My husband needs help...

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BritniGarner
BritniGarner Posts: 61
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello,

I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?
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Replies

  • sfbaumgarten
    sfbaumgarten Posts: 912 Member
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    Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...
  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
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    Hello,

    I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?

    You answered your own question. Nothing will be done until he wants to change.
  • BritniGarner
    BritniGarner Posts: 61
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    Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...

    He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner
  • BritniGarner
    BritniGarner Posts: 61
    Options
    Hello,

    I need help with trying to motivate my husband to lose weight, he is 6ft and near 300 pounds. Muscle could be a factor but physically I know the fat is the main reason. He keeps complaining about his weight but doesn't want to do what it takes to lose it because he thinks there is no reason for him too. I am almost at my limit trying to tell and show him what will happen if he doesn't try to improve his health. I am the breadwinner of the home so I try to cut down or out his soda intake and fried foods. He one time had 48 soda cans in a week....and his smoking habit is of course not helping. I am trying to maintain his intake but at the same time I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?

    But it's hard to just sit on the sidelines and watch him hurt himself... I would feel. being his wife, I should help

    You answered your own question. Nothing will be done until he wants to change.
  • wanttolose40lbs
    wanttolose40lbs Posts: 239 Member
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    I talked (didn't nag) to my husband about MFP for about a year, then one day he said "yes" he would join. So, you can't make him do anything about his weight until he is ready.
  • mnardi123
    mnardi123 Posts: 59 Member
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    You appear too controlling. It sounds like the only thing he has control over is the food, soda and smoking. It has to be his choice and if you can't tell by my profile pic, my hubby has some weight to lose too (and health issues). Recently, my husband saw what fun I had after running a 5k and guess what? He made the decision to start walking. His choice.

    p.s. I would have really hurt if my husband went around telling people he was the breadwinner when I was unemployed and somehow had more power. I will tell you what I tell my 15 year old, "It's not that you may not be right, it's your tone that turns people's listening off"
  • BritniGarner
    BritniGarner Posts: 61
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    I understand what you ladies are saying, its just I want to try to motivate him at least. It hurts me to see him when he would have chest pains. It doesn't feel right to just let him keep doing what he is doing. I just don't want anything serious to happen to him.
  • runfatmanrun
    runfatmanrun Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...

    He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner

    Pretty sure she understood. It's more a matter that the way you wrote your post inferred that because you were the breadwinner you had the "authority" to control what he ate. At least that's how I read it. He's got to make the choice, no matter how much you want to control it. Good luck.
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
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    I understand what you ladies are saying, its just I want to try to motivate him at least. It hurts me to see him when he would have chest pains. It doesn't feel right to just let him keep doing what he is doing. I just don't want anything serious to happen to him.

    I don't know the man, but if a heart attack doesn't motivate him, what exactly do you think you're going to do that will be more significant?
  • BritniGarner
    BritniGarner Posts: 61
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    Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...

    He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner

    Pretty sure she understood. It's more a matter that the way you wrote your post inferred that because you were the breadwinner you had the "authority" to control what he ate. At least that's how I read it. He's got to make the choice, no matter how much you want to control it. Good luck.

    I am not trying to seem like I am gloating about the situation. That was not my intent in this whole thing. I am just trying to find a way to motivate him WITHOUT seeming like I am controlling.
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
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    See if he'll go to a lab and get blood tests.
  • CCSavage88
    CCSavage88 Posts: 191
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    I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?

    Start planning his funeral, ask him how he wants it done.
  • PinkCupcakes84
    PinkCupcakes84 Posts: 235 Member
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    I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?

    Start planning his funeral, ask him how he wants it done.

    ????????????????????????????????
  • jaygreen55
    jaygreen55 Posts: 315 Member
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    You can always make him sleep on the couch until he comes around
  • Chickee8586
    Chickee8586 Posts: 155 Member
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    Try having a conversation with him. Not one that says "I want..." but one that says "I feel..." Tell him how important he is to you and that living life without him would be more painful than anything you could ever comprehend. If you both want kids let him know that you want him to be there to see your kids grow up. To watch them play baseball, or be in a ballet recital, to see them graduate from high school, get married, have kids of their own.

    Think of everythiing you want to do in life WITH him and tell him about it. And then just say, "When you are ready, I'll be here for you."
  • BritniGarner
    BritniGarner Posts: 61
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    Try having a conversation with him. Not one that says "I want..." but one that says "I feel..." Tell him how important he is to you and that living life without him would be more painful than anything you could ever comprehend. If you both want kids let him know that you want him to be there to see your kids grow up. To watch them play baseball, or be in a ballet recital, to see them graduate from high school, get married, have kids of their own.

    Think of everythiing you want to do in life WITH him and tell him about it. And then just say, "When you are ready, I'll be here for you."

    Thank You, I will try that
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
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    I understand it is his own choice and I can't force him to change. But is it going to take? He has already had a heart attack at 18! What can I do?

    Start planning his funeral, ask him how he wants it done.

    Perfect.....
  • apgabriel915
    apgabriel915 Posts: 53 Member
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    Breadwinner? Cut down his food/drink intake? Just wow. Can't wait to come back and check on this thread later...

    He doesn't have a job so that is why I said that I am the breadwinner

    Pretty sure she understood. It's more a matter that the way you wrote your post inferred that because you were the breadwinner you had the "authority" to control what he ate. At least that's how I read it. He's got to make the choice, no matter how much you want to control it. Good luck.

    I am not trying to seem like I am gloating about the situation. That was not my intent in this whole thing. I am just trying to find a way to motivate him WITHOUT seeming like I am controlling.

    You can't. Simple as that. If my husband had any control of my weight loss I would have lost it long ago from his nagging. It was MY choice and the more he pushed, the less I cared. You have to let him figure it out on his own. You're more likely to push him away than help him. This coming from the spouse that was nagged.
  • roanokejoe49
    roanokejoe49 Posts: 820 Member
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    Seriously, do this: Take him for some blood work. Have a doctor explain the peril he is in. If that doesn't "scare him straight," nothing will.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    it is not our job to be in charge of anyone but ourselves. I don't think it would bother me to be married to someone with extra weight until we could not do things together because of it and then I would have to tell him his weight is making me do things without him like bike ride, ride in amusement park rides, walk etc and so he will be spending a lot of times by himself if he doesn't lose weight. Life is too short not to have fun and I would like to have fun with him but if not it will be with others.

    I would just go on with life and hopefully he will want to join you. Cant change him but maybe you can influence him to come along with you if he is alone enough. Maybe he is depressed over not finding work also. If he gets in shape he might get himself a job and keep his wife!

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