Goal reached. Family horrified.

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Replies

  • emmanap91
    emmanap91 Posts: 300 Member
    So about a month ago I reached my goal. I am no longer "overweight" but now am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi weight range. I weigh exactly what I did when I was 17, only I am in much better shape because I am eating healthy, and exercise 3 - 5 times a week, mainly weights but also some regular cardio.

    I was skyping my family the other night, and my Dad (an ex-OIympic and professional wrestler, and a former college and professional football player, who almost completed a Ph. D in Physical Education, so he knows a lot about fitness and diet), said to me, "We have all been talking about your weight. You look awful. You are too thin. Your sister in law Kim agrees, you look bad. We think you need to gain 15 lbs." And I said, "I have only lost 30 total - that would mean putting on half my weight back." And my sister, nurse with a Ph. D in nursing and long time Professor of nursing and medicine at various universities chimed in and said, "yah, you look awful - especially YOUR FACE! EW!"

    That being said, when I was this weight the last time, back in the 1990's, I was doing 4 hours of ballet a week plus cheerleading and marching band, was in great shape, and at that time these same people said, "you need to quit ballet - you are too fat. They don't take short fat girls in ballets. You need to join the football team or find a Sumo Wrestling club." AT THE SAME WEIGHT I AM NOW, where they are saying "your face - EW!"

    Frankly I think I am the healthiest and in the best shape I have ever been in. What should I make of what they said? I was sad, then mad, and now I realize that I obviously have some image issues, or what they say wouldn't hurt. Or would it? Would these things hurt other people's feelings too? What do y'all think - is my face so "EW"? Do I look worse than when I started? Here is a pic, me before on the left, last August, and me now on the right. And again, I am right in the middle of the "normal" bmi range, not on the low end at all.

    weightloss.png



    First off, you look FANTASTIC. I'm similar to you - I want to lose 15-20 pounds total, I am not outside of the healthy BMI range (nor was I ever, I don't think), and losing the weight would put me about in the middle of the BMI range, instead of on the higher end.
    (I think... 5'3", started 135 lbs, want to end at 115-120 lbs... I haven't done the math in a while)


    I just want to say this - they might be jealous, or they might be worried because you look so different. It's like when someone switches from glasses to contact lenses - everyone close to you says you look weird at first, while acquaintances compliment the change, and eventually your close friends and loved ones get used to the contacts. If you switched back to glasses after a long time with contacts, they'd say you look weird again. *People are uncomfortable with the unfamiliar.*


    When I was at my goal weight (I gained it back over christmas), my facebook friends who were also into fitness were complimenting my abs and my progress, while my family kept saying they were worried about me. I was still a healthy weight, in fact I don't think I've ever been as healthy in my life as I was then.


    tl;dr - it might be jealousy, or it might be that they are uncomfortable with change (like all humans) and they unintentionally interpret their own negative feelings into negative connotations concerning your health. If you were a stranger whose before and after pictures they saw on a site, they'd say it was a good change (especially since they are health and fitness experts).
  • beakueng
    beakueng Posts: 7
    Ditto on the comments above. You're beautiful - I love your face before and after (LOOOOVE the Desigual shirt, too :-)) I'm not sure what your family sees when they look at you. However, you feel and look great (you're not too skinny). Keep up the great work and find support in supportive people. Maybe you can tell your family that you appreciate their concern, but that you will only accept positive comments in the future.
  • onematch
    onematch Posts: 241 Member
    You look very healthy. Not "Ew" at all. Your family is nuts.
  • BioMechHeretic
    BioMechHeretic Posts: 128 Member
    Forget that crap, you look awesome and you have done a fantastic job. I'd be the first person to comment to some person on the internet with honesty if something looked wrong, but you look perfectly in the healthy and fit range to anyone looking. They're either bitter about your progress for some reason or have adjusted to seeing you large to such a point they lost the frame of reference for health. keep doing what you're doing, you look great.
  • blondelis50
    blondelis50 Posts: 24 Member
    Absolutely beautiful...you are. you look healthy and happy. Congratulations. Your family probably just needs to get used to seeing the new you. Don't let them steal your joy. :flowerforyou:
  • BlazeJay83
    BlazeJay83 Posts: 23 Member
    They have a picture of you in their minds eye and seeing you now shocks them. You will have to give them time to put the new you in their minds eye. Its not you, its them! You look great!
    This, basically. And it's actually quite shocking how people are so set in their ways that they can't be happy for you.
  • richardositosanchez
    richardositosanchez Posts: 260 Member
    I agree with everyone that your family is nuts. You look fine.
  • sherisse69
    sherisse69 Posts: 795 Member
    You look fantastic! Don't let it get to you. Clearly the change is just taking them a little longer to adjust. But who cares - you know you are healthy and beautiful! You go!
  • WilliamsPeggy
    WilliamsPeggy Posts: 440 Member
    Ignore them. You're beautiful. Congratulations on reaching your goal.
  • playwright82
    playwright82 Posts: 1 Member
    Don't listen to your family. I have family members sort of like that, too. They try to discourage me every chance they get. I have other family members and many friends who are very supportive. Listen to those who support you and tune out those who don't. You look fine and your face is not "EW." As long as you feel healthy, that's all that matters.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    Look, I've read your stuff. You have some pretty extreme views on diet, ranging from eating 1104 calories a day to thinking animal products cause 97% of heart attacks. I find it hard to believe that you've never had these discussions with your family of Olympic athletes and medical professionals.

