Why is MFP so mean??

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  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
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    In way too late to the party. Damn volunteering and my kids school. :grumble: :laugh:

    Not too late... welcome to the party

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  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    There's a way to have a discussion and present your point of view and/or information without being rude and unkind. The fact that this keeps coming up is an indication that there's a consistent pattern of behavior that hurts/alienates people, rather than helps them use the site in a healthy manner. When you drive some newbie from the site, you aren't helping them.

    This isn't a mean people thread. Curious, did you read the OP?
  • RET68
    RET68 Posts: 88
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    I'm a newbie to the forums and most of the time when I've wanted to ask a question or even comment on something I'm discouraged because some of the forums I have read some people are mean and nasty.

    I have no problem when someone posts a link or corrects someone but it seems most of those posts take a turn somewhere and just become personal attacks. Yep I'm a sensitive sally and no I don't like negativity. I think if someone posts something that isn't true then make a post pointing out why it's wrong and leave it at that. Does it really need to go on for 9 pages with people making fun of everyone else and putting people down. If the OP is looking for an argument then why keep responding if you have already made your point? Don't feed into the misinformation of the OP and don't turn everything into a personal attack when they don't agree with you. If they follow bad advice it only hinders their weight loss.
    You are completely correct. I don't like negativity either, and I don't think you need to call yourself sensitive sally. Others on here just clearly get off putting people down. It's like schoolyard bullies: really disheartening. And, it doesn't need to be like this. :ohwell:
  • trogalicious
    trogalicious Posts: 4,584 Member
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    There's a way to have a discussion and present your point of view and/or information without being rude and unkind. The fact that this keeps coming up is an indication that there's a consistent pattern of behavior that hurts/alienates people, rather than helps them use the site in a healthy manner. When you drive some newbie from the site, you aren't helping them.

    This isn't a mean people thread. Curious, did you read the OP?
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  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    I'm a newbie to the forums and most of the time when I've wanted to ask a question or even comment on something I'm discouraged because some of the forums I have read some people are mean and nasty.

    I have no problem when someone posts a link or corrects someone but it seems most of those posts take a turn somewhere and just become personal attacks. Yep I'm a sensitive sally and no I don't like negativity. I think if someone posts something that isn't true then make a post pointing out why it's wrong and leave it at that. Does it really need to go on for 9 pages with people making fun of everyone else and putting people down. If the OP is looking for an argument then why keep responding if you have already made your point? Don't feed into the misinformation of the OP and don't turn everything into a personal attack when they don't agree with you. If they follow bad advice it only hinders their weight loss.
    You are completely correct. I don't like negativity either, and I don't think you need to call yourself sensitive sally. Others on here just clearly get off putting people down. It's like schoolyard bullies: really disheartening. And, it doesn't need to be like this. :ohwell:

    The whole thing boils down to perception though...now yes there are some rude people and those people should be called out/addressed in the thread they are happening in...but I could write one sentence and each person could interpret it a different way. Some may think it's not delivered the way they would like it, some may like it, some may love it, and some may just look at it for what it is, one persons opinion/experience.
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
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  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Oh, I'm not saying their isn't a lot of arguing on these points. That's usually when it gets "mean". I'm just saying my limited exerience has been more "don't eat this" posts.

    So then I think you would be grateful to the MFP-ers who join the discussion to debunk whatever the myth of the day is, no?

    I really don't know how to respond to that because I'm not sure what you mean.

    You mentioned how all the posts you see are "don't eat" posts. From the way you presented that argument, I assume that you don't like the "don't eat" posts. Is this correct?

    I would like to say yes, but since I keep reading and responding to them I suppose I'd be lying.

    Well, the "mean" people generally go to those threads to dispel whatever kind of stupid diet myth is being touted as the next miracle fat melting cure. It's only when the OP gets defensive over the honesty that things go south (if you can even call it that).

    I, for one, have learned a lot from the so-called "mean" people here. I'm also grateful that they jump into those threads to call out the stupidity.
  • diannethegeek
    diannethegeek Posts: 14,776 Member
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    Then why do it? Why keep opening and responding when it's so frustrating that you feel the need to be mean?

    Many time these "mean" people are being honest, straight-forward, or just blunt. Not the same as being mean. Also having different opinions is often interpreted as being mean.

