found my husband on an onlne dating site

nikkil232004
nikkil232004 Posts: 2
in Introduce Yourself
I am 33 years old and truly in love with my husband. We have had a marriage of 10 years and I plan to make it 75 years but I found out 3 weeks ago that he was on an online dating site and it almost broke my heart to no repair. I have been unhappy with myself for a long time and instead of getting motivated and doing something about it I just sit on my butt. Well that is over now but I need supporting friends and a check and balance system. My husband and I both want to have the marriage we seem to have lost and so we are both working on the issues together but I need friends who are working on losing weight as well.
Nikki
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Replies

  • GoGoGirl1111
    GoGoGirl1111 Posts: 48 Member
    I'm sorry Nikki, I really hope it works for you both. You are a better women than me, I would have kicked his Butt the curb:
  • nikkil232004
    nikkil232004 Posts: 2
    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
  • Atrocity108
    Atrocity108 Posts: 328 Member
    :( I have no real advise to this situation, because I dont know your full story.

    All I can see is that it is sad :(
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

    Just.

    Wow.
  • lizzybathory
    lizzybathory Posts: 229
    I remember finding my ex on a dating site, while we were still together... it was awful. Fortunately for me at that point I already pretty much knew it was over, so I wasn't blindsided by that, at least... but it was kind of heartbreaking to see her list out what she was looking for in a partner. It was basically a list of everything she hated about me.

    That can be devastating. I'm glad you are both committed to working on it; but he better have a lot of work to do before you trust him again.
  • crzdirector
    crzdirector Posts: 49 Member
    I am so sorry. I had infidelity in my marriage early on and we worked through it, but it eventually failed.

    Thoughts and prayers with you hun. Friends are important right now and let them love and support you through this, you will survive and and I promise it will get better.
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  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    Use this momentum to work on yourself. And only for yourself.

    I won't comment on the infidelity or the tracking of his phones/activities, since that's your prerogative apparently.
  • patriciarucker
    patriciarucker Posts: 1
    GET YRSELF BACK TO BEING FIT AND LOVING YRSELF. THINGS HAPPEN IN LIFE JUST KEEP YR HEAD UP AND BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE.....
  • catneon
    catneon Posts: 911 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.
    ^^This...sorry I know it's hard but if you can't have honesty and trust in your relationship you really need to think if it's what you want from your life
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

    Good luck with that.
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  • Milliepet
    Milliepet Posts: 40 Member
    my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
    I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
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  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    tumblr_lf0xhkFLFJ1qdeqjto1_500.gif
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    I am 33 years old and truly in love with my husband. We have had a marriage of 10 years and I plan to make it 75 years but I found out 3 weeks ago that he was on an online dating site and it almost broke my heart to no repair. I have been unhappy with myself for a long time and instead of getting motivated and doing something about it I just sit on my butt. Well that is over now but I need supporting friends and a check and balance system. My husband and I both want to have the marriage we seem to have lost and so we are both working on the issues together but I need friends who are working on losing weight as well.
    Nikki

    You know, there is a very strong possibility that your husband's infidelity has nothing to do with your fitness level, and everything to do with his inability to stay in a monogamous relationship and uphold the vows you both took. Trust is a fragile bird, once broken it is almost never fully able to be repaired. Trust me, I know.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    I have to get on board with this, too.

    Putting up a dating profile takes work and intent. It doesn't just happen by accident - he thought it through.

    I know this is really hard, so I don't want to pile on here. There are people who can forgive and forget cheating, and then there are those who can't When I was little, my family was torn apart by cheating. I have also been cheated on. I am one of those women who just can't get past it, because this is a really sore area for me. I would have to move on.

    If you stay, I would recommend counseling (individually and together). If you stay, there will come a time when you have to trust him enough to leave the phone records alone. If you can't do this, then you may need to move on.
  • jazi1964
    jazi1964 Posts: 7
    Not to be mean but I hope you realize that his infidelity will never end. To go on a dating site while married is just awful. I don't care if you've been unhappy with yourself and unmotivated, there is no excuse for his action.

    I feel for you Nikki, don't play the fool .
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    Yep. My thoughts, too. Sadly, you losing weight will never fix his lack of commitment and character.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
    You are a better woman than me because he would have been living in a hotel.

    You should be on this journey for you not him.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
    I'm not going to venture any opinions on your personal life, aint my business, but I'd be happy to be your friend on MFP if you want weight loss encouragement. I'm a 35 year old mother of 2 who has lost about 31lbs and has another 45 or so to go. Send me a friend request if you like.
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  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    Nikki,

    If you want to be fitter and healthier, do it for YOU. No one else. Not to try to "save" your marriage, not because of what he did. Do it for you and you only.

    Best of luck to you. Feel free to friend me if you'd like some more support!!
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

    Just.

    Wow.

    Yeah. Um. Wow.
  • aurorareigns
    aurorareigns Posts: 167
    Will you ever trust him again? I'm not trying to be negative about the situation, it just seems like once you know someone has done something like this it will always be in the back of your mind. What did he say about the dating site? Did he apologize? Are you guys going to counseling or something?
  • mgreenham
    mgreenham Posts: 40 Member
    I'm not saying this is the case, and you didn't tell us about the confrontation, or if he denied it, but is it at all possible that someone stole his online identity (Catfishing) I know it's a super remote possibility but it has happened.
  • mave34
    mave34 Posts: 109 Member
    I'm not sure I personally could regain trust and be with someone who doesn't love me and support me 100% That being said everyone is different and everyone's level of tolerance is different. I would have kicked him out without batting an eyelash. You may want to take some time for yourself, re-evaluate what you need and deserve and not only for you but the children as well.

    You need also need to consider if are you looking for support and motivation to get in shape to "keep" your husband and please him? Or are you truly doing it for you and only you. Just my opinion......any man that is willing to put himself out there on the internet portraying himself available is a low life with no morals and that is a form of cheating. Not only is he betraying you he is betraying his children as well.

    Be true to yourself, you're stronger than you think and in my experience here there is tons of support in MFP community for many different things as well as weight loss and fitness goals. Life is too precious to live it for anyone else but yourself, and believe me, your kids will truly benefit from a mom who is not only healthy physically but mentally as well. Good luck!
  • TX_Rhon
    TX_Rhon Posts: 1,549 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    Yep. My thoughts, too. Sadly, you losing weight will never fix his lack of commitment and character.

    ^^This!
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    wait...how did you find out he was on a dating site?
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.
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