Girl problems.

arfuss
arfuss Posts: 90 Member
in Chit-Chat
i am a 21 year old male. I grew up living with my mother only. Never had a father around me.. I recently moved out on my own. Got no jobb etc but living on goverment money. But applying for jobs.

I am struggling really bad with girls.. I cant stop thinking about girls and sexual stuff. Im not just thinking about sex. I love cuddling and just being around girls.. But i dont know what to say or talk about.

My mother never learned me anything. All i learnt from her was being kind to people and have a clean home..


But i feel this has handicapped me.. I was spoliled, got what i want, did what i wanted.. Now im struggling with getting girls.. Flirting with girls etc.. I have no idea how i am suppose to flirt with girls at all. And i dont know how to see if a girl is flirting wit hme.

I know i am kind, hold good eye contact and speak releaxed. But i dont know what i can do to get a girl attracted to me and make her want to spend quality time with me.

I am kinda a loner.. But i know i am beautiful but i feel like a ugly duckling... or like Rudolph the raindeer.

I just need advice from other Males and females aswell.. This is something that is really affecting my self confidence.. I feel guilty when i see a gorgeous girl in the street, or on the buss etc.. And im not able to approach her and attract her.. I have never approached a girl like that before.. I dont feel "Anxious" about it.. just dosent feel like something i could be able to do..

Sorry for a whiny thread maybe.. But i just let everything out.. I need answers and guidance

Thanks for all advice/help guys/galls
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Replies

  • kiarafitjourney
    kiarafitjourney Posts: 33 Member
    First, you're cute. So dont worry much about it.
    Those kind of things (speaks to girl etc) actually happens naturally. You dont have to jump on a cute girl you met on street and woo her. Lol. I'd be freak out if i was that girl.
    So what im trying to say is, dont sweat it, like maybe once you got a job you'll meet someone there.
  • Hammybone
    Hammybone Posts: 36 Member
    Guilty?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    My mother never learned me anything.

    :huh:
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    Guilty?

    I think maybe he meant 'unworthy' :blushing:
    that stuck out to me too :tongue:
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)

    +1

    This post is really true.

    I'm not that interested in dating. At all. I have had guys hit on me randomly, or ask for my number. Since I'm not interested, I tell them no. I do it politely (provided they're polite, mind you). And if they are nice about it, and polite, it flatters me. We remember those things.

    My best advice is not to force anything. When flirting is forced, it feels uncomfortable to both parties. Likewise, just as this poster said, stop thinking that you have to make girls be attracted to you. You are either attracted to a person, or you're not. Both girls and guys are like this. Instead, think about how you are going to know whether someone is interested. And that if she isn't, that's okay.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    Normally, I would say that online dating no longer has the stigma it once did, and many people meet their mates online and live happily ever after. However, I must warn you, when putting yourself out there through a written medium such as online profiles and messaging and forums, you really need to know how to write correctly, or else you're doing yourself more harm than good. I mean, spelling and grammar matter when communicating through writing. You won't be taken as seriously and you won't attract intelligent women if you write as though your school never "learned" you anything either.

    That being said, you are an attractive man, so you should have no problems attracting women in person. Perhaps hang out in places where women your age might congregate. Take a book to the neighborhood bar during the day when people aren't just there getting drunk. Take a camera to a park and walk around taking photos. Find a hobby you enjoy and see if there are any meetup groups in your area. There's lots of ways and places to meet people.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't.

    Just keep putting yourself out there. Approach all girls. Even that ones you would not have sex with. You will find what works for you and can run with that.
  • TrevorJ76
    TrevorJ76 Posts: 33
    OP, at the risk of soundng callous, you have to find ways to learn to suck it up. I say learn to, and not just "suck it up, buttercup" because I mean learn about yourself--what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Find ways to fix it and find ways to take you mind off when things go wrong. And they will go wrong, it's how you bounce back that matters.

    I'm in Afghanistan and got Dear Johnned the first week I was in country. So I've spent three months throwing myself at the gym. Throwing myself into my work. Anything to take my mind off it. It's a destraction, but destractions work. The more you dwell on things, the bigger a problem they appear. Be you, relax. She might be just round the corner or she might be six months down the road. But the more you put on it yourself the harder you're making it.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)

    Agreed. Except I think it's kind of cute when guys suck at flirting. Well, not the whole 'is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants. ' no, that's not cute, but fumbling over words is kind of cute. The best pick up lines are simple like, "you're beautiful, can I have your number?" Like this poster, those are the ones I really remember.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    a few questions.
    1) is it possible that there are girls attracted to you (from your picture i think you're cute) but you're not considering them because you arent attracted to them, or you arent noticing them because you're only interested in dime pieces?

    2you say you are a loner but do you have any hobbies? get out and do stuff related to your hobbies that's how to meet people and you'll already have stuff to talk to them about.

    3) are you looking at girls only as potential sex objects? if so stop that. we can tell when that happens and for most women if you arent taking them seriously as a human being then they arent going to take you seriously as a human being.

    4)why do you think talking to girls should be any different than talking to guys when you're first getting to know us? we listen to music, eat food, watch movies, etc same as guys do.


    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    OP, at the risk of soundng callous, you have to find ways to learn to suck it up. I say learn to, and not just "suck it up, buttercup" because I mean learn about yourself--what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Find ways to fix it and find ways to take you mind off when things go wrong. And they will go wrong, it's how you bounce back that matters.

