found my husband on an onlne dating site

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Replies

  • genki90
    genki90 Posts: 94 Member
    This is just stupid. If you love someone and want to spend your life with him/her you don't just change your mind because he/she put on some fat. True love, besides the romantic butterflies in the stomach, is about dedication to your partner. Which means that if he was unhappy with your appearance he would find ways to motivate you and help you improve yourself. Instead of that he chose to get in touch with other women. That's just immature and selfish. And this is not only about you, he couldn't even respect his family and kids. Don't feel bad about yourself, HE didn't meet your expectations and HE is the one at fault. You should love yourself no matter what he thinks, and do what's best for you.
  • AdiabaticPerformance
    AdiabaticPerformance Posts: 170 Member
    [/quote]

    :huh: :huh: :huh: :huh:

    Guess he likes his girls big
    [/quote]

    There's a song about that...
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    My friend got busted on a dating site by her man.

    He made her delete the profile.

    Now she has to come over to my house to log on under my profile.

    We look a lot alike anyways.

    Honestly,

    I'm an event planner in an un-common sub-culture, and I've met members on dating sites and never had any sexual relationship with them. I still see them all the time, and we've traveled together and had long term platonic friendships together.

    Some people really are on there looking for friendship.

    That being said, my -ex was on there looking for friendship when he met the woman he left me for (who, by the way, weighs about 200+ more pounds than I do.)

    Yes, your friend sounds like a swell person. Great for her. :huh:
  • Love how the know it alls come outta the woodwork when infidelity is brought up..truth is, you dont KNOW what you would do til its staring you dead on in the face....

    Trust can be mended, marriages healed and demons muzzled..but it takes work...and the work part is what gets people..

    I will not say ALL can be healed..but alot of folks wont put the work in the heal..you are either ALL in or out..there is no half way point.

    Getting healthy and loosing weight can do wonders in restoring your self confidence..and that my friend is step one in a situation like this.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,313 Member
    If you think your husband DOESN'T have a wandering eye .... :laugh:
  • MichelleV1990
    MichelleV1990 Posts: 783 Member
    Where would some of us be in this life without second chances? Only you and your husband know the whole story. If you both are committed to working on it, then I say, good for you! Trust is a very fragile thing, but it can be built up again over time. There are no blinders on anymore, and you both can see how easily it is to take each other, and your health, for granted. Let this be a fresh start for both of you, but if your heart gets broken again....Fool me twice, shame on me! Good luck, and I wish the best for both of you! :flowerforyou:
  • AmigaMaria001
    AmigaMaria001 Posts: 489 Member
    Every marriage is worth fighting for! I'm glad you are willing to keep trying... With that said, just because you are overweight does not mean his infidelity is your fault. If this is the catalyst that gets you motivated to lose weight and have a healthier lifestyle, then so be it. But don't look for it to change your marriage or relationship. That will take work and commitment from both of you.
    Practice makes perfect, so you both need to practice being head-over-heals in love with each other. " Fake it til you feel it," as the saying goes.
  • OP can I ask on the profile he made what did he say he was looking for?

    Did he say casual encounters?

    Did he say friendship only?

    That does make some difference.

    to me, it doesn't. There are other places to meet friends. There is no need for a dating site, UNLESS they had the type of relationship where they created one together and/or had an open marriage.
  • shankasaurus
    shankasaurus Posts: 116 Member
    God is dead, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was executed

    This is why we are friends.
  • My friend got busted on a dating site by her man.

    He made her delete the profile.

    Now she has to come over to my house to log on under my profile.

    We look a lot alike anyways.

    Honestly,

    I'm an event planner in an un-common sub-culture, and I've met members on dating sites and never had any sexual relationship with them. I still see them all the time, and we've traveled together and had long term platonic friendships together.

    Some people really are on there looking for friendship.

    That being said, my -ex was on there looking for friendship when he met the woman he left me for (who, by the way, weighs about 200+ more pounds than I do.)

    and you have no problem allowing her to do so? Why not have her evaluate her relationship, instead of giving her the tools to continue cheating?
  • MichelleV1990
    MichelleV1990 Posts: 783 Member
    If you think your husband DOESN'T have a wandering eye .... :laugh:

    If you really think about it, doesn't everyone? We all look...then there are some who put it into action. That's a different story.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,117 Member
    Every marriage is worth fighting for! I'm glad you are willing to keep trying... With that said, just because you are overweight does not mean his infidelity is your fault. If this is the catalyst that gets you motivated to lose weight and have a healthier lifestyle, then so be it. But don't look for it to change your marriage or relationship. That will take work and commitment from both of you.
    Practice makes perfect, so you both need to practice being head-over-heals in love with each other. " Fake it til you feel it," as the saying goes.

    I'm going to disagree with your first statement. My first marriage was filled with physical abuse and was not worth the pain for me or my child. Neither was my late husband's first marriage. His kids didn't see what a normal, loving relationship consisted of until he and I got together.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    tumblr_lf0xhkFLFJ1qdeqjto1_500.gif

    Almost choked laughing at this!
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Your husband isn't the brightest crayon in the box, is he? A dating profile online is so easy to find. SMH. So sorry that happened to you.
  • I don't think this is as black and white as you say. You found him on a dating site, you can't view 99% of dating site members without having a membership yourself. Furthermore was his membership Standard, or Silver or Gold, because a standard account cant talk to anyone on the site anyway. Also, dating websites retain a userbase of about 70% fake profiles, including people who once registered and quit and stuff as simple as people who registered on craigslist. The job of these bots is to send messages, winks and flirts to people to make them think dating websites work, for the most part, they don't. Period.

