Girl problems.

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Replies

  • SofaKingRad_II
    SofaKingRad_II Posts: 591
    Damn. If you weren't on government money I'd say get a Russian Mail Order bride. There are other options though! Craigslist, Backpage, internet chat rooms, Omegle, etc. Don't ask how I know about these places. I just heard from a friend of a friend or something...
  • waltcote
    waltcote Posts: 372 Member
    Besides getting a job find something that you are interested in doing. A hobby or working out or what ever. That's how you meet girls that are like you. Do an activity and see who's there and if it happens make a connection. Go for coffee or something casual and go from there. :bigsmile:
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    i am a 21 year old male. I grew up living with my mother only. Never had a father around me.. I recently moved out on my own. Got no jobb etc but living on goverment money. But applying for jobs.

    I am struggling really bad with girls.. I cant stop thinking about girls and sexual stuff. Im not just thinking about sex. I love cuddling and just being around girls.. But i dont know what to say or talk about.

    My mother never learned me anything. All i learnt from her was being kind to people and have a clean home..


    But i feel this has handicapped me.. I was spoliled, got what i want, did what i wanted.. Now im struggling with getting girls.. Flirting with girls etc.. I have no idea how i am suppose to flirt with girls at all. And i dont know how to see if a girl is flirting wit hme.

    I know i am kind, hold good eye contact and speak releaxed. But i dont know what i can do to get a girl attracted to me and make her want to spend quality time with me.

    I am kinda a loner.. But i know i am beautiful but i feel like a ugly duckling... or like Rudolph the raindeer.

    I just need advice from other Males and females aswell.. This is something that is really affecting my self confidence.. I feel guilty when i see a gorgeous girl in the street, or on the buss etc.. And im not able to approach her and attract her.. I have never approached a girl like that before.. I dont feel "Anxious" about it.. just dosent feel like something i could be able to do..

    Sorry for a whiny thread maybe.. But i just let everything out.. I need answers and guidance

    Thanks for all advice/help guys/galls

    Hi there,

    there are a few things in your post that stick out to me... you've never had a father around, you've obviously been close to your mother (you say you were spoiled by her) you're unemployed and job seeking (that's hard!) and you've just had a big life change in that you've moved out on your own. You've got a whole lot going on and you are quite young. I rather suspect that you're moving a whole load of your feelings onto the (possibly more achievable) issue of getting a girlfriend instead of having to tackle things like fear, sadness etc.

    Ideally you would be a reasonably whole, healthy person before you got into a relationship, instead of maybe looking for a woman to patch you up and make you feel better (and mother you?).

    I suggest that if you can, you spend some time uncovering some of the difficult feelings that you might be trying to smother by thinking about girls and trying to deal with the real issues. Get as much support as you can from your (male) friends and any family you have. Look after yourself in all the usual ways (sleep, moderate exercise, reasonably healthy food, not too much drink, no drugs).

    Hopefully if you can get a job (even part time) that will give you a routine, some distraction, some money and possible improve your self esteem. In the meantime, make sure you keep as busy as possible and try to keep to some kind of routine.

    Best of luck with all it and remember - it gets better! :smile:
  • Sirinya55
    Sirinya55 Posts: 79 Member
    MFP is a good place to meet girls :)
  • ekahnicole
    ekahnicole Posts: 216 Member
    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    Secondly, if you're bad at flirting, don't do it. Flirting is only cute if the person is comfortable doing it, anyway. If flirting is not a strong suit, ditch it entirely and use what comes naturally to you. You mentioned being goof at holing good eye contact. Use that. When you see a cute girl, walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself, tell her she's pretty, and ask for her number. It's that simple. Fortune favors the bold, so do bold things!

    I'll tell you right now, the most memorable times I've been approached by guys were the ones that came out of the blue and bravely asked me out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart, or a gas station. If you strike out and she declines, chances are you will still have made her day by flattering her, and she'll think about you all day. I'd still call that a win. :)

    As a woman, I completely agree with this.

    But I would also like to add that most guys I've actually been interested in, I did not meet randomly while out and about. I met them through work or school or through mutual friends. Generally I got to know them a bit before I considered the possibility of anything romantic. Not all women are like this, but many of them are as well, and I think more relationships begin in this way than some random guy walking up out of the blue and saying hello (not that it doesn't happen or is a bad thing to do).

    Another thing I think is really really important, is pay attention to body language. Girls make it pretty clear whether they are interested or not just with how they stand or move in your presence.

