have to somehow "defeat" it. So I'll bust my butt until I do.

    And thank you, I'll tell my kitty. :) She's my baby, her name is River Song.
    What grade are you in that people are doing this??
    Sad that - at their age (I'm assuming they are out of High School - yes)?! - they pull this crap.


    It's an adult technical school, and the girls in question are 20 (almost 21), 25, and 29. I'm 26. Their best buddy who giggles at everything is 35.
    Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university

    I haven't done that yet, because the night dean of students favors the worst of the girls. She like...calls him Daddy even though they aren't related, because she made a one-of comment after he said about how he raised his girls to look for men, that she wished she had a dad like that....and he lets her. It's...really strange and kinda squicks me out.

    Thanks everybody. I guess I just ahve to go up the chain of command, because endurance isn't working so well.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    This post transported me back to middle school. I feel for you, OP.

    Don't let them see your sadness or your anger. They'll know they've won. Ignore them (unless their torment becomes excessive) and work on yourself. It's all you can do.
  • JnK619
    JnK619 Posts: 320
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    Oh man, F those little beezies! I know what its like to be self conscious, and its harder when you are young, but push them out of your mind. You workout for You, not them. And you go to school for you not them. They obvoiusly have insecurities of their own.

    Carry on!
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    I don't always advocate violence....
    but some people make me want to put my foot in their *kitten*,
    fall backwards and make them drag me around for awhile!!
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Many people would not agree but I am a 'fight back' kind of person. If you start something, you better be able to finish it. In my opinion, bullies need put in their place when Ignoring them doesn't help. Going to the school, etc often makes things worse. I'd straight up knock one of them out. Then say, "see what lifting weights has done for me?" Don't give up on your exercise, use it to make yourself stronger and more confident!

    I've had several family members who took bullying for a long time and all eventually had a 'fight back' moment that ended things. The best was my nephew who was teased by his football teammates in middle school. He came back from summer break for his freshman year and was twice the size of the other kids. First time they hesitantly picked on him, it took little effort for him to take one of them to the ground and they are terrified of him now.
  • EmmieBaby
    EmmieBaby Posts: 1,235 Member
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    they are bullies, the best way to get at them is to do nothing, don't react, don't flinch...just let it roll off your shoulder.

    On the inside you can cry, on the outside smile (even if it is fake) the more you react to them the more they will do it

    think of it this way, they need a reaction to fuel the insults, no fuel, no insults.
  • gdphilippe
    gdphilippe Posts: 9 Member
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    Ugh, I hate people like this. It would cost them nothing to leave you alone and let you get fit in peace, but they go out of their way to try and keep you from feeling good about yourself.

    **** them.

    I think the best way to get back at them is to just keep on going with your fitness goals and let your success shut them up for you. But, I'm also confrontational, and so I would tell you to use the "I may be fat...but I can get healthy over time. Too bad there's nothing you can do about that stank *kitten* attitude. Don't you have anything better to talk about than what over here doing?"

    It probably will fuel those haters but at least you spoke up for yourself. Sometimes those bullies thrive and feed their own poor self-esteem by picking on someone they think can't fight back. Ultimately, you just have to live your best life and leave them wallowing in their misery.
  • meghan_elizabeth
    meghan_elizabeth Posts: 15 Member
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    I really just don't understand how and why twentysomethings are being so freaking hateful

    Wow, I'm shocked that they are in their 20's. I honestly thought these must be a bunch of 13 year old girls by the way they're acting. Clearly they have much deeper issues if, at 20+ years old, they find that behavior acceptable and entertaining. If they are acting that way, at an age where they should know better, then I hope you know it's because they feel awful about themselves - they have inner demons and the only way to give themselves a boost of self-confidence is to hurt someone else.

    Remind yourself that you are the better person here. You are putting hard work into living a healthier lifestyle, while they just try to put a bandaid on their miserable lives by hurting you. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. Know that you are better than them and walk with confidence.

    Can you tell someone higher up than the teacher? You have just as much of a right to be in that class and be successful at whatever you are learning as anyone else. They don't have a right to put a damper on your learning experience like that.
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
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    O M G I want to kick their Arses! Seriously. I am so sorry. :(

    Plus they are WRONG!!!! I am THRILLED to see anyone at the gym (when I went) that was larger and there! they were Doing it! I bet those 'people'.... don't even work out, they just eat horrible.

    I didn't look at your age.... is it worth turning in as bullying? don't know. It certainly is.

    THANK YOU for telling us and Not turning to food!!!!!

    They did a horrible thing but it Will Not Stop It. It will MOTIVATE you to help every Other person out there that needs help!

    KEEP IT UP!

    Heck I honestly doubt I could make it to through an hour spin class!

    you ROCK for trying and NOT giving up! next time... 18 minutes.... the next time... 20 YOU CAN

    stupid B*tches....
  • rondaj05
    rondaj05 Posts: 497 Member
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    I'm going to play the "mom" card here :) My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

    Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

    And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either. :wink:

    ^^ As a mom - I have to agree with this.
  • JustSomeEm
    JustSomeEm Posts: 20,222 MFP Moderator
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    YOU have a PHYSICAL issue, which you are taking steps to change and make better (go YOU, woman! Congrats on your loss so far!). Those ignorant twits are ugly on the inside.

    You will not always be overweight. But they will always be mean, evil trolls. Take heart, beautiful. You have inner beauty which stays with you for ever. Their external beauty will fade. Then their outsides will match their inside. This kind of bullying makes me so angry! (OK, so all bullying, really).

    Report them, then ignore them, and know you're the better person.
  • Of_Monsters_and_Meat
    Of_Monsters_and_Meat Posts: 1,022 Member
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    OP. Also I assume several people have been in the same boat as you are.
    I know I have had fat-shamming done to me too. It will always sting, but can't let that stop you.

    What really turned the tide for me is when I stopped trying to "lose weight" and started training for something.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Start weight lifting and then ask them how much they can dead lift

    THIS! Start lifting: StrongLifts 5x5, Starting Strength, or New Rules of Lifting for Women.

    I started doing Stronglifts in May 2 times a week at first due to a scheduling conflict and then upped it to 3 times a week in September. I highly recommend it! Just dead lifted 205lbs on Monday. :drinker:

    Definitely this! Screw those girls. As they get older, they will realize that their looks won't matter that much, but their horrible personalities will be their ultimate demise.
  • greenmonstergirl
    greenmonstergirl Posts: 619 Member
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    My favorite thing to say all my life is "I can always lose weight but you will always be ugly". LOL!
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
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    I'm going to play the "mom" card here :) My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.

    Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.

    And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either. :wink:

    +1 This will work better than name calling them back.

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