How do you handle tantrums?

I feel like I came off all wrong in my posts... I need to work on my communication skills. My kids aren't perfect (neither am I, for sure!), they fight with each other and can be just as "bratty" as any other kid at times. I apologize to anyone who thought I was implying I'm a better parent than you.

I don't know what you're so worried about. You sounded polite, generous and reasonably pleasant to me, despite the provocative spirit of this thread. I'm not a parent but I can spot a sanctimommy a mile away and you don't seem to be one. :flowerforyou:

It was the "I have this knowledge that the rest of you don't -- but it's not your fault!" that bugged me.

Also that what she said about her kids wasn't entirely true and it came across as if your kids have tantrums, you're not parenting right.

But I appreciate the apology and I'm sorry I was harsh. I just wish more people would get that you can be the most perfect parent on the planet and still have kids who act out.

I feel like I came off all wrong in my posts... I need to work on my communication skills. My kids aren't perfect (neither am I, for sure!), they fight with each other and can be just as "bratty" as any other kid at times. I apologize to anyone who thought I was implying I'm a better parent than you.

I don't know what you're so worried about. You sounded polite, generous and reasonably pleasant to me, despite the provocative spirit of this thread. I'm not a parent but I can spot a sanctimommy a mile away and you don't seem to be one. :flowerforyou:

It was the "I have this knowledge that the rest of you don't -- but it's not your fault!" that bugged me.

Also that what she said about her kids wasn't entirely true and it came across as if your kids have tantrums, you're not parenting right.

But I appreciate the apology and I'm sorry I was harsh. I just wish more people would get that you can be the most perfect parent on the planet and still have kids who act out.

Just saw this was going on. I might add that while her original post raised my hackles a bit, she is genuinely trying to be helpful, and now we are friends, so that's all fine and dandy. Also, where did midwestern kid hater go?

I think he is sitting on a park bench by himself feeding pigeons.

I don't ever remember my (3) boys having one. If they did, it was only once! Game over

My mother had a warning system. She would give 1 warning. If after warning my siblings the tantrum continued, we left the store/mall/restaurant. Very often, my mom was alone at the grocery store with the 3 of us and she had to step outside while her full cart waited for her inside. She would sit outside with us and wait. And wait. No toys. No conversation. No reasoning. Just waiting. Eventually, without any more fuel, the tantrumer knocked it off. She would ask if we were ready to go back into the store. She would wait until we said "yes, mom." Then we went back in.

Thanks for this methodology. I like it and will use it

Yes. Good endgame strategy.

I was out with a friend of mine and his 4 year old nephew was in tow. We were mall shopping and sat down to eat at a sandwich joint. The kid had already been indulged with some toys and trinkets while shopping.

Now the kid was ordering his choice of lunch at the restaurant. No hassle. It took about 5 minutes longer than usual to be served lunch. It was busy.

The kid started whining and wouldn't stop.

I can see pouting. I can see complaining a bit. I can even see whining to a point, but the kid just wouldn't stop. He was hungry, I know. We all were. But when the whining turned into a tantrum once the plate was put in front of the kid because there were chopped onions on the side next to the hot dog, my friend abruptly removed the hot dog from the kids hand as he was about to bite into it, returned it to the plate, gave the plate to the waitress and asked for the check.

He paid and we left.

The kid was flabbergasted. He didn't utter a word. He said nothing on the ride home. And, according to my friend, he never pulled the brat card on uncle again. I've always respected my friend so much, since then, for the way he handled that.

Wonderful. That is a great way to handle it. There is no reason to let a kid pitch a tantrum, especially in public. They must learn that annoying behavior means they will NOT get what they want.

I feel like I came off all wrong in my posts... I need to work on my communication skills. My kids aren't perfect (neither am I, for sure!), they fight with each other and can be just as "bratty" as any other kid at times. I apologize to anyone who thought I was implying I'm a better parent than you.

I don't know what you're so worried about. You sounded polite, generous and reasonably pleasant to me, despite the provocative spirit of this thread. I'm not a parent but I can spot a sanctimommy a mile away and you don't seem to be one. :flowerforyou:

It was the "I have this knowledge that the rest of you don't -- but it's not your fault!" that bugged me.

Also that what she said about her kids wasn't entirely true and it came across as if your kids have tantrums, you're not parenting right.

But I appreciate the apology and I'm sorry I was harsh. I just wish more people would get that you can be the most perfect parent on the planet and still have kids who act out.

Just saw this was going on. I might add that while her original post raised my hackles a bit, she is genuinely trying to be helpful, and now we are friends, so that's all fine and dandy. Also, where did midwestern kid hater go?

Nope, I still return to this every once in awhile to see if there are any other comments about me. I don't know about feeding pigeons, but I'm still feeding trolls (as you can see).

Believe it or not, I was just at the grocery store the other day and there was a kid that kept bugging me. The kid was there with her grandma, who knows me and somehow thinks we are friends or something (we used to work together, and she started to like me probably because I tried to be helpful... it was work and not personal) so she tried to stop and talk to me. Her grand-daughter picked up on the idea that I was a "friend" and started to bother me immediately (seriously, in less than 3 seconds upon first contact. I only gave very brief responses as I continued moving in a different direction.

