Boyfriend's Mom Is Unreasonable. Help?
kassiebby1124
Posts: 927 Member
My boyfriend is 19 and in college. He and I have been dating half a year as of this past Monday. His mom can't stand the fact he has a girlfriend. I haven't seen him since school ended. We planned this trip I was supposed to take today 3 weeks ago. He got consent that I could come. Well apparently, I can't anymore because his mom said no because she doesn't want him to date period. I'm sorry but it's unreasonable to assume your son is NEVER going to date. She keeps telling him to make his own decisions but literally decides everything for him and he's afraid to go against her because he's liable to get kicked out. I spent my night crying because this is stupid and upsetting and I don't know what to do anymore. Help?
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Replies
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change your boyfriend0
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If he's living with his mom and she's basically taking care of him right now, I'm not sure you're going to win this battle.0
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That's what I don't get. Don't parents want their kids to make decisions for themselves?If he's living with his mom and she's basically taking care of him right now, I'm not sure you're going to win this battle.0 -
Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.0 -
Your boyfriend has no b***s. Useless0
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So you feel they aren't allowed to go on dates or see people? I'm not trying to argue, just understand your point of view. I turn 20 this year and well, I feel like experiences should be encouraged as long as you have guidance because in their household it's "mom is always right or you get out." That doesn't make for good decision making, in my opinion. I understand I need to focus on college and I am but I also believe that there needs to be a barrier between school and play for forming relationships aids in that.Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.0 -
So according to missjay's post, all the son can expect on a Saturday night is a date with Mrs Palmer?0
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Yes, make absolutely no mistakes in life so you can learn nothing at all. And dont start dating until your at least 21Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.0 -
You're adults, act accordingly.0
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Lol. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't change her mind. Because she was originally okay with it. He's been home with my family before. My family likes him. I just don't know why his mom is so cross with me when I've never met her. He raised his GPA last semester after we got together because we studied and I pushed him to try harder. He has a job. I have 1 and an internship. I just don't understand.So according to missjay's post, all the son can expect on a Saturday night is a date with Mrs Palmer?0 -
I've been telling him that but she pays for his tuition. Her mindset is screwed up. I've been saying that at some point she's gonna have to accept it or tolerate it but that won't happen unless we both do something to persuade her to make a decisionYou're adults, act accordingly.0 -
Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.
:huh:0 -
Some mums are very protective of their kids and the idea of their son being in a relationship and loving another woman is probably frightening to her.
It's a matter of waiting for your boyfriend to feel that it is the time to put his foot down and say "I'm 19, I can have a girlfriend if I want."
You are both not children.
I've been in a similar situation to you before, and it didn't work. I couldn't stand being 18 years old, an adult. and having some woman hate me and interfere with my relationship because I wanted to care for her son too. I never wanted to take him away from her - that would be ridiculous.
Time will help you decide with this situation. It's about how you feel, because his mum may never come round to it, and if he really was bothered by his mum, he would just stand up to her and say that he's old enough to make his own decisions on whether he can have a girlfriend or not. Make sure you don't jeopardise your own happiness for a boy.
I left my unhappy relationship and on my 19th birthday I started seeing someone else. I'm not nearly 21 and I'm engaged to this man. I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Message me if you want to chat!0 -
Congrats on your engagement! And I want to continue to be with him. I just don't know what changed her mind.Some mums are very protective of their kids and the idea of their son being in a relationship and loving another woman is probably frightening to her.
It's a matter of waiting for your boyfriend to feel that it is the time to put his foot down and say "I'm 19, I can have a girlfriend if I want."
You are both not children.
I've been in a similar situation to you before, and it didn't work. I couldn't stand being 18 years old, an adult. and having some woman hate me and interfere with my relationship because I wanted to care for her son too. I never wanted to take him away from her - that would be ridiculous.
