Dealing with Haters
Options
Replies
-
How old are these girls? Are they serious? Honestly, you are way too nice because I would have made them cry by now. Clearly they lack anything important in their life and are REALLY insecure. People tend to deal with their own insecurities by making fun of others....They also may just be giant b*tches. If it was the workplace, I would have more tact and deal with it through the proper authority/HR etc but this is only school so tell them to go *kitten* themselves. I wouldn't attack their weight or how they look or anything about them really, that makes you just as bad- Just let them know that they cannot talk to you/treat you like that and make sure you make yourself HEARD! not "please dont do that, it hurts my feelings" more like "listen b*tch - I don't know what makes you think it's ok to treat people like this but its not - why don't you stop being an *kitten* and worry about your own life - No one but your stupid little friends care what you think or say anyway so *kitten* off"0
-
Also, I would suggest -- Start recording them with you phone EVERY TIME they start this. When they start, whip out your phone and tell them that you are recording them so you will have evidence of every thing they say, word for word. If they KNOW that you are documenting everything they say and do, they will probably leave you alone.0
-
I am so sorry you have to put up with this! I was picked on in school all the way from 5th grade on. I admit I was a weird kid, but this didn't help.
I think I'd limit my comments to something like "You're not in high school anymore."0 -
If you give them a reaction, you're just giving them more of a reason to annoy you. Just know that when you get to your goal weight, they're the ones who are going to feel like jerks. One of the best feelings in the world is doing something other people say you can't do. Let your haters motivate you to prove them wrong.
We're all here for you on here!0 -
PS - my mom always taught me to hit back - someone on the playground is being a bully and hitting you - hit them back once and make it count. Guess what? It works - There is nothing wrong with defending yourself - do not go out of your way to cause a fight, be mean, dont be a bully yourself, dont make fun of people and generally treat people the way you want to be treated but if someone is being rude/ruthless/mean/abusive - there is NOTHING wrong with defending yourself.0
-
SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"
"do you have a stealth mode when you turn side ways" or is that just an optical illusion.
ooohhhhh
man that's a hell of an optical illusion- youre so tiny- but your head... it's just so BIG- how do you fit that giant ego of your's through the door- I'mmma start calling you houdini!!!
also- I give people ridiculous nick names- so if I need to and am feeling uncomfortable I can have my own private joke at someone else's expense- makes me feel more comfortable.
yes- it's shallow- but no- I don't like feeling taken advantage of so it works.
Not very effective. An obese person making fun of somebody who is thin, the socially prefered size, is like a poor person making fun of a rich person's wealth.
The sting just isn't there.
Yes it is. People who do that to people are INSECURE themselves. There's ALWAYS a way to make it sting. Always.
But that assumes the person's weak spot is her weight.
Considering the fact that the girls are all talking about wanting to be even smaller, "making fun" of their slender state is a compliment.
Fat people who think calling somebody who enjoys being slim/small or very fit "skeleton", anorexic, or any other such bunk is effective are delusional. Yes you do have some very slim people who are insecure about their size, but for the most part lobbing insults at a slim person who is PROUD of their size just makes you look like a fool in the end.
If I'm super lean, and want to be so, and somebody comes up on me screaming "eat a hamburger you damn skeleton" do you seriously think I'm going to be even remotely bothered?0 -
Well the haters are noticing you. You can use this against the haters.
when they make a snide remark - answer them back with a confident answer. Even if you dont feel confident but act like it.
What you have to do is answer them like this - lets say they say "A person like you will never be skinny" (which is a lie but just using it for example). then you say something like "I'm glad you noticed how beautiful i am". Thats totally an answer to throw them off because it doesn't quite make sense and would make them have to think about what you meant. they will look stupid with that deer in the headlights look.
so you always answer with a confident look and then walk away as if you are proud to be you.
the one thing you do not do is answer defensively. That mkes you feel bad plus adds fuel to their fire.
so you have to answer them with a confident answer tellin them how YOU feel and how you are for real.
you could say like "My inner beauty shines over all".. or something like that. whatever doens't sound dorky to you.0 -
Post their numbers and emails on here. We'll flood their inboxes with so much hate mail we'll crash the system. :explode:0
-
Why do people keep asking what the age of these bullies is? The youngest is 20 and the oldest is 35. Yes, I call the 35 year a bully because standing by and not doing something about it means that she is condoning the behavior. Giggling at the jokes means she is definitely supporting what they are doing.
