How would you feel?

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  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
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    I used to feel the same way in a previous relationship. I think a lot of it boiled down to maturity in both of us (being mindful of the impact of what you say) and my own personal insecurities. You won't be happy with anybody else until you're happy with yourself. You also can't put expectations on a SO to fix your own insecurities.
  • skrlec70
    skrlec70 Posts: 302 Member
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    ITS A GAME! don't fall for his ****, he wants this and wants that , this to get you to get a boob job, brazillian butt lift and wear stilettos,
    your perfect just the way you are. and um by his picture, no I wont go there but you get what I am saying :drinker: :flowerforyou:
  • dwalt15110
    dwalt15110 Posts: 246 Member
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    The sooner you part ways, the better.

    He has given you his list of what he feels his perfect woman should have and as you have stated, you don't fit all of the criteria. This will become the basis for him looking elsewhere. If will also be the way he can justify it, even though he will deny it.

    Picking on his attributes or lack thereof is not a way to handle it. It only brings you down to his level. Stay classy, drop him, and move on. There are plenty of men out there who would love to be with someone like you.
  • rushmama5
    rushmama5 Posts: 49 Member
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    O.K., so I'm a little bit jealous of you people with these idyllic relationships, but if somebody is retarded you have compassion, right? My husband is amazing in a lot of ways, but has probably hurt my feelings hundreds of times. What people say is not personal even though it seems so. It comes through the filter of their ego. My Husband has an ego inflated to the extent that I think of it as a sort of retardation and he needs to evolve into emotional maturity. For now he's just RETARDED. Ha Ha
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
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    Ah, I see. It's all about him and whether you live up to his standards. WRONG. Instantly lose 160+ pounds by dumping the bum. You deserve better.
    I love this!
  • Hemptastic410
    Hemptastic410 Posts: 5 Member
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    Relationships should enhance our lives...ask yourself is he making you a better person?Is he aiding you in your journey? Does he make you want to do more for yourself, him and others?If you answered no to any of these questions you may be the victim of a joy stealer, these people are passive aggressive emotion terrorist. We will never now if it's on purpose or not, which doesn't matter. The point is your unhappy, don't waste your good youthful years trying to decode anyones bulls*&t. Focus on your goals and yourself.
  • Sherbear1109
    Sherbear1109 Posts: 155 Member
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    Sorry, but if I were in your situation, I would show him the door and make sure it hit him in the rear on the way out. Your mate should be in it with you at your highs, your lows, and all your in betweens. Whether you're talking about weight, work, or whatever.
  • MelisMusing
    MelisMusing Posts: 421 Member
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    Please go with your second, very apt "well F&*% you" response. Because I guarantee you for as much he thinks you're not perfect- he is even less so. Keep progressing with your goals for YOU -- not for him.
  • dancingdeer
    dancingdeer Posts: 379 Member
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    Well - that would be the last conversation I had with said boyfriend. If he doesn't treat you well and respect you now, he never will. You can do better!!
  • Melonpaul
    Melonpaul Posts: 323 Member
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    Your significant other should be supportive and caring they should not pick you apart.

    Personally, I wouldn't stand for it. I don't love my body but it's mine and I accept it. I'm trying to better it but I cannot morph it into something that is ideal for someone else. If I'm changing anything, it'll be for me.
  • Hippiemomof4
    Hippiemomof4 Posts: 10 Member
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    I dont know your situation, but I do know this. I have a very happy marriage, never once...no not once...has he EVER compared me to another woman. When I say, man I need to lose 50 pounds he says..well if thats what you feel like you need to do for you then Ill help you.

    Now we have had conversations that start like..if you could pick five celebrities that if asked you would have a free pass to shag..who would they be...but it's in good fun. we know that brangelina isn't going to show up at our door for a night of wonton bliss..lol. He has never used that conversation to make me feel bad about what attributes I dont have. and no matter what his type may be..he is gracious and thankful that he has me. He is encouraging in all of my endeavors and always seeks to lift me up. and I try my very hardest to do the same for him because thats what you do when you love someone for who they are, and not for what benefit you think they may bring to your life.

    If that isnt the case for you than why waste your time giving your heart and body to a person who doesnt appreciate it..life is just too short for that.
  • hzliiz
    hzliiz Posts: 166 Member
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    So listen...

    1) If he doesn't make you feel loved and desired and supported, he's doing it wrong. Period.

    2) I checked out your pics -- he's not bad looking but I think you're out of his league, and that's just a shallow assessment based on looks. Personality wise it seems your playing a different game altogether.

    Be with someone who makes you feel like your best self when you're with him, and who you can do the same for.
  • rushmama5
    rushmama5 Posts: 49 Member
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    Is it wrong for me to want to be with a man that cant keep his hands off me, instead of constantly pointing out my flaws or pointing out other girls perks to me.

