Boyfriend hindering my progress

Think seriously----how can you make someone change something in them you want changed, but they don't want to make that change for their self? Think---how could you possibly do anything like this. It took you to be ready for you to lose weight. It will take that same thing for him to want to lose weight. LIfe doesn't work trying to MAKE people do things. Maybe with raising kids, you can help them learn some good things. But, he is an adult with his own wants and desires and there is no way you can possibly change those things, no matter how bad you want to. You are going to have to lose your weight on your own for now. It's what YOU WANT; so, do it. Believe in yourself and build your confidence up to where you realize just how important YOU are! Do what YOU want to do in life. it's natural to want others to do important things with us. But, they aren't there mentally and you can't force it.

oh hi.

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

dump him.

I've been with my boyfriend for about half of a year, and this has the potential to be a very successful relationship. He's great and I couldn't be happier, however weight is becoming an issue with both of us.

Since the start of the relationship, I gained 10 lbs and felt my clothes getting tight, so I joined Weight Watchers (for the umpteenth time ). He's also gained weight. about 20-30 lbs, but he's not working toward getting rid of it. He quit smoking (which I was really pushing for), and I'm proud of him for that, but he says that now he can taste food so much more and keeps putting on weight.

When I'm alone, I cook all natural foods, primarily fruits, vegetables and grains (I track using WW, but I don't like their forums). But when he's in the picture, there is always junk food around.

I've tried explaining to him that I'm trying to lose weight, but he told me not to because he likes the way I am right now. That's very nice, but not helpful since I'm 180 lbs and 5'6" (female).

I want him to lose weight with me because his weight gain is starting to become noticeable. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to *gently* push him toward losing the weight he gained? It's all in his belly and it's not very attractive or healthy. I insist on cooking, but sometimes he just shows up with food and he only has junk at his place.

Like everyone has said, take care of yourself.
Wanting him to change is like saying he isn't good enough the way he is.
Accept him exactly the way he is.
Let it go and do your thing for you. See where this journey takes you.
Putting pressure on him can create fractures in your relationship.
If you focus on your self intsead of him you may find in the future that he may become willing to change for his own sake.
Ask him to take up some exercise with you to help you and he may be willing to increase his activity level.
Essentially you shouldn't want to control him.

Hi! I find it really strange that people would tell you to break up with you boyfriend even after you stated that you felt this was a good and happy relationship. People are so quick to say that when they have no clue how your relationship is. Anyways, I feel that honesty is the best policy. If you make it about YOU and not him, this will be less hurtful for him. For example, you can share with him how important it is for you to live a healthy lifestyle and you would love for your partner to support you with this. Share with him how you would like for things to be and ask him to help you continue to make better choices. Ask him to join you for support, and this usually gets your partner to see how important it is to you. Hopefully he will see how important it is to you and want to join your healthy life style. Also, he may be going through something that is making him less inclined to workout/be healthy. Ask him about it (nicely). If you can't talk to him about things like this, then you may have other issues. Hope that helps and wishing you all the best. I'm a therapist..hopefully I didn't sound too much like one lol.

Yeah... A year ago I was that "guy". My ex tried to get me to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise and work less and workout more. She finally broke up with me and guess what... I fixed the those things that were wrong with me. Too late to fix us and too late for the relationship, but she and I are still good friends and I often joke with her that "heart break" is the best "diet pill".

Not saying you should break up with him, but he is actively working against your needs rather than just ignoring them. You probably need to put your foot down and ban junk food and enforce it. Throw it in the trash. He'll eventually learn to keep it in his car, at his place, or stop buying it. And if he gets angry about it, re-evaluate why you're with him.

As someone who quit smoking last summer, I just want to say that breaking that habit is a roller coaster of emotion that lasts for at least six months. I gained 15 pounds during that time which is what inspired the joining of MFP, but for the first several weeks of quitting I had less energy and just felt generally awful. When cutting cigarettes out, we often mistake that desire for"something" for hunger or a desire to snack which is probably what is happening to your boyfriend. Combining this with a diet is really hard. Give him another four to six months and then broach the subject. He might be more ready at that time.

