Thoughts on being an only child...

MuscleAndMascara
MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,260 Member
in Chit-Chat
I would like to hear your thoughts on either being an only child growing up, or being a parent to an only child.
What are the positives and negatives to being/having an only child.
Why or why not would you recommend having one kid?

Discuss....
«1345

Replies

  • BullDozier
    BullDozier Posts: 237 Member
    Not an only child, but married to one.

    One negative I know is that when the parents get old, there is a lot of stress/responsibility that falls onto that one child. There aren't any siblings to share that pressure with.
  • Ness7891
    Ness7891 Posts: 26
    I'm an only child. 26 years. Everyone grows up different. For me I was a little spoiled as a kid. I didn't mind not having a brother or sister I guess. Didn't mind the alone time playing video games, watching television, playing with toys, or drawing. I still had friends of course, but I just got used to being an only child. I suppose that is whyI have no problems living on my own and having a preference for quiet places.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    My husband is an only child... I have a LOT of only child theories...................................
  • MuscleAndMascara
    MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,260 Member
    My husband is an only child... I have a LOT of only child theories...................................



    please feel free to share.
    no answer is right or wrong.
  • GrasslandFairy
    GrasslandFairy Posts: 23
    My husband and I are both only children, and we plan for our daughter to be the same. He's smart, outgoing, and makes friends easily. I was a "gifted" child, I read a lot, and I do well on my own. It seems that only children have the perks of having their parents' full attention and focus which helps them developmentally. Our daughter could walk well at 9 months, because we helped her every day.

    On the other side, children with older siblings can pick up a lot from them. A little girl I know could sing the alphabet and count to 15 at only 18 months old because she learns from her sister.

    Both have good and bad points, I'd recommend that families make the best decision for them, because no one will ever have the exact same experience with children.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    I have one child. We are currently trying to decide if there will be another. My wife is, essentially, an only child (she has a 1/2 brother that was given up for adoption. They did not grow up together), I have two brothers. I talk to my brothers all the time. We are pretty good friends. I don't know how normal that is, really. She was fine being an only child. She liked being the focus of attention and she wasn't really spoiled, but she didn't have to share anything either.

    So we have been trying to list pluses and minuses for each situation in order to decide. So I am interested in this thread.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    One child is cheaper than two.
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    My husband is an only child... I have a LOT of only child theories...................................



    please feel free to share.
    no answer is right or wrong.

    LOL it's stuff I give my husband a hard time about... OK, so I grew up with a brother and a sister.. and so I was used to my siblings and even my parents stealing food off my plate.. Like as a kid, they'd say, "oh my gosh, look at that monkey on the wall." and then they'd take my cupcake... That kind of thing.. so now whenever someone tries to get me to look at something when I am eating, I know better........

    My husband never had this training....... so I got to enjoy it quite a bit when we first started dating... He's learned now though...

    We were sure that my son was going to be an only child, so we've taught him the important of not listening when someone says HEY LOOK AT THAT when you are eating :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    That's something you get with siblings.. so we wanted to make sure my son had that (really, just to be fun... ).. BUT turns out, I am pregnant... so now he can teach the new one the same tricks :laugh:
  • cskalaj
    cskalaj Posts: 94 Member
    Not an only child, but married to one.

    One negative I know is that when the parents get old, there is a lot of stress/responsibility that falls onto that one child. There aren't any siblings to share that pressure with.

    Ditto to this. I'm one of 9 children, and my husband is an only child. His dad passed away this past January and the responsibility it has heaved on him has been almost overwhelming. For both of us. It's so reassuring knowing that if/when something happens to my parents, there are 8 other people to help out with all of the responsibilities that come with it.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
    Here's a completely different take on it. Back when I was teaching graduate students I would occasionally have an only "child," over 21 years old mind you, who still didn't know how to act as an independent adult because their parents had spent too much time and effort protecting them from the rigors of life. For example, sometimes these people had never held a job because their parents were able to support them fully and felt the most important thing for them to do was do well in their studies. You are not doing someone a favor if they get to be 21 years old without ever having had a job. No employer is going to be excited to hire them no matter how high their GPA.

    Being an only child is not necessarily a problem as long as the parents don't handicap the child by convincing it that it is too precious or unable to handle the rigors of life out in the rough and tumble world of society. Of course, this can happen to multiple children, too.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Only child here. I have noticed that I am totally ok with doing things by myself like going to restaurants, movies, shopping, etc. It drives me nuts when I have friends who bug the crap out of me while I am busy because they can't bring themselves to do some activity alone. I also rarely get bored. I think that is because I got used to entertaining myself while growing up without siblings.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    I'm an only child. 26 years. Everyone grows up different. For me I was a little spoiled as a kid. I didn't mind not having a brother or sister I guess. Didn't mind the alone time playing video games, watching television, playing with toys, or drawing. I still had friends of course, but I just got used to being an only child. I suppose that is whyI have no problems living on my own and having a preference for quiet places.

    Living alone is awesome.
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
    I am an only child. My mom died shortly after I was born, so I never even thought about siblings as I grew up. Honestly, my dad was my hero, and I did not want to share him. Or my stuff. Now, looking back, I wish I had siblings. But when i was a child, I did not want any.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    I don't know if this even counts as an only child but...

    I have a brother and three sisters. When I was three my father went to prison, and when I was six my mother dropped me off at my aunt's house. I ended up being adopted by my aunt and growing up as an only child. I was lonely, and I felt suffocated by my parent's need for me to be perfect. Like I said, I may not count because I was most likely negatively impacted by being separated from my siblings at such a young age. I think there are pros and cons to both, but I always wanted my brother and sisters.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    I'm married to an only child of his parents. His dad had 2 children from a previous marriage who were grown when he grew up. Being an only child, he had all of the pressure of being a perfect son from his mother, who wanted many many kids and ended up only having 1. This caused a lot of problems as he tried to spread his winds in college and beyond. His mother was extremely emotionally dependent on him and really struggled with him growing up and moving out because there were no other kids to go through parenting with.

