Boyfriend hindering my progress
Replies
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Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?
This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.
Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help
Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?
"You'll be my hefty Ryan Reynolds. "
Okay, fair point. :laugh:0 -
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I've been with my boyfriend for about half of a year, and this has the potential to be a very successful relationship. He's great and I couldn't be happier, however weight is becoming an issue with both of us.
Since the start of the relationship, I gained 10 lbs and felt my clothes getting tight, so I joined Weight Watchers (for the umpteenth time
). He's also gained weight. about 20-30 lbs, but he's not working toward getting rid of it. He quit smoking (which I was really pushing for), and I'm proud of him for that, but he says that now he can taste food so much more and keeps putting on weight.
When I'm alone, I cook all natural foods, primarily fruits, vegetables and grains (I track using WW, but I don't like their forums). But when he's in the picture, there is always junk food around.
I've tried explaining to him that I'm trying to lose weight, but he told me not to because he likes the way I am right now. That's very nice, but not helpful since I'm 180 lbs and 5'6" (female).
I want him to lose weight with me because his weight gain is starting to become noticeable. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to *gently* push him toward losing the weight he gained? It's all in his belly and it's not very attractive or healthy. I insist on cooking, but sometimes he just shows up with food and he only has junk at his place.
im married for almost ten years now.... me and mrs. are on the same boat, i dont force her to weigh her foods by the grams, i dont enforce anything, but I do tell her sometimes to not bring in the house rubbish foods as it will make it easier for me not to cave in with the cravings... nothing happens... JUST STAND FIRM ON YOUR GOALS AND DESIRE, afterall IT IS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH and not his.... when he gets concious about you getting hotter and sexier then maybe he would be encourage to change his ways until then... enjoy the love handles! more cushion for the pushin! ;P0 -
I'd say
yeah buuuuuuuttttttt
if you aren't having some fabulous physical attraction going on now when you are young- you are missing out- you are young and you SHOULD have that can't keep your hands off each other feeling. At SOME point.
but yes- there needs to be much more than physical attraction- I just get really annoyed when people say it's shallow all the time to "admit" or "confess" like it's a sin to have sexual attraction or none attraction for certain features.
That's just silly. I don't admit or confess to being attracted to tight *kitten* and six packs- I readily admit I oogle over such things.
Why should the opposite of what I don't like be a "confession"- back hair- turn off- so what- so is belly fat. it's not a sin.0 -
Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
it's not shallow- it's a reality.
I'm not attracted to fat people_ it's a huge turn off. I'm friends with several people who are over weight- not an issue- we hang out- do stuff- whatever.
I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend if he's fat.
It's not shallow. It's reality that we are human and we are sexual beings who shouldn't be shamed for being attracted to certain things.
That being said- BF dearest isn't hindering progress- OP needs to be responsible- you are the only one who puts food in your mouth- so you need to step up provide for yourself come up with creative solutions and have some self discipline.
My BF isn't what I want him to be- we don't live together- we only see each other 2 a week so it's easy for me to bank a few calories for going out to dinner- but I make sure he has stuff he wants to eat and I have stuff I want to eat- and when I go visit him he makes sure there are always eggs and bacon for me and then we do whatever we want for dinner and I make sure I have calories- it's not a food compromise since neither are eating crap we don't like- we just make sure we are on the same page- its' not that hard.
he doesn't drag me to friendly's unless he knows I have calories to spare- or I'm bulking and I don't care. If I'm cutting- he always ask if option A is okay and will have enough choices for me. Same with me- I always make sure my first choice is a choice that has a blackened chicken for him because I know it's what he likes. Communicating and working with each other is part of a successful relationship- neither of us really compromise we just find a solution that works for both of us.
The moral of the story, kids?
If your significant other gains weight, kick em to the curb, or at the very least, withhold sex.0 -
While it's good that he quit smoking, as far as the weight loss goes, I don't think you can change him. The best you can do is focus on yourself and hope that seeing you making progress inspires him to want to do the same. As far as food goes, jsut because he buys it doesn't mean you have to eat it.0
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You've only been with this guy for 6 months and you're already noticing his weight as unattractive? I bet you anything he had just lost weight to find a girl, and when she was found gave up the diet and became his "normal" self again. If after only 6 months you are starting to find him unattractive, you should probably ditch the relationship now. Sorry to say but it's true. What happens in 10 years when he's even fatter, smoking again, sitting on the couch farting and eating potato chips?0
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Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
it's not shallow- it's a reality.
I'm not attracted to fat people_ it's a huge turn off. I'm friends with several people who are over weight- not an issue- we hang out- do stuff- whatever.
I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend if he's fat.
It's not shallow. It's reality that we are human and we are sexual beings who shouldn't be shamed for being attracted to certain things.
