Help me with a wedding debate

JoRocka
JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
in Chit-Chat
Question for Internet land:

Is it common practice to skip a wedding and only go to the reception?

Bf says unless you are close family its standard to only attend the reception. I've never heard of this and thought only attending the reception was tacky.

What do you all say?!
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Replies

  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,769 Member
    I'm with you on this one. If you're going to come and eat my food, drink my wine, and dance to my music, you've got to sit through the ceremony first.
  • Nikkisfitblog
    Nikkisfitblog Posts: 149 Member
    Yeh I would have thought that would be rude?

    Im in the process of planning my wedding and the thought of people only rocking up for the very expensive reception pisses me off.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    If you are invited to both, you should go to both. I've had people only invite me to receptions in the past because the church was small.
  • mitchy0090
    mitchy0090 Posts: 18
    you go to the ceremony 100%. If you feel you dont know the couple well, stand / sit near the back and let closer friends and family near the front
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,207 Member
    I know in some cultures the ceremony is small with only close family and friends attending, then the reception is huge. In other cultures it is the opposite and absolutely everyone gets invited to watch the ceremony but the reception is smaller. Depends what you actually got invited to, really.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I have NEVER heard of that, ever. To me it seems rude & odd.

    I've seen the *opposite* quite a lot though. Especially in the area where I live, as big fancy weddings with dancing, liquor, etc, are fairly common among Catholic, Presbyterian & non-religious folks, but the larger masses of Southern Baptist and similar are generally opposed to those sinful ways ;-) Therefore you see a LOT of more conservative and/or senior guests who attend the ceremony and then leave before what they might consider a hedonistic & inappropriate reception.

    Not for the reasons above, but I've skipped a few receptions too. If someone I like invites me to their wedding I make every effort to attend the ceremony, bring a gift, and give them my heartfelt congrats after...but if the reception is several hours later and filled with people I don't know and/or do not like...I'll skip it.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
    I know in some cultures the ceremony is small with only close family and friends attending, then the reception is huge.

    This is how we have always done it in my family..
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?

    This
  • arainiday1
    arainiday1 Posts: 1,763 Member
    if you were invited to both, you go to both or don't go at all
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    I am going to have to agree not attending the ceremony is rude as hell!! Yes there is going to be a fabulous party that they paid for and you will have food and drinks most likely provided to you however the reason for that party is the joining of 2 peoples lives together.... THAT is the important part, the other part is just a bonus that the couple graciously provided for the guests lucky enough to attend. If someone had showed up for just my reception I would have most likely asked them to leave!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Were you actually invited to the wedding?
    Or just the reception?

    The invite had both. It's his friend so ultimately his decision but I just didn't think that was normal lol
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I know in some cultures the ceremony is small with only close family and friends attending, then the reception is huge.

    This is how we have always done it in my family..
    This.

    We have had events where we prepared for almost triple the guests at the reception with the understanding that people might be more free later on to attend what with kids sports and jobs that might happen during the day as well as some people want to bring "plus one's" and two's and threes to the festivities.

    There is this feeling that the ceremonies are more sacred or private and the reception is more "anything goes" and "the more the merrier". I'm talking about ceremonies overall...baptisms, quince anos, weddings, etc. and so on. Maybe it is a cultural thing.

    You should look to the invite for guidance. Or call the RSVP number for clarification.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,207 Member
    If the invite specified both, it would be rude to not go to both.

    ETA: unless you have a reason to not go to one, like a prior engagement.
  • healingnurtrer
    healingnurtrer Posts: 217 Member
    If invited to both I would go to both unless there was a real reason to skip one. (My wedding was in the morning and the reception was later in the evening after a family luncheon... if someone had plans they couldn't change in the morning but could make it to the reception, I wouldn't have been offended. Actually, I probably wouldn't have noticed.)
    But if the events are consecutive and you were invited to both... I'd go to both.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
    As others said it depends on the invite but it's very common where I'm from to have close friends and family to the ceremony and a smaller reception then have a big party at night for all comers
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I am going to have to agree not attending the ceremony is rude as hell!! Yes there is going to be a fabulous party that they paid for and you will have food and drinks most likely provided to you however the reason for that party is the joining of 2 peoples lives together.... THAT is the important part, the other part is just a bonus that the couple graciously provided for the guests lucky enough to attend. If someone had showed up for just my reception I would have most likely asked them to leave!

    I'm sorry I'm just not able to agree that not attending the wedding ceremony is "rude as hell".

    I've been to plenty where it's fully expected that not everyone will be at the ceremony. Often afterwards during pictures and whatnot we are excited to talk about who is bringing who to the reception and who we can expect to see...so and so's new boyfriend, what's her names gaggle of college girlfriends, that one aunt's comadre's who we haven't seen in years, the neighbors entire house full of kids even though only she and her husband attended the ceremony.