    But okay. Maybe they really are just jerks, in which case, why do you even bother sending them pictures of yourself for them to critique?

    Whoa.

    :love:
  • crazie4lulu
    crazie4lulu Posts: 762 Member
    Haters gonna hate!!!! That INCLUDES family.... unfortunately:grumble:
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    All I did was take 9 months to lose 30 lbs to get from a bmi of overweight, and now I am in the middle of the "normal" or "healthy" bmi and I am currently maintaining. I did it by eating at a 20% reduction, as advised by many calorie calculators, approved by my doctors and personal trainers, and now I am eating at my TDEE to maintain.

    You did NOTHING wrong here. Do not let anyone take away from the sense of accomplishment you should have for succeeding in creating a healthier body and lifestyle for yourself.

    With the way your dad has treated you all your life, and how the rest of your family follows suit, it is no wonder that you ended up with depression issues. Seriously, they have huge problems, and are basically a bunch of bullies with a gang mentality, led by your abusive father. Yes, I called your father abusive, because that is exactly what he is. If what you said about him being so embarrassed by you being 'so fat' that he wouldn't come to your ballet recitals in HS, then that is completely messed up.

    I have one sibling that I rarely come in contact with anymore, because of his abusive behavior towards me and my son, and his hypocrisy on the highest level. I tried for years to have a relationship with him, but finally had to just say no more. I have many other family members who love and respect me, and they will be here long after my brother is gone. Family only goes so far, then you have to do what you need to do for your own mental and physical health.
  • l_ashley
    l_ashley Posts: 154 Member
    Your family is so used to you being overweight that they have a skewed perception of what an "appropriate" weight is for you. Ignore them. You look fantastic! You don't look underweight or sickly at all. Let them hate. You earned your body.
  • frood
    frood Posts: 295 Member
    "Family" is not a valid excuse to be a total jerk.

    I would say that when they start insulting you, end the conversation. Sorry you had to experience this.
  • doctorsookie
    doctorsookie Posts: 1,084 Member
    your family sucks.... that is all there is to it.

    you look fantastic. I'd love to look like you.
  • JONZ64
    JONZ64 Posts: 1,280 Member
    Do YOU feel healthy?
    Do YOU feel well and energetic?
    Do YOU think you look good?

    If YES to any or all of these then YOU are right where YOU need to be.

    (OH and you look GREAT!)
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    I feel for you big-time. My thoughts..

    I also live "an ocean away". It means there's no day-to-day toxicity/nagging from family but it does get bottled-up for massive, intensive, hurtful interactions when you do communicate.

    I've always been the chubby, baby of the family, which basically means that my sister and my mom have always felt they have the right to give me excessive unwanted advice in ways I would never dream of reciprocating.

    Personality also seems to have a lot to do with it, and level of education is generally, unfortunately, irrelevant. My family are also highly educated, but can say the most hurtful things without even realizing it. I've learned to ignore much of what they say, and accept that since I moved to the US 15 years ago I've become a different person than they knew. (I even have a US accent for heaven's sake).

