Asking my boyfriend to lose weight...without hurt feelings!
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Since weight is an intensely personal thing, it's difficult to have someone tell you that you need to lose weight, be healthier, etc. When people used to say that to me, it made me eat worse, not better. I think that like any addiction, a food addict has to hit a point where they find themselves worthy of doing a better job eating. You have to come to it on your own or it won't work. It really won't.
That doesn't mean you can't set a good example with your eating and exercise. Invite him to do physical activities with you like golf and stuff. Perhaps he will come to the conclusion that he needs to be in better shape in order to keep up with you. But that needs to be his choice.0 -
Leave him alone or dump him. If he wants to be fat, let him be fat.
^ This. Its also a bad sign for the future. Older he gets the worst his body will become.0 -
If any guy said he wanted his girlfriend to lose weigh this thread would become a nightmare. If he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him and shouldn't try.
The entire reason I got serious about losing weight is because 4 weeks ago, he told me I could lose a few when I mentioned that my scrubs were getting too tight. I didn't get offended, I know he loves me regardless, but it still stung.
I just (as in a few minutes ago) had a conversation with him about both of our weights. I told him how we both needed to make significant changes, and told him I'm noticing he's getting out of breath easier during certain activities, and that we'd both have more energy if we didn't sit around. He was surprised about the wheezing thing, but had noticed a marked decline in his stamina, and we've made plans to get the bikes out of the garage and start riding.0 -
If any guy said he wanted his girlfriend to lose weight this thread would become a nightmare. If he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him and shouldn't try.
How many times have we seen that before!!
The sex thing caught my attention though, that could be a way of getting him to change.
I was at a friends house having a beer and he was complaining about not getting enough...his wife overheard and said "its because of your gut, it digs in to me and is uncomfortable". He has last 25 lbs. since then. LOL0 -
The reason I find this right here offensive, is because it is completely stupid to dump someone because they are fat. I am never going to completely leave him alone about this. He and I have a fairly open and honest relationship. On more than one occasion, we have told each other our behaviors or actions were not good for us.
He has told me he thought I needed to lose some weight when I couldn't fit my clothes comfortably because he saw it caused me stress, he is looking out for my happiness. He actually just got off the phone with me, insisting that I go for a walk I had planned early, because it is going to rain later. Should I dump him? Nah. We look out for each other. I was just looking for some advice on how to approach the subject with as much tact as possible because I've never approached anyone about this subject before.0 -
You may not like what I have to say.... two options as I see it: You and he become addicted to cycling and the healthy lifestyle or you drop him and move on. it is not fair to you that his habits are causing you to change yours, ie the eating out instead of at home. It is not fair to him that you want for him to change. If you are not 100% willing to take him how he is now and in the future then move on.0
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You may not like what I have to say.... two options as I see it: You and he become addicted to cycling and the healthy lifestyle or you drop him and move on. it is not fair to you that his habits are causing you to change yours, ie the eating out instead of at home. It is not fair to him that you want for him to change. If you are not 100% willing to take him how he is now and in the future then move on.
Oh, I am willing to take him as he is. He is my best friend. That doesn't mean I don't WANT him to be healthy. We are both overweight. We both have goals and things that bring us enjoyment that are hindered by our health. I don't care if he ends up on oxygen, incontinent of bowel and bladder, drooling on himself and unable to speak all while weighing 700 lbs, I will love him. He is far more than a physical body. We are both going to get old and ugly, and we are ok with that. He has the most wonderful personality of anyone I have ever met, and aside from this one tiny facet of our lives, I couldn't build a better man.
Just because I want him to be healthy doesn't mean I don't love him.0 -
The reason I find this right here offensive, is because it is completely stupid to dump someone because they are fat. I am never going to completely leave him alone about this. He and I have a fairly open and honest relationship. On more than one occasion, we have told each other our behaviors or actions were not good for us.
