Husband not supportive
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You have been married for less than a month. Why did you marry someone who is so controlling that he won't let you leave the house?
Get counselling. This isn't what marriage is supposed to be like.0 -
listen sweetie when I first got married I was young and my husband ruled me in this way too. people who have never experienced it think its so easy to just say "don't put up with it" or "do what you want to anyway". its is NOT that simple in real life but I can tell you this.... after years of this I got sick of it and stood up for myself. I tried to stay in the marriage and just be as mean as he was to me ( note there were several other issues as well even bigger than the meaness in him). I finally left. I divorced him. He didn't think I would. He begged me for 5 yrs to come back. He got his life straightened out and we got remarried. Been remarried for 2 years. He is a different man now and knows I love him but won't put up with that mess anymore. These two yrs have been the best of my life. you gotta stand up to him. when you do it will get worse before it gets better but you gotta be able to decide what goes in your own mouth and if you can leave the house and what kind of groceries you want to buy just like he does. he may think he owns you but he doesn't and only you can prove that to him. it may not turn out like my story but you're better off without him if it doesn't.0
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You do not have to sucumb to his yelling /berating/bull crap...........When he yells.. put your sneakers on, get your ear buds in, put the baby in a stroller and go Power Walking... block him out completely........ Just Go do your thing... He will get the point eventually...or he wont...whichever... Right now, You need to work on YOU!
Absolutely this.
When I was still an Army wife, our FRG (Family Readiness Group) did a great job of supporting each other. We even organized walks through post, with our kids in strollers or on bikes. The post I work for now has that, too. MWR (Morale, WElfare & Recreation) does a great job of organizing 5Ks every month. The hospital has a great wellness program, and most of them have clinical dieticians, too. The gyms on post have daycares, too. Utilize the resources that are available to you. Tune out the noise and tune in to what you really want. Either the hubby will come with you or he won't, ultimately you decide what is and is not a deal breaker.
You've also got counselors, chaplains and his chain of command's spouses at your fingertips...those are some hefty resources, too.0 -
This is a trainwreck of a thread that just keeps getting worse. I hope it's a troll, yet I'm sad that it might not be.
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This is a trainwreck of a thread that just keeps getting worse. I hope it's a troll, yet I'm sad that it might not be.
I agree. If it's not, all I can say is that you have to want it badly enough for yourself and your child before you will make things happen. You can if you want.0 -
Unfortunately you have to take control of you and not let the outside distraction deter youfrom your goals. Seek approval from within and maybe try to go to counseling.0
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Did you really need us to tell you this is a bad relationship? Go back and read your own post. Unless I missed it, I haven't read one post supporting your husband, even from the guys. This goes beyond what counseling can fix. You can and should do better than this. If not for yourself, do it for your child. If you can't take the first step to get out of it, ask a friend or relative to make the call for you. I promise you, after the clouds clear, you, and your child, will feel much more alive. Do it right now!!0
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You may not want to hear this but you need to cleanse your life. The first thing I would get rid of is your bully of a husband! You sound so lovely but he sounds like a pig. Good luck darling :flowerforyou:
^ Agree! Do what's best for you and your child. Your husband sounds controlling. Like some of the other posters said, you guys need counseling. And if he won't, then you need to figure out if this is how you want to live your life.0 -
you will lose the baby fat no doubt! sorry to hear about the relationship problems dont know what to suggest but you are the master of your destiny no one else so dont accept abuse0
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I'm at a loss as to what fun, healthy activities I could suggest for you to do with an abusive *kitten*.
You really should be contacting the multitude of assistance the military provides and getting out of there.0 -
Hon, don't get me wrong and I'm not trying to be mean, but everyone needs a bit of tough love sometimes.
