Goal reached. Family horrified.
VoodooAborisha
Posts: 147 Member
So about a month ago I reached my goal. I am no longer "overweight" but now am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi weight range. I weigh exactly what I did when I was 17, only I am in much better shape because I am eating healthy, and exercise 3 - 5 times a week, mainly weights but also some regular cardio.
I was skyping my family the other night, and my Dad (an ex-OIympic and professional wrestler, and a former college and professional football player, who almost completed a Ph. D in Physical Education, so he knows a lot about fitness and diet), said to me, "We have all been talking about your weight. You look awful. You are too thin. Your sister in law Kim agrees, you look bad. We think you need to gain 15 lbs." And I said, "I have only lost 30 total - that would mean putting on half my weight back." And my sister, nurse with a Ph. D in nursing and long time Professor of nursing and medicine at various universities chimed in and said, "yah, you look awful - especially YOUR FACE! EW!"
That being said, when I was this weight the last time, back in the 1990's, I was doing 4 hours of ballet a week plus cheerleading and marching band, was in great shape, and at that time these same people said, "you need to quit ballet - you are too fat. They don't take short fat girls in ballets. You need to join the football team or find a Sumo Wrestling club." AT THE SAME WEIGHT I AM NOW, where they are saying "your face - EW!"
Frankly I think I am the healthiest and in the best shape I have ever been in. What should I make of what they said? I was sad, then mad, and now I realize that I obviously have some image issues, or what they say wouldn't hurt. Or would it? Would these things hurt other people's feelings too? What do y'all think - is my face so "EW"? Do I look worse than when I started? Here is a pic, me before on the left, last August, and me now on the right. And again, I am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi range, not on the low end at all.
I was skyping my family the other night, and my Dad (an ex-OIympic and professional wrestler, and a former college and professional football player, who almost completed a Ph. D in Physical Education, so he knows a lot about fitness and diet), said to me, "We have all been talking about your weight. You look awful. You are too thin. Your sister in law Kim agrees, you look bad. We think you need to gain 15 lbs." And I said, "I have only lost 30 total - that would mean putting on half my weight back." And my sister, nurse with a Ph. D in nursing and long time Professor of nursing and medicine at various universities chimed in and said, "yah, you look awful - especially YOUR FACE! EW!"
That being said, when I was this weight the last time, back in the 1990's, I was doing 4 hours of ballet a week plus cheerleading and marching band, was in great shape, and at that time these same people said, "you need to quit ballet - you are too fat. They don't take short fat girls in ballets. You need to join the football team or find a Sumo Wrestling club." AT THE SAME WEIGHT I AM NOW, where they are saying "your face - EW!"
Frankly I think I am the healthiest and in the best shape I have ever been in. What should I make of what they said? I was sad, then mad, and now I realize that I obviously have some image issues, or what they say wouldn't hurt. Or would it? Would these things hurt other people's feelings too? What do y'all think - is my face so "EW"? Do I look worse than when I started? Here is a pic, me before on the left, last August, and me now on the right. And again, I am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi range, not on the low end at all.
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Replies
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I think you look amazing! Really good job. Well done. It doesn't sound like you're the one with image issues. Maybe they just aren't used to seeing you looking so great and being so healthy. Just give your family time to get used to it.0
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You look truly lovely and your family, every single obnoxious one of them, deserves a thick ear.
I loathe the way family talk to themselves behind a person's back and wind themselves into having a 'stand' on some issue or other. Just horrid, you know they're doing it and you can't stop them.
Just put it down to their foolishness, they'll get used to you eventually. Explain gently to them that women have cheek bones, not like teenagers, and if they have nothing nice to say they may shut their obnoxious traps.
Honestly. Not only would I be mad, but I'm already mad for you. You are beautiful and you have the most perfect figure.0 -
And for comparison, here is my face before:
And after:
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My dear girl, you look awesome. I don't know what they are thinking. The before and after shots say it all. :drinker: You also get an exta +1 for being a follower of the "Church of the Yerba Prima" as I call it. (pysillium husk)0
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You are perfect. Tell them to stuff their fears up their jumper.0
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I think they are envious of your achievement... you look beautiful and healthy! And yes, I would have been hurt by my family commenting like that... hugs!0
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Can't believe your family are like that to you for a start! But I think you look amazing
and definitely not tooo skinny! A perfect weight just try and maintain that now maybe and not lose anymore, but even if you wanted to once its healthy its whatever weight your happy at that's most important !! 
screw anyone else x 0 -
Don't believe them, you're beautiful. Congratulations on your success 0
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I think you look fantastic. I don't think you necessarily have body image issues, I think anyone would be hurt if there family said that!0
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You look great. I've heard the same thing. I don't know if it's just that they don't see you day-to-day, so the "all at once" surprises them, or if it's a jealousy of your accomplishment, but you don't need to do a thing. Congrats!0
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You are AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL! :flowerforyou: And I don't care how educated they are, they know NOTHING about this!!!:huh:
Michelle0 -
What everyone else says. Dont listen to your family. 0
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You look incredible.... My family are starting to say similar things to me, probably because I have lost 10st 2lb of the 10st 7lb intend to lose and people aren't used to seeing me looking like I do now....