    I'm in Afghanistan and got Dear Johnned the first week I was in country. So I've spent three months throwing myself at the gym. Throwing myself into my work. Anything to take my mind off it. It's a destraction, but destractions work. The more you dwell on things, the bigger a problem they appear. Be you, relax. She might be just round the corner or she might be six months down the road. But the more you put on it yourself the harder you're making it.
    Preach brother!
  • sexymamadraeger
    sexymamadraeger Posts: 239 Member
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.

    Yeah, really all you need to do is take off your shirt.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.

    bold for cosign
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.

    bold for cosign

    yeah imagine that... guys talking to girls like human beings :laugh:

    i wish you guys would get the word out in your manly newsletters that this approach works infinitely better than any of the PUA/tired lines stuff..
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member


    Yeah, really all you need to do is take off your shirt.
    But that only would work at the beach or something which I don't even have one near me. I can't take my shirt off in a bar or restaurant though. lol
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member

    yeah imagine that... guys talking to girls like human beings :laugh:

    i wish you guys would get the word out in your manly newsletters that this approach works infinitely better than any of the PUA/tired lines stuff..
    For me it's something that came with maturity. I don't have a problem attracting females or talking to them. I do have a problem keeping them though due to my lifestyle. Between the military and the fitness stuff, it's apparently detrimental to my relationships. Need to find a girl that's into fitness also or at least is secure enough to know I'm not judging.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    Yeah, really all you need to do is take off your shirt.
    But that only would work at the beach or something which I don't even have one near me. I can't take my shirt off in a bar or restaurant though. lol

    Says who? Plus, i wouldn't want a girl from a bar. Keep your shirt on there lol. Just take it off when you say, "hey girl." :laugh:





    Disclaimer: I am just kidding.
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Disclaimer: I am just kidding.
    ^^ I use this a lot . I find I can usually get away with saying anything as long as I end the sentence with 'just kidding'. lol
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    First of all, you are so freaking adorable! Second, women love a guy who is secure and comfortable with himself. So just be yourself and know that every woman is different. Not all flirtations will be a success, but I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • azymth99
    azymth99 Posts: 122 Member
    Here's the key. You 've gotta find your "style." What kind of guy are you? What do you like to do? Are you a musician? Athlete? Artist? Embrace what you are good at. Find a job that you enjoy doing stuff you like to do. Express your personality through your clothes and your "look." If you want a woman, you gotta get a job. Women want a guy that can take care of himself and take care of them. I'm not saying women need a man to take care of them, but women like a guy that exudes confidence and control. That confidence is your style.

    Women like guys with style. Women that like your style will be there. You'll never land girls that don't like your style. If you like a girl, just go up and talk to her- not with the intention of dating, sex or anything else- just to talk to her. If you do it without intentions it won't seem forced and your personality will be more honest and women like that a hell of a lot more than a pick-up line or other advances. They will either like you or they won't. You can't force it. You have to deal with women with a certain level of indifference or you will seem desperate. So don't expect anything, just talk to them. It works.

    Hope this helps.
  • cranium853
    cranium853 Posts: 138 Member
    I think part of the problem is that you have to get a life before you get a girl. You don't have a job and live on "Government money" which would be either welfare or disability, and that means you may not be able to even pay your own way on a date. You don't have a history of being able to take care of yourself and have let your mom do most of the work so far. You admit you are spoiled. The goal should be to get your own life on track before adding another human being to it. Get involved, work, volunteer, join something, get out of the room, take care of your life. A partner is your reward for having a life, the dessert as it were, not the main course.

    I also have to wonder if you are just looking for the compliments or wanting some reader to rescue you. Poor baby, come on over here..... This is a tough neighborhood for that.

    And you can spell "gorgeous" but not "Bus"? Are you real or just having fun here?
  • paulandrachelk
    paulandrachelk Posts: 280 Member
    Is this a dating forum?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    All i learnt from her was being kind to people and have a clean home..
    maybe this was all your mother taught you because it's all you really need to know.

    be kind until you get someone to spend more time with you. as the relationship progresses and she sees she likes you, when she sees you keep a clean home she will feel no need to reject you. RELATIONSHIP LEVEL ELEVENTY!!!

    now go do your daily schedule and plan in the empty spots things that you enjoy doing. this will put you in the proximity of women who share your interests while keeping you busy so as not to ruminate and also to have something to talk about when a woman is where you are doing whatever you are doing. also it will make your schedule not be off puttingley empty when it's time to start scheduling dates. she will see you are a young man with things planned into his days.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Guilty?

    I think maybe he meant 'unworthy' :blushing:
    that stuck out to me too :tongue:

    in spanish there is a word "pena" that has multiple meanings and can span from that word in one of it's meanings all the way to embarrassed. there may be a language issue.
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
    OP said: " am struggling really bad with girls.. I cant stop thinking about girls and sexual stuff. Im not just thinking about sex. I love cuddling and just being around girls."

    You're 21. You're SUPPOSED to think about women and sexual stuff all. the. time. It's part of being a young man. As for the rest, you're on your own, bub. I'm not a guy.:smile:
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Is this a dating forum?

    No but emotional well being could get in the way of fitness and proper nutrition. I know it does for me sometimes.
  • KseRz
    KseRz Posts: 980 Member
    Is this a dating forum?

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1339031-is-this-a-dating-site-or-a-fitness-page

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