    Nope -- in my opinion, it's RIGHT to insist on those things.

    In the past I was married to a man who thought I was just great - but he was actually most attracted to a totally different type of woman...no makeup, short and fairly skinny, who likes to hang out at the lake, drink beer, and chain-smoke. He often kinda fawned over this type of woman, even more so if she was a heavily tattooed waitress in a restaurant who was clearly down on her luck, with a sob story, etc.. So, the TOTAL opposite of me in every way. I always knew that I wasn't really his type, and kind of felt like we were settling for e/o physically because we were both very obese.

    My current husband has a *thing* for nerdy, independent chicks with curves/hips, the taller the better, loves dark hair and fair skin, and so on. I am almost stereotypically "his type" and I feel every single day how attracted he is to me. It's the exact same thing from my end, he is a redhead (my thing) and gorgeously my type.

    In my opinion...YOU DESERVE THAT (mutual attraction to the extreme)!!! I waited until I was 35 to have that and I wish I hadn't settled in the past.

    I don't really understand the criticism your boyfriend is giving to you. I do think it can be a slippery slope toward abusive and control but I also think it sounds more likely that he's just not so bright ;-/ Maybe he feels like you are a confident woman who can "handle it"...he needs a serious reality check.

    Obviously I don't know all of the ins and outs of your entire relationship based on 1 forum post. But I would probably consider this a pretty serious issue.

    Well thought out response and in the right spirit of concern > I was distracted by the 82 POUNDS! WAY to GO!
  • rushmama5
    rushmama5 Posts: 49 Member
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    Take CAUTION you people that are commenting on her pics. You may be commenting on pics of guys that are her friends, so then you would be insulting a mfp friend from this site( instead of her taste in men)regardless, how about a PAUSE before posting something regrettable.
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
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    Relationships and marriage are hard enough without that kind of crap. He needs to either get in line or get shown the door.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    If my boyfriend (who I've been with for three years) had EVER said something like that to me, he would not be my boyfriend any more.

    It's fine for people to have preferences. It's not fine to put other people down - especially someone you're dating! - because they don't fit your *personal* preferences.

    I've never liked body hair on guys. My bf is one of the hairiest guys I've ever met. He's still the sexiest man in the world to me. He likes natural redheads; I'm naturally blonde (though dye my hair red-blonde because I like it better that way) and I know he still thinks I'm seriously hot stuff. That's the way it's supposed to be. If your boyfriend makes you feel like crap about yourself, you deserve so, SO much better.

    Also, I work with victims of domestic violence so I'm extra sensitive to this stuff, but just a note: constantly putting someone down in a relationship, especially when the person KNOWS it will hurt the other person's feelings, is one of the earliest signs of abuse.
  • 56_Bella
    56_Bella Posts: 1
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    Why do people reply to only say things like "my boyfriend is the complete opposite of this?" how does that help.....
  • hstoblish
    hstoblish Posts: 234 Member
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    When I was about your age I was dating a guy who would make comments about my body. I was actually borderline underweight and it very nearly became a problem for me.

    You look great. You seem sharp. Why are you with someone who makes you feel less than anything or anyone else.

    My husband will never convince me that I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on, but I know he loves me and the way that I look.

    And here's the thing. Back when I was with that ex. The guy who made me feel fat when I was so thin that people in my life thought I had an ED. That guy? My husband was right there. He was dating someone else, but we were friends. I never thought a guy as cool as him would be into me. And he didn't think a girl as "pretty as me" would be into him. He was. I was. And holy hell, 9 years later and the way he looks at me makes me feel like the only woman in the world. And that alone was worth my decision not to settle. Funny thing, I still have nightmares that I'm with my ex still and that someone important is missing from my life, and I go looking for my husband. I wake up so relived and so happy.

    If you are seriously thinking of breaking up with him, or seriously questioning your relationship, here are some things to consider: how does your family react to your bf? Your closest brother, sister, parent etc. the people who know you best. Do they like him? Do they like how he treats you? When they laugh at his jokes, is it their real laugh? Do they just seem to tolerate him? How about your best friend? My experience has been that your close friends and family (barring any dysfunction there), are great judges of who suits you and treats you well. If they love you, they'll want the best for you.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    I wouldn't waste my time with that guy. Your significant other should make you feel good, not bring you down or make you feel insecure. He's clearly not the man for you. :flowerforyou:
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
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    I hate to say it, but your boyfriend sounds like an insensitive jerk, at best. There's no way that he could be completely unaware of how you would feel upon hearing these unsolicited preferences. I won't even speculate on his motives, but his actions are frankly insulting. Personally, I would simply not put up with being with a man who treated me that way.

    Just trust that not all men behave that way and you deserve much better.

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