Do you feel healthy, if so, forget it, it's your body and your health xXx0 -
You look great. And I would be hurt by the "ew" comment too, though coming from family for some reason makes it feel less insulting - my family has told me I was too fat or skinny numerous times and it just doesn't feel like they're being mean, simply stating opinion.
One thing I wonder is whether you see them only over skype or if they have seen you in person at all or even copies of those photos you posted above. I say this because skype and smartphone cameras have a tendency to fisheye just a tad. I always look a little creepy and distorted in those cameras when I am looking right into them. When I was a little heavier I was like "sweet, this camera's really flattering", but now that I've lost some weight it does make me look a little weird. If this is all they are going on, they may have an excuse, however you mentioned multiple PhD level knowledge of fitness and health, so it seems like they'd look a little deeper before just telling you there's something wrong with you.
In any case, this random stranger's opinion is that you look fantastic and healthy and hope the family jumps on board eventually.0 -
You look great! congrats on the weight loss & fitness gain !
If you feel great then who cares what they think, it's maybe just as it's such a big difference than what they're used to
:flowerforyou:0 -
You look fantastic! 100% ignore them, you look the picture of health, and what's more you feel good in yourself and that's what matters most!
Your body is your business, I would tell them politely that you are just fine the way you are thankyouverymuch and just let them get used to your new size, it's probably just gonna take some time for them to get used it.
And well done on your loss!0 -
You look great.
No matter what profession or how many degrees your family members may have they are just stating their opinion. They are used to one way and now you're changing and for some reason that makes them uncomfortable. It is not your problem- it is theirs and they will learn to adjust to the new you.
IF your personal medical adviser is telling you, for a specific medical reason, to put on weight and that you're "too skinny" then you should look into it, but not before then.
Good luck dealing with your family, and great job on your road to fitness!0 -
They have a picture of you in their minds eye and seeing you now shocks them. You will have to give them time to put the new you in their minds eye. Its not you, its them! You look great!0
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I think you look wonderful, both in your before & after photos I certainly wouldn't say that your face is too thin & your body proportions look great! 0
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Firstly, people have said some awful things to you.
Secondly, you look great.
Thirdly, that's all I got.0 -
You look great!0
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You look fantastic. Well done Being polite about your family, they are just not used to the new you. If they had seen you every day while you were shaping up, nothing would have been said. You look so Happy and Healthy. Stay as you are going. :flowerforyou:
Oh and my Mam's favourite saying (F**k the begrudgers)0 -
You look gorgeous!! Nothing wrong with you at all, you look amazing from your weight loss. Maybe a bit of jealousy is playing in there with some of your family ?0
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Families can be a total nightmare sometimes. Ignore them you look great, your face look great and I would kill for you flat tummy. My husband is the same as you. He has lost about 3 stone. His Dad used to always make comments about his weight but now he has lost weight and, like you, is exactly in the middle of a healthy BMI. They constantly tell him he is too thin, anorexic, needs to put on weight. I don't know if they just like being difficult, are jealous of his fitness and success or if it is because they live abroad and only see him every so often so notice the weight loss more. I'm not just saying it to be nice, but you look fantastic and I would pay good money for your figure so don't let them spoil you success :flowerforyou:0
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Are your family looking at the same person we're looking at on here? I see a woman in great shape, who is happy with her body and how far she's come in her fitness journey.
This should all be about what YOU want to gain - you're at a healthy weight, a weight YOU aimed to be at and you seem determined to keep it up with your new healthy lifestyle.
I've always said that for me, MFP is about my body, my goals and my life. It should be the same for you - your body, your goals and your life.
The only reason you should put on weight (as other posters have said) is if you were medically at risk or something. If not, keep up the good work and revel in the fact that you've reached your goal - don't let others pull you down.
Ok, I've rambled enough - well done!! 0 -
You look awesome. And that Desigual dress looks lovely on you.0
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Its because they have gotten used to seeing you when you were bigger. There are times when larger people lose a lot of weight and they look gaunt in the face because they went too far but you look fine.0
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You look great, but more importantly, this is about your health. It's weird, given their professions, that they are making this all about appearance and not about health. I also can't believe they told you you were too fat for ballet. Sounds pretty toxic. If any of my family were to say the word "ew" in relationship with my appearance, I think I'd be having a cry-fest. Please know that their opinions are totally without ground. Maybe if your dad had finished that PhD in Phys Ed, he would have gotten to the lesson that says, "don't bully people for being healthy."0
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Yeah, I agree with everyone else...you look amazing! Your family is probably just surprised at your new look and they made hurtful remarks in an attempt to get you to come to your senses and go back to what they are comfortable with. They'll get used to the new, gorgeous you eventually. If they don't come around? *kitten* 'em! Ignore the ridiculous criticisms and live your life the way you want to live it. Congratulations on your success!!!:flowerforyou:0
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Yes, it's natural to be upset by their comments. But it doesn't mean you have 'issues'; the 'issues' are all theirs. You look great, spot on!0
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