How do you handle tantrums?
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I think the point **by some** is being missed that this is a baby/toddler. She's barely on the cusp of retaining understanding that she needs to speak vs. yell, let alone speak quietly and not disturb others.
My son is just over two. I know, for our family, we handle these situations much the same way that you did, OP. It's rare that we make it through a shopping trip without redirection, distration, and a stern talking-to regarding what is acceptable and unacceptable in the grocery store.
We have the luxury of almost always having two parents when we brave Hannaford or, god-forbid, Walmart with our son. At this level, he's able to be reasoned with *IF*, and I do not say this lightly, he's well fed, well rested, and not overstimulated. He will almost always "forget" the rules - and I use quotes because I believe he sometimes legitimately forgets and other times it is convenient to not remember and see if Mommy/Daddy remember - and need reminding. We are consistent. He knows the patterns. He knows what to expect, even the path we go through the store, and approximately how long it takes. When we get to the last 3/4 of the trip is when we get to the negative behaviors, typically. We have structured the shopping to include a trip to look at the fish in the tanks (near the cat litter/food we need anyway) about half way through, and the frozen pizza that he gets to help pick out in the last of the two aisle we hit. He and Daddy get the pizza and walk it over to me in the next aisle. Then we get one last "treat" - the $1 cup of crackers he knows will be at the check out. There has been only a haldful of times that he has been removed from the store due to behaviors. I consider us extremely lucky -- I recognize our child is well behaved, and I know this is in part due to our consistency, but I know he is just a mild mannered child compared to some.
We have also taught him that we need to pay for it first. Whatever it is. We need to pay for it before he can open it, eat it, play with it, etc. This has been something we have done since he was way too young to even understand it. But, now, two years later, he gets it. It has helped immensely with the meltdowns over wanting to have something NOW. We had one meltdown over an apple he thought he needed to have at that very minute. He was relentless. My husband told him he could wait until we paid for it and eat it in the car or he could not have it at all and we would leave the store. He chose not wait, continue to sob and yell, and ultimately to leave. In the car we talked about why he didn't get his apple. Did he understand? Not in the moment. Not one bit. But, once he had calmed down we talked about why we pay for things first. The next time, he seemed to understand.0 -
I never had a problem with my son, but I almost always had a problem with my daughter. 9 times out of 10 I didn't give in, but you'd think it was the other way around. I felt bad for putting other shoppers through it, but as a single mom, I didn't have any other option but to take her with me. I would let her have her tantrum. I used to let her hold the thing she wanted, but I'd tell her we had to give it back before we left, because it belonged to the store. That actually worked for a while.0
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my mom just tells me to take a xanax0
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One day I shall have a restaurant.
There will be rules, no kids after 7pm will be one of them, along with no hats while dining.0 -
I feel like people are missing the fact that the OP's daughter is under 2....
You know...I remember being a kid, and being mocked. and it was a completely unpleasant horrible feeling that I wouldn't do to someone that I loved unconditionally, like my child....
I think people forget that when you're raising a kid, your job is to teach them. Punishing should be used as a learning tool. Not as a response to your anger or your embarrassment...
how about instead of getting mad or annoyed at your child you try to figure out why they are misbehaving?
My child just turned two, and he has been as awesome as kid could be....and then all of the sudden we entered the terrible twos....I always take my little guy out to restaurants, I want him to be used to them so he will behave properly, and I'm a working mom so I refuse to waste anytime with out my kid, so the other day I took him out to sushi like I frequently do, he loves miso soup. The kid was INSANE!!!! He was pulling on the blinds and being crazy, I kept trying to distract him with my normal arsenal of stuff, my magic bag of tricks...nothing was working....then...he took my plate and shoved it into the bowl of miso soup and it spilled EVERYWHERE....I was mortified.... in a fit of annoyance and embarrassment, I lost my cool and pulled his arm down hard and I made him cry and basically throw a tantrum....bad mom moment....so I took him outside to calm him down and I calmed down, and I started talking to him....then I had my moment of clarity and realized how stupid I was for taking him out in the first place, he had a short nap, and had his shots that day. Stupid me. We went home and he went to bed and was perfect the next time we went out.
