found my husband on an onlne dating site
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I try not to give my opinion on things that aren't my business, but since I caught my ex with another woman, while I was 7 months pregnant with our son, I think I've earned it.
First, I'm really sorry this has happened to you.
Second, and IMO, more importantly, the fact that you said you check his phone secretly means you no longer trust him. You may love him and you may want your marriage to work, for whatever reasons, but you will never trust him again. The thing you must decide is whether or not you're willing to live with that.
If you are, stay. If you're not, move on. Since I'm on a roll with advice giving, the fact that you take partial blame for his infidelity tells me that you need to spend some time alone, working on building your own self worth. Only then will you not settle for anything less than you deserve.0 -
my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.
I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters
It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.
LOL0 -
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What many have said before me -
Do the weight loss for yourself, and to be around for your kids longer and be healthier for them.
This guy isn't worth keeping around. He's just going to find another excuse to do it later. That's my opinion.0 -
I don't think this is as black and white as you say. You found him on a dating site, you can't view 99% of dating site members without having a membership yourself. Furthermore was his membership Standard, or Silver or Gold, because a standard account cant talk to anyone on the site anyway. Also, dating websites retain a userbase of about 70% fake profiles, including people who once registered and quit and stuff as simple as people who registered on craigslist. The job of these bots is to send messages, winks and flirts to people to make them think dating websites work, for the most part, they don't. Period.
Unless she just found him still logged into the profile on his computer.0 -
What many have said before me -
Do the weight loss for yourself, and to be around for your kids longer and be healthier for them.
This guy isn't worth keeping around. He's just going to find another excuse to do it later. That's my opinion.
Now there is a smart guy!0 -
Ok, there's a lot of Jesus talk in this thread. But why has no one considered the strength and compassion offered by the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
(I think this thread is going to roll as well...garlic roll)
R'AMEN!
I just left my body for 5 minutes0 -
my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.
I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters
It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.
*takes red pen and puts a big x through everything but the 10 Commandments*
Now, let's discuss all those wars your god supported in the bible and square that with though shall not kill. I have yet to find Just War Theory in Exodus or Deuteronomy.
Okay I was just saying adultry is wrong is in the 10 commandments, not getting into a religious debate because I don't believe I said what or who I believe in anywhere. So way to put words in my mouth, or online. Whatever you know what I mean. lol0 -
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To the Original Poster
You said you were a bit heavy and kind of let yourself go.? Well, be honest.......just exactly what does your husband look like? Did he let himself go as well , and isn't anything to write home about?
If hes on one of those dating sites, what kind of picture did he exactly post? Him 15 years ago looking handsome, or a current photo? Most of those posted photos are fake, or dated
I just wonder if her husband could get any replies to his profile as well?0 -
To the Original Poster
You said you were a bit heavy and kind of let yourself go.? Well, be honest.......just exactly what does your husband look like? Did he let himself go as well , and isn't anything to write home about?
If hes on one of those dating sites, what kind of picture did he exactly post? Him 15 years ago looking handsome, or a current photo? Most of those posted photos are fake, or dated
I just wonder if her husband could get any replies to his profile as well?
Not trying to be mean...but what does his profile photos or body have to do with any of this?
He was on a dating website. There's around a 51%+ chance he was attempting to cheat.
Whether or not he would get replies seems irrelevant.0 -
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well.......if hes a dog, chances are zip for getting together , right? Its like playing the lottery, sure, you played, but seriously, do you think youre going to win?
If her husband is a good provider , good father, and shes been happy, maybe he was just playing the lottery? Again, I dont condone his actions, but if he looks like crappola, why should she worry? Hot looking women will just pass him bye.............0 -
Man, I'm kind of hoping my husband does something horrible in the near future so I can post it on MFP and read all the excellent advice. Keep doing the Lord's (or FSM) work, people!0
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To the Original Poster
You said you were a bit heavy and kind of let yourself go.? Well, be honest.......just exactly what does your husband look like? Did he let himself go as well , and isn't anything to write home about?
If hes on one of those dating sites, what kind of picture did he exactly post? Him 15 years ago looking handsome, or a current photo? Most of those posted photos are fake, or dated
I just wonder if her husband could get any replies to his profile as well?
Her profile says she wanted to get in shape because her husband got fit and she wanted to keep up with him. So he's not fat at least.0 -
So sorry to hear you went through that Nikki. Feel free to add me if you like. I am happy to help and be supportive in any way I can while you take this journey for yourself. I too am taking the weight loss journey for different reasons. The best way for you to succeed at this is that you are really doing this for yourself. I wish you the best luck with it all. You also will want to avoid stress while your working at this, it makes it hard to succeed. You should probably evaluate what your husband was doing, and question why he was doing it. If it was because you gained weight did he not try to talk to you about it? The biggest problem with his online dating site membership is that he was trying to meet other people while married to you and begin relationships. This is a huge trust issue. Do you really want a man who did that to you? Can you honestly trust him or will you always be wondering if hes doing it again? Those kinds of things are what will make you fail. You would fail because it could lead you to emotional eating, weight gain, and depression. I guess your best bet is to figure out what you really want.0
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I caught my ex wife on a dating site and she convinced me that she was just "chatting" with the guys. We worked on our marriage and then low an behold she did it again and I found out that she wasn't really just "chatting". We have been divorced for 5 years now but should have been divorced for 8. If he took the step to go online and find dates he will do it again and believe me you may think you are checking all his "access" methods but it is very easy. My ex bought a "go phone" took the sim card our threw the phone away and would then simply swap the sim in her phone. I figured this out when I called her once being silly when I was sitting next to her and her phone didn't get the call.........cause she had the "other" sim card in the phone.
