Boyfriend's Mom Is Unreasonable. Help?

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Replies

  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Where is the trip to?
    Is she footing the bill?
    I was driving 2 hours to his house, we were going to a theme park 30 mins from his house. We both have jobs and are paying our own way.

    & where are you staying?

    Also, she can hardly keep you from going to a public theme park. But if you're planning on staying at her house, that's a different battle.
    I'd be coming home this evening. I wasn't planning on staying in the city. Just a day trip, as one would take the to beach or anything else. But she "forbids" him to leave because..well. I don't know. Because she said so.

    Maybe he just doesn't want you to go..
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Run. Run fast. Run far. Do not look back and be glad you got away.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    You're adults, act accordingly.
    I've been telling him that but she pays for his tuition. Her mindset is screwed up. I've been saying that at some point she's gonna have to accept it or tolerate it but that won't happen unless we both do something to persuade her to make a decision
    Google "Oedipal complex. "
  • Nissi51
    Nissi51 Posts: 381 Member
    If mommy is footing his bills, and mommy is providing food and shelter then like the rules or not, he needs to adhere.

    Only a fool would walk away from that for a girl at 19

    If he wants the full responsibility of an adult, then the option is to move out.... Not a wise move for him

    If you want a boyfriend who has the same freedoms your parents give you, this guy is not him

    Dry your tears and move on.... Or if this guy is that important to you and he feels the same, then WAIT. A new concept for younger people in 2014 but it is an available option. Him focusing on school and not dating right now will not hamper his decision making abilities as an adult, and is probably a GOOD thing for him..... So if you care about him, why so upset? Do you not want the best for this guy?
  • kassiebby1124
    kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
    Maybe he just doesn't want you to go..
    That's a thought but I'm feeling like after he already bought a ticket (and I'm the driver) that wouldn't be the case. And if you feel the need pose the idea he's cheating or meeting someone else, just don't because that doesn't seem likely either. I came for advice and while a lot of you all have been helpful and I greatly appreciate your input, some of you guys aren't contributing anything.
  • Shropshire1959
    Shropshire1959 Posts: 982 Member
    He's an ADULT - tell him to M.T.F.U ... or rip his man card up
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
    Sounds more like the mom doesn't want him dating you for whatever reason.
  • slimster1970
    slimster1970 Posts: 65 Member
    I've read this three times and can't see the fitness question.

    What am I missing here?
  • kassiebby1124
    kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
    Google "Oedipal complex. "
    He doesn't have one. I can tell you that. He doesn't like his mom. but he respects her, hence this situation.

    @Nissi- of course I want the best for him. It's that she makes all the decisions for him when he's not at school that I disagree with.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Maybe he just doesn't want you to go..
    That's a thought but I'm feeling like after he already bought a ticket (and I'm the driver) that wouldn't be the case. And if you feel the need pose the idea he's cheating or meeting someone else, just don't because that doesn't seem likely either. I came for advice and while a lot of you all have been helpful and I greatly appreciate your input, some of you guys aren't contributing anything.

    h8evry1.gif

    Well I would suggest talking to him.

    None of us here on the internetz know your story, know your relationship, so it's always a guess.

    He's probably cheating..
    or he doesn't want to leave his mom
    or he doesn't want you to go
    or there are a hundred other reasons..

    The good news is that you're 19, you're young. You've got a bunch of other boyfriends coming your way.

    Good luck!
  • kassiebby1124
    kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
    I've read this three times and can't see the fitness question.

    What am I missing here?
    Because this section of the forum is targeted towards "fitness"

    @Jigsaw- Heh I agree. But i've never met her so I dunno why.
  • bloodyhonest
    bloodyhonest Posts: 196 Member
    19...adults...

    tumblr_inline_n5yefgDZUO1rxfhu4.gif



    old-muppet-guys-laughing.gif
  • Shropshire1959
    Shropshire1959 Posts: 982 Member
    What am I missing here?

    A sense of humour.

    It's in the Chit-chat forum - anything goes :grumble:
  • kassiebby1124
    kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
    What am I missing here?

