Girl problems.

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arfuss
arfuss Posts: 90 Member
in Chit-Chat
i am a 21 year old male. I grew up living with my mother only. Never had a father around me.. I recently moved out on my own. Got no jobb etc but living on goverment money. But applying for jobs.

I am struggling really bad with girls.. I cant stop thinking about girls and sexual stuff. Im not just thinking about sex. I love cuddling and just being around girls.. But i dont know what to say or talk about.

My mother never learned me anything. All i learnt from her was being kind to people and have a clean home..


But i feel this has handicapped me.. I was spoliled, got what i want, did what i wanted.. Now im struggling with getting girls.. Flirting with girls etc.. I have no idea how i am suppose to flirt with girls at all. And i dont know how to see if a girl is flirting wit hme.

I know i am kind, hold good eye contact and speak releaxed. But i dont know what i can do to get a girl attracted to me and make her want to spend quality time with me.

I am kinda a loner.. But i know i am beautiful but i feel like a ugly duckling... or like Rudolph the raindeer.

I just need advice from other Males and females aswell.. This is something that is really affecting my self confidence.. I feel guilty when i see a gorgeous girl in the street, or on the buss etc.. And im not able to approach her and attract her.. I have never approached a girl like that before.. I dont feel "Anxious" about it.. just dosent feel like something i could be able to do..

Sorry for a whiny thread maybe.. But i just let everything out.. I need answers and guidance

Thanks for all advice/help guys/galls
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Replies

  • kiarafitjourney
    kiarafitjourney Posts: 33 Member
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    First, you're cute. So dont worry much about it.
    Those kind of things (speaks to girl etc) actually happens naturally. You dont have to jump on a cute girl you met on street and woo her. Lol. I'd be freak out if i was that girl.
    So what im trying to say is, dont sweat it, like maybe once you got a job you'll meet someone there.
  • Hammybone
    Hammybone Posts: 36 Member
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    Guilty?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    My mother never learned me anything.

    :huh:
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    Guilty?

    I think maybe he meant 'unworthy' :blushing:
    that stuck out to me too :tongue:
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
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    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)

    +1

    This post is really true.

    I'm not that interested in dating. At all. I have had guys hit on me randomly, or ask for my number. Since I'm not interested, I tell them no. I do it politely (provided they're polite, mind you). And if they are nice about it, and polite, it flatters me. We remember those things.

    My best advice is not to force anything. When flirting is forced, it feels uncomfortable to both parties. Likewise, just as this poster said, stop thinking that you have to make girls be attracted to you. You are either attracted to a person, or you're not. Both girls and guys are like this. Instead, think about how you are going to know whether someone is interested. And that if she isn't, that's okay.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
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    Normally, I would say that online dating no longer has the stigma it once did, and many people meet their mates online and live happily ever after. However, I must warn you, when putting yourself out there through a written medium such as online profiles and messaging and forums, you really need to know how to write correctly, or else you're doing yourself more harm than good. I mean, spelling and grammar matter when communicating through writing. You won't be taken as seriously and you won't attract intelligent women if you write as though your school never "learned" you anything either.

    That being said, you are an attractive man, so you should have no problems attracting women in person. Perhaps hang out in places where women your age might congregate. Take a book to the neighborhood bar during the day when people aren't just there getting drunk. Take a camera to a park and walk around taking photos. Find a hobby you enjoy and see if there are any meetup groups in your area. There's lots of ways and places to meet people.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't.

    Just keep putting yourself out there. Approach all girls. Even that ones you would not have sex with. You will find what works for you and can run with that.
  • TrevorJ76
    TrevorJ76 Posts: 33
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    OP, at the risk of soundng callous, you have to find ways to learn to suck it up. I say learn to, and not just "suck it up, buttercup" because I mean learn about yourself--what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Find ways to fix it and find ways to take you mind off when things go wrong. And they will go wrong, it's how you bounce back that matters.