Everything you said was an excuse. Weight loss is something that takes A LOT of life changes. Like when you eat, how you eat, what you eat, planning, making time, etc. It's a huge adjustment. But blaming it on your husband, or any other object is just making excuses. I live with my BF. He likes beer (so do I), he drinks about 2-3 a night of high calorie/high % beer a night. I got to the point where I had to tell myself, who cares what HE's doing, it's about what I'M doing. When I lost a large chunk of my weight, I lived alone. But I still had excuses, like everyone. But I WANTED it. And I still want it, but it's harder. You have other reasons not to eat well, not exercise, etc. But hon, you have to find the strength, the power, the motivation, the WANT for yourself. Support from the outside is like 10%, everything else has to come from yourself.
So, ways around the excuses. Get up early, go out and take a 30 minute walk/day. Plan YOUR menu ahead of time and stick to the plan. Just because your husband makes dinner, doesn't mean you have to eat it. Just because your husband wants Pizza, doesn't mean you can't order a salad. See the pattern?
Now, either you WANT this or you don't. That's for you to decide.
^^ this is what I was thinking. Yes your knee, your asthma... I tore my MCL twice, and I still play tennis, just like the 2 times i tore it I was playing tennis...
You need to WANT this. My family wasn't on board with my weight loss... I did it for ME. My doctors were all pretty upset, they couldn't figure out why, I was 144, and now i'm 125. I feel FABULOUS. This is where I WANTED to be... You need to learn to do things for yourself, and if all you can do is bad mouth your husband, do yourself and all of us a favor, get the hell out of there. Plain and simple. I'm sure your husband could say a crap load of mean things about you too, but I don't see a post on here from him. You need to talk to him, not vent on the interwebs about how horrible your husband is because he doesn't agree with you.
Tough love sister. Do this for you, and only you. You're all you have in the end.0 -
I have a lot of trouble getting motivated. I hate eating healthy, I hate working out. I suffer from a lot of issues that limit my workouts. My shoulder, my knee, asthma, etc. I'll be honest, I don't work out. I want to, I know I need to and I know I'm the only one who can make myself do it. My biggest problem is my husband. I'm willing to eat healthy and workout so I can get into shape, but I want to spend more time with him and my son. I get home and he usually makes dinner and it's never healthy. I try to make dinner and he always says it's disgusting, I feel like I get yelled at for everything. If I try to make my own healthy alternative, I get yelled at. He turns on the TV as soon as he gets home and usually just sits on the couch watching it unless he is cooking. I get home and I want to clean or workout or take our son to the park but he complains. He complains if I go alone, he complains if I ask him to go, he complains when I don't go. I just can't win. He's in the Army and needs to lose weight and get in shape as well. I want us to lead a healthier lifestyle but he seems to be totally against it. I hate seeing out family like this, and I don't want our son to grow up like fat lazy slobs like us. Anyone have any ideas of activities that we can do as a family that can promote a healthy life in a fun way? Preferably something my 1 1/2 son can do or that he can be around for so we aren't leaving him out.
I'm calling BS on this. Sorry but you conflict your own excuses.....start off with I this and that (probably true) then head into the problem is actually your husband ...sounds like you want a scape goat. Own your own issues first. work on a plan then execute it.0 -
Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.
You NEED to get out. Go to a women's shelter and call the cops on him YOURSELF. He's abusing you THIS IS ABUSE!
Stop with the non-action! Your son needs a strong mother who is willing to protect him and herself.
I second this. Seriously. For the safety of you and your son.0 -
WAIT WAIT WAIT, your profile say you were getting married in Sept. 2013? So you are just married. His way of treating you is NOT new is it? Seriously you are putting yourself and your son in danger! You say you can't go to the grocery store yourself? You can leave the house without him calling the police. This not normal or acceptable behavior something is terribly WRONG! You need professional help, nothing will improve on its own it will only get worse! If you succeed in losing weight then he will feel threatened and jealous! Where is your family or friends you need to scream for help for the sake of your child. Husbands don't control wives with shouting and rules in marriage. Marriage is a loving supportive partnership that takes hard work and respect. Honey, I don't know what your home life was like growing up but this is not anywhere close to being how life should be. ESPECIALLY if you are newly married! He is verbally abusing and bullying you! Would you allow him to speak your baby like this? Well that is next! Get some help soon! Losing weight is the least of your problems right now, seek help and the weight thing will come more easily! .0
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This is my husband without the yelling at me for everything. He doesn't want to eat healthy. or go do anything. He has lost weight just getting up and working after 2 years of doing nothing. He lost 50 pounds in 3 months. He still has more to go but he doesn't do anything to try to lose weight.
