Say wha?!?!? Worlds most awkward conversation starters

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  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Never seen or talked to this elderly volunteer at work before. Her: "Excuse me can i ask you something?" Me : "Sure!" Her: " How do you get your pants on? They seem tight and i dont understand "...:indifferent:

    Tried to check your profile for examples but it is private. Either he was senile or your pants were too tight. I am not in a good position to judge without photographic evidence.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
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    When I was about 12, a friend and I traveled to Culver City on the city bus (first and last time I ever rode a city bus). She ended up ditching me there and being the young, sneaky, adolescent I was, my dad had no idea, so I couldn't call him to come pick me up.

    (we took 3 buses to get there, so it wasn't like walking distance away from Manhattan Beach)

    So, I get on the bus by myself and pray to god I remember the way back and which buses to take. On the last bus a woman sits next to me with visible whiskers. Her elevator clearly didn't go to the top floor, either. I'm this little mousy, timid creature next to her with my arms tightly wrapped around my backpack just wanting to remain invisible. After 20 minutes I think she realizes I'm even there and turns to me and asks if I can scratch her back. I played the innocent child card: "I can't touch strangers." I was almost too scared to decline her request, but more terrified to follow through. That's why I never rode anymore buses.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
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    When I was about 16 we lived a block from my grandmother's house. I would walk to visit her and walk back.

    Once I was on my way back from a visit (wow, this sounds very Big Bad Wolfy) and these guys drove by.

    One of them yelled/asked "you're beautiful! got any Italian in you??" and I laughed, caught of guard and said "yes...why?"

    I obv had never heard it before. Because when he replied he said...

    "O - I was going to ask if you wanted some!"

    I seriously still laugh about it.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    I generally don't start conversations with strangers. I just start humping their legs. It doesn't go over so well. I'll know I've found my soul mate when I hump a random guy at the grocery store and he doesn't start yelling at me. :love:

    Sorry about the mess......I got so excited I couldn't help it.
  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
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    Never seen or talked to this elderly volunteer at work before. Her: "Excuse me can i ask you something?" Me : "Sure!" Her: " How do you get your pants on? They seem tight and i dont understand "...:indifferent:

    Tried to check your profile for examples but it is private. Either he was senile or your pants were too tight. I am not in a good position to judge without photographic evidence.

    Haha it was a woman but my pants are not tight, But they do fit me well. I showed her how i could pull atleast 3 inches of material off of my thigh
  • Go_Deskercise
    Go_Deskercise Posts: 1,630 Member
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    Man came into my office to do some training on a new software we are using. I had never met this man in my life, but the first thing he says to me (before even saying hi) was "Are you mixed? I have a friend that looks just like you and she's half Mexican" ..... Awkward lol. Who starts a first time conversation like that?????
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
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    Most awkward:

    I was bartending and turned around to put money into the register and heard "Damn girl! I ain't never seen a butt like that on a white girl before!" (Said by a Native American "gentleman")

    Umm....Thanks?? :huh:
  • mamaoftwins9197
    mamaoftwins9197 Posts: 142 Member
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    When my twins were babies, a woman came up to me in a parking lot and asked if they were twins (this happened all the time).
    When I said yes, she said "they can't be; that one has to be at least six months older than the other..."

    Her husband and I exchanged looks. It was just awkward.
    The questions you get with twins are just incredible! When I was pregnant with mine, we would have people ask all the time "how did you get twins"...to me that is the equivalent of asking if I had fertility issues...none of your damn business. My ex husband finally got so sick of that questions, he told some random stranger in Target who asked that "we did it twice". They made some funky face and so he told them "we switched positions to get a boy and girl". Some questions are worth asking, some just aren't!
  • nyboer
    nyboer Posts: 346 Member
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    -.-

    I thought of another awkward conversation starter, equal parts my fault and the other person's fault. I was at a gas station and a guy fueling up behind me goes, "Do you like it?" and points vaguely towards the back of my car. Now, at the time, I had a sign taped on the inside of my back window that read BURRITO ON BOARD. I thought this was hilarious. So when he said, "Do you like it?" I said, "Yes, I love burritos." He looked at me with the most confused expression that instantly told me I had 1. Misheard him. 2. Was very stupid. "No I meant your car. That's a mini cooper, right?" I nodded, said something about it being the best car ever, and got out of there asap.

    :laugh: ohmygawd. made my day.
  • McCluskey1128
    McCluskey1128 Posts: 88 Member
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    I had a girl come up to me at a bar and tell me that she was going to get trashed so she couldn't remember me in the morning. I did not know her, and did not want to have sex with her.

    Then she punched a friend of mine because he wasn't gay. I don't even know.

