Husband doesn't show support :(

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  • salvationsdying
    salvationsdying Posts: 205 Member
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    My fiance tells me all the time I look fine the way I am. But this is for me....not him. I've never been thin. I've alwats been 200plus pounds (271 just 2 months ago, 244 now, still higher then 2 1/2 yrs ago at my smallest, 220). I'm only 24, I want to be healthy, I want to wear cute clothes like other 24 yr olds. But mostly I want to set a good example for my 2 yr old daughter. I want her to see that mama was big but I changed that. I want her to see what being healthy is like. Don't let your husband make you feel like this is wrong to do. Do it for you! And if he leaves you then you find better! As for your daughter, that is very disrespectful. 8d stop her now before it gets worse.
  • justjambo
    justjambo Posts: 20 Member
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    Hi,

    I watched a program on tv the other day about a woman that was heavily overweight and about to have gastric bypass surgery. Whilst her husband *supported* her, he was also very afraid that if / when she lost weight she would leave him, which I notice you mention in an earlier response.

    I am fortunate to have my partner doing this with me, to help both of us. I can't imagine what it is like to have someone set against it, but I do know that I was stick the proverbial two fingers up to him and do it in spite of him.

    I'd allow him to have his insecurities, he clearly has them if he is needing to view women on the net, and more so because he has the gall to threaten to leave you if you lose the weight.

    Play him at his own game, allow him to catch sight of you looking at a guys picture on the net. (I'm not suggesting you start ogling men, but if you found a good looking chap somewhere, keep his pic and pull it up now and then or even leave it up on the screen by accident ;o) He may just get a sudden sense of what it feels like to be treated in this manner.

    Whatever you decide to do or however you decide to 'play' it, do it for yourself not him.
  • shortyaep73
    shortyaep73 Posts: 6
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    I'm sorry to hear that your husband is like that. Your daughter shouldn't talk to ever like that. I really don't get much support form my husband or kids, but I have learned that the only help I needed had to come from within me. I have been for years trying different thing to lose weight but failed every time. I try not to let what others think or say about me get to me. How I really started out with losing weight was always walking to do anything and everything I could. If I needed something at the store and it was close enough I would walk. I parked farther away from the store and walked the parking lot. I also found a few other people in my neighbor hood and started walking together and we work out together. The best thing for you do to is look inside yourself and i know that you can do it and put your husband and daughter out or you head and so this for yourself.
  • cathyg415
    cathyg415 Posts: 7
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    This is a GREAT post, Sir!! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. God Bless you! :smile:

    Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?

    You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE :smile:
  • squeepig
    squeepig Posts: 89 Member
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    This is definitely going to sound harsh and it is. You didn't need anyone's support to become overweight. You did that on your own. Why in the world do you need their support to lose the weight?

    *****applauds*****
  • BaldheadSlick
    BaldheadSlick Posts: 51 Member
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    Amen on this one. My wife never supported me except by bring more junk food in the house. I've encouraged her to come to the gym, trained her (she got great results and was quite happy for a while), etc., but she hates to work out and could care less if I did or not. She likes the fruit of my labor, but that's about it.

    You have to do it for you and you alone. As all of us married folk know, our spouses are often our opposites in so many areas and sometimes it's in the arena of fitness activity. I've just learned to live with it and you can too...and sometimes, I use my frustration for great motivation!
  • Ulwaz
    Ulwaz Posts: 380 Member
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    welcome to myfitnesspal! your husband sounds horrible, why stay with someone like that? and its horrible your daughter treats you that way also, we are always here if you need someone to talk too and support you on your journey, do it for you and show them you can do it!
  • frankied1970
    frankied1970 Posts: 1 Member
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    Its sounds like you have had some challenges in the past.... and you still have some tough ones ahead. But right now, you are also in the right place... I just did my first round of the program. For me... not for anyone else and was VERY happy with what i learned. not just about healthy nutrition and exercise... but also about myself. I expected to find diet and exercise programs and was surprised by the great "mindset" support. I think its hard work to be organised to weigh cook and measure everything and that some of the recipes take a bit to get used to... but if you REALLY want to do it, and you are ready for the best challenge of your life, to achieve all the good and important things you want for yourself and your family then, YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE! You will find the support from others that you need, but if you are honest and truthful and search deep inside yourself, the mindset support and guidance will help you to take a long hard look at yourself, your beliefs and behaviours and identify what you are really willing to do to challenge some hard old habits; find the person inside that is strong and smart and beautiful!
    When you truly believe in yourself, you will find the strength to be the best you and good things will follow.
    I wish you well on your journey to find out what you are really capable of :-).
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Add me if you like

    I know this comment is 2 months old, but I can help but lol. :laugh:
  • Becre8tive
    Becre8tive Posts: 108 Member
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    I will NEVER let my kid call me or ANYONE else fat. SOoo disrespectful, I hear my nieces and nephews calling people fat all the time and I do NOT let that s*** fly. As for your husband... he is scared that you will be too sexy for him and leave HIM if you drop pounds, obviously he is a doof who doesn't deserve you. Unhealthy and unsupportive defense mechanism on his part, make him eat those F***** words. You can do this beautiful. :flowerforyou:

    I second that!
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
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    Just do what you have to do so that you look and feel the best that you possibly can. Don't wait for the support of others. Do this for you. I can relate to your personal issues at home and if you need someone to talk to p.m. me.
    :flowerforyou:
  • xxmarysmxx
    xxmarysmxx Posts: 199 Member
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    Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?

    You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE :smile:


    AMEN!
  • susan_worthington
    susan_worthington Posts: 11
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    Years ago a friend gave me a button saying , "Nobody makes me feel inferior without my permission". I haven't always recognised that and there have been many times when I have let myself down by handing out permission to others in ways that were no good for me. But neither can you use other people's attitudes or behaviour to live in avoidance of change. You need to really, truly give yourself permission to be "me first" when it is right to do so. That includes making changes to your own physical and mental well-being irrespective of how others judge you. This change is for you and must be championed by you. Seek those who support you in your goals and respectfully ignore those who seek to undermine them. Best of wishes.

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