    Lastly: meeting people online is legit in this day and age, I met my boyfriend online. You actually have a much better chance of meeting someone with really similar interests/beliefs/etc through the internet in this day and age than random encounters.
  • FTF2014
    FTF2014 Posts: 257 Member
    I never had a problem with females and I am just an average looking guy. Most of the females I did date where from work. Normally I would just talk to females regularly at work and had a non- judge mental attitude which means I don't judge anyone. After a while a female would give me a hint like I always like to come to work just to see your cute face. One time I had a female worker who just went and pinched my cheek and said that's how I feel about you. Which was her way of saying Iam interested. Normal conversation and being serious at work but laid back on everything else is best to attract females. Just talk to them like a friend and don't stress it. To many guys work too hard and **** up. A female is a human being Once you realize that it's easy to find one.

    Read this over and over OP. Its short,simple,and works for sure. A female is a human being is the most important part, not a scientific puzzle that you need to search all over the internet for the answer.
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member

    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...

    What is a "Dime Chaser"? I Live in Norway so my english isent that good..

    Rudolph was the raindeer who was diffrent, so everyone bullied him..

    But the goverment money gives me 2407 USD a Month.

    And in my country no one is allowed to carry guns. They only allow hunters to own guns wich is required to be stored in a "gun safe disasambled"


    I know i got a beautiful personality. But since elementary school people have treated me diffrent. acted diffrent around me..

    People have treated me badly all my life. I threw alot of my friends away becuase of theire negative attitute. And i dont usually enjoy hanging with male friends. Because most of them are *kitten*

    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    I hunger for Models, artists, actresses
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    [What is a "Dime Chaser"? I hunger for Models, artists, actresses
    She means you're chasing after 10's. You should be chasing after 6's probably.... or whatever you can get at this point from the sound of it. You don't have much to offer them, so you're not going to get models etc at this point. Fix yourself first, then someone will like you for you once you have something going for yourself.
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    [What is a "Dime Chaser"? I hunger for Models, artists, actresses
    She means you're chasing after 10's. You should be chasing after 6's probably.... or whatever you can get at this point from the sound of it. You don't have much to offer them, so you're not going to get models etc at this point. Fix yourself first, then someone will like you for you once you have something going for yourself.

    This.

    although most people are attracted to models and actresses it is unrealistic the average person will ever get a chance to be with them.

    Alexander Skarsgard is sadly not tapping on my window at night.

    And by the way you are presenting yourself, someone average like me wouldn't be interested. Even if you feel you've been slighted in the lottery of life and have faced adversity you can't let those feelings follow and affect you.
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  • HannahLynn91
    HannahLynn91 Posts: 238 Member
    My mother never learned me anything.

    :huh:

    Kind of seems like English may not be his first language. If it is... then :huh:
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member

    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...

    What is a "Dime Chaser"? I Live in Norway so my english isent that good..

    Rudolph was the raindeer who was diffrent, so everyone bullied him..

    But the goverment money gives me 2407 USD a Month.

    And in my country no one is allowed to carry guns. They only allow hunters to own guns wich is required to be stored in a "gun safe disasambled"


    I know i got a beautiful personality. But since elementary school people have treated me diffrent. acted diffrent around me..

    People have treated me badly all my life. I threw alot of my friends away becuase of theire negative attitute. And i dont usually enjoy hanging with male friends. Because most of them are *kitten*

    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    I hunger for Models, artists, actresses

    Sounding kinda bitter, there... Maybe that's enough fuel to feed the fire and motivate you to be the kind of guy who goes and gets what he wants. (I mean that in the least rapey way possible.)

    And yeah, you are a dime-chaser. Better get on top of that 'having lots of money' thing.

    Also, you get paid so much more for doing nothing than I make at my job. Wtf.
  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member

    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...

    What is a "Dime Chaser"? I Live in Norway so my english isent that good..

    Rudolph was the raindeer who was diffrent, so everyone bullied him..

    But the goverment money gives me 2407 USD a Month.

    And in my country no one is allowed to carry guns. They only allow hunters to own guns wich is required to be stored in a "gun safe disasambled"


    I know i got a beautiful personality. But since elementary school people have treated me diffrent. acted diffrent around me..

    People have treated me badly all my life. I threw alot of my friends away becuase of theire negative attitute. And i dont usually enjoy hanging with male friends. Because most of them are *kitten*

    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    I hunger for Models, artists, actresses

    Well at least you admit that women are objects to you...

    I'd just like to point out that often, if you have to say "I've got a beautiful personality"...you're probably stretchin gthe truth. I would disagree, given how you end this post of wanting to rub success into people's faces. ...