    He also has a pretty heavy video game habit resulting from having no siblings to play with growing up. At least, that's my theory.

    He has a harder time with compromise. He doesn't default to it, anyway.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    My son is an only child, as life didn't work out to have more. He gets bored not having a built in playmate. He loves not having to share anything. He's definitely more spoiled than he would be if I had more. I didn't get to have more. I'm worried he'll leave me and move across the country and I'll have to wipe my own *kitten* when I'm old. I might be able to afford to help with college since I only have one.

    *shrug*

    I don't know.

    But I do know that I'm currently in the process of forcing IPAkiller to marry me so that I can be a horrible step-mother to his mini as well as thrust a sibling upon my son. Cause that's the way to do it according to Dr. Phil.



    or something like that... I get confused.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I'm married to an only child of his parents. His dad had 2 children from a previous marriage who were grown when he grew up. Being an only child, he had all of the pressure of being a perfect son from his mother, who wanted many many kids and ended up only having 1. This caused a lot of problems as he tried to spread his winds in college and beyond. His mother was extremely emotionally dependent on him and really struggled with him growing up and moving out because there were no other kids to go through parenting with.


    Won't lie... the attachment to one when you only have one is completely bat-*kitten* crazy strong. I can totally see this.
  • Beautifulbridgittlee7
    Beautifulbridgittlee7 Posts: 352 Member
    I'm an only child, and I wished I had more friends, but no siblings b/c of the hell I've endured. Wouldn't wish the problems I've had and my mother has on my worst enemy. Being an only child can be great though, it's definitely cheaper, and you can get more attention and help if you need it.
  • mrbyte
    mrbyte Posts: 270 Member
    I am an only child. No hand me downs. I like my quiet time. Probably a little socially awkward growing up as well.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    When you only have one kid you can totally take it to the bar with you.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    My boyfriend is an only child. I don't really notice anything about him. He grew up in a single parent household, just him and his mom. He has siblings from his dad and step-wife, but he did not grow up with them. He loves them, but he is very private about his life when it comes to them. He doesn't share much with them.

    Except when it comes to me lol, he is very independent. He is quiet although I feel like that is just his personality. He is very responsible and respectful, but that's more of how he was raised by his mom.

    In other words, I have nothing valuable to add to this conversation. Sorry.

    Sorry.

    Um.bye.








    sorry.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    I have noticed that I am totally ok with doing things by myself like going to restaurants, movies, shopping, etc. It drives me nuts when I have friends who bug the crap out of me while I am busy because they can't bring themselves to do some activity alone. I also rarely get bored. I think that is because I got used to entertaining myself while growing up without siblings.

    This describes me as well and I'm the 4th child out of 5.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    When you only have one kid you can totally take it to the bar with you.

    Also this. My kid pulls up a stool and high fives everyone.



    "Where everybody knows your naaaaammmmeee!"
  • zcb94
    zcb94 Posts: 3,678 Member
    For me I was a little spoiled as a kid. I didn't mind not having a brother or sister I guess. Didn't mind the alone time playing video games, watching television, playing with toys, or drawing. I still had friends of course, but I just got used to being an only child. I suppose that is whyI
    My sentiments exactly! The only problem is that I have nobody to share with or help using my experience. I once read that one of the easiest acts of kindness you could do for somebody was to help a younger sibling with studies/homework. Kinda hard without a younger sibling!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I have noticed that I am totally ok with doing things by myself like going to restaurants, movies, shopping, etc. It drives me nuts when I have friends who bug the crap out of me while I am busy because they can't bring themselves to do some activity alone. I also rarely get bored. I think that is because I got used to entertaining myself while growing up without siblings.

    This describes me as well and I'm the 4th child out of 5.

    I also do all of this alone and I'm the 2nd child.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    One child is cheaper than two.

    There's also less fighting if you only have one kid.

    My grandma was an only child until she was almost 20. The only complaint I have heard is that she had to entertain herself her whole childhood.
  • Icandoityayme
    Icandoityayme Posts: 312 Member
    I am not an only child but wouldn't mind being one. I can't really recommend having more than one. The only real benefit to it I can see is you always have family around no matter what.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I am an only child. Well, I have a half-brother that was an adult when I was a kid (big age difference), so I was raised like an only child. Anyway, I don't think I ever had any real desire for my parents to have more kids. I lived in town, so I always had friends over to play with, and I had plenty of cousins around that were older and younger than me. I think the way my parents raised me has more to do with my personality than anything else.

    I'm introverted and independent, just like some others that have commented, but I think that's because my parents channeled my interests into things like books instead of sports. If you want your child to develop certain personality traits, I think you have to start with how you raise them.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    My son is an only child, as life didn't work out to have more. He gets bored not having a built in playmate. He loves not having to share anything. He's definitely more spoiled than he would be if I had more. I didn't get to have more. I'm worried he'll leave me and move across the country and I'll have to wipe my own *kitten* when I'm old. I might be able to afford to help with college since I only have one.

    *shrug*

    I don't know.

    But I do know that I'm currently in the process of forcing IPAkiller to marry me so that I can be a horrible step-mother to his mini as well as thrust a sibling upon my son. Cause that's the way to do it according to Dr. Phil.



    or something like that... I get confused.

    I NOTICED!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    My brother and my husband's brother both married only children... and because of those two, we are making sure we have at least 2 children. Though I do think it is all in the parenting of these onlies on how being one negatively impacts their life.

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