As I mentioned earlier, I teach adult evening classes. The oldest person to bully another in one of my classes was 48 years old. Bullying has no age boundary. At one of my workplaces, I intervened when a 50-some year old nurse bullied a 20-some year old nurse.
I abide by two of Martin Luther King's quotes:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
"He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."0 -
Sorry you're going through that. People amaze me sometimes and not in a good way. They are only doing it because they are in a group. If it was just one, she probably wouldn't have the balls to be so blatantly rude. Reporting them will go no where and just make them bully you more. Sorry, but nobody knows what to do about it. They will tell the girls to stop and they will just find a different way to torment you. Just keep doing the spin class, that is a hard class! I know it's hard to just try to ignore, but reporting, retaliation, just don't work (in my experience). Ignoring and moving forward with yourself, as hard as that is, is the answer. Keep it up!0
-
I'm going to play the "mom" card here
My daughter is a college freshman, and I work at a university.
Go to the Dean of Students, or the equivalent at your university. Show them the texts/messages/etc that they have been sending you. Tell them about the fraudulent use of your email account. Our IT department doesn't take kindly to that sort of thing. On the whole, I think schools/colleges/universities are taking bullying much more seriously than they have in the past - and let's be honest, this is exactly what they are doing.
And following JoRocka's advice wouldn't hurt either.
^^^This!!! I'm not a mom, but I am a prof. You need to report it again, and your school needs to take it seriously. Bullying should not be tolerated. It is affecting you--you mention your grades as one example, but it probably has other effects too.
Meanwhile--enjoy your spinning. In my experience at being at the gym (for over 20 years), most people I know applaud those who are trying. We recognize it's harder for them, particularly at the beginning. So I applaud you, and encourage you to keep it up. And don't let this group get to you. It's sad to me to hear that 20-somethings think it's okay to do this to others. When are they planning to grow up?
^^This x1000!
Their signing you up for other websites may be a violation of school rules, but I'd bet that their e-mailing you is.
This isn't just bullying - it's harassment, plain and simple. Putting it in that context changes everything in the minds of people to whom you're reporting. To some, bullying sounds like something kids do, sort of a rite of passage, that people need to get over. When you say that it's harassment, it becomes an adult issue.
Don't keep quiet. Don't hit back, literally or figuratively, because that brings you down to their level. However they need to realize that this kind of harassment has consequences, and they either need to grow up or get out of the school because this isn't a school for children.
I can't believe that they are as old as they are.
ETA that you should keep on Spinning! It's my favorite workout. It's hard as hell at first but gets very enjoyable pretty quickly. Stick with it!0 -
@OP: They see you improving yourself and getting confident, and they feel threatened that you'll be competition, so they want to demoralize you. Keep up the good work you're doing and rub their noses in it. If you're the fight fire with fire type, and it won't get you in trouble, buy a bottle of medicated shampoo. Take it with you, give it to HBIC, and say, "Hey, I heard everyone at the bar has crabs. I thought you might need this." and walk away leaving her holding it. Chances are, her cronies will turn on her because you just made her the new target. Seriously...some rabid wolves have better social skills. You're already doing great and there's a ton of support here for you. Don't quit because of insecure people! ::
(Edit: typos)0 -
I always think of these when I deal with idiots. And I have to deal with them daily. Hopefully they can help you as well.
"The Paradoxical Commandments"
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.0 -
SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"
"do you have a stealth mode when you turn side ways" or is that just an optical illusion.
ooohhhhh
man that's a hell of an optical illusion- youre so tiny- but your head... it's just so BIG- how do you fit that giant ego of your's through the door- I'mmma start calling you houdini!!!
also- I give people ridiculous nick names- so if I need to and am feeling uncomfortable I can have my own private joke at someone else's expense- makes me feel more comfortable.
yes- it's shallow- but no- I don't like feeling taken advantage of so it works.
Not very effective. An obese person making fun of somebody who is thin, the socially prefered size, is like a poor person making fun of a rich person's wealth.
The sting just isn't there.
Yes it is. People who do that to people are INSECURE themselves. There's ALWAYS a way to make it sting. Always.