That being said- BF dearest isn't hindering progress- OP needs to be responsible- you are the only one who puts food in your mouth- so you need to step up provide for yourself come up with creative solutions and have some self discipline.
My BF isn't what I want him to be- we don't live together- we only see each other 2 a week so it's easy for me to bank a few calories for going out to dinner- but I make sure he has stuff he wants to eat and I have stuff I want to eat- and when I go visit him he makes sure there are always eggs and bacon for me and then we do whatever we want for dinner and I make sure I have calories- it's not a food compromise since neither are eating crap we don't like- we just make sure we are on the same page- its' not that hard.
he doesn't drag me to friendly's unless he knows I have calories to spare- or I'm bulking and I don't care. If I'm cutting- he always ask if option A is okay and will have enough choices for me. Same with me- I always make sure my first choice is a choice that has a blackened chicken for him because I know it's what he likes. Communicating and working with each other is part of a successful relationship- neither of us really compromise we just find a solution that works for both of us.
The moral of the story, kids?
If your significant other gains weight, kick em to the curb, or at the very least, withhold sex.
sounds legit0 -
Bank of America is hindering my progress. I win.0
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Bank of America is hindering my progress. I win.
just break up
:flowerforyou:0 -
You might try being blunt with him about your situation. I'm sure your boyfriend does love you the way you are, but at 5'6 and 180lbs you are considered to be overweight and are actually just on the border of being considered obese. That doesn't mean that your boyfriend shouldn't love how you look, like he says he does. But if you tell him that you have reached a weight where you are medically classified on the very high end of overweight, and that you want and need to lose weight to meet your health goals, he might be more receptive and realize that you are serious about making a change.0
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Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
it's not shallow- it's a reality.
I'm not attracted to fat people_ it's a huge turn off. I'm friends with several people who are over weight- not an issue- we hang out- do stuff- whatever.
I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend if he's fat.
It's not shallow. It's reality that we are human and we are sexual beings who shouldn't be shamed for being attracted to certain things.
That being said- BF dearest isn't hindering progress- OP needs to be responsible- you are the only one who puts food in your mouth- so you need to step up provide for yourself come up with creative solutions and have some self discipline.
My BF isn't what I want him to be- we don't live together- we only see each other 2 a week so it's easy for me to bank a few calories for going out to dinner- but I make sure he has stuff he wants to eat and I have stuff I want to eat- and when I go visit him he makes sure there are always eggs and bacon for me and then we do whatever we want for dinner and I make sure I have calories- it's not a food compromise since neither are eating crap we don't like- we just make sure we are on the same page- its' not that hard.
he doesn't drag me to friendly's unless he knows I have calories to spare- or I'm bulking and I don't care. If I'm cutting- he always ask if option A is okay and will have enough choices for me. Same with me- I always make sure my first choice is a choice that has a blackened chicken for him because I know it's what he likes. Communicating and working with each other is part of a successful relationship- neither of us really compromise we just find a solution that works for both of us.
The moral of the story, kids?
If your significant other gains weight, kick em to the curb, or at the very least, withhold sex.
man I don't even wait that long to withhold- I'm the sex dungenmaster keeper person- trash- laundry- whatever- sex is the ultimate bartering tool.......
I ked I ked....
but only a little.
I mostly use it to bribe- not blackmail
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dump him.
I knew this was coming...0 -
Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
it's not shallow- it's a reality.
I'm not attracted to fat people_ it's a huge turn off. I'm friends with several people who are over weight- not an issue- we hang out- do stuff- whatever.
I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend if he's fat.
It's not shallow. It's reality that we are human and we are sexual beings who shouldn't be shamed for being attracted to certain things.
That being said- BF dearest isn't hindering progress- OP needs to be responsible- you are the only one who puts food in your mouth- so you need to step up provide for yourself come up with creative solutions and have some self discipline.
My BF isn't what I want him to be- we don't live together- we only see each other 2 a week so it's easy for me to bank a few calories for going out to dinner- but I make sure he has stuff he wants to eat and I have stuff I want to eat- and when I go visit him he makes sure there are always eggs and bacon for me and then we do whatever we want for dinner and I make sure I have calories- it's not a food compromise since neither are eating crap we don't like- we just make sure we are on the same page- its' not that hard.
he doesn't drag me to friendly's unless he knows I have calories to spare- or I'm bulking and I don't care. If I'm cutting- he always ask if option A is okay and will have enough choices for me. Same with me- I always make sure my first choice is a choice that has a blackened chicken for him because I know it's what he likes. Communicating and working with each other is part of a successful relationship- neither of us really compromise we just find a solution that works for both of us.
you ever plan on entering into a domestic situation with this dude?0 -
I think ya'll are beating a dead horse here.0
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I think you may have thrown folks off with the misleading title. "Boyfriend hindering my progress" =/= "Boyfriend is fat, how do I talk him into eating better."0
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OP you have been with him such a short time, if your unattracted to him already move on. Its wrong to try to change someone you should love them for everything that they are, even the bits that bug the hell out of you.0
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Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
it's not shallow- it's a reality.
