Touchy subject.......Regarding Physical Attraction

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  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
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    Parts not working, really?! Lolz.

    My parts, and his parts work incredibly great. I'm over 300+ and he's 280; they work exactly as they did when we were both skinnier, and when we were both fatter. That's just such a weird concept for me... parts not working because of fatness and skinniness level. I don't know if I'm offended, or just intrigued where you got that from.

    Oh, and I am editing to add:

    My boyfriend's looks attracted me to him. His personality and heart kept me there. If he lost his looks somehow, I'd still love him the same, if not more as time goes on. Yes, you should be physically attracted to the person you are with, but after a while (we've been together for 5 years almost) you fall in love with your heart, the looks are just a great added bonus. I could be wrong, I've been told I'm a hopeless romantic.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,154 Member
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    Not at all. What is bad is fat shaming (i.e. bullying) people for their size.

    Also when women get pregnant our bodies change and rarely go back to how they were before, so if a man is thin obsessed, he should definitely look into sterilization.
  • LeahNMe
    LeahNMe Posts: 73 Member
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    Also just a little background, I have been married 17 yrs so it is definitely not a fling.

    Congratulations! We were 17 years last Saturday, which is when my profile pic was taken!
  • luckydays27
    luckydays27 Posts: 552 Member
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    My husband met me when I was 220 lbs, married me when I was 180 lbs. But now that I am 145 lbs, he says he is not attracted to me as much. In fact, my skin feels weird to him and he thinks I am too thin. Repulsed is a word that has been tossed out. Hearing all of this hurts and unless he learns to love the new smaller/fitter me, we wont be together as long as I had hoped.

    I met him when he was 250 lbs, I married him at 260 lbs and he is now 280 or so. I love him just as much today as I did when I first realized it. Looks and weight dont matter to me, I love him no matter what. I will probably love him, even if we ultimately end up divorced. I do wish he would lose weight and I try to encourage him but like each and every one of us, he has to want it more than he wants the pizza and burgers.

    It saddens me, especially when I would do anything I can for him. However, "anything" has been redefined to "anything healthy" as I refuse to put on the weight that I lost just to make him happy.
  • establishingaplace
    establishingaplace Posts: 301 Member
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    I don't think someone is a bad person because they stop finding their SO attractive due to body changes.

    They're a bad person if they say nothing, or making rude comments, or try to fake it.
  • 503pdx
    503pdx Posts: 31
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    For me it's more about how I feel about myself. My husband has found me attractive and can't keep his hands off me from over a 25lb swing. However, when I'm heavier I feel less attractive and it makes it harder for me to be sexy. He's put on some weight since we got married but it doesn't bother me like the weight I put on myself.

    I think people get comfortable in a relationship and stop putting in the effort for each other. I think that, more than weight, is the problem. If my husband is still dressing nice for me, smelling good, looking good, a few extra lbs. don't matter. But if he's lounging around the house in yesterday's undies, scratching himself, smelling like he's afraid of the shower...then the extra few lbs will be way more noticeable!
  • logicman69
    logicman69 Posts: 1,034 Member
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    I had gained ALOT of weight after marriage. (100+lbs). I definitely noticed my sex life took a downward turn. While my wife never said anything negative about my weight gain, and she said that she loves me no matter what, I knew that she just wasn't attracted to me anymore. After loosing the weight and then some, I have noticed that my sex life is back and better than ever.
  • aribugg
    aribugg Posts: 164 Member
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    i havent been with my boyfriend for years, we're coming up on one year shortly. and at the peak of my weight gain (getting close to the highest weight) was when things got hot for us, so to speak lol. we had always flirted with remarks that let me know his "parts" were working just fine haha. and when i got to my heaviest, they didnt stop. lol
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    Pretty shallow IMHO......................just saying
  • CassandraBurgos83
    CassandraBurgos83 Posts: 544 Member
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    I love my husbands build...He's muscular with a good layer of insulation and to me his body is perfect(I like big boys). He wants to lose weight and tone which is great for his health and he looks even better when he is a bit more toned, but if he did gain weight I would not be less attracted to him. Not to forget to mention, I actually fell in love with him for him, and not having a clue as to what he looked like-met him VIA online through a mutual friend and when I did finally see his pic a year later I didn't believe it was really him. SO I was attracted to his heart, mind and personality and the looks were an added bonus. :)
  • GhostShimewaza
    GhostShimewaza Posts: 10
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    My wife and I are both heavier than when we first met. I find her every bit as attractive (and more) as the day we met. For me the issue is different. Because of her weight gain, my wife won't dress even close to sexy anymore. She wears really long baggy shorts, granny suits at the pool beach, etc. I still want to see her in shorter shorts, bikinis, etc. So, while I wish my wife would lose weight, it actually has nothing to do with how attractive I find her. It has everything to do with how attractive she finds herself.
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Doesn't there come a time for most people when sexual attraction is a lot more complicated than finding someone physically attractive? If there's personality changes along with it, then okay, I can maybe get behind it, but marriage is work. Communication is work. Sexual activity and keeping it interesting is work. It's lazy to just go "Eh, you changed how you look, I can't get my rocks off anymore." There are ways to work with what you have and work on intimacy when outward appearance is a challenge.

