Business dinner- inappropriate or not?

Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.

I think you found a better motivation for your frustration. It can be hard to be the one at home, dealing with the normal things while the spouse is out at a nice restaurant eating a meal that isn't leftovers. My husband and I often switch roles with travel. He has sent me pictures of oysters on the half shell overlooking the bay before while I was at home taking care of the family and I've sent pictures of my meals out to him. Still hard not to be jealous when it has been a tough day.

Maybe you can make a deal with him that you plan a nice night out for the two of you when he returns from travel. That way you can both enjoy a night out. I get per diem for meals when I travel and I get to keep what I don't spend....if it is similar for him, maybe he can keep some of it to the side and it could be a treat for both of you.

Two additional thoughts....

1) is this thread sponsored by Applebees or what!?

2) if the husband was actually cheating with the female coworker, he would have never mentioned that she was even on the trip or would weave some kind of story about how they were joined by other coworkers.

if he said he's sorry and won't do it again, because you don't like it, what is the problem? Genuine question.

I have been married for 15 years. My husband has traveled for work all during our marriage and had many business dinners out, in groups, alone with another female colleague, etc, but his recent trip bothered me. He went out of town and did a presentation with his new subordinate and they had a late dinner together. I told him that I think this is inappropriate. She is single, about 15 years younger than him. No, I don't feel threatened, I have seen a picture and I know I don't have anything to worry about. I just think that this seems like a "dinner date". I am fine with him traveling with her otherwise, sharing cabs, plane, lunches, etc. Just the dinner thing bothers me. Opinions?

He already said he was sorry and that he won't do anymore dinners with her alone.

Would it be better that he eat alone? I think you are overreacting. He told you about it....He's not hiding it.

And for what it is worth, I have eaten many more "fancy" dinners with coworkers than on my own or with a significant other. Hello expense account....

The expense account is an excellent point!

Ok I only read the first post, but I don't see anything wrong with it just at face value. When I travel for work conferences with a coworker and we want dinner after the training/conference whatever, I won't say no just b/c they are of the opposite sex. And I work in Investments - it's 90% guys, so I'm usually the minority.

I know for me it's usually, go to the training or conference, go to dinner, and then go back to the (separate) hotel rooms. That's it - end of story.

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Every restaurant on earth has bread baskets, appetizers and desserts unless it's fast food. I mean, that pretty much counts out a Mexican restaurant, substituting chips for bread. If you can't trust him to have dinner with a coworker it sounds like it's time to just break up. I would laugh in my fiance's face if she started something over a silly dinner. She was gone to training not long ago and a female friend came and spent the weekend at the house with me while she was gone to attend a football game and we had no issues.

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Bread basket?!?!?


*kitten*!!

I almost choked on my drink laughing at this! But I kind of understand what the OP is saying. Why the romantic setting? Of course, I don't know the circumstances. If it was late, maybe there weren't many other restaurant options or maybe they just really liked the food at that place. If you trust your husband, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about.

It depends on your type of business - a lot of times there is an 'expectation' of a certain caliber of meal for a business dinner. I've eaten more fancy dinners with my boss than my husband, just because its more of his business style than our personal preference. I wouldn't read anything into it.

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

Expensed dinners are the best part of the job. If I'm getting a free meal, I'm going to the steakhouse in whichever downtown area is near. Not applebees.

^^ Exactly. Business meals are one of the benefits of being on the road. Either you trust him or you don't. Eating at Chili's over a place with cloth napkins shouldn't have a thing to do with it.

Chilis is out of the question, they have bread and dessert.

Also.....Business meals are expensed.......You don't buy fast food when you aren't paying for it.

Thanks for all the replies. I work as well, but I don't travel for work, yet...maybe I'll see it differently some day. Or maybe I'm just irritable because that particular night (Wednesday), I was scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet before feeding my kids leftovers which weren't all that great.

Dog vomit and leftovers would make me stabby, and totally jealous of a dinner out with real napkins. Both your reaction is normal, and the fact that he went to a nice restaurant with his colleague on the company's dime.

I think it's harmless. Unless "dinner" is code for ordering room service.

Ha Yes THIS would be taking it too far for me...

10 bucks they did it afterwards.

Let me clarify, I have no problem with them eating together- it was the nature of the dinner. It sounded like a "date" to me, which irritated me. How about a more casual place, not somewhere with bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts. I guess this was my real issue.

So, the line is drawn at "bread baskets, appetizers, and desserts" now? I guess that rules out going with coworkers to Texas Roadhouse. Applebees would have been safe? I don't recall them having bread baskets (though I haven't been to one in a while).

Applebees has appetizers, silly. McDonalds should be a safe choice. (Unless you count their applepie in a cardboard wrapper...) :laugh:

I really think that the vomit could have done it for me! I'm not really the jealous type but I can almost guarantee that if my husband was out having a nice dinner and relaxing and I'm cleaning up puke - I'd be snippy. Completely not his fault and my own issue, but I'm just being honest - I'd be annoyed.

Then the vomit would be clean and the night would move on and I'd be over it. So if it's STILL bothering you and you still don't want him eating alone with her, then I would think it is something else bothering you.

And for what it's worth, I've been on hundreds of work dinners and the topics pretty much always are 1. What we learned that day 2. What we need to do for work when we get back 3. Everyone's families.