He has told me he thought I needed to lose some weight when I couldn't fit my clothes comfortably because he saw it caused me stress, he is looking out for my happiness. He actually just got off the phone with me, insisting that I go for a walk I had planned early, because it is going to rain later. Should I dump him? Nah. We look out for each other. I was just looking for some advice on how to approach the subject with as much tact as possible because I've never approached anyone about this subject before.
He was looking out for your happiness, and let's be honest, no guy wants to hear his woman whine and gripe about their appearance. It gets old after a while. I'd have been supportive too. He seems content smoking a pack a day and eating what he wants - that's his natural state. If anyone tried to change me, I'd toss them, order a pizza, change the locks, and fire up Netflix. Let him enjoy his Whoppers Cheetoz and CPAP machine - they are all things that will never ask him to change
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I find it amusing when the one party in a relationship gets all MFP'd up and then wants to start "spreading democracy" to the other. I'd stay husky out of spite because I'm like that.0
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Dont bother with the "dump him" replies, they can't be bothered to formulate a response to you but want to stir things up regardless.
I think you're getting some good advice already. Tell him in all honesty how you feel but know you can't make him change, he has to want it for himself and in the meantime focus on your own goals and reach them.
Good luck!0 -
You may not like what I have to say.... two options as I see it: You and he become addicted to cycling and the healthy lifestyle or you drop him and move on. it is not fair to you that his habits are causing you to change yours, ie the eating out instead of at home. It is not fair to him that you want for him to change. If you are not 100% willing to take him how he is now and in the future then move on.
Oh, I am willing to take him as he is. He is my best friend. That doesn't mean I don't WANT him to be healthy. We are both overweight. We both have goals and things that bring us enjoyment that are hindered by our health. I don't care if he ends up on oxygen, incontinent of bowel and bladder, drooling on himself and unable to speak all while weighing 700 lbs, I will love him. He is far more than a physical body. We are both going to get old and ugly, and we are ok with that. He has the most wonderful personality of anyone I have ever met, and aside from this one tiny facet of our lives, I couldn't build a better man.
Just because I want him to be healthy doesn't mean I don't love him.
I'm in the same boat as you....except mine doesn't smoke, but drinks daily. And also has a heart condition from about ten years ago. And hereditary high blood pressure. I'm about out of options to motivate him, so if you find something that works, let me know
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I agree with those who say you can't force him to do what he doesn't want to do.Let me just say that I love my boyfriend, and would stick with him no matter the weight. He was on the chunky side when he and I first got together, but that's ok with me.
However, over the last several months, he has put on a lot of weight. It's because he eats out at least once a day, it's always junk food, and it's always a pretty large amount. He's also a pretty big pop drinker. This has also affected my own weight because sometimes it is easier to say, "yeah let's go get something on the way" rather than make something at home. That's something I've worked hard at fixing, and aside from what I gained from my cycle, I've actually lost about 6 lbs so far, but his eating habits have remained, and it's getting hard to deal with. Even our sex life is affected. He pretty much squishes me. (Sorry, tmi)
He has expressed interest in working out and will say he wants to go for walks etc... But when it comes down to it, he doesn't go.
We have actually argued a couple of times over how expensive eating out is, and since he also smokes a pack a day, he's dropping approximately $400 a month on fast food and cigs.
I realize he's a grown man, and can make his own choices, but I worry about his health. Diabetes runs in his family, not to mention the smoking. I don't want to nag him, I don't want him thinking I'm no longer attracted to him, but I would like a healthier boyfriend. Not only for his sake, but for my own health as well.
Any advice?
That having been said, if my wife told me that she would be desirous of having sex with me "more often" if I wasn't "squashing her" when I was on top, it would probably be pretty motivating for me. Just sayin'....
And I think you are right to approach the "for your own health" aspect and just say that you want to limit the fast food to X times a month (you fill in your own number) for health's sake and to save money.0 -
I find it amusing when the one party in a relationship gets all MFP'd up and then wants to start "spreading democracy" to the other. I'd stay husky out of spite because I'm like that.