    I'm not a ten, I admit that freely, but I've dated women who are hot as hell, thin, in shape, gorgeous, with wonderful personalities...because I was nice to them, and valued them for their personalities instead of only their looks, etc.
  • nopotofgold
    nopotofgold Posts: 164 Member

    yeah imagine that... guys talking to girls like human beings :laugh:

    i wish you guys would get the word out in your manly newsletters that this approach works infinitely better than any of the PUA/tired lines stuff..
    For me it's something that came with maturity. I don't have a problem attracting females or talking to them. I do have a problem keeping them though due to my lifestyle. Between the military and the fitness stuff, it's apparently detrimental to my relationships. Need to find a girl that's into fitness also or at least is secure enough to know I'm not judging.
    Maybe you are dating the wrong type of girl. Military guys have lots of luck attracting rank hoppers and uniform chasers.
  • sadiebrawl
    sadiebrawl Posts: 863 Member
    do you have an autism diagnosis?
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member

    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...



    Rudolph was the raindeer who was diffrent, so everyone bullied him..

    I know i got a beautiful personality. But since elementary school people have treated me diffrent. acted diffrent around me..

    People have treated me badly all my life. I threw alot of my friends away becuase of theire negative attitute. And i dont usually enjoy hanging with male friends. Because most of them are *kitten*

    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    I hunger for Models, artists, actresses

    i am getting a distinct Elliot Rodger vibe from this... :frown:
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member

    Maybe you are dating the wrong type of girl. Military guys have lots of luck attracting rank hoppers and uniform chasers.
    Well I was with my wife for 12 years so it's not that. She just grew to hate the military and me. lol And I have quite a bit of rank after 21 years, she actually left right after my last promotion too. Last GF, well the problem wasn't anything military related it was a lot of other stuff. But I'll say a common theme is definitely that others don't necessarily like my lifestyle because they don't practice it themselves or understand that it's not a big deal to track ones calories and workout.
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member

    Maybe you are dating the wrong type of girl. Military guys have lots of luck attracting rank hoppers and uniform chasers.
    Well I was with my wife for 12 years so it's not that. She just grew to hate the military and me. lol And I have quite a bit of rank after 21 years, she actually left right after my last promotion too. Last GF, well the problem wasn't anything military related it was a lot of other stuff. But I'll say a common theme is definitely that others don't necessarily like my lifestyle because they don't practice it themselves or understand that it's not a big deal to track ones calories and workout.

    Most people who dont pracitise the life style them self are either lazy or stupid. I was really lazy until i started understanding how importent it is to fuel to body to its maximum potential
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member

    ETA... i re-read the OP's post better. he's a dime chaser...



    Rudolph was the raindeer who was diffrent, so everyone bullied him..

    I know i got a beautiful personality. But since elementary school people have treated me diffrent. acted diffrent around me..

    People have treated me badly all my life. I threw alot of my friends away becuase of theire negative attitute. And i dont usually enjoy hanging with male friends. Because most of them are *kitten*

    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    I hunger for Models, artists, actresses

    i am getting a distinct Elliot Rodger vibe from this... :frown:

    was thinking the exact same thing.the (not so) secret thing women tend to know is that "nice guys" are usually anything but.
    i guess some people think that women are owed to them simply because they want them.

    and OP i'm just going to say it... people with a legitimate "beautiful personality" absolutely positively do NOT do things like this
    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.
  • rebeccalee1986
    rebeccalee1986 Posts: 338
    Your just looking for skirt, tail etc. Nope will not help you with that.
  • trojan_bb
    trojan_bb Posts: 699 Member


    and OP i'm just going to say it... people with a legitimate "beautiful personality" absolutely positively do NOT do things like this
    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    umm, I think any guy who has had poor luck with women in the past has had this fantasy at some point or another. Regardless of inner beauty.

    OP. Stop chasing the 10's like mentioned before. Focus on you. Become masculine...however you define it. Lots of ways to do it. When your life is in order, attracting the women is not a problem.