    OMG Just LOL'd so loud at my desk I had to close the door.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Never seen or talked to this elderly volunteer at work before. Her: "Excuse me can i ask you something?" Me : "Sure!" Her: " How do you get your pants on? They seem tight and i dont understand "...:indifferent:

    Tried to check your profile for examples but it is private. Either he was senile or your pants were too tight. I am not in a good position to judge without photographic evidence.

    Haha it was a woman but my pants are not tight, But they do fit me well. I showed her how i could pull atleast 3 inches of material off of my thigh

    man....woman......potato.......potatoe.......I still don't know if your pants are too tight.
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
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    As a bartender in Odessa, TX and a guy walks up to me and, straight up says

    "I want you to have my abortion."

    WTF?! :noway:


    I asked him if that actually ever worked on anyone. He said yes.
    :sick:

    I just walked away and had my partner serve him.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,129 Member
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    As a bartender in Odessa, TX and a guy walks up to me and, straight up says

    "I want you to have my abortion."

    WTF?! :noway:


    I asked him if that actually ever worked on anyone. He said yes.
    :sick:

    I just walked away and had my partner serve him.

    It's a line from Fight Club.
  • nyboer
    nyboer Posts: 346 Member
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    When my twins were babies, a woman came up to me in a parking lot and asked if they were twins (this happened all the time).
    When I said yes, she said "they can't be; that one has to be at least six months older than the other..."

    Her husband and I exchanged looks. It was just awkward.
    The questions you get with twins are just incredible! When I was pregnant with mine, we would have people ask all the time "how did you get twins"...to me that is the equivalent of asking if I had fertility issues...none of your damn business. My ex husband finally got so sick of that questions, he told some random stranger in Target who asked that "we did it twice". They made some funky face and so he told them "we switched positions to get a boy and girl". Some questions are worth asking, some just aren't!

    On the twin subject...

    Two sets of twins in my family (not mine)

    Set One: Boy/Girl
    Set Two: Black haired boy/Blond haired boy

    Both sets of parents have been asked multiple times, "Oh - twins?!...Are they identical?" Seriously?

    ...why yes, as a matter of fact they are...
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    As a bartender in Odessa, TX and a guy walks up to me and, straight up says

    "I want you to have my abortion."

    WTF?! :noway:


    I asked him if that actually ever worked on anyone. He said yes.
    :sick:

    I just walked away and had my partner serve him.

    ^ Wow, never heard that one before :noway:
  • mygnsac
    mygnsac Posts: 13,413 Member
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    1) Having a glass of wine and a stranger walks up to lecture you about not drinking when you are pregnant...but you are not pregnant.

    2) Wow, you look good today! Impling you usually look like cr*p.

    3) I'm having a bad hair day today too...but you thought you were having a good hair day.

    4) I was at a restaurant with my 70 year old Dad the other day and the young waitress came to the table and and said we were such a cute couple and asked how log we've been married. I still shudder over that one! She was so embarrassed when I quickly set her straight!!
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
    Options
    As a bartender in Odessa, TX and a guy walks up to me and, straight up says

    "I want you to have my abortion."

    WTF?! :noway:


    I asked him if that actually ever worked on anyone. He said yes.
    :sick:

    I just walked away and had my partner serve him.

    It's a line from Fight Club.

    A movie I have not seen in its entirety.
  • mamaoftwins9197
    mamaoftwins9197 Posts: 142 Member
    Options
    When my twins were babies, a woman came up to me in a parking lot and asked if they were twins (this happened all the time).
    When I said yes, she said "they can't be; that one has to be at least six months older than the other..."

    Her husband and I exchanged looks. It was just awkward.
    The questions you get with twins are just incredible! When I was pregnant with mine, we would have people ask all the time "how did you get twins"...to me that is the equivalent of asking if I had fertility issues...none of your damn business. My ex husband finally got so sick of that questions, he told some random stranger in Target who asked that "we did it twice". They made some funky face and so he told them "we switched positions to get a boy and girl". Some questions are worth asking, some just aren't!

    On the twin subject...

    Two sets of twins in my family (not mine)

    Set One: Boy/Girl
    Set Two: Black haired boy/Blond haired boy

    Both sets of parents have been asked multiple times, "Oh - twins?!...Are they identical?" Seriously?

    ...why yes, as a matter of fact they are...
    Someone asked me once if my boy/girl twins were identical. When I said no, they asked how I knew...um, cuz one has a penis!
  • ShannonS921
    ShannonS921 Posts: 194
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    It's not really a conversation starter, but the most awkward interaction I've had with a stranger was something like this: My husband, myself, and our toddler went to a shop to get him new glasses. The woman that was helping him out said, "Oh my gosh, what a CUTE baby!" We had never seen her before or interacted before, and yet she proceeded to pick her up, toss her in the air and blow raspberries on her cheek.

    My baby started crying and screaming as soon as she picked her up. You've never seen a mom flip out like I did in that moment.

    Oh HELL no! I'd have been arrested on that day...

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