I'm not attracted to fat people_ it's a huge turn off. I'm friends with several people who are over weight- not an issue- we hang out- do stuff- whatever.
I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend if he's fat.
It's not shallow. It's reality that we are human and we are sexual beings who shouldn't be shamed for being attracted to certain things.
That being said- BF dearest isn't hindering progress- OP needs to be responsible- you are the only one who puts food in your mouth- so you need to step up provide for yourself come up with creative solutions and have some self discipline.
My BF isn't what I want him to be- we don't live together- we only see each other 2 a week so it's easy for me to bank a few calories for going out to dinner- but I make sure he has stuff he wants to eat and I have stuff I want to eat- and when I go visit him he makes sure there are always eggs and bacon for me and then we do whatever we want for dinner and I make sure I have calories- it's not a food compromise since neither are eating crap we don't like- we just make sure we are on the same page- its' not that hard.
he doesn't drag me to friendly's unless he knows I have calories to spare- or I'm bulking and I don't care. If I'm cutting- he always ask if option A is okay and will have enough choices for me. Same with me- I always make sure my first choice is a choice that has a blackened chicken for him because I know it's what he likes. Communicating and working with each other is part of a successful relationship- neither of us really compromise we just find a solution that works for both of us.
What do you consider fat.
I need to know for science ya know.0 -
Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?
This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.
Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help
Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?
Oh come on, Doug, that's just a little cushion for the pushin'.
I'm sorry, I can't pass up opportunities for rhymes or puns. But on a serious note, I think that trying to change someone else is a recipe for disaster. When my husband and I first got together, he was overweight and I wasn't. Now he isn't and I am. Meh, it happens. I'm working my *kitten* off to turn it around, but I'm the only one that can. In my opinion, the best you can hope for is that your healthy habits will be an influence on him. He will change if he wants to change, just like you are changing because you wanted to change.0 -
A couple of options. Either tell him he needs to lose weight, or you will leave him. Theres nothing wrong with that, and you shouldn't feel bad. I mean, if he changes and is not the person you fell in love with (physically or emotionally) then that gives you a pretty valid reason to break up.
Otherwise, let him be who he wants to be, and you do the same. No reason to worry about weight. I mean, honestly, we as humans have few things that make us happy in life. And if eating is one of them, and he doesn't care about your weight (which most good men really don't care about weight) then eat and be happy. But if being fit and working out makes you happy, then by god do it and get fit.0 -
One of the hardest things to do is to love ourselves when we are not feeling at our personal best. Big or small, our self respect is paramount. It is also very important to limit negativity. The golden rule applies. If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. Instead of focusing on your boyfriends flaws concentrate on maintaining your focus. Trust me when he starts to see the changes you have worked to achieve he will either step up or step away. Either way it is not your responsibility to change anyone but yourself. If you are truly worried about his weight gain learn how to prepare delicious healthy food. You focus on you and let him decide the man he will be.0
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Do as others have said and focus on your own goals. My boyfriend eats huge portions of whatever he wants. He is also one of the lucky ones who doesn't gain weight.
I choose to cook dinners that I know he will like and just serve him a larger portion. This way we are both fed and I am still meeting my goals each day. When we go out to eat I choose a healthier option knowing I'll get to sneak a few french fries or something else I normally wouldn't order from his plate. You cannot make anyone want to change unless they want it for themselves. Your success and happiness will be contagious which will eventually one day motivate him to be that way as well!0 -
I've been with my boyfriend for about half of a year, and this has the potential to be a very successful relationship. He's great and I couldn't be happier, however weight is becoming an issue with both of us.
Since the start of the relationship, I gained 10 lbs and felt my clothes getting tight, so I joined Weight Watchers (for the umpteenth time). He's also gained weight. about 20-30 lbs, but he's not working toward getting rid of it. He quit smoking (which I was really pushing for), and I'm proud of him for that, but he says that now he can taste food so much more and keeps putting on weight.
When I'm alone, I cook all natural foods, primarily fruits, vegetables and grains (I track using WW, but I don't like their forums). But when he's in the picture, there is always junk food around.
I've tried explaining to him that I'm trying to lose weight, but he told me not to because he likes the way I am right now. That's very nice, but not helpful since I'm 180 lbs and 5'6" (female).
I want him to lose weight with me because his weight gain is starting to become noticeable. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to *gently* push him toward losing the weight he gained? It's all in his belly and it's not very attractive or healthy. I insist on cooking, but sometimes he just shows up with food and he only has junk at his place.