There are reasons for tantrums and for misbehaving....if you figure out what those reasons are it's a lot easier to solve the problem, and then you don't have to spank or yell or mock your child.0 -
One day I shall have a restaurant.
There will be rules, no kids after 7pm will be one of them, along with no hats while dining.
Ohhhh... I remember Men Without Hats!
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My kids USED to be very unruly. I tried everything they tell you to do.
Only one thing worked: training. Then, bit by bit, they got better and better and better and are now, to my surprise, frequently COMPLIMENTED on their behavior!
It is, literally, the oldest advice on parenting (its from the Bible), "train up a child in the way he should go."
Think about it - we train kids to go to the potty, to read, and even adults need training for their jobs, but somehow we expect kids to be able to control their emotions on command (which is even a struggle for adults)! We have to train them.
When the child is at home and calm, you can explain your goals and what you are going to do to reach them, then be consistent and AUTHORITATIVE and KIND. They know you love them and they know you mean business. You can even play pretend, where the two of you practice. My kids know that orderly behavior is more fun than being unruly. To the point that they correct each other's behavior.
Specifically regarding tantrums, they are allowed one second of trantruming. Once they hit the floor, it's "that is unacceptable. Get off the floor." No emotions, no explainations, no coddling, no yelling, just demand, with the expectation of immediate compliance. And they can do it because they are not so overwhelmed by the emotion of five minutes of tantrum plus being yelled at by their parent, who looks as panicked as they are. Once they can do it at home, they can do it outside. This is very EMPOWERING for you and the child. The child learns he can have control over his strong emotions and the parent learns not to be manipulated by a child who has learned trantrums get the bubbles/attention/power over their parent. Win-win.
Needless to say, they figure out fairly quickly that tantrums are pointless and don't bother with that strategy. (Then you get the annoyed faces, but we're working on that ;-).
Hope this helps.0 -
Child-free restaurants, on the other hand, have a much better opportunity.
If only. There must be some out there? Oh wait. There would be daytime talk shows featuring the controversy, with all the outraged screaming protests and such and I haven't seen any yet. But if such a place exists in the US, maybe someone can make a thread about it?
Interesting.
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The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.0 -
The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.
Someone must have stayed in a Holiday Inn Express0 -
The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.
Says the "expert" who was so far at the end of her rope that she felt she had to go to an MFP forum to ask for help...0 -
The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.
Says the "expert" who was so far at the end of her rope that she felt she had to go to an MFP forum to ask for help...
Nice personal attack. I'm not the reporting type, but you're really playing the odds that no one reading this is in an 8 page thread.0 -
The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.
Says the "expert" who was so far at the end of her rope that she felt she had to go to an MFP forum to ask for help...
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The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.
Says the "expert" who was so far at the end of her rope that she felt she had to go to an MFP forum to ask for help...
Nice personal attack. I'm not the reporting type, but you're really playing the odds that no one reading this is in an 8 page thread.
This is no more of a personal attack than what the OP (and others) have been saying to me; and quite frankly, if you do not want my comments on this, post on a "mommy" board. If you want responses from anybody and everybody, then post on MFP's Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games board.0 -
This is no more of a personal attack than what the OP (and others) have been saying to me; and quite frankly, if you do not want my comments on this, post on a "mommy" board. If you want responses from anybody and everybody, then post on MFP's Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games board.
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The restaurant ended up spending thousands of dollars to satisfy the family and the whining pubic.
Litigation nation. Where will we go from here?
No, it never ended up in court, as far as I know. The restaurant paid out before it would come to that. Would it have been successful in court? If before a judge, surely not because there is no sound legal reasoning for the restaurant to pay anything. If before a jury of a bunch of parents.... well, that has nothing to do with the law or reasoning, as evidenced by how it ended in the jury of public opinion.
I suppose they coughed up the cash out of fear of ultimately going out of business or fear of future litigation. Oh well. As far as the jury of public opinion goes, I'm a woman who has no children and never wanted them. I realize I'm very much in the minority and majority rules.
But it seems like *parents* are just as fed up with *other* *peoples'* brats just as much as childless folk are, which I find sort of amusing.
The whole: It's-other-peoples'-kids-who-don't-act-right-not-mine-oh-except-once-when-he/she-was-hanging-around-with-the-wrong-crowd-he/she-is-a-bit-of-a-follower-you-see-but-we-put-a-stop-to-that. I suppose I'll never have that illuminating and sentimental experience but I'll continue to carry on
That is an interesting observation. I'll add my observation that parents who claim that theirs are well behaved are generally the ones who have the most problems. It is classic "deny the problem" results. If they believe there is no problem, they don't address. If they do not address the problem, then it continues. They continue to tout how great their kids behave, while the opposite continues to be true with increasing distance between perception and reality.
For someone who says that they avoid children, don't like them, and call them brats. You know an incredible amount about parenting and feel necessary to judge any and all parents.
Says the "expert" who was so far at the end of her rope that she felt she had to go to an MFP forum to ask for help...
Nice personal attack. I'm not the reporting type, but you're really playing the odds that no one reading this is in an 8 page thread.
This is no more of a personal attack than what the OP (and others) have been saying to me; and quite frankly, if you do not want my comments on this, post on a "mommy" board. If you want responses from anybody and everybody, then post on MFP's Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games board.
Let's take a moment and rejoice in the fact that this guy doesn't have his own "brats."0 -
Honesty may hurt, but I will not withhold it simply because you don't like what I have to say. The OP illustrates the point that NOBODY here (this includes parents) is an expert on raising children.
My point may have stung (ok, it definitely stung... a lot if someone didn't know themselves very well), yet it is absolutely valid.0 -
I would just let my son ride it out while I strolled along and kept shopping. If it looked like he was going to start throwing anything I would stand him in the middle of the aisle and hold his hand so he couldn't. When there was a break in the tears I would ask him if he was done and we would continue on our way.
I also didn't give a sweet eff about anyone else in the store. Toddlers are toddlers and they have meltdowns.0 -
I remember that before I had kids I had a lot stronger opinion about children's behavior than I do now. To those without kids - it's a lot harder than it looks and to those with kids - don't forget how annoyed you were by misbehaved kids before you had your own and found out its a lot harder than it looks.0
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Says the "expert" who was so far at the end of her rope that she felt she had to go to an MFP forum to ask for help...
Nice personal attack. I'm not the reporting type, but you're really playing the odds that no one reading this is in an 8 page thread.
This is no more of a personal attack than what the OP (and others) have been saying to me; and quite frankly, if you do not want my comments on this, post on a "mommy" board. If you want responses from anybody and everybody, then post on MFP's Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games board.
I haven't read all of the comments directed to you in this thread. However with parenting, you know nothing. It's not a personal attack. It is a statement of fact.
I used to think that because I dealt with my niece and nephew I knew what it would be like to be a parent. I was dead on wrong. It is the most life changing thing in existence. It's running around screaming in the trenches holding your own severed arm. It's riding a unicorn strapped to a rainbow propelled rocket pack. It's part true love, part Stockholm's syndrome, and all amazing.
Usually I don't even reply to non-parents giving parenting advice. You cannot understand the depths of your own ignorance in this matter. It's okay, I don't get mad at my dog for not knowing calculus. But questioning the fitness of one parent for asking how others do things is a new level of stupidity.
We have to think about this stuff, because at the end of the day someone's entire view on life and how well they cope with it is on us. Every day. There are no sick days, there are no breaks.
And we wouldn't have it any other way.0
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