    I've never thought of this as a thing or "rude" or anything like that. I don't think anyone I know has ever mentioned it as such either.

    I am noticing however a kind of uncomfortable "currency" or "commodity" theme in this conversation though?

    As though wedding attendance and inviting is some kind of "payment" for the food and drinks provided? I've never thought of it that way. Is this a thing? There seems IMO too much emphasis on tit for tat in this area lately everytime I read any wedding etiquette related questions.

    When did weddings become an entertainment event for which the price of admission is ceremony attendance or an adequate gift?
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Just break up.


    Kidding.

    I am a wedding industry professional (that hates the wedding industry). I have heard couples b*tch about people just coming for the party and others that do not care. I would do both, unless there was a large gap of time between the ceremony and wedding.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    if you were invited to both, you go to both or don't go at all

    Why not at all?
    That's ridiculous.
  • Barbellarella_
    Barbellarella_ Posts: 454 Member
    I think that's only if you're Mormon. They usually separate them.
  • conqueringsquidlette
    conqueringsquidlette Posts: 383 Member
    If you're invited to both, you go to both.

    Sometimes you'll only be invited to the reception, though, because the ceremony is in a small facility (like a small church or the courthouse or something).

    ETA: Oh yeah, or it's a Mormon wedding and you're not allowed in the temple. They do the reception only invitations too, obviously.
  • Mommagoose4
    Mommagoose4 Posts: 132 Member
    Some invites are Reception ONLY then its ok. But if you have been invited to the wedding it would be rude to only go to the reception.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    Unless your invitation specifies reception only, you should go to the wedding. It's super rude to go nosh at the bride and groom's expense without actually sharing in their happy moment.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    here in Wisconsin, we do a wedding/reception/dance. you go to the wedding and the reception both, or if you don't go to either of those, as close family and friends do, you go only to the dance.
  • LilithLaquim
    LilithLaquim Posts: 16 Member
    Most people I know don't have a problem with someone only coming to one or the other-in fact, it's pretty common among my friends and family. If you're very close or it's a more religious ceremony, then going to the ceremony as well is probably more important, but for both my first wedding and the one I'm planning now, it was way more important to me that my friends come enjoy the celebration than that they see us signing civil paperwork.
  • ChoiceNotChance
    ChoiceNotChance Posts: 644 Member
    You definitely should attend the ceremony. There are some folks who will go to a ceremony that they're not invited to just to see it.
  • CrescentCityGirl
    CrescentCityGirl Posts: 123 Member
    I definitely agree with everyone who said go to the wedding first!!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    If you've been invited to both, unless there's some reason you can't go to one (like you don't get off of work until after the ceremony), you go to both.

    Even if all he wants is the "fun part," ie, the reception, it's still a nice show of support for his friend to go to the ceremony, too.
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    From what I understand this is true of some European cultures, but not generally accepted here in the US.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    I am going to have to agree not attending the ceremony is rude as hell!! Yes there is going to be a fabulous party that they paid for and you will have food and drinks most likely provided to you however the reason for that party is the joining of 2 peoples lives together.... THAT is the important part, the other part is just a bonus that the couple graciously provided for the guests lucky enough to attend. If someone had showed up for just my reception I would have most likely asked them to leave!

    I'm sorry I'm just not able to agree that not attending the wedding ceremony is "rude as hell".

    I've been to plenty where it's fully expected that not everyone will be at the ceremony. Often afterwards during pictures and whatnot we are excited to talk about who is bringing who to the reception and who we can expect to see...so and so's new boyfriend, what's her names gaggle of college girlfriends, that one aunt's comadre's who we haven't seen in years, the neighbors entire house full of kids even though only she and her husband attended the ceremony.

    I've never thought of this as a thing or "rude" or anything like that. I don't think anyone I know has ever mentioned it as such either.

    I am noticing however a kind of uncomfortable "currency" or "commodity" theme in this conversation though?

    As though wedding attendance and inviting is some kind of "payment" for the food and drinks provided? I've never thought of it that way. Is this a thing? There seems IMO too much emphasis on tit for tat in this area lately everytime I read any wedding etiquette related questions.

    When did weddings become an entertainment event for which the price of admission is ceremony attendance or an adequate gift?

    I guess things may be different in different areas?? Every wedding invite I have ever received has been an invitation to the ceremony and then in small print at the bottom it states either "adult reception to follow" or "reception to follow" and mine said the first of the 2. I have never received an invite for just the reception so in my experience not going to the ceremony would be "rude as hell" as that was what I was invited to. But, different strokes for different folks I suppose!

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