    I was 18 once and I thought cheating was the worst thing in the entire world. Then I grew up, was married for 8 years and understood the complaceny, disregard, and lack of communication that can happen as a result of a marriage not being maintained ESP after having children. I never cheated, but I didn't think it was the worst thing in the world anymore, perhaps that is lying, but everyone is different. Some people just cheat its in their nature. But to equate an online profile with the same brevity of not coming home at night and physically messing around and then using it as an excuse to track everything they do, that's not wise, and almost certainly signifies your marriage is over.

    The most important thing here, is few of the people here seem to understand how happiness in a relationship actually works. You are responsible for your own happiness, if someone makes you unhappy its because you let them, if someone cant make you happy its because you wont let them. You have to better yourself, educate yourself, take care of yourself, and you have to do all those things for you, no one else can make you do it, ultimately your strength of character determines what you are capable of, not your marriage. If you are truly happy personally that light radiates in your marriage and will make any husband or bf feel appreciated, what you do for them is purely a reflection of your own generosity, compassion, and sense of forgiveness because lets face it, everyone screws something up at some point in their relationship, including cheating. People are what you make of them.
  • llnewsom
    llnewsom Posts: 2 Member
    Get caught cheating, convince your wife it's her fault and she needs to lose weight.


    Some guys have all the moves.

    Pretty much this. Get healthy for yourself, not because someone is using your weight as a scapegoat for their bad behavior.
    We have a lot of history not all good but more good than bad and I don't want to lose my husband I think we were both too wrapped up in the kids and life in general and not giving each other enough attention and not all the bad in the past 10 years have been his fault so I will forgive and forget but not again and secretly I check the online cell phone accounts and know his every move lol until I can trust again.

    If he truly wants to rebuild the marriage, he needs to rebuild trust. That means you shouldn't be secretly checking his accounts. If he wants your trust back he should be voluntarily making his life an open book.
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
    maybe the OP is in a happy relationship, but secretly, hes seeking some new action.......if he provides a good home life./food/schooling , etc and is supportive of the children, maybe she can work on it

    again, I dont know her circumstances , but I agree, if its a failed marriage, it will only get worse...been there too,

    but remember the pain and hurt the little children will have to go thru..........I hope she tries counselling and talks to him about the situation.....again, I really feel for her children

    When divorce is handled the right way, it reduces the stress on the children.
    My parents got divorced. They handled it the right way. They are still amicable and friendly to one another. I have an amazing relationship with both parents, and learned to value the alone time I have separately with each parent. Everyone else I know who has divorced parents are in a similar boat. Staying together for the sake of children is worse, and so is trying to work out something that is unfixable. A failed marriage is not the end of the world for children or the parents.
  • BootCampC
    BootCampC Posts: 689 Member
    I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..
  • I don't know the story or if he purposely went to the site , but I know from experience that some porn site you go to open dating site links when you visit the porn site.. just sayin..

    do they create full accounts and include your name and pics, too? Again, just curious, because I have never done it and do not know how those things work.
  • asdowe13
    asdowe13 Posts: 1,955 Member
    wow...all these counselors and not one certification in their background pictures. I can tell you from experience..broken trust CAN be healed. it takes complete transparency on BOTH sides..and yes..it takes Jesus (I'm certain I'll get feedback from that from those who don't want accountability in their lives). If it fails it's because BOTH parties don't want the same outcome. If it didn't work for YOU...naysayers.....it's because Both of YOU didn't want to focus on fixing the problems that led to it. Good for you to try to do your part lady..in my book, you rock! and if your hubby doesn't want to leave his phone and texts wide open for you to verify his trustworthyness..then he is not worth keeping and don't deserve you.



    ^^^THIS, THIS, THIS ^^^^^
    I speak from exp. When you think all hope is lost and nothing will be the same....hope is not lost! and believe me, it will not be the same but it can be so much better! as long as you both want the same outcome....it will hurt at first but it is worth it to stick it out...it can make your relationship stronger....keep your head up and follow Jesus...he knows what he is doing!

    None of you love Jesus any more than I do. But Her husband wasnt checking in when Jesus when he logged into the DATING SITE. He didnt accidentally tap the join and find locals in your area. So dont even try it


    All I am saying is that if she does want to work things out it is possible...whatever situation she is in it is HER choice and if she decides that she loves him and wants to make it work then it is possible! I don't know her life or her relationship or anything else about her...all I know is what she posted...and she said they are working on issues together....just letting her know it is possible to make things work if that's what she wants....I am not telling her what to do or anything...just giving her a little insight on what worked for me....and yes you are right he didn't check in with JESUS when he logged into the dating site....ALL THE MORE REASON TO CHECK IN WITH HIM NOW!

    God is dead, and I'm pretty sure Jesus was executed

    This wins the internet today!
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