But that assumes the person's weak spot is her weight.
Considering the fact that the girls are all talking about wanting to be even smaller, "making fun" of their slender state is a compliment.
Fat people who think calling somebody who enjoys being slim/small or very fit "skeleton", anorexic, or any other such bunk is effective are delusional. Yes you do have some very slim people who are insecure about their size, but for the most part lobbing insults at a slim person who is PROUD of their size just makes you look like a fool in the end.
If I'm super lean, and want to be so, and somebody comes up on me screaming "eat a hamburger you damn skeleton" do you seriously think I'm going to be even remotely bothered?
whosh - there went the opint I was making.
People who are THAT aggressive bulling are making themselves feel taller- by making other people feel smaller. period.
it's an insecurity. They have them- probably lots.
And it can be exploited. period. The actual nature of the comment is irrelevant as long as it is swift and to the point and extremely narrowed in.0 -
I was pretty severely bullied back in school. Not just name-calling (which is terrible enough, I know) but also physical abuse, and I honestly don't know if I have advice that can help.
You could try giving back as good as you get, but this may not work. I tried teasing a skinny bully but what limited success I had led to me getting punched more. If you go this route, you might focus on how immature they are. My bullies had mostly grown up and stopped by the time they were 17. If these girls are in their 20s, they must be emotionally stunted.
Reporting them is definitely an option and may work if their punishment is severe enough. On the other hand, it could backfire and make you the target of their friends. Make sure you have proof for this option.
This may be a cliche, but it will get better. When you finish school, you can select a job that suits you and surround yourself with people that are encouraging.
In the meantime, you could try to ignore them. If they stop getting a rise out of you, they may stop. Pretend like they don't even exist. Spend this time working on yourself. Build patience. Go to the gym and get strong. Work on developing a new skill or area of knowledge.
A less typical reaction would be to go out of your way to be kind and complimentary toward them. Every time they are mean to you, find something nice to say about them. If they are capable of maturing, this might help them. When they're alone with their thoughts, they may think about how mean they are to someone that's nice to them and they may grow as people. The only successful way to stop a bully that I've experienced is for them to grow up already.0 -
SAVE THAT BULLYING EMAIL. You will need to show it to someone in authority to prove the bullying.
In the meantime, here are some comebacks.
"Is someone trying to talk to me? You're just so scrawny I can't see you."
"I don't pay attention to skeletons."
"Preparing for your Skeletor audition, I see."
"You mean you can speak? I thought you'd be too weak, given how skinny you are."
"Kwashiorkor?"
"Doesn't your mother feed you?"
"I bet you're flunking this class. How can you even think when you're starving?"
"do you have a stealth mode when you turn side ways" or is that just an optical illusion.
ooohhhhh
man that's a hell of an optical illusion- youre so tiny- but your head... it's just so BIG- how do you fit that giant ego of your's through the door- I'mmma start calling you houdini!!!
also- I give people ridiculous nick names- so if I need to and am feeling uncomfortable I can have my own private joke at someone else's expense- makes me feel more comfortable.
yes- it's shallow- but no- I don't like feeling taken advantage of so it works.
Not very effective. An obese person making fun of somebody who is thin, the socially prefered size, is like a poor person making fun of a rich person's wealth.
The sting just isn't there.
Yes it is. People who do that to people are INSECURE themselves. There's ALWAYS a way to make it sting. Always.
But that assumes the person's weak spot is her weight.
Considering the fact that the girls are all talking about wanting to be even smaller, "making fun" of their slender state is a compliment.
Fat people who think calling somebody who enjoys being slim/small or very fit "skeleton", anorexic, or any other such bunk is effective are delusional. Yes you do have some very slim people who are insecure about their size, but for the most part lobbing insults at a slim person who is PROUD of their size just makes you look like a fool in the end.
If I'm super lean, and want to be so, and somebody comes up on me screaming "eat a hamburger you damn skeleton" do you seriously think I'm going to be even remotely bothered?
whosh - there went the opint I was making.
People who are THAT aggressive bulling are making themselves feel taller- by making other people feel smaller. period.
it's an insecurity. They have them- probably lots.
And it can be exploited. period. The actual nature of the comment is irrelevant as long as it is swift and to the point and extremely narrowed in.
Of course they have some deep rooted insecurities. A point I mentioned in my first post in this thread.
