Why is MFP so mean??
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It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
And this is where we disagree. Because a detox diet is not only completely unnecessary, but it can be harmful. And, again, it's not just about the OP. It's also about the lurkers here who are reading bad advice and taking it to heart.
bingo. it's not always for the OP. It IS, but it's more for the people that might look at those threads and think it's a good idea to just do a glass of ACV and lemon or whatever for 4 days.0 -
people are mean because they feel like crap about themselves and must do it to make themselves better ….human nature…and very easy behind a keyboard :glasses:0
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except you'll see more people coming in on the threads that are zealots/advocates for cleanses and detoxes because they have something to sell you.It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
I'll argue against that mess all day because you can have success without having to go into some scheme.
They get nasty because of the above mentioned. Next detox thread you find? Ask the person what they're detoxing from and wait.
They won't be able to give you a single named toxin that this miracle is going to remove from their body... because it doesn't work like that.
again... science.
I get the reasoning behind many of the answers, just not the reasoning behind the tone.
The tone? They are words, readers are applying the tone for what is delivered.0 -
people are mean because they feel like crap about themselves and must do it to make themselves better ….human nature…and very easy behind a keyboard :glasses:
*holds up mirror*0 -
It is the Internet, it can be difficult to decipher "tone". Some seem to react negatively when the fragile crutches of their "knowledge" is kicked out from underneath them.
except you'll see more people coming in on the threads that are zealots/advocates for cleanses and detoxes because they have something to sell you.It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
I'll argue against that mess all day because you can have success without having to go into some scheme.
They get nasty because of the above mentioned. Next detox thread you find? Ask the person what they're detoxing from and wait.
They won't be able to give you a single named toxin that this miracle is going to remove from their body... because it doesn't work like that.
again... science.
I get the reasoning behind many of the answers, just not the reasoning behind the tone.0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
Detox = waste of money, can it be harmful yes it can. Also trying to help someone not waste money and get frustrated and give up before they even get started.
Restrictive diet - again yes can be harmful and again can be setting someone up for failure.
I think a big thing you aren't realizing, is many times answers are given to the OP, who may or may not take the advice to their question, but the responses are for the many people that lurk and just read the information without every responding. If the so called mean people didn't respond and disprove the bs threads myths that are posted, many myself included never would have been given the correct answers, links, studies so we can read and educate ourselves.
I think I'm going to leave this thread because I don't seem to be understood. I have not suggested anyone should not reply or provide information or share their preferences. Nothing I've said has been about content. It's a forum, of course people should present their opinions. I've just been talking about tone. About the manner in which the opinions, facts, science, whatever is presented. About being mean.0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
Detox = waste of money, can it be harmful yes it can. Also trying to help someone not waste money and get frustrated and give up before they even get started.
Restrictive diet - again yes can be harmful and again can be setting someone up for failure.
I think a big thing you aren't realizing, is many times answers are given to the OP, who may or may not take the advice to their question, but the responses are for the many people that lurk and just read the information without every responding. If the so called mean people didn't respond and disprove the bs threads myths that are posted, many myself included never would have been given the correct answers, links, studies so we can read and educate ourselves.
I think I'm going to leave this thread because I don't seem to be understood. I have not suggested anyone should not reply or provide information or share their preferences. Nothing I've said has been about content. It's a forum, of course people should present their opinions. I've just been talking about tone. About the manner in which the opinions, facts, science, whatever is presented. About being mean.
We are getting it. But again you add the tone. They are words on a screen, the people reading it imply the tone in which they think it was delivered.0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
Detox = waste of money, can it be harmful yes it can. Also trying to help someone not waste money and get frustrated and give up before they even get started.
Restrictive diet - again yes can be harmful and again can be setting someone up for failure.
I think a big thing you aren't realizing, is many times answers are given to the OP, who may or may not take the advice to their question, but the responses are for the many people that lurk and just read the information without every responding. If the so called mean people didn't respond and disprove the bs threads myths that are posted, many myself included never would have been given the correct answers, links, studies so we can read and educate ourselves.
I think I'm going to leave this thread because I don't seem to be understood. I have not suggested anyone should not reply or provide information or share their preferences. Nothing I've said has been about content. It's a forum, of course people should present their opinions. I've just been talking about tone. About the manner in which the opinions, facts, science, whatever is presented. About being mean.
So again, it's all how you interpret it.
As far as any interaction between you and I, it's all 0's and 1's out there on the internet.
It carries no tone with it, implicitly.
How you interpret it is up to you.
That said, bye and good luck with your goals.0 -
It is the Internet, it can be difficult to decipher "tone". Some seem to react negatively when the fragile crutches of their "knowledge" is kicked out from underneath them.
except you'll see more people coming in on the threads that are zealots/advocates for cleanses and detoxes because they have something to sell you.It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
I'll argue against that mess all day because you can have success without having to go into some scheme.
They get nasty because of the above mentioned. Next detox thread you find? Ask the person what they're detoxing from and wait.
They won't be able to give you a single named toxin that this miracle is going to remove from their body... because it doesn't work like that.
again... science.
I get the reasoning behind many of the answers, just not the reasoning behind the tone.
No doubt that is sometimes true. My point is, if the kicker uses terms like butthurt or ridiculous or uneducated or uninformed or other blatant or back-handed insults, then I would think they should expect a negative reaction.0 -
"Mean" people on MFP aren't actually being mean in my opinion. They're being blunt, they're not sugar coating it and hand-holding. They're answering the questions (albeit with a dash of sarcasm) - which sometimes is really just a rhetorical question in return to a stupid question. "Can I eat 600 calories a day for 2 weeks and lose 30 pounds for a wedding?" - response: "Do you plan to live?" --- seems legit. Suck it up butter-cups. If you don't want answers, don't ask questions. Just sayin. I've certainly had a few of the "duh, I'm a dumba$$" moments...and I choose to learn from them. I'm with the OP on the "Thanks for being real" theory.0
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It is the Internet, it can be difficult to decipher "tone". Some seem to react negatively when the fragile crutches of their "knowledge" is kicked out from underneath them.
except you'll see more people coming in on the threads that are zealots/advocates for cleanses and detoxes because they have something to sell you.It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
I'll argue against that mess all day because you can have success without having to go into some scheme.
They get nasty because of the above mentioned. Next detox thread you find? Ask the person what they're detoxing from and wait.
They won't be able to give you a single named toxin that this miracle is going to remove from their body... because it doesn't work like that.
again... science.
I get the reasoning behind many of the answers, just not the reasoning behind the tone.
No doubt that is sometimes true. My point is, if the kicker uses terms like butthurt or ridiculous or uneducated or uninformed or other blatant or back-handed insults, then I would think they should expect a negative reaction.
My advice, stick around, observe the forums. Take some time understanding what is really being said without adding any implied tone that may or may not be there. You will find some very amazing people here.0 -
I love the way rude, mean people justify their behaviors. There is no justifiable reason why you have to be rude and mean, in my opinion.
I'm really confused as to why I have to justify anything to anyone other than my boss and my boyfriend??
I can behave as I like- I do not OWE you an explanation for ANY of my behaviors- good bad or indifferent? Why do you think we owe you- can you explain that- because I'm honestly not getting it.0 -
High Five!0
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Thank You! I am having many of the same problems you mentioned....0
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I cannot speak for everyone but for me honesty without compassion is abuse. I found in my life I could hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade when in reality I was just being an *kitten*.0
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I cannot speak for everyone but for me honesty without compassion is abuse. I found in my life I could hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade when in reality I was just being an *kitten*.
how's that a problem?0 -
I cannot speak for everyone but for me honesty without compassion is abuse. I found in my life I could hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade when in reality I was just being an *kitten*.
And for me, I would rather be thought of as an *kitten* or an MFP meanie than blow smoke up the posterior of people looking for advice just because they might get their wittle feewings huwted. People need to grow up, get over it and realize that life ain't sunshine and rainbows.0 -
I cannot speak for everyone but for me honesty without compassion is abuse. I found in my life I could hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade when in reality I was just being an *kitten*.
Well said DocW2590!
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
There is definitely no reason to coddle anyone or "blow smoke" up their behinds. It is possible to make a point in a more effective way though. If you are supportive,instructive and respectful to others when you are telling them something they are more likely to listen. Negativity has zero productivity in my book. If you say something to me in a snide or sarcastic way I will completely tune you out. You are not making your point this way.
And tone does carry over the internet, even if you deny it. Your tone impacts people...and usually makes them defensive and less likely to agree with your "advice". Those who think they have no "tone" to the words they place on the internet are kidding themselves.
Its sad that some peoples mechanism for handling life is to be negative and to lash out at others. There's so much more to enjoy in life when your not being bitter and hateful (and getting the same negativity in return from the people around you who feel blindsided by your aggression). I feel sorry for anyone who has to abuse others to make themselves feel good. Its sad to think what life experiences have taught you that forcefulness and hate are the only way to accomplish things.0 -
I cannot speak for everyone but for me honesty without compassion is abuse. I found in my life I could hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade when in reality I was just being an *kitten*.
Well said DocW2590!
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Negativity has zero productivity in my book. If you say something to me in a snide or sarcastic way I will completely tune you out. And tone does carry over the internet, even if you deny it. Your tone impacts people (those who think they have no "tone" to the words they place on the internet are kidding themselves).
Its sad that some peoples mechanism for handling life is to be negative and to lash out at others. There's so much more to enjoy in life when your not being bitter and hateful (and getting the same in return). I feel sorry for anyone who has to abuse others to make themselves feel good. What an unhappy person they must be!
I agree with this and this very tone thing we are talking about can scare some people away. the very people that they say they are trying to help. You see people disconnect their accounts which i think is really sad. Lots of vulnerable people around here0 -
I cannot speak for everyone but for me honesty without compassion is abuse. I found in my life I could hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade when in reality I was just being an *kitten*.
And for me, I would rather be thought of as an *kitten* or an MFP meanie than blow smoke up the posterior of people looking for advice just because they might get their wittle feewings huwted. People need to grow up, get over it and realize that life ain't sunshine and rainbows.
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