Dealing with a "food bully"?

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  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
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    honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.

    if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
    if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.

    "thats gonna make you fat"
    *smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*

    final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.

    final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.

    I don't live with my dad (haven't seen him in over a year; all contact is via phone/internet due to court order) and my grandma's comments are only at gatherings or on the phone as well. As for my sister, well, she's bigger than me (by half a foot and 40lbs) and hits harder so beating the crap out of her isn't exactly possible.

    She is only half a foot taller yet 40Ibs heavier than you? Maybe she is the one who should be losing weight in that case.
  • AnnofB
    AnnofB Posts: 3,588 Member
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    So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma.
    Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum until she realizes this is the only response she will ever get; she'll get bored and move on to trying to find other topics and ways to get a rise out of you.


    This!!!
  • Saiyanbrahh
    Saiyanbrahh Posts: 693
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    Noone mess with my macros or they die..muahajahaha Kame haame ha!
  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
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    Response: "I've carefully considered what I'm eating and how much on a daily basis, and I've got this. I'll let you know if I ever need advice about food consumption."

    Then, stick it out for the next 11 days.

    You look great! Don't let haters get you down.

    This. Very wise.
  • haildodger
    haildodger Posts: 181 Member
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    There will always be excuses to not hit your macros or calorie goals. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps it's time to get your own place, and live your own life.
  • melissaw78
    melissaw78 Posts: 214 Member
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    You: So sis, how much weight have you lost?
    Her: ~10 lbs
    You: Look behind you, you'll find it

    Or just say, "No, I'm not on a diet, this is how I eat now"
  • twinkleboobee
    twinkleboobee Posts: 33 Member
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    This is very very true! It's nothing to do with you but how they feel about themselves.

    I enjoyed reading this response after a small argument with a friend recently (totally not related) -
    but pushing her views I don't believe in onto me. I've been upset all day and came to the conclusion
    it's not me, its her. She is projecting her unhappiness about the same subject onto me, and is not 'caring' as she
    put it, but being controlling, because she can't control her own emotions over the same issue in her life.

    So totally ignore them, it's not to do with you at all, its' to make themselves feel better and unfortunately you're
    getting the brunt of their insecurities.

    Sounds like they are all terrified of putting on weight, and instead of telling themselves off, they are projecting this
    worry onto you...and it's completely unrelated!

    Well done on your weight loss, even 3 days of chocolate and donut binges won't put a y weight back on, so don't worry,
    keep doing what you're doing!!
  • twinkleboobee
    twinkleboobee Posts: 33 Member
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    I've come to the conclusion that people act a certain way towards others because they are trying to overcompensate a flaw within themselves. Basically it's them, not you. I know this isn't very comforting, but it's true.

    A fire only grows with fuel. These kinds of fires are fueled by response. Don't acknowledge her comments, and suddenly the fuel for the fire is gone. She will then have to turn her attention elsewhere to try and get a rise out of someone.

    This is very very true! It's nothing to do with you but how they feel about themselves.

    I enjoyed reading this response after a small argument with a friend recently (totally not related) -
    but pushing her views I don't believe in onto me. I've been upset all day and came to the conclusion
    it's not me, its her. She is projecting her unhappiness about the same subject onto me, and is not 'caring' as she
    put it, but being controlling, because she can't control her own emotions over the same issue in her life.

    So totally ignore them, it's not to do with you at all, its' to make themselves feel better and unfortunately you're
    getting the brunt of their insecurities.

    Sounds like they are all terrified of putting on weight, and instead of telling themselves off, they are projecting this
    worry onto you...and it's completely unrelated!

    Well done on your weight loss, even 3 days of chocolate and donut binges won't put a y weight back on, so don't worry,
    keep doing what you're doing!!
  • ILoveGingerNut
    ILoveGingerNut Posts: 367 Member
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    That REALLY sucks. It was exactly the same for me when I was your age. Mum, dad and little brother bullying me for my size and weight. Mum was the food police. But you made it. You lost the weight despite everything. And you got good advice here (and I only read the first page!). Use it and keep going. You are strong. Chin up. xxx
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
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    So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma.
    Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum until she realizes this is the only response she will ever get; she'll get bored and move on to trying to find other topics and ways to get a rise out of you.

    Also, I like this advice.

    ^^^ this ditto
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Dear Younger sister,

    This type of behavior is not appropriate or acceptable from Grandma, Dad, or Stepmother. What makes you think it would be acceptable from YOU? How can I help you establish normal and appropriate relationships and boundaries with people before it becomes too late and you believe that the way in which we were raised and the examples we were given are in any way appropriate ways to function in society. I love you lots, but what you're doing is not OK and it's NOT OK for me to tolerate it.

