found my husband on an onlne dating site
Replies
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wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
So...if it takes Jesus, what happens to anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus?
Seriously.
And also, not everyone can heal from this and I don't think it's a failure if you can't. I think that's just life.0 -
It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
Do the whole world a favor.
Don't give advice again.0 -
It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
Please ignore the heck out of this ^
You're already valuable, but seriously...all these (other) comments are true. I'm not going to speak for you but the fact you want to start monitoring his every move shows the lack of trust...it's going to be very difficult to trust him again but going about it this way...is it worth it? And your journey...please let it be for yourself. So you feel good about yourself...love yourself more...that's more important in my opinion. I hope you find a happy ending :flowerforyou:0 -
Use this momentum to work on yourself. And only for yourself.
^^^^^^^^^^^BEST ADVICE ON THIS THREAD
feel free to add me. no judgment here on your choices. I would be glad to be part of your support network.0 -
It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
I urge you not to listen to this... at all.0 -
*hearing "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" in my head now...*I'm just curious, how did you find him on a dating site? Did a friend stumble across him and call you up or did you have a profile and find his? I am genuinely curious, because I don't recall seeing how you found it.
I was thinking the same thing.
It would have been interesting if an "automated" dating site matched them together.
yes, interesting or awkward, lol.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
Well there you go... I'm sure Jesus will fix this right up.
I'm sure it's like #1 on his to do list.
Along with like Ebola. And Poverty.0 -
Well this certainly was not what I was expecting when I read the title. I thought it was going to be a happy story about you finding someone on a dating site and marrying them.0
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wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
But she isn't working on rebuilding the trust or having it be healed....
She is "secretly" spying on on him.....that is not how trust is rebuilt or healed.....
I mean, what is his thoughts overall?
Does he even want to be in the relationship anymore?0 -
unfortunately, there are children involved............I think sometimes, when family is there, it makes quite a difference to the person who is being cheated on.....Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
maybe the OP is in a happy relationship, but secretly, hes seeking some new action.......if he provides a good home life./food/schooling , etc and is supportive of the children, maybe she can work on it
again, I dont know her circumstances , but I agree, if its a failed marriage, it will only get worse...been there too,
but remember the pain and hurt the little children will have to go thru..........I hope she tries counselling and talks to him about the situation.....again, I really feel for her children
if she didnt have children, she may have a different attitude ,but its hard on the children.
Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
Yup. Crap and crap.
Sorry girl. You're a better person than I. Obviously don't know you/him/etc only know what I'd do ... and my husband knows what would happen to him too. Been cheated on before - not by my husband - and will not do that again.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
Really? So without a story book character trust cannot be restored? Well damn...I guess I am screwed then.0 -
maybe the OP is in a happy relationship, but secretly, hes seeking some new action.......if he provides a good home life./food/schooling , etc and is supportive of the children, maybe she can work on it
again, I dont know her circumstances , but I agree, if its a failed marriage, it will only get worse...been there too,
but remember the pain and hurt the little children will have to go thru..........I hope she tries counselling and talks to him about the situation.....again, I really feel for her children0 -
Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
AMEN!!!!
Children know....they ain't stupid.
They pick up on things far more than you think, and are far smarter than you think.
Especially the girls (among my kids anyways)0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
^0 -
I'm not saying this is the case, and you didn't tell us about the confrontation, or if he denied it, but is it at all possible that someone stole his online identity (Catfishing) I know it's a super remote possibility but it has happened.
I also want to know if he was just window shopping or if he had made actual contact with other women. There is a big difference to me.0 -
my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
as far as I know my ex didn't cheat, but suspect he did. we're also practicing Christians. but he was/is abusive, alcoholic, hoarder, did not take care of the family, and other issues. stayed w/him for 22 years in part of my faith, in part my son, in part because I was truly afraid for my & my son's life. I literally got my 'sign' that it was ok to divorce him. I forgive him but my son and I don't have to live with him and his actions. would never trust him to be back in our lives again - ever!
to the OP... lose weight if you want to for you, as far as your hubby... keep your eyes wide open for the infidelity and he has to EARN your trust! You are WORTH his or any man's faithfulness. :flowerforyou:0 -
It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
WTH?! Nonononono. :noway: Just.
NO.0 -
I'm not saying this is the case, and you didn't tell us about the confrontation, or if he denied it, but is it at all possible that someone stole his online identity (Catfishing) I know it's a super remote possibility but it has happened.
I also want to know if he was just window shopping or if he had made actual contact with other women. There is a big difference to me.
Wut? How is that different?
You don't think one is going to lead to the other?
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Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
AMEN!!!!
Children know....they ain't stupid.
They pick up on things far more than you think, and are far smarter than you think.
Especially the girls (among my kids anyways)
Girls are intuitive, that's for sure!0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
^ Yup. I'd keep my eye on him if I were.
Lose weight and get healthy for you and not for his cheating *kitten*.
Edited to add more.0 -
This hits it on the mark.0
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wow,,,, you should not have to check up on your husband..... trust me when I say this, if he tries this once it will happen again!!!!0
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It is hard situation. If he wants to try something new,there are mostly his problem. But as for you ,it is hard to change his mind. But you can try to figure out ways to improve yourself and improve your relationship. At least it is only a beginning( I hope). If you become more attractive, you have more chances to win him back! Do something, anything that can improve you! Make yourself VALUABLE! Take care of him more !
I can't even begin to go into how freaking wrong this is. :mad:
Improve yourself if you want but only FOR yourself.0 -
wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.
^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!
No not this^^^^
She said:secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.
Sorry that is not how trust works...
And if I were the guy in that relationship and she was doing that
I would see it as a form of control and manipulation, and also for what it is....NO TRUST
Would drive me crazy, push me away and I would leave.0 -
Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
This!
"Never trust anyone who always blames everyone else for everything wrong in their life" ~Anna Pereira
OP - you are worth more and you deserve better! Peace and love to you
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Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
AMEN!!!!
Children know....they ain't stupid.
They pick up on things far more than you think, and are far smarter than you think.
Especially the girls (among my kids anyways)
Girls are intuitive, that's for sure!
Agreed.0 -
unfortunately, there are children involved............I think sometimes, when family is there, it makes quite a difference to the person who is being cheated on.....Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.
Some guys have all the moves.
if she didnt have children, she may have a different attitude ,but its hard on the children.
Children can pick up on a strained marriage and living in a house with constant fighting is awful (I'm not saying that's the case here). But, sometimes, a split is actually better for the children.
Agreed. What example is staying setting for your children? That they should stay in a bad marriage? That it's ok to cheat? No.0
This discussion has been closed.
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