    Wait a few years, become successful at whatever it is that makes you tick. It'll be easy then. A physically fit guy with multiple passions (not just picking up girls) and overall success does not have problems finding women. Keeping them, maybe. But not initially.
  • ekahnicole
    ekahnicole Posts: 216 Member
    Relevant quote:

    "Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out."
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member


    and OP i'm just going to say it... people with a legitimate "beautiful personality" absolutely positively do NOT do things like this
    I have this Fantasy.. Want to earn enough money to open my own nightclub. then invite all the Aholes to the opening cermony.. Then look down at them and laugh from the second floor railing with both my arms around two diffrent girls.

    umm, I think any guy who has had poor luck with women in the past has had this fantasy at some point or another. Regardless of inner beauty.
    .

    that's not the part i'm referring. i'm referring to the implication that he wants to make other people feel bad because they made him feel bad without first considering that maybe THEY werent making the conscious effort to be a jerk to him yet HE's perfectly OK with making the conscious decision to be a jerk to them. that's being a douche bag, that's not a "beautiful personality". beautiful personalities dont have the mentality of do what I want you do or else.

    also the two women are just accessories at the point in his fantasy, which is also signs of being a jerk
  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
    no girl will come to you. truth. they are shyer than us. signed. a loner. lol
  • FTF2014
    FTF2014 Posts: 257 Member
    I never had a problem with females and I am just an average looking guy. Most of the females I did date where from work. Normally I would just talk to females regularly at work and had a non- judge mental attitude which means I don't judge anyone. After a while a female would give me a hint like I always like to come to work just to see your cute face. One time I had a female worker who just went and pinched my cheek and said that's how I feel about you. Which was her way of saying Iam interested. Normal conversation and being serious at work but laid back on everything else is best to attract females. Just talk to them like a friend and don't stress it. To many guys work too hard and **** up. A female is a human being Once you realize that it's easy to find one.

    Read this over and over OP. Its short,simple,and works for sure. A female is a human being is the most important part, not a scientific puzzle that you need to search all over the internet for the answer.

    To the OP I posted this but I don't think you read it yet, so take the time to read this. Its just basic common sense, no frills.
  • liftmeup1
    liftmeup1 Posts: 373
    Every woman problem ever boils down to communication......done......At your age....think of women as a batting average. A great hitter bats a little over .300. How many times does that batter get a hit? How many times do they strike out swinging or pop out. Just keep swinging and sooner or later you'll get a hit unless you just keep taking. You have to be aggressive at the plate dude.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    OP, at the risk of soundng callous, you have to find ways to learn to suck it up. I say learn to, and not just "suck it up, buttercup" because I mean learn about yourself--what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. Find ways to fix it and find ways to take you mind off when things go wrong. And they will go wrong, it's how you bounce back that matters.

    I'm in Afghanistan and got Dear Johnned the first week I was in country. So I've spent three months throwing myself at the gym. Throwing myself into my work. Anything to take my mind off it. It's a destraction, but destractions work. The more you dwell on things, the bigger a problem they appear. Be you, relax. She might be just round the corner or she might be six months down the road. But the more you put on it yourself the harder you're making it.

    Thank you for your service! :flowerforyou:
  • Biggirllittledreams
    Biggirllittledreams Posts: 306 Member
    You mentioned not knowing "how to get a girl attracted to you". There's one problem, right there. A girl is going to either be attracted to you, or she won't. You can do things that put your best self out there for her to see, but you can't "make" her feel any particular way. She;ll like you or she won't.

    This, so much this. If you start looking at women as human beings as opposed to something to merely 'pick up', that would help. Women like being equal with their partner, not being viewed as some 'challenge' or sexual being.

    That being said, be yourself. If somebody is going to fall for you, they're going to fall for all of you - not merely the facades you put on when trying to flirt with somebody. I met my partner (we've been together for three years now) in the back of one of my classes. We both loathed the social psychology class we were taking, started talking when he offered to tutor me for my Spanish course, and it went from there. I never flirted with him, or put on some facade. I was merely myself, and he learned to accept me for both the good, and the bad.

    If you put on a mask to meet somebody, they're rather going to fall for that mask (not the true you), or you're going to meet somebody putting on a mask as well. I know it's corny and cliche to suggest that you merely be yourself, but it's so so true. Just be your freaking self, and you'll eventually find somebody compatible to find your life with. If you're finding yourself impatient/compulsively seeking out a partner though, you may want to take a look at why you're doing that. If you're looking for somebody else merely because you can't stand being single/being alone, that's a rather different story. :3
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
    we're not that different from guys.. so just be yourself. I'm sure everyone has already told you that, but it's true.
  • liftmeup1
    liftmeup1 Posts: 373
    Wow....all this bleeding heart, "women are humans too" stuff is making me sick. At his age women are about as irresponsible and immature as he is. If you treat a woman like a queen she will treat you like a dog. My honest opinion is numbers....numbers...numbers. If you don't realize you are worth something they won't either. When you find the right woman, you'll know.

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