...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That's for the bolded.
As for your question. Your boyfriend is not hindering your progress, you are.
He's an adult and you cannot make his decisions for him. Trying to 'gently' push him to lose weight is not your prerogative. If this is something you can't live with, end the relationship. If the relationship is worth more to you than this topic, then learn to live with it.0 -
you ever plan on entering into a domestic situation with this dude?
relevance?
my ball park figures are 25 and 50 lbs.What do you consider fat.
I need to know for science ya know.0 -
Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?
This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.
Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help
Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?
Oh come on, Doug, that's just a little cushion for the pushin'.
I'm sorry, I can't pass up opportunities for rhymes or puns. But on a serious note, I think that trying to change someone else is a recipe for disaster. When my husband and I first got together, he was overweight and I wasn't. Now he isn't and I am. Meh, it happens. I'm working my *kitten* off to turn it around, but I'm the only one that can. In my opinion, the best you can hope for is that your healthy habits will be an influence on him. He will change if he wants to change, just like you are changing because you wanted to change.
What if he triples the grocery bill and has to start flushing more?0 -
I've been with my boyfriend for about half of a year, and this has the potential to be a very successful relationship. He's great and I couldn't be happier, however weight is becoming an issue with both of us.
Since the start of the relationship, I gained 10 lbs and felt my clothes getting tight, so I joined Weight Watchers (for the umpteenth time). He's also gained weight. about 20-30 lbs, but he's not working toward getting rid of it. He quit smoking (which I was really pushing for), and I'm proud of him for that, but he says that now he can taste food so much more and keeps putting on weight.
When I'm alone, I cook all natural foods, primarily fruits, vegetables and grains (I track using WW, but I don't like their forums). But when he's in the picture, there is always junk food around.
I've tried explaining to him that I'm trying to lose weight, but he told me not to because he likes the way I am right now. That's very nice, but not helpful since I'm 180 lbs and 5'6" (female).
I want him to lose weight with me because his weight gain is starting to become noticeable. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to *gently* push him toward losing the weight he gained? It's all in his belly and it's not very attractive or healthy. I insist on cooking, but sometimes he just shows up with food and he only has junk at his place.
You're 22, and see bolded type above....my opinion....very little "potential" for long term if this is bothering you now. Move on, take care of you....there will be others0 -
Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."
Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?
This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.
Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help
Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?
Oh come on, Doug, that's just a little cushion for the pushin'.
I'm sorry, I can't pass up opportunities for rhymes or puns. But on a serious note, I think that trying to change someone else is a recipe for disaster. When my husband and I first got together, he was overweight and I wasn't. Now he isn't and I am. Meh, it happens. I'm working my *kitten* off to turn it around, but I'm the only one that can. In my opinion, the best you can hope for is that your healthy habits will be an influence on him. He will change if he wants to change, just like you are changing because you wanted to change.
What if he triples the grocery bill and has to start flushing more?
I can't be 100% sure, but there's a chance we may be talking about two different kinds of pushin'.0 -
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My man doesn't eat the healthiest, and I do worry about him. I have mentioned this to him, but he's a grown man who can decide for himself what to eat and how to treat his body. He brings home things like chocolate and whatnot that I wouldn't necessarily have bought to have around the house on my own accord, but big whoop. If we both can control our portions with such things, why not have them around? If you had a problem with binge eating what he brought for you and you asked him to not bring stuff like that home, that would be a different story. He just sounds like he's being nice, so ease up.
I found that once I allowed myself the "crap" food once in a while, life got easier and I enjoyed my weightloss more. I'm also no longer scared of nights out and random Pizza, which is worth everything to me. Life is more than a jeans size. Eat some of his takeaway and supplement some veggies. Keep doing more of the cooking. Enjoy your life and stop trying to make your man into something he doesn't want to be.0 -
Many have said it and I am only going to reiterate it; if you don't find him attractive as he is then after 6 months this relationship is done! You are 22, still young and have plenty of time to find Mr Right. You have got him to give up smoking (I know it's bad for the health but these are personal choices and the fact that he has done this for you shows he cares), and now you want to change him again. Seriously you need to take a step back and think "Do I really love him?" You've only been together a short period of time in the scheme of things and if you don't like what he is currently becoming then perhaps this relationship isn't what is best for you and that's it.
It's easier to walk away at 6 months than it is at 6 years (because he still hasn't become exactly what you wanted/considered 'perfect' for you) when you have moved into together (or have kids)...
If he isn't want you want now, you don't find him attractive/don't want to be seen with him because of his weight gain then just walk away before you hurt him...it's not shallow to want to be attracted to someone but it does beg the question as to what you liked about him when you met if after only 6 months you are desperate to make changes to him.0
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