I wouldn't focus on his eating, but focus on your own personal goals. If he only has junk food at his house, then when you go over there take the healthy choices that you enjoy. Cook the foods that work for you and eventually he might see that diet change is a good thing. If you stay too focused on him, you maybe setting yourself up for failure. My husband likes fast food, I have told him that if he wants to eat it, it's up to him, but don't bring me any or get any while I am with him. He has respected it as he should. He likes to eat out once a week. It used to be pizza or our famous high fat burger house. I told him that we can still eat out, but it needs to be at a place where I can order lite. This is also working for us. I think what it boils down to is compromising. That is what all relationships are about. Good luck.

I understand your concerns about his health and him not supporting you. Don't however let yourself fall into the bottomless suck pit of co-dependency. Focus on your goals. You can't make him want this. Don't nag.

As other posters have said you cannot force someone to change if they are not ready to. If he doesn't see his weight as a problem, then he isn't going to lose it. If you 'hint' and push him you are just going to come across as a nagging girlfriend.

Suggest some activities you can do together that will help to get him moving more. Walking, bike riding or anything else that you can do together. While you are doing those things you will be helping your own weight loss and you can do something fun together. If he doesn't want to get out and move, then do it yourself. Maybe he will be inspired by you.

Make the best food choices you can in the situations you are in. I eat out in restaurants all of the time and manage to find things that allow me to stay within my calorie goals. I don't keep junk food in my own house, but when I'm elsewhere and it is present, I tend to avoid it. I know I can mindlessly eat a lot of calories that way, so I'd rather not start. You have to take charge of the decisions you make about what goes in your body.

My boyfriend is not very supportive of me losing weight. I have to put him in his place, correct him a lot. And, that's ok with me. Reinforces to him and me my determination and resolve. He's always saying this is a "no count" day. Bologna! They are all count days. He says I'm too skinny. I know my body and this is not currently skinny.

I have junk food in the house for him, but it doesn't bother me. He could lose some weight, but I'm not focused on HIS weight. When I know he's coming over or we're going out for dinner, I save extra calories throughout the day, am pretty selective in what I order, but sometimes do allow flexibility in ordering food. Portion control becomes the focus then. I control what food and how much goes in my mouth, not him.

He is encouraging of my exercise regim,e which is surprising, because he doesn't exercise.

Thanks for the insight - he had smoked for 13 years and I'm sure it's not easy to quit cold turkey. He had mentioned that now he can taste things like he couldn't before, which I'm sure is a completely new experience. I'll keep this in mind for sure. He quit in February (on Valentine's day, I told him he was done because I couldn't stand to kiss him with smokey mouth and his place reeked so I never wanted to stay over). So it's relatively new.

Wow, congratulations to him for quitting and to you for getting him to quit! It's definitely a process but totally worth it.

First, congrats to you for deciding to make healthy changes in your life! I agree with everyone who has said that you can't make it a goal to change your boyfriend's mind--he has to make that choice himself, when (and if) he is ready. It is a great desire to have for him, though! You care about him and want him to be healthier because you're seeing the benefits in your own life. Maybe you're right and it will rub off on him as he sees your progress and how good you feel.

All that said, I do think it is difficult to stay on track when someone close to you has a different mindset and in some cases is working against your goals (by bringing you candy and ice cream). One of Weight Watchers' principles is that we need to learn to speak up and ask for what we need from the people closest to us. You can do this without being mean or rude; for example, saying something like "Wow, that was sweet of you to bring me these treats. Thank you for thinking of me and wanting to do something nice for me. But actually, because I'm trying to make more healthy choices about what I'm eating, having sweets around makes that hard for me. So what would make me feel more loved would be if you didn't bring sweets or junk food over. Do you think you could do that for me? I'd really appreciate it." Make him understand what you need from him (I think sometimes men can be clueless and need to have this spelled out for them). If he still doesn't stop, then you might have an issue of him not respecting your choices (as others have suggested in the comments), but I'd first try giving him the benefit of the doubt and practice being more direct in communicating what you need from him.

I'm in a similar situation. Unfortunately, you can't change someone else. I'd love for my girlfriend to eat better, especially because i live with her, and we eat totally different diets, so our fridge is crowded with a variety of foods.

I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but i think you should focus on yourself. One would hope that if he sees you getting more fit/healthy/attractive, that he would want to join you of his own volition. It's not guaranteed, though. But it has to be his decision.

Why are you keeping twigs and leaves in the fridge?