    I would think in most case there is also a personality change. This is " Sexual activity and keeping it interesting is work. It's lazy to just go "Eh, you changed how you look, I can't get my rocks off anymore." " very important, even hot you have to keep sex interesting, but I like when my husband is in jeans and shirtless, I like that making me excited. Without that I can see "making love" and maybe coming to orgasm, but the urge and drive is what I could see dissipating. My husband is my life partner no matter what, but physically I do not think you have control over what you find attractive, not love or personality but hormone fluxing attraction. Kind of like the vibrator does the job but I prefer my man.
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Parts not working, really?! Lolz.

    My parts, and his parts work incredibly great. I'm over 300+ and he's 280; they work exactly as they did when we were both skinnier, and when we were both fatter. That's just such a weird concept for me... parts not working because of fatness and skinniness level. I don't know if I'm offended, or just intrigued where you got that from.

    Oh, and I am editing to add:

    My boyfriend's looks attracted me to him. His personality and heart kept me there. If he lost his looks somehow, I'd still love him the same, if not more as time goes on. Yes, you should be physically attracted to the person you are with, but after a while (we've been together for 5 years almost) you fall in love with your heart, the looks are just a great added bonus. I could be wrong, I've been told I'm a hopeless romantic.

    It was actually from the woman's post, got me thinking. It wasn't meant to be insulting, it was how she put it.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Not at all. What is bad is fat shaming (i.e. bullying) people for their size.

    Also when women get pregnant our bodies change and rarely go back to how they were before, so if a man is thin obsessed, he should definitely look into sterilization.

    What is up with this judgement of men.
  • Brandolin11
    Brandolin11 Posts: 492 Member
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    If there's personality changes along with it......

    You bring up an excellent point, which kind of piggybacks off of what another poster said above that it's more about how *she* feels about herself (and thus her hubby has been attracted to her at various weights she's been at over the years)...

    Some people start to feel really unattractive when they gain weight and I think this affects their "energy/aura", which can spill out to their SO, if that makes sense. In other words, the confidence, sassiness, sensuality, etc. that perhaps was a major part of what attracted them to their SO in the first place, may start to wane because the weight-gaining SO feels ashamed of themselves. So now the non weight-gaining SO not only has a different *looking* person than they married, they have a different *acting* person as well. I can see how that would be tough to deal with beyond the "physical" aspects of the issue.
  • donnarogers6211
    donnarogers6211 Posts: 19 Member
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    My husband loved me and was physically attracted at my biggest. True love for a person comes within not physical. I beleive there has to be physical attraction to begin a relationship but once the love bug bites this shouldn't matter. Lets face it even if we arent over weight we are not going to look as good at 50 as we did at 20. That's life. If a person truly loves someone they might have a desire for what they want that person to weigh or look like but the love is still there. My husband told me he wanted me to lose for health reasons more than the way it looked. He told me that is why our eyes start going bad around 40 so we will not see the change. Lets face it a wife that births children and with years of growing older there is going to be changes. God intended for us to love our spouse as ourselves. Good marriages have the foundation of true love and what we look like should not cause problems in a marriage.
  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
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    My ex put on weight during our years together (as did I). But I don't think that was the reason we stopped being attracted to each other.

    And "parts not working" can have a medical reason, and can happen even when you are attracted to someone.
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 1,001 Member
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    When I started losing weight my partner at the time told me she was no longer attracted to me. It hurt. But she's gone now.

    Here's the thing with physical attraction, yes it's important. But good luck making it last. No matter how hard we try, we all will get older. So if you're of the attitude that "unless I'm physically attracted to my partner I'm out" well.. I hope you have a thing for 60 years olds. We don't stay young forever. And it's nice to have a partner you love and care about enough to stick with and grow old together. Not just find someone you think is hot and have weekly weigh-ins until you move on to the next person.

    Just how I choose to look at things. What's on the inside is so much more important.

    ^ All of this.

    To me, attractiveness has more to do with the whole person not just their physical characteristics. As long as my husband stays the wonderful, hilarious, goofball that I married, I'll be attracted to him no matter what his size.
  • PJPrimrose
    PJPrimrose Posts: 916 Member
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    For many folks "sex is between the ears". My ex was VERY attractive to me until he started acting like a lying ,cheating and bullying jerk. Now I find him repulsive. I left him shortly after we got married.

    My current DH is a quiet, low key guy for whom my attraction has gained over the years because, not to brag, but he is just that awesome. Recently, he has decided to get in shape, and yes, I am more attracted to him with all the new, happy muscles. It has also made sex pretty darn amazing too. In fact I do believe the sex is his motivation! Being in good shape myself helps with getting older and still feeling attractive. We will always love each other with or without sex but I'm glad we have many years of intimacy to look forward to. I know couples whose health problems has make sex impossible. I hope that doesn't happen with us for many years!
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    Physical attraction is part of the relationship. It's hard to be intimate with a partner you're not physically attracted to, which IMO is why in lots of marriages or relationships, sex tends to wain as people gain weight over the years.
    This. Physical appearance is part of the package. If my BF gained (or lost) a lot of weight, it wouldn't kill my attraction to him, but it would affect it. It would be the same as if he stopped doing any of the other things that make me attracted to him.

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