    I'm in Afghanistan and got Dear Johnned the first week I was in country. So I've spent three months throwing myself at the gym. Throwing myself into my work. Anything to take my mind off it. It's a destraction, but destractions work. The more you dwell on things, the bigger a problem they appear. Be you, relax. She might be just round the corner or she might be six months down the road. But the more you put on it yourself the harder you're making it.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
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    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)

    Agreed. Except I think it's kind of cute when guys suck at flirting. Well, not the whole 'is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants. ' no, that's not cute, but fumbling over words is kind of cute. The best pick up lines are simple like, "you're beautiful, can I have your number?" Like this poster, those are the ones I really remember.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    a few questions.
    1) is it possible that there are girls attracted to you (from your picture i think you're cute) but you're not considering them because you arent attracted to them, or you arent noticing them because you're only interested in dime pieces?

    2you say you are a loner but do you have any hobbies? get out and do stuff related to your hobbies that's how to meet people and you'll already have stuff to talk to them about.

    3) are you looking at girls only as potential sex objects? if so stop that. we can tell when that happens and for most women if you arent taking them seriously as a human being then they arent going to take you seriously as a human being.

    4)why do you think talking to girls should be any different than talking to guys when you're first getting to know us? we listen to music, eat food, watch movies, etc same as guys do.


    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    OP, at the risk of soundng callous, you have to find ways to learn to suck it up. I say learn to, and not just "suck it up, buttercup" because I mean learn about yourself--what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Find ways to fix it and find ways to take you mind off when things go wrong. And they will go wrong, it's how you bounce back that matters.

    I'm in Afghanistan and got Dear Johnned the first week I was in country. So I've spent three months throwing myself at the gym. Throwing myself into my work. Anything to take my mind off it. It's a destraction, but destractions work. The more you dwell on things, the bigger a problem they appear. Be you, relax. She might be just round the corner or she might be six months down the road. But the more you put on it yourself the harder you're making it.
    Preach brother!
  • sexymamadraeger
    sexymamadraeger Posts: 239 Member
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    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Options
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    Options
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.

    Yeah, really all you need to do is take off your shirt.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.

    bold for cosign
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
    Options
    Approaching a girl on the street isn't necessarily a good thing! I never would have gone out with a guy that way. You have to put yourself out there. Go out with friends and do fun stuff. Don't worry about how to flirt. Lots of girls are not attracted to flirtatious guys. I always liked the ones who were just friendly and genuine. Not obnoxious.
    This is basically my approach. I know how obnoxious guys are sometimes and I don't want to be 'that guy'. I've always had the best success whenever I just act myself rather than 'trying'. I never try, I just talk to them and if they're interested good, if not then someone else will be.

    bold for cosign

    yeah imagine that... guys talking to girls like human beings :laugh:

    i wish you guys would get the word out in your manly newsletters that this approach works infinitely better than any of the PUA/tired lines stuff..
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    Yeah, really all you need to do is take off your shirt.
    But that only would work at the beach or something which I don't even have one near me. I can't take my shirt off in a bar or restaurant though. lol
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Options

    yeah imagine that... guys talking to girls like human beings :laugh:

    i wish you guys would get the word out in your manly newsletters that this approach works infinitely better than any of the PUA/tired lines stuff..
    For me it's something that came with maturity. I don't have a problem attracting females or talking to them. I do have a problem keeping them though due to my lifestyle. Between the military and the fitness stuff, it's apparently detrimental to my relationships. Need to find a girl that's into fitness also or at least is secure enough to know I'm not judging.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
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    Yeah, really all you need to do is take off your shirt.
    But that only would work at the beach or something which I don't even have one near me. I can't take my shirt off in a bar or restaurant though. lol

    Says who? Plus, i wouldn't want a girl from a bar. Keep your shirt on there lol. Just take it off when you say, "hey girl." :laugh:





    Disclaimer: I am just kidding.

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