You haven't seen my login record, LOL. I'm far from MPF'd up. But this is a community of people looking to lose weight and get healthy, who I am sure have had loved ones who have needed to lose weight, and I just wanted to see how I could approach him. What spurned my OP was that his health is becoming affected, and I love him enough to want him to be healthy.
But you go right ahead and assume I'm some weekend warrior who has eaten carrots for a couple of weeks and now I want to totally nag my boyfriend into eating carrots with me. To be honest, if he had told me he didn't care about the scale and wanted to eat McD's every day of his life, I wouldn't say another word. We've never had a conversation about his health, and I was intimidated to approach him about it.
And for the record, all of you saying I should dump him if I can't leave him alone about it, or that I'm some heinous hag for wanting him to be healthier, you pretty much heightened my anxiety level to defcon 10 about approaching him.0 -
The reason I find this right here offensive, is because it is completely stupid to dump someone because they are fat. I am never going to completely leave him alone about this. He and I have a fairly open and honest relationship. On more than one occasion, we have told each other our behaviors or actions were not good for us.
He has told me he thought I needed to lose some weight when I couldn't fit my clothes comfortably because he saw it caused me stress, he is looking out for my happiness. He actually just got off the phone with me, insisting that I go for a walk I had planned early, because it is going to rain later. Should I dump him? Nah. We look out for each other. I was just looking for some advice on how to approach the subject with as much tact as possible because I've never approached anyone about this subject before.
He was looking out for your happiness, and let's be honest, no guy wants to hear his woman whine and gripe about their appearance. It gets old after a while. I'd have been supportive too. He seems content smoking a pack a day and eating what he wants - that's his natural state. If anyone tried to change me, I'd toss them, order a pizza, change the locks, and fire up Netflix. Let him enjoy his Whoppers Cheetoz and CPAP machine - they are all things that will never ask him to change
Haha. Ok. I'll let him know how ****ty of a girlfriend I am when he gets home.0 -
I want my wife to lose we...If any guy said he wanted his girlfriend to lose weigh this thread would become a nightmare. If he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him and shouldn't try.
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Never an easy topic to start a conversation with but I found "Oi Porkey" worked for me
Although I have a good, strong relationship0 -
I find it amusing when the one party in a relationship gets all MFP'd up and then wants to start "spreading democracy" to the other. I'd stay husky out of spite because I'm like that.
You haven't seen my login record, LOL. I'm far from MPF'd up. But this is a community of people looking to lose weight and get healthy, who I am sure have had loved ones who have needed to lose weight, and I just wanted to see how I could approach him. What spurned my OP was that his health is becoming affected, and I love him enough to want him to be healthy.
But you go right ahead and assume I'm some weekend warrior who has eaten carrots for a couple of weeks and now I want to totally nag my boyfriend into eating carrots with me. To be honest, if he had told me he didn't care about the scale and wanted to eat McD's every day of his life, I wouldn't say another word. We've never had a conversation about his health, and I was intimidated to approach him about it.
And for the record, all of you saying I should dump him if I can't leave him alone about it, or that I'm some heinous hag for wanting him to be healthier, you pretty much heightened my anxiety level to defcon 10 about approaching him.
It is really risky asking relationship-based advice on a forum. Nobody here knows how you two interact or what this guy really is like. The best bet is to ask him if he wants to work out with you. If he doesn't do it and wants to stay how he is, then you have to figure out at that point what you want from the relationship. Can you accept being with someone who accepts mediocrity from himself? You decide.0 -
Never an easy topic to start a conversation with but I found "Oi Porkey" worked for me
Although I have a good, strong relationship
Haha, one time I jumped onto him while he was laying in bed and he went "JESUS Bertha!" I just laughed.0 -
attraction rather than promotion. keep doing your own thing and hopefully he'll be inspired to follow.0
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Just let him read this thread? You are very clear that you love him and care about him. You are also clear that it's his choice as to whether or not he decides lose weight, exercise or quit smoking. I do feel that there have been some negative reaction to you wanting to "change" him but you don't really, you just want him to be healthy and happy (which is pretty much up to him).0
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