Boyfriend hindering my progress

One of the hardest things to do is to love ourselves when we are not feeling at our personal best. Big or small, our self respect is paramount. It is also very important to limit negativity. The golden rule applies. If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. Instead of focusing on your boyfriends flaws concentrate on maintaining your focus. Trust me when he starts to see the changes you have worked to achieve he will either step up or step away. Either way it is not your responsibility to change anyone but yourself. If you are truly worried about his weight gain learn how to prepare delicious healthy food. You focus on you and let him decide the man he will be.

I've been with my boyfriend for about half of a year, and this has the potential to be a very successful relationship. He's great and I couldn't be happier, however weight is becoming an issue with both of us.

Since the start of the relationship, I gained 10 lbs and felt my clothes getting tight, so I joined Weight Watchers (for the umpteenth time ). He's also gained weight. about 20-30 lbs, but he's not working toward getting rid of it. He quit smoking (which I was really pushing for), and I'm proud of him for that, but he says that now he can taste food so much more and keeps putting on weight.

When I'm alone, I cook all natural foods, primarily fruits, vegetables and grains (I track using WW, but I don't like their forums). But when he's in the picture, there is always junk food around.

I've tried explaining to him that I'm trying to lose weight, but he told me not to because he likes the way I am right now. That's very nice, but not helpful since I'm 180 lbs and 5'6" (female).

I want him to lose weight with me because his weight gain is starting to become noticeable. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to *gently* push him toward losing the weight he gained? It's all in his belly and it's not very attractive or healthy. I insist on cooking, but sometimes he just shows up with food and he only has junk at his place.

...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That's for the bolded.

As for your question. Your boyfriend is not hindering your progress, you are.

He's an adult and you cannot make his decisions for him. Trying to 'gently' push him to lose weight is not your prerogative. If this is something you can't live with, end the relationship. If the relationship is worth more to you than this topic, then learn to live with it.

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?

This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.

Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help

Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?

Oh come on, Doug, that's just a little cushion for the pushin'.

I'm sorry, I can't pass up opportunities for rhymes or puns. But on a serious note, I think that trying to change someone else is a recipe for disaster. When my husband and I first got together, he was overweight and I wasn't. Now he isn't and I am. Meh, it happens. I'm working my *kitten* off to turn it around, but I'm the only one that can. In my opinion, the best you can hope for is that your healthy habits will be an influence on him. He will change if he wants to change, just like you are changing because you wanted to change.

What if he triples the grocery bill and has to start flushing more?

Focus on you for sure, but on a side note I think it's pretty shallow of you to be upset that his weight gain is "noticeable" and not very attractive."

Why do people associate wanting to be attracted to your partner as 'shallow'?

This. Nice and sweet and funny only go so far. Physical attraction is important.

Depends. Size of package and a paper bag with Ryan Reynolds'face on it might help

Even if everything else feels like a Hefty bag full of meat?

Oh come on, Doug, that's just a little cushion for the pushin'.

I'm sorry, I can't pass up opportunities for rhymes or puns. But on a serious note, I think that trying to change someone else is a recipe for disaster. When my husband and I first got together, he was overweight and I wasn't. Now he isn't and I am. Meh, it happens. I'm working my *kitten* off to turn it around, but I'm the only one that can. In my opinion, the best you can hope for is that your healthy habits will be an influence on him. He will change if he wants to change, just like you are changing because you wanted to change.

What if he triples the grocery bill and has to start flushing more?

I can't be 100% sure, but there's a chance we may be talking about two different kinds of pushin'.

My man doesn't eat the healthiest, and I do worry about him. I have mentioned this to him, but he's a grown man who can decide for himself what to eat and how to treat his body. He brings home things like chocolate and whatnot that I wouldn't necessarily have bought to have around the house on my own accord, but big whoop. If we both can control our portions with such things, why not have them around? If you had a problem with binge eating what he brought for you and you asked him to not bring stuff like that home, that would be a different story. He just sounds like he's being nice, so ease up.

I found that once I allowed myself the "crap" food once in a while, life got easier and I enjoyed my weightloss more. I'm also no longer scared of nights out and random Pizza, which is worth everything to me. Life is more than a jeans size. Eat some of his takeaway and supplement some veggies. Keep doing more of the cooking. Enjoy your life and stop trying to make your man into something he doesn't want to be.

Well, first off, good luck on reaching your goal! It is SO SO much more difficult when you have to do it with a person in the house that not only isn't really supporting you, but actively telling you not to do it. You are probably going to have to have a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and say "Look, losing weight and being healthy is important to me. I need you to show that what I care about is important to you as well. What can I do to help motivate you to be supportive of me? I would also love it if you would join me and share this process with me."

But if he won't do that, you need to put your foot down on what is important to you. If his house is full of junk food and it's really difficult for you to avoid eating it if you are there, then DON"T put yourself in harm's way. Tell him you can't stay at his house with junk food around. It's too difficult for you to reach your personal goals.

I also think you have every right in the world to want to be attracted to your partner. And a beer belly isn't attractive. I'm sure he doesn't slap it and count his lucky stars that he's got 20 extra pounds of fat on his belly. Also, fat in your stomach is usually surrounding your organs which is pretty bad.

But ultimately you won't be able to change him if your own goals and aspirations aren't important enough for him to support. And then you will need to decide if that's who you want to spend your life with. Spend more time exercising and being active and having FUN! And invite him at every opportunity to do those things with you. But if he won't go then you MUST go by yourself anyway. If he adamantly refuses to be active with you or eath healthy with you, your relationship is going to slowly but surely deteriorate.

Anyway, that's my two cents, which is a lot more than it's worth. You have to live your own life and do what's right for you, no matter how much wacky advice you get.

Dude!! The guy quit smoking for you...that is an incredible thing to do! Let him concentrate on not falling off that wagon!! When people give up smoking, they often put on weight...it'll even out eventually.

Also, I've been with my man for 2 years and can't keep off him...doesn't bode well that 6 months in and you want another change big from him!

If you love him just give him time and focus on his good points. If you don't, get rid.

I do agree that attraction is important however. I can't do short men. Its just not for me. I won't have sex with anyone i do no find attractive. I don't hate myself enough to screw mingers. If that makes me shallow, so be it.

In my situation my boyfriend can eat whatever he wants and doesnt gain weight. He eats fast food and I eat carrots! I gained about 20 pounds over 4 years but I am down 10 yay! Once I really got serious about my diet I wanted to change the way he ate too so I wouldn't have his tempting food in the house, he got mad when I went to the store and wouldnt come home with the kind of crap he likes to eat and I realized you cannot change someone if they do not want to change..BUT

I did started swapping healthy alternative for bad crap. He still is not a fan of whole wheat bread or pasta so we eat seperate kinds, I have introduced quinoa, bulgur and lentils (so far so good). I did get him to eat greek yogurt instead of sour cream, mashed clauiflower instead of potato, almond milk instead of regular, ground turkey instead of beef, corn tortillas not flour etc. He eats veggies just fine but I started putting them in everything and making more salads. I use more hearbs and spices on healthy food and its hard not to like a lot of the things I make now.

He is a stubborn person but when I didnt try to force things on him and let him try it on his own he surprised me by actually liking a lot of the changes and now there are a lot of bad foods that never comes into my house. Make him think he made the decision on his own

NICE ANSWER!