    Good luck to you, and know that there are clearly 1000s of people behind you.
  • Sharistiles
    Sharistiles Posts: 2 Member
    I think this all goes back to the adage; make sure you know why you are making these changes in your life. You are clearly setting goals and accomplishing them for yourself. You are making yourself healthier and happier and that is what it is all about. Let go of other people's ideas or opinions. Just because our friends and family love us, it does not mean they always know what is best.

    Celebrate your success and let the rest go. Congratulations!
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    I think you are at a healthy weight for your height & age. 37 is not 17 anymore and yes your face will look different, duh! I also think you look awesome. Family probably can't wrap their head around your new healthy self. Perhaps if you shared your activity level with them next time they get all pissy and calmly tell them your workout routine and how awesome your BP & heartrate is now that you're not as out-of-shape they'd get a clue.

    With that said, Skyping can make a person look washed out, pale, and "drawn". Perhaps tilt your monitor a bit, wear a bit of makeup before Skyping again? It may just help. You are in Denmark I imagine not a lot of sun to give your skin color which is why recommended some makeup. (looking at your 17y/o self, you had on more in that particular photo). (And before I get tromped on from someone about the sun, I myself wear 110spf.) Just some useful tips. You didn't say what your hubby had to say about the weight loss. His opinion and your own are more important.
  • Goldeneyes19
    Goldeneyes19 Posts: 9
    I think you look amazing. I'm feeling badly that your family is being so harsh. Are they always this direct and straight forward with you? Positive intent would say that you know they are saying it because they love you. Hard to think, tho, when it probably "feels" like they are underminding your success.
    Let it go and be happy in yourself. No one else can bring you happiness.
  • beakueng
    beakueng Posts: 7
    sorry, wanted to delete my reply, but don't know how!?
  • AleshiaBunting
    AleshiaBunting Posts: 48 Member
    You look AMAZING!
  • amperry328
    amperry328 Posts: 21
    Not that you haven't already heard this 100 times at this point, but you look great! Good job and congratulations!! Family members can be the worst.
  • iRun_Butterfly
    iRun_Butterfly Posts: 483 Member
    You look amazing! Enjoy your success and know that you are healthy and fit, and fantastic. I think your family has some issues and they are directing it toward you. You were beautiful before, you are still beautiful, no Eww factor at all.
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    Ask them if they want you to compromise your long term health so they feel better about your new features. They may just be used to the old, comfortable image they have of you and aren't taking that into consideration. IMO your face looks beautiful in both your before and after pictures. However, you look fit and healthy in the after pic of your entire body. I say congratulations and keep doing what you're doing.
  • kuderstadt
    kuderstadt Posts: 134 Member
    You look amazing… but I know what's going on… my family and friends did it too… I got called anorexic, MIL calling hubby behind my back to see if I'm actually eating… friends telling me my face and neck look all wrong… 'gaunt' was one of the words used to describe my face… people!!! It's only 30lbs… so frustrating.
    Just do what you're doing, you look great.
  • Mommyand4
    Mommyand4 Posts: 12
    You look fantastic. The same thing happened to me when I reached my weight goal. To me I thought I looked good and to my family they thought I was sick. They said to me that I better stop exercising and stop starving myself because it was no good for me. It really did hurt my feelings and I started to think that maybe I was sick and that was why I was losing so much weight. They convinced me and I stopped working out for a while. I started to feel tired and grouchy and I didn't feel well at all. I even stopped MFP. Until one day I realized I let them bring me down and I was not going to take it anymore. I joined MFP again I started working out and I am much happier. I still eat what I want to eat but I always work out.

    Don't listen to what others say. Do what you want to do. You look healthy and beautiful.
  • melissawilson61
    melissawilson61 Posts: 18 Member
    I am sorry your family spoke that way to you it seems that the issue is theirs not yours. I would simple thank them for their concern and then move on and think about it no more.
  • jodybo2
    jodybo2 Posts: 116 Member
    I think you look terrific, much more healthy! Maybe you should tell your family that their hateful words hurt you. That's a tough situation but you should be very proud of your accomplishment! You have inspired me!

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