Later, she came up behind me in the checkout line, and I just ignored both of them even as the girl came up and tried to pull on my arm. I didn't look at her, I didn't talk to her, I just tried to pretend I didn't know they were even there. That made the girl try even harder to engage me... she was literally trying to swing from my arm at one point (though she wouldn't know it, this is also the same arm connected to the shoulder that has had surgery after 12 dislocations).

What did I do? I just ignored it. Though I really should have been stern with both of them. Why?! Because even though I do not like unruly kids (and things like that make me like them less), I actually do try to be civil. But ignoring the kid's behavior not only did not help, it actually caused the behavior to escalate.

Maybe I'm wrong, but you said the kid saw you as a friend because you were a former co-worker of Grandma?

Was the kid just being friendly toward you, child style?

To each his own, and I mean it. But I actually like friendly, funny kids and enjoy interacting with kids of that sort. It would hurt me to think of rejecting authentic harmless friendliness coming from anyone, especially a kid. Ouch!

(ETA: I was not a friendly or interactive kid myself. I was painfully shy and would avoid interaction with adults, even to the point of going off and hiding from them. I will say that I have fond memories of the few adults who made a special effort to bring me out of it, knowing they'd get nothing except maybe a blush and a ducked head. A few told me cute jokes that were funny to me, complimented my little outfit without being overbearing about it, or would bring me over a cookie from the table knowing I was too shy to go up and get it myself. I'll always remember those very kind adults who went above and beyond and didn't just ignore the shy introvert kid!)

The only thing that bugs me about kids is the brattiness factor, which is actually absent in a lot of kids. Some are very okay.

The only thing that bugs me about parents is the complicity and/or encouragement of the brattiness. Which is sometimes absent in parents. Some are okay. That and when parents assail me with constant stories of the offspring who I never met and will probably never meet. And when I have to stare at a constant stream of tiresome photographs and make the appropriate sound effects.

But maybe you are someone who really doesn't like kids period, under any circumstances. And like I said, to each his own. I won't flame you for it.

I generally do not approach other adults in public unless there is a reason to do so. As a kid, I was not particularly social with other kids either. In this case, the grandma approached me in the store because she knew me and the kid followed her lead. So it would prefer if they would both have just left me alone, but kids go beyond wanting to just chit-chat (which would even be alright if I had time or interest in the topic). This kid was trying to be clingy immediately. After our first brief conversation, as I started to walk away, the kid started to follow me before grandma told her to come back. That doesn't even make sense to me... I didn't even acknowledge she was there, but was having a very short conversation with the grandma. How does she think I want her to follow me around?

That isn't to say I don't interact with other adults... Example: Maybe I'm out on a trail and will actually be the one to start a conversation, and will engage in pleasantries until I eventually get to the point (which may be that I want to know what trail conditions, wildlife hazards, etc. are ahead). I'm sure most everyone does this - is anyone friendly just for the sake of being friendly, or is there not some other motive? It doesn't have to be something they even can define now... it could be trying to be friendly with neighbors for just in case a property line issue comes up or something.

You are basically correct - I do not like kids. Then the question comes back to: How can I get these kids to stop bothering me in the grocery store (restaurant, etc.), though? The answer is that I can't; the parent/grandma/whatever must get their kid to stop bothering me. That person might try harder if they know I don't like kids... but this woman even knew that - she kept trying to set me up with her daughter (the mom of this one), and I made it clear that I don't like kids, so that was not going to happen.

How does she think I want her to follow me around?

Kids, cats and dogs will pick up on when someone doesn't like them and do their best to be as obnoxious as possible toward that person. Every time.

Maybe you should seek counseling. Really, aside from your extreme dislike of children that seems to go beyond reason, you seem to have a lot of animosity toward humans in general. That's a lot of bitterness to hold onto.

How does she think I want her to follow me around?

Kids, cats and dogs will pick up on when someone doesn't like them and do their best to be as obnoxious as possible toward that person. Every time.

Maybe you should seek counseling. Really, aside from your extreme dislike of children that seems to go beyond reason, you seem to have a lot of animosity toward humans in general. That's a lot of bitterness to hold onto.

Not everyone likes everything. Would you advise someone who doesn't like snakes to seek counseling? This really is no different, except that most people do not bring snakes out to where other people will have to experience their snakes.

I disagree that I have "animosity towards humans in general." Of course, I don't expect that you could know either way from my posts regardless - there just isn't enough to know me very well.

I have no kids of my own, but my mom had a two-point tantrum dispeller.
1. Crazy eye. This was the look before the storm. I could choose to stop here.
2. The "speaking without moving teeth" thing all moms can do-and the words uttered by every southern mom, "I am giving you to the count of three before I give you something to cry about."

I never threw tantrums because when I was growing up I always had a discussion about action vs reaction. Got my tiny noodle noodling. Try that.

Here we go again...

It's pretty obvious that midwesterner has a massive contempt for the human race. I'm pretty sure we aren't going to change his mind.