    A sense of humour.

    It's in the Chit-chat forum - anything goes :grumble:
    Lol thank you <3
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Google "Oedipal complex. "
    He doesn't have one. I can tell you that. He doesn't like his mom. but he respects her, hence this situation.

    @Nissi- of course I want the best for him. It's that she makes all the decisions for him when he's not at school that I disagree with.
    He doesn't have to like her to have one. I have been exactly where you are. This will not end well.
  • kassiebby1124
    kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
    h8evry1.gif

    Well I would suggest talking to him.

    None of us here on the internetz know your story, know your relationship, so it's always a guess.

    He's probably cheating..
    or he doesn't want to leave his mom
    or he doesn't want you to go
    or there are a hundred other reasons..

    The good news is that you're 19, you're young. You've got a bunch of other boyfriends coming your way.

    Good luck!
    We spoke last night and he's going to try and talk to his mother again because from the conversation, he really does seem like he wants to go. I know that his siblings have kind of made poor decisions, so I get where she's coming from. But I don't think going to Carowinds for a day is going to that detrimental to his life. Or even having a girlfriend as long as we maintain focus on school first, which we have.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    h8evry1.gif

    Well I would suggest talking to him.

    None of us here on the internetz know your story, know your relationship, so it's always a guess.

    He's probably cheating..
    or he doesn't want to leave his mom
    or he doesn't want you to go
    or there are a hundred other reasons..

    The good news is that you're 19, you're young. You've got a bunch of other boyfriends coming your way.

    Good luck!
    We spoke last night and he's going to try and talk to his mother again because from the conversation, he really does seem like he wants to go. I know that his siblings have kind of made poor decisions, so I get where she's coming from. But I don't think going to Carowinds for a day is going to that detrimental to his life. Or even having a girlfriend as long as we maintain focus on school first, which we have.

    So what would you like us all to say or do?
    You're not telling us the whole story, and no matter what anyone says you're trying to discredit it...
  • missjay001
    missjay001 Posts: 24
    Here's my honest opinion: I agree with the mom on this one. I believe that until a kid is out of the house, has graduated, found a decent job and makes enough money to take care of themselves and a potential baby (just in case) then they can't a girlfriend or boyfriend.

    Right now you need to focus on your education and career. Crying over a boy at this age is not worth it because 10 years from now you might look back and wonder why you ever bothered with him. Because your taste in men would have changed / evolved. And also because right now, it's not easy to tell which boy will turn into a real man and which boy will stay a boy. And you don't wanna be stuck with the wrong one.
    So you feel they aren't allowed to go on dates or see people? I'm not trying to argue, just understand your point of view. I turn 20 this year and well, I feel like experiences should be encouraged as long as you have guidance because in their household it's "mom is always right or you get out." That doesn't make for good decision making, in my opinion. I understand I need to focus on college and I am but I also believe that there needs to be a barrier between school and play for forming relationships aids in that.

    No worries, it's good that you came here to ask questions. And to answer your question: No I don't believe in parents who think it's their way, or the highway. Debates / conversations need to happen just like we are having here. Compromises need to be made where the parents / kids win some battles but lose others, ...?

    And there's a lot of other experiences that can be encouraged such as traveling, working, starting a small business, socializing with friends, volunteering, ....

    But for sexual experiences, I still think that it's best to wait until you are financially independent. And you sound like a smart kid, so it might take you only a couple years. is a couple years going to kill you ? And trust me you will still have plenty of time / opportunities to experience, make mistakes and learn from them. The difference is you will suffer a softet landing as you will have the maturity, independence, and $$$ to fix / deal with the mistakes / consequences however, whenever you want it.
  • nz_deevaa
    nz_deevaa Posts: 12,209 Member
    Maybe it's you.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    Here's the thing: Talk to your bf and explain your feelings. Either he will make things right or he won't. I know it's disappointing, but sometimes things happen that we really hate and later they turn out to be for the best.

    You're young. Go have some fun!

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