I want to do all the things you say but can't because it is not safe for my children and I to go out to the park.
BUT....
What I do is get on Youtube and find things that I enjoy doing like Dance workouts or Zumba. I walk up and down the stairs to our deck in the back, I jog in the back yard with the kids in the grass racing back and forth and giggling the whole time. I will walk on my street during daylight with my kids and we have fun doing it.
You have to just do what makes you happy and what you can get away with. I would try to get him to start taking some vitamins and see if you can get him to start feeling better about himself. Make sure you show him the love and affection that you want.
as far as the food goes. everything in moderation. keep track of your calories and exercise as much as you can. I know its hard with bad food in the house and being depressed.
I don't have all the answers either but if it is really bad and you don't love him anymore and there is no compromise and you feel defeated and you know there is no way to get the love back then I would say it may be time to give up on him and move on. This is something you have to decide for your self and don't let anything anyone here says sway your mind. You know your heart. you have to go with it and live with the choice you made not only for you but your son as well. Think hard about if it.
Good luck my dear.0 -
Here is something Carolyn Hax wrote that might apply to your situation "It is not your responsibility to be exactly the person he wants you to be. Your responsibility is to be yourself, honestly, and his is to be himself, at which point both of you have the right to decide whether these are people you want to spend your life with. That's it. You don't have the right to insist upon changes. You have the right to ask for them, and the right to decide whether to stay or go once you see whether and how your request for change has been answered. Boundaries 101.Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.
Obviously you have made the decision to spend your lives together and have built a family on that decision, but that doesn't mean you signed up to be anyone's personality renovation project. Make the call, get the counseling, please. If you don't know where to find it, call here to ask for a local referral: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)."0 -
This is a conversation you need to have with your divorce attorney, not a bunch of armchair internet psychologists.
Only other option is to build a time machine and prevent yourself from marrying a ****.
Edit: Seriously, asterisks? Come on.0 -
Drop this loser. This is for you ma! This is for your health and your well being. He don't like it!? Tell him don't let his fat get stuck in the door on the way out. Men like this is lazy, and they dwell in their own sloth and drag you down with them. Get out! Get fit! Get another man that has more respect for you and your kids and your health. I bet if you ask him to do couseling... He will reject it and make everything about him. Fck dis guy! Don't waste your health on this guy.0
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have a calm conversation with him about it. not going to fix it posting on here0
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You mention wanting to be a good example for your son. Getting out of that relationship would probably be a good start so he doesn't grow up thinking that's how women are supposed to be treated.
Call Military One Source to get some help with either counselling or to get yourself out of there.
1-800-342-9647
http://www.militaryonesource.mil/0 -
Sorry honey but you sounds like you're in a relationship like mine was. It only got worse over time. I put up with it for 22 years. Tried everything under the sun but he only got worse & didn't wanna work towards it. Please go to counseling as others stated. If that does not work... LEAVE!!!! For yours & your child's sake.0
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Sounds like you might want to contact a counselor to help you get some perspective. I know there are a lot of negative connotations in that. I simply mean that they might shed some light for you on what you are doing to yourself in your relationship. They can be a great source of information with a line on options to keep you and your child safe.0
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This is an old thread revived. Would be interesting to know what action, if any, the OP took.0
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Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.