    Lovingly,
    Older sister
  • cdoesthehula
    cdoesthehula Posts: 141 Member
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    What a horrible situation to be in.

    I hope it's not out of place to say, but in any course of action you take please remember she's still your little sister.

    She sounds troubled and unhappy, and will regret the way she is acting now when she's older.

    So try not to let it make you hard. You will be gone in a few days, and she's stuck there. When you see her comments as a reflection of her unhappiness, they won't have so much power over your feelings.

    If I were you, I would be as kind as I can, then go back to college and get on with my life.

    Sending positive thoughts. :smile:
  • ssbobbyh
    ssbobbyh Posts: 19 Member
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    There's a lot of great advice here.

    Me? I would tell them once and only once how their comments make me feel and that I have enough stress without family adding to it.

    If they insist on continuing, just ignore them or skip a few visits. I had a similar issue with my mother. She continued to criticize me and I skipped a Thanksgiving and a Christmas. She doesn't criticize me anymore.

    It sounds a bit extreme, but your family visits are supposed to be (mostly) fun and comforting. You don't need to spend your time getting harassed.
  • SrMaggalicious
    SrMaggalicious Posts: 495 Member
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    I have the best 'death stare' in the world, and carry one of those Costco 'People Erasers' in my back pocket...great tools....also headphones.

    As my dad always said "ignore the ignorant", and especially if the crap coming out of their mouth is negative and judgmental. They prob wouldn't know a macro from a dried up piece of macaroni they found on the floor. CHOOSE not to let their words absorb inside of you. YOU'VE GOT THIS!!

    "11 days...11 days....1 days." - repeat that mantra out loud in front of them and knock down a day as each one passes....

    PS. Once school is over, try to NOT move back into that toxic environment.
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
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    What a ***** - I bet she's only saying that because she's jealous of you. Are you going to be moving out for college or anything? I think moving out of that toxic environment is the best thing you could do.

    I'm entering my junior year of college- thankfully I leave in a few days!
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
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    honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.

    if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
    if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.

    "thats gonna make you fat"
    *smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*

    final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.

    final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.

    I don't live with my dad (haven't seen him in over a year; all contact is via phone/internet due to court order) and my grandma's comments are only at gatherings or on the phone as well. As for my sister, well, she's bigger than me (by half a foot and 40lbs) and hits harder so beating the crap out of her isn't exactly possible.

    She is only half a foot taller yet 40Ibs heavier than you? Maybe she is the one who should be losing weight in that case.

    She is a bit large, but she's also built completely differently than I. She plays high school football (at her public school!!!) while I dance and do yoga, for context. She's pretty much all muscle and has been bigger than me since she was 9 and I was 13.
  • SeattleJill
    SeattleJill Posts: 73 Member
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    Man. I really want you to twerk out of the kitchen while singing beyonce. And a pity that she is larger than you. I'm not recommending you do this, because that would make me an awful person. This is merely a story. I had a similar situation with my sister when I was a teen and she was a teen many moons ago. It got bad. Instead of physically fighting with her (I would always get busted for that since I was bigger) I decided to use psychological warfare. I had her convinced by the end of summer that all of the adults in the family were secretly discussing pooling money for her to get a nose job because her nose was so freakishly big and they all called her pretty all the time because they thought her self esteem needed it, since she had such a HUGE nose (she didn't) and because she was only in 'normal" classes and not honors classes like me. Every time she brought up food issues with me, or weight, I would touch my nose and whisper chant at her "Ugly." She avoided me at all cost by the end of the summer. Sometimes in an effed up family situation you have to play dirty to take care of yourself.

    FYI, my sister and I are best buds now,she is my number 1 fan, I am hers, and neither one of us talk to most of our family anymore. But we spend a lot of time laughing about how effed up everything was for us.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Doesn't sound like bullying to me.

    If you find it that bad, move out.
  • AlyssamR6712
    AlyssamR6712 Posts: 114 Member
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    wow some family you got.. i am sorry you have to go through that! ... honestly in my opinion i would tell them to F*** off and leave me alone. No song and dance im very blunt
  • whitehorse67
    whitehorse67 Posts: 101 Member
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    People who don't struggle with weight have no clue how hard it can be to keep motivated or avoid slipping sometimes. I noticed you have a 22lb weight loss!....AWESOME!....Continue to reach your goal....THAT is how you respond to the snarky comments. It sounds easy I know, but just let them flap their lips....as long as YOU are happy with your progress, that's all that matters. You're doing a great job and it's working for you. Just concentrate on those who give you encouragement and you can accomplish anything!

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