Overweight daughter

Sorry to tell you this, but it has to come from her, or it will never work.

My mum kept telling me I should get fitter and lose weight (only because she loves me, not in a harsh way). I only started actually doing something about it once she left me alone and stopped going on about it. The choice had to be mine and whilst she was telling me what to do there was no chance of it being done. That's kids for you.

A little perspective from the daughter's point of view. It's good that you're supportive and help her with ideas and try to get her to join you in your weight loss efforts. HOWEVER, there is nothing you can do beyond that. She's going to figure it out eventually and will have to do it in her own way and in her own time. Give advice only when asked and be very careful with asking about how her weight loss is going. This can be a very touchy subject, even between the closest of mothers and daughters.

My mother was always really supportive and helpful and even paid for WW for me a few times. But it wasn't until I decided to do it for myself and on my own that it really stuck (first w/ WW then on MFP).

I get it, trust me. I've got cousins and an aunt who live states away are very overweight and always talk about wanting to lose weight but they never take the advice given. Eventually I figured out that all of that really isn't any of my business. I might drop advice about what is helpful from time to time if the subject comes up but that's as far as I go. As much as I wish I could do more, ultimately it's up to them to make the decision to change.

Sorry to tell you this, but it has to come from her, or it will never work.

THIS ^^^^^ with anything that requires a life change it has to come form within (like Quitting Smoking or Drinking or anything else it only works if the motivation is internal - then the outside support helps)

^^ AGREE!!!

If *she* doesn't want it... it will not happen. Pressuring her, pestering her, hinting to her will only cause resentment. I know you want her to be healthy, but she has to be the one to see the problem...if/when she comes to you for advice - THEN offer (in a non-hostile/over zealous way) advice/guidance. Until then... just be there for her and love her!!!

She is an adult and capable of making her own choices (even those that you may not agree with). The BEST thing you can do is love her as she is, anything less and it will permanently damage your relationship.

As a parent myself I know how hard it is to see our children do things that are harmful to themselves, the parent in us wants to help them or parent them into doing what we want.

Take a step back and maybe apologize to her about your previous statements.

As a mother I really feel for you. My suggestion is just to demonstrate your love and support for everything she does but not mention her weight at all. Just let her know that she is really valued as the person she is now (I am sure you do but kids, especially daughters will ignore all the positive messages and pick up on a small negative message). When she feels valued enough to deserve to be slimmer/healthier she will do it for herself. Set an example for her in your use of mfp but do not discuss it with her unless she asks.

I remember once saying to my pre-teen daughter, who was complaining about her looks/legs/weight etc, that she was fortunate that she was a beautiful person and a pretty girl and that, even though she may wish her ankles slimmer, she should be thankful her legs worked. From that day to this she accuses me of telling her she has fat ankles!! I learned the lesson.

You obviously adore your daughter - let her know it is for who she is now - she may be on the heavy side but I am sure you tell her all her good qualities - that's all you need to do. She has a mirror - she knows the rest

.:flowerforyou:

A person needs to have a sense of self-confidence to even attempt to lose weight - as we all know who are here, it's a very challenging undertaking that takes a ton of discipline, and getting started and breaking the old habits is often the hardest part. I am thinking of it more from your daughter's point of view, as I am a woman in my 20s, and I am thinking that if my mom was in the habit of "nagging" me to lose weight (even in a nice way), it would make me feel bad about myself and wouldn't motivate me. It may seem counterintuitive, but maybe stop suggesting to her daughter what she should or shouldn't do, and just tell her you love her unconditionally and you think she's beautiful - don't even mention weight or fitness. If she feels good about herself and feels supported and loved, she'll be more like to make the choice to lose weight on her own. But even if she never does, you'll feel good knowing that you provided her with love and support as her mother. At the end of the day, you don't want to regret what this disagreement over her weight could potentially do to your long-term relationship.

It's nice that you are worried for her (as you should be). However, as a daughter with a mother and grandmother who told her she needed to lose weight throughout her life, I would err on the side of caution.

She obviously realizes that she needs to lose weight. There is really nothing you can do to get her to try to lose it. Honestly, it's better if you don't mention it at all.

Your success will most likely eventually push her to start the journey. That, or something will click within her to start.

TLDR; Don't constantly talk about her weight. Quietly keep doing what you're doing, and only help her if she asks for help.

She is 26, nothing is going to help her lose weight until she decides to make the decison to change. Sorry, but all you can do is suggest MFP and explain what it is but you cant make her use it and I dont recommend trying to make her use it, it will probably make her worse.