But advising her to throw some "skeletal zingers" at a group of girls who love being thin isn't going to do a damn thing.
But OK, sure. OP listen up. Try and come back at these girls with some of the "zingers" about their waify appearance that you're getting in this thread. Try and body shame these girls at your current size, and see how far that gets you in this battle. I warn you, expect disappointment and a likely increase in the bullying.
There are ways to fight back. I'd recommend the approach mentioned earlier if you chose to verbally respond; repeat their insults casually, loudly, and with an attitude of "do you seriously think you have the power to hurt me"? Much more effective than calling a proudly skinny girl...skinny.0 -
+1Embrace the hate. Use it as fuel.
This. Unless the bullying becomes physical, I honestly don't think it will end from reporting it. Most likely they'll ratchet it up or look for "untraceable" ways to accomplish it (anonymous notes where you'll see them, letters, etc.)
This (the name-calling) is middle school crap. I wouldn't have a problem pointing that out to them but your mileage may vary.
Get your revenge by achieving your weight goals...and then show them to be the shallow wenches they are by remaining yourself once you get there....I.e. by not levying similar remarks against obese people.0 -
I haven't been able to read all the responses (I'm at work...I shouldn't be on here at all haha) but I just have to say that these girls are horrible people and hopefully karma will bite them in the *kitten* in due course. You are a much better person than they are, so hold your head high and KNOW you are better than them.
In terms of how to deal with it, I'm sorry I really have no idea. Personally I'd be tempted to put their emails addresses all over the place to give them a taste of their own medicine, but that may just make things worse. I think reporting it again may be the way to go. Schools need to learn to take bullying seriously...it is so damaging. My brother was bullied in high school and now he is 36 and still has self esteem issues from it. I'm glad he got through it, not everyone does.
I wish you all the best. Use their hate to fuel your determination. Hold your head high and know that you won't have to deal with these cows forever.0 -
Oh, sweetie, this just hurts my little heart! I had a (somewhat) similar experience about 5 years ago, and remembering some of the things that were said to me still makes me want to curl up in a ball under my bed. I'd still gladly punch one person square in her effing face if I had the chance.
This doesn't excuse them AT ALL, but can you imagine what it must be like to live inside their heads? If they have that much hate and filth to share with you, it means they're carrying all that plus a lot more with them all the time. Thank your lucky stars every damn day that you're not them. This is totally random, but at one point I read some article that included pictures of the Dalai Lama and Kim Jong Il, and it struck me that you can see the emotions they lived with for years right on their faces. Those girls may be able to hide it now, but as they get older their misery is going to show on the outside too. I'd take being a little overweight in my 30s over becoming an evil old lady who looks like she's spent her life sucking on lemons any day.
Keep going with the spin class! I'd much rather be in a class with people who are sincerely trying, no matter how big/small/old/unfit/whatever than in a class with judgemental b**ches, and I'd bet most other people feel the same way too. Size alone is a really poor indicator of ability anyway. I hate cardio with a passion and would probably last about 15 minutes in a spin class before I was sucking wind and hoping to die.
...and your kitty's name is AWESOME!0 -
Of course they have some deep rooted insecurities. A point I mentioned in my first post in this thread.
But advising her to throw some "skeletal zingers" at a group of girls who love being thin isn't going to do a damn thing.
But OK, sure. OP listen up. Try and come back at these girls with some of the "zingers" about their waify appearance that you're getting in this thread. Try and body shame these girls at your current size, and see how far that gets you in this battle. I warn you, expect disappointment and a likely increase in the bullying.
There are ways to fight back. I'd recommend the approach mentioned earlier if you chose to verbally respond; repeat their insults casually, loudly, and with an attitude of "do you seriously think you have the power to hurt me"? Much more effective than calling a proudly skinny girl...skinny.
sigh- they are all just thoughts- we don't know the girls specifically- it's not like zingers are wide use- you have to go for it.
I'd go the fat route with them as well- I have no shame.
Either way- if you commit to it and come up with something catty and make a big enough stink- they eventually realize you aren't worth picking on because you bite back. And that's the whole point.
But YMMV- obviously. - it works very well for me- I don't have issues with bully's and I stand up for those who are being picked on for no reason when I see the need.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 396 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 970 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions