heard disturbing convo about weight today

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245

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  • sherambler
    sherambler Posts: 303 Member
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    Were you ever made fun of growing up for being overweight? I was and I find I project myself into other people's conversations all the time. When you've spent the bulk of your life literally being the topic of conversation in the cafeteria or on the bus, it's hard not to take comments that don't involve you as something more sinister and personal. I believe my mother called it being "overly-sensitive". These types of comments and conversations will continue to bother you as long as you keep up with invalidating behaviors and thoughts. Thoughts like, "I'm stupid or lazy or ugly or not good enough or those girls are right or only 100 lbs is beautiful." You have to learn to challenge those thoughts until they no longer hold weight. It's not easy. It takes consistency, patience, and honesty. The truth is there will always be people who look at you (and me) with pity and disgust, there are people who look at those who weigh a mere 100 lbs in disgust, but we don't have to look at ourselves in the same way they do. They know nothing about you or your inner journey, and therefore, their opinion should mean nothing to you. But I get it, when you don't feel great about yourself, it's easy to take someone else's word over your own because it's hard to convince yourself otherwise.

    I just try to keep in mind that everyone struggles with their weight and self-esteem. Even the most confident people have off days. I take the high road and try to be the bigger person (no pun intended, I swear). I don't degrudge someone for being smaller than me and I don't pity those fatter than me. I can't expect everyone to do the same, but this mentality helps me to not take everything people say so personally and allows me to focus on what I want for myself, not what I want in order to please strangers.

    BTW, and I know this may sort of contradict what I said above, but these two girls sound like they may be on the precipice of some major body dysmorphia issues, so for this specific instance I would definitely take anything they said to one another with a grain of salt. They don't seem to have healthy self images of themselves, so any judgment you may have perceived is, in a way, poisonous and inaccurate.
  • martyqueen52
    martyqueen52 Posts: 1,120 Member
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    When I tough my wife or hold her I prefer not to feel bone.... ugh...

    :huh:

    Yea.... fixed that. I type way to fast and make a lot of things sound / look mildly retarded.
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
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    I heard a girl in the next fitting room over from me at Old Navy ask her friend to get her a size 0 because the 2 was "just too big" ... I almost threw a pair of pants at her ;)

    Personally, I don't see a difference between 100 and 105, and I'm amused that this person was saying "Oh I'm so fat!" but I guess it's all relative. Gaining 5 pounds IS a big deal, at least for those of us trying to lose weight.

    I wouldn't worry about other people, most of them have their own issues to deal with.

    5 lbs is also quite a bit for someone very petite.

    Also, when should weight become a concern? Isn't it better if someone were to keep it in check early rather than waiting until it's 20 lbs and saying "Oh time to lose weight!"
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I want to accept my appearance before losing weight....I don't want to feel ashamed and hate my body.......it's a real struggle and hearing these things just reaffirms that other people think I'm fat and "omg what have you been eating"

    If you want to accept your appearance, then work on that. If you feel shame or hatred toward your body, then work on that. But I don't care what your body looks like, if you are waiting for the entire world to think you look great you are in for a very, very long wait.

    Just work on how you feel. You can't change others. No matter how badly you might like to, you just can't.
  • forkofpower
    forkofpower Posts: 171 Member
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    'Skinny people' can have body image issues, just like overweight people.
  • ThatMouse
    ThatMouse Posts: 229 Member
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    (I'm not sure if I'm replying to your right, MeghanMarie... I do not know how to forum. EDIT: Evidently, definitely do not know how to forum. Sorry - I'd have quoted, but I don't think I can do that going back...)

    MeghanMarie, what if she'd been a size 12 a few years ago? And she's only now just fitting into that size 0?

    For some context, I used to be up to a size 12 in this one brand (with consistent sizing so I can actually compare reliably! Yay!) - heck, I might've gone up to 16 at one point. I can't remember - I didn't want to.

    Now, I'm a size 4, working down to a size 2. Will I ever by a size 0? Probably not, due to bone structure and a stocky, farmer-like build. But maybe I will - some of my other family members are size 0 with a similar structure.

    Now, I've gone into change rooms and tried on a size 8, because I still have 25lbs to lose - I can't POSSIBLY fit into something smaller.

    ... Except I can. And a size 8 becomes a size 6. And then THAT'S too big, so it becomes a size 4. And I'm rejoicing with my friends because I remember when I was a size 12 and just barely squeezing into it.

    So someone asking for a size 0 because a size 2 is too big shouldn't be something worth throwing pants at (unless it's the size she's looking for) - it's something to take as a celebration in stride. She's done it - celebrate with her (quietly, in your change room cubicle). Think about it - if you had the same thing happen, wouldn't YOU want someone to celebrate it with you instead of scoff and throw pants at you?



    Replying to the OP:
    If they were tall ladies, I can see that being a bit disturbing. But if they were like me (barely 5'), I can see it being totally acceptable. If I had maintained at 100lbs for a very long time, but then all of a sudden upped by 5lbs (assuming not due to water weight, shark week or unresolved... issues), I'd be concerned too. I'd tell my friends - because they've supported me in my weight loss and maintaining the loss - and I'm sure they'd be worried and asking about if anything changed.

    But I'll agree with you in that a 5lbs difference is totally not worth freaking out over. I've dropped 7+lbs in two days and it turned out it was just water weight and... food on the way out, suffice to say.