This is not a healthy marriage, if he's threatening to call the cops. You have every right to leave the house if you want. Unless you're living in some bassackwards middle eastern country, then he has no legal ground to stand on and prevent you from leaving the house. What are the cops going to do? Nothing.
I'm sure it will really piss your 'husband' off, but at this point it really sounds like he has mental health issues. He has no right to be controlling you like that.
Please be careful. Military men can get very aggressive. I know. I grew up in a military family.
First thing you need to do is ask him why he is doing this...being so controlling, not letting you want to be more fit, healthy. If he loves you and married you, then he would want the best for you, right?
Second thing, seek counseling for yourself first. You need support. After getting counseling, then ask how it's appropriate to approach your husband to get him into counseling.
Thirdly, if the above doesn't work, and he hasn't changed, I'm sorry but you will need to separate and then divorce. That's where you need to get the advice of a divorce attorney. Hopefully it doesn't have to come to that, but right now you are not in a healthy relationship. You need to get professional help for both yourself and your husband.
Again, be careful and best wishes.0 -
Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.
okay this sounds extreme. there are anonymous places for women in verbally abusive relationships. This is not a marriage but an imprisonment according to your own words. No one can make you eat anything. Eat smaller portions. Clean more, do more around the house, don't just sit around lazy and use him as an excuse. Keep moving no matter what. Does he control all meals for the entire day??? does he forece feed you??? I bet not. If the dinners are a challenge then plan your day around that meal. Drink more water. You first words on the post were about how YOU hate being healthy and working out then all of a sudden you jumped to blaming the husband. Which one is it? you or him? You need to decide this one for yourself because at the end of the day its only that person in the mirror than can define your own happiness and accept you for being you. Couple counseling is not a shameful thing to go through. Its helpful but until then you need to read up on how to have discussions in a marriage without it becoming a big negative debate, stop using blaming words to get out your feelings, listen to what he has to say as well and come up with options to do together that he may like. Mariage is a lot of work and cooperation and give and take. Its not him only, its both of you.
Call Military One Source to get some help with either counselling or to get yourself out of there.
1-800-342-9647
until you take responsibility for your own actions or non actions when it comes to being lazy or over eating, you will never reach your goals and maintain them. good luck
dammit, why is such an old post on here???? wonder if things got better for this woman?0 -
EDITED: Just realized how old this post is....0
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OP hasnt posted since october last year... i doubt she's still around...0
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OP hasnt posted since october last year... i doubt she's still around...
There was a plague of necro threads over the weekend with people replying to months, if not years, old posts.0 -
Don't see how others can just give objective advice when they haven't heard his side of the story.
A.C.E. Certified Group Fitness and Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I agree with other posters, however, getting rid of a husband is great when typed on a computer keyboard...
I had this before, someone who was so unhappy with themselves that in order for you to be happy it somehow causes that other person a great deal of guilt within themselves...
Bottom line... no matter if you are married/single/engaged/living in a box with 40 cats & 3 dogs... this is YOUR life!! You are an individual...
If YOU want to eat better...........eat better
If YOU want to work out.........work out
If YOU want to go to the park with your son ..........go to the park with your son.
You do not need his permission to live your life the way you wish to live it............. now if you were talking about bar hopping I would not be saying GO BAR HOPPING.. but you get my point?
You have to stand up for yourself, find your voice, and tell him to shut up or join you.... this is your journey he can either Join you or watch you as you go for your walks/work outs/etc...
You do not have to sucumb to his yelling /berating/bull crap...........When he yells.. put your sneakers on, get your ear buds in, put the baby in a stroller and go Power Walking... block him out completely........ Just Go do your thing... He will get the point eventually...or he wont...whichever... Right now, You need to work on YOU!
He has problems within himself as his own individual that he needs to figure out, which is his problem.......not yours.
Much love and understanding from me!
^^ 100% this also I would take the advice of counseling if not with both of you then just you...do not let him dictate how you live your life and do not continue to let him talk to you the way he does. Good luck!0
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