Time will help you decide with this situation. It's about how you feel, because his mum may never come round to it, and if he really was bothered by his mum, he would just stand up to her and say that he's old enough to make his own decisions on whether he can have a girlfriend or not. Make sure you don't jeopardise your own happiness for a boy.
I left my unhappy relationship and on my 19th birthday I started seeing someone else. I'm not nearly 21 and I'm engaged to this man. I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Message me if you want to chat!0 -
Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?0 -
Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?
This. You're both still very young. I'm sure you're very upset now, but later, in retrospect, you will see that this might have been a good thing. There is nothing worse that trying to compete with a man's mama - because unless he wants you to - you will never win.0 -
I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?0 -
I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?
& where are you staying?
Also, she can hardly keep you from going to a public theme park. But if you're planning on staying at her house, that's a different battle.0 -
19...adults...
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I'd be coming home this evening. I wasn't planning on staying in the city. Just a day trip, as one would take the to beach or anything else. But she "forbids" him to leave because..well. I don't know. Because she said so.
I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?
& where are you staying?
Also, she can hardly keep you from going to a public theme park. But if you're planning on staying at her house, that's a different battle.0 -
I'd be coming home this evening. I wasn't planning on staying in the city. Just a day trip, as one would take the to beach or anything else. But she "forbids" him to leave because..well. I don't know. Because she said so.
I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.Where is the trip to?
Is she footing the bill?
& where are you staying?
Also, she can hardly keep you from going to a public theme park. But if you're planning on staying at her house, that's a different battle.
Maybe he just doesn't want you to go..0 -
Run. Run fast. Run far. Do not look back and be glad you got away.0
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Google "Oedipal complex. "
I've been telling him that but she pays for his tuition. Her mindset is screwed up. I've been saying that at some point she's gonna have to accept it or tolerate it but that won't happen unless we both do something to persuade her to make a decisionYou're adults, act accordingly.0 -
If mommy is footing his bills, and mommy is providing food and shelter then like the rules or not, he needs to adhere.
Only a fool would walk away from that for a girl at 19
If he wants the full responsibility of an adult, then the option is to move out.... Not a wise move for him
If you want a boyfriend who has the same freedoms your parents give you, this guy is not him
Dry your tears and move on.... Or if this guy is that important to you and he feels the same, then WAIT. A new concept for younger people in 2014 but it is an available option. Him focusing on school and not dating right now will not hamper his decision making abilities as an adult, and is probably a GOOD thing for him..... So if you care about him, why so upset? Do you not want the best for this guy?0 -
That's a thought but I'm feeling like after he already bought a ticket (and I'm the driver) that wouldn't be the case. And if you feel the need pose the idea he's cheating or meeting someone else, just don't because that doesn't seem likely either. I came for advice and while a lot of you all have been helpful and I greatly appreciate your input, some of you guys aren't contributing anything.Maybe he just doesn't want you to go..0 -
He's an ADULT - tell him to M.T.F.U ... or rip his man card up0
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Sounds more like the mom doesn't want him dating you for whatever reason.0
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I've read this three times and can't see the fitness question.
What am I missing here?0 -
He doesn't have one. I can tell you that. He doesn't like his mom. but he respects her, hence this situation.Google "Oedipal complex. "
@Nissi- of course I want the best for him. It's that she makes all the decisions for him when he's not at school that I disagree with.0 -
That's a thought but I'm feeling like after he already bought a ticket (and I'm the driver) that wouldn't be the case. And if you feel the need pose the idea he's cheating or meeting someone else, just don't because that doesn't seem likely either. I came for advice and while a lot of you all have been helpful and I greatly appreciate your input, some of you guys aren't contributing anything.Maybe he just doesn't want you to go..
Well I would suggest talking to him.
None of us here on the internetz know your story, know your relationship, so it's always a guess.
He's probably cheating..
or he doesn't want to leave his mom
or he doesn't want you to go
or there are a hundred other reasons..
The good news is that you're 19, you're young. You've got a bunch of other boyfriends coming your way.
Good luck!0
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