    That said, it's none of your business. Nor should it affect you. So this skinny lady gained 5lbs and her friends are freaking out - who flips a waffle? Not you. Her body is not yours. They were not talking about you, they were not even looking at you.

    If conversations all around you are all of a sudden all ABOUT you, that's not their problem - it's yours. Until that sinks it, you'll find it hard to accept your body and love it. Only you need to love your body - if other people don't, that's not your problem.
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
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    I see more humor in that situation than anything. I'm a big guy now but I'd never ever want to date a woman that was that tiny. At 100 lbs that doesn't leave much room for boobs or an *kitten*, and what about love handles?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    When I touch my wife or hold her I prefer not to feel bone.... ugh...

    That's what she said...
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Going from the username, I feel like this is a new incarnation of MayaDaya/BrightCristal/the other 70 usernames this person has created...

    Definitely this!
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Everyone is insecure about something, no matter how perfect they appear to be.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    Going from the username, I feel like this is a new incarnation of MayaDaya/BrightCristal/the other 70 usernames this person has created...

    I concur.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
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    Personally i believe being truly comfortable with your body is accepting it for what it is, for instance i weigh 117 pounds my cousin who happens to be older then me weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet. When i went out to dinner with her and her fiancee, he made a joke after i said im exhausted that i was still carrying around baby weight (i was holding my daughter).

    My cousin said oooh thats mean! I laughed! I said "yeah well compared to you i'm a friggin cow!". Seriously if your overweight accept it either change it or don't complain about it, but if someone commenting about themselves being overweight bothers you because your worried they might think your fat you really have a long way to go before you can accept yourself. That comment wasn't even directed towards you and your self esteem was hit, you really should work on your own view of yourself before worrying about how other people see you.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
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    People like that need goat-sacked.

    My wife has a friend of the same nature. She's a very pretty girl, who weighs about 110 soaking wet, and she consistently says she needs to lose weight, starves herself, and works out 3-4 times a day.

    I personally tried helping her, but she's to young and has a clear mental problem that only a doctor can help cure / alleviate.

    Plus, I like women who are NOT 100-120lbs..... **** is disgusting to me. When I touch my wife or hold her I prefer not to feel bone.... ugh...

    HEY!! Some of us are 5'0 and 117 pounds is a perfectly healthy weight range! I show less bone now when i lay down then when i was 124 pounds so chill out those ****ing disgusting comments :/
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I heard a girl in the next fitting room over from me at Old Navy ask her friend to get her a size 0 because the 2 was "just too big" ... I almost threw a pair of pants at her ;)

    Personally, I don't see a difference between 100 and 105, and I'm amused that this person was saying "Oh I'm so fat!" but I guess it's all relative. Gaining 5 pounds IS a big deal, at least for those of us trying to lose weight.

    I wouldn't worry about other people, most of them have their own issues to deal with.

    5 lbs is also quite a bit for someone very petite.

    Also, when should weight become a concern? Isn't it better if someone were to keep it in check early rather than waiting until it's 20 lbs and saying "Oh time to lose weight!"

    this was my thought.

    Ten pounds on someone at 125- makes a huge different- 10 pounds on me just means I put away skinny jeans and that's it.

    When you are ONLY 100 pounds- 5 pounds makes a HUGE difference.


    OP
    I was unaware that there was a weight limit on being over weight and having validity to complain about it.- apparently if you are small and over weight you have no right to complain. is it 5 pounds? 10 pounds? 15? what's the cap for complaining?

    it's not your body.

    If they truly AREN'T over weight- then yeah- it's annoying- but ultimately it isn't a reflection on you or anything to do with you- so move on about your life.
  • LilynEdensmom
    LilynEdensmom Posts: 612 Member
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    I overheard a conversation once. It was none of my concern so I stopped listening and went about my business.

    Eavesdroppers often hear highly entertaining and instructive things :P

    Though in this case just annoying things
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
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    I heard a girl in the next fitting room over from me at Old Navy ask her friend to get her a size 0 because the 2 was "just too big" ... I almost threw a pair of pants at her ;)

    I am 139 pounds and currently sitting in a pair of size 0 Old Navy jeans. They're one of the worst offenders when it comes to vanity sizing.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
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    this was my thought.

    Ten pounds on someone at 125- makes a huge different- 10 pounds on me just means I put away skinny jeans and that's it.

    When you are ONLY 100 pounds- 5 pounds makes a HUGE difference.


    OP
    I was unaware that there was a weight limit on being over weight and having validity to complain about it.- apparently if you are small and over weight you have no right to complain. is it 5 pounds? 10 pounds? 15? what's the cap for complaining?

    it's not your body.

    If they truly AREN'T over weight- then yeah- it's annoying- but ultimately it isn't a reflection on you or anything to do with you- so move on about your life.

    Nice glutes Chicka :):drinker:
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Nice glutes Chicka :):drinker:

    I did it all for the glutes!!!

    THE GLUTES!!!!

    :love:
  • lupo316
    lupo316 Posts: 26
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    It's all relative - I've heard overweight people brag that they've made better decisions by getting Chicken Nuggets instead of a burger at McDonalds, or they got Diet Soda instead of regular. Take it all in stride and don't worry about how others think.

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