I hope it works for you I really do but if you are doing the "super" check up on him all the time you will never learn to trust again.0 -
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well.......if hes a dog, chances are zip for getting together , right? Its like playing the lottery, sure, you played, but seriously, do you think youre going to win?
If her husband is a good provider , good father, and shes been happy, maybe he was just playing the lottery? Again, I dont condone his actions, but if he looks like crappola, why should she worry? Hot looking women will just pass him bye.............
See? This is what I mean... you just don't find stellar relationship advice like this on any old weight loss website. So as long as my husband fell out of the ugly tree I shouldn't worry about him trying to bang other women? I'm gonna go write that down... right underneath where I took notes from a previous poster about how if my husband cheats I should blame myself and try to be less ugly.0 -
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well.......if hes a dog, chances are zip for getting together , right? Its like playing the lottery, sure, you played, but seriously, do you think youre going to win?
If her husband is a good provider , good father, and shes been happy, maybe he was just playing the lottery? Again, I dont condone his actions, but if he looks like crappola, why should she worry? Hot looking women will just pass him bye.............
That still doesn't negate his behavior.
I also don't care if my future husband is a good provider/father/made me happy at one point. If he cheats, he can take his paycheck and go to the Motel 6 while I divorce him.0 -
What's he gonna do when he finds out you are also on a dating site (MFP)? LOL! JUST KIDDING! Although, alot of people would probably agree with that sentiment. ;-)0
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I think this topic has gotten way off topic, in a direction I do not think the original posted intended, since she made a decision of what she wanted already.
To the original poster, I wish you luck, this can be a very supportive community. But I have found you only get out of it, what you put into it. I will also say try to love yourself, because I am not hearing a lot of that in your original post, and sometimes finding that helps people want to get better, want to get their butts up and push themselves. You are not doing this for anyone else, or others approval, but because that makes you feel better.0 -
I think this topic has gotten way off topic, in a direction I do not think the original posted intended, since she made a decision of what she wanted already.
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well.......if hes a dog, chances are zip for getting together , right? Its like playing the lottery, sure, you played, but seriously, do you think youre going to win?
If her husband is a good provider , good father, and shes been happy, maybe he was just playing the lottery? Again, I dont condone his actions, but if he looks like crappola, why should she worry? Hot looking women will just pass him bye.............
See? This is what I mean... you just don't find stellar relationship advice like this on any old weight loss website. So as long as my husband fell out of the ugly tree I shouldn't worry about him trying to bang other women? I'm gonna go write that down... right underneath where I took notes from a previous poster about how if my husband cheats I should blame myself and try to be less ugly.
geez lady......Dear Abby I am not..........Ok, I was just trying to help her out a bit.........youre right, I may not have the experience or PHD in Counselling, but hell.........I have eyes..........if hes a dog do you really, really think attractive women are going to give him their time? Geez, I was just trying to help.........
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my former (deceased) husband had cheated on me also but we had no more children in the house. I was devastated however
I was a practicing Christian & knew with God all things are possible especially forgiveness. Complete trust took several years but it eventually came & last ten years of his life as my husband were worth forgiving him.
Pretty sure the bible is against adultery.
Yeah it's on God's Top 10 don't do list.
I'm pretty sure it also says something about slaves obeying their masters
It doesn't say anything about slaves and masters in the 10 Commandments. It does specifically say thou shall not commit adultry.
Perhaps you should read the other 613 commandments in your Bible (Old Testament) and then the 2 additional laws in the New Testament.0 -
in for reads later0
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that's a bummer that you blame yourself and think that now you have to go lose weight to make him happy, when he's clearly a dog. He needs to be a big boy and use his words when things are wrong, not go look for a bj online. My hubby would have been wearing the computer monitor as a necklace.0
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well.......if hes a dog, chances are zip for getting together , right? Its like playing the lottery, sure, you played, but seriously, do you think youre going to win?
If her husband is a good provider , good father, and shes been happy, maybe he was just playing the lottery? Again, I dont condone his actions, but if he looks like crappola, why should she worry? Hot looking women will just pass him bye.............
See? This is what I mean... you just don't find stellar relationship advice like this on any old weight loss website. So as long as my husband fell out of the ugly tree I shouldn't worry about him trying to bang other women? I'm gonna go write that down... right underneath where I took notes from a previous poster about how if my husband cheats I should blame myself and try to be less ugly.
LOL!!0 -
I feel for you. What a horrible situation. I hope things go your way.0
This discussion has been closed.
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