    I disagree. I saw one poor person discuss her opinions about sugar this morning and bam 8 or 9 pages of personality disordered evil. A few nights ago someone posted they might have realized they are drinking too much, and page after page of "just work it into your calories. I still drink (burp)" People need fitness for a lot of different reasons: some people are sick, some were never taught a decent relationship with food, or sugar, or alcohol. The OP suggests that the reason we came on here was to learn the truth which she then immediately conflates with accepting abuse. I just wish people would understand that you may prefer your truth administered with a hammer, but others have a right to their path as well. Mean people suck. :flowerforyou:

    Are we talking about the one this morning who claimed that sugar is an addiction that causes cancer, who then went on to say that we shouldn't eat candy bars that don't grow on trees?
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I'm a newbie to the forums and most of the time when I've wanted to ask a question or even comment on something I'm discouraged because some of the forums I have read some people are mean and nasty.

    I have no problem when someone posts a link or corrects someone but it seems most of those posts take a turn somewhere and just become personal attacks. Yep I'm a sensitive sally and no I don't like negativity. I think if someone posts something that isn't true then make a post pointing out why it's wrong and leave it at that. Does it really need to go on for 9 pages with people making fun of everyone else and putting people down. If the OP is looking for an argument then why keep responding if you have already made your point? Don't feed into the misinformation of the OP and don't turn everything into a personal attack when they don't agree with you. If they follow bad advice it only hinders their weight loss.
    You are completely correct. I don't like negativity either, and I don't think you need to call yourself sensitive sally. Others on here just clearly get off putting people down. It's like schoolyard bullies: really disheartening. And, it doesn't need to be like this. :ohwell:

    I would love for you to share an example of someone here "putting someone down" without being provoked.

    Or without it being just a little humor. For example, if someone asks for the 1,000 time if Freelee the banana girl is legit, there's going to be some jokes. It's at the expense of Freelee for the most part, not the OP.
  • daydreams_of_pretty
    daydreams_of_pretty Posts: 506 Member
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    I don't like negativity either. When I first started coming to this forum, I wondered why people got cranky so fast. It only took me about 2 days to figure out why. Now I kind of look forward to it. I mean, not always. When people ask a serious question or clearly have some sort of issue going on, then it would be awful for people to be mean to them. I don't see that happening. When people come on here and make blanket statements, ask crazy questions, provoke people, argue with those who try to give them good advice, etc., I totally understand why people are "mean" to them. It gets frustrating. These boards can be really great for achieving goals and helping others achieve them. When someone is acting cray cray, it hits a nerve. I think the meanies have their place in patrolling the boards for people who are ruining it for everyone. :wink:
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
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  • RGv2
    RGv2 Posts: 5,789 Member
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    We have bullies...

    Can I get a bingo card.

    For the record, this is a tame....tame forum.

    For those that think this place is mean, please avoid forums with the following topics:

    Video Games
    Sports
    Religion
    Parenting
    Politics
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    I am where I am because of some "mean" people (most of whom have now either been banned or have deactivated). It was those mean people that actually caused me to think about what I thought I know and research actual fitness and nutrition facts...turns out most of what I thought I know was for the most part nonsense...I'm in a much better place now and far more educated.

    Did is sting a little when drmerc told me to stop spouting off blatantly false information on the forums and that maybe I should do a little research before handing out advice? Sure...but guess what...I started doing research and low and behold, the sugar in fruit is just sugar...it's not magical non-sugar that doesn't count.

    Cheers...

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  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
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    We have bullies...

    Can I get a bingo card.

    For the record, this is a tame....tame forum.

    For those that think this place is mean, please avoid forums with the following topics:

    Video Games
    Sports
    Religion
    Parenting
    Politics

    What is this MFP bingo that I keep hearing about?!
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    Dave Grohl
  • socalkay
    socalkay Posts: 746 Member
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    This isn't a mean people thread. Curious, did you read the OP?

    Yes I did and all the responses. Perhaps I am in error but what I read was a lot of justification for unkind responses on the boards. It is possible to express an alternate opinion in a way that can be heard. Putting people on the defensive is a great way to make it hard for them to hear you.
  • sjaplo
    sjaplo Posts: 974 Member
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    I am where I am because of some "mean" people (most of whom have now either been banned or have deactivated). It was those mean people that actually caused me to think about what I thought I know and research actual fitness and nutrition facts...turns out most of what I thought I know was for the most part nonsense...I'm in a much better place now and far more educated.

    Did is sting a little when drmerc told me to stop spouting off blatantly false information on the forums and that maybe I should do a little research before handing out advice? Sure...but guess what...I started doing research and low and behold, the sugar in fruit is just sugar...it's not magical non-sugar that doesn't count.

    This X 100^^^ at 53 and fighting with my yoyoing weight practically all of that time - I have learned more about how my body works and how it could work from these threads in the last nine months than the previous 50+ years.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    Dave Grohl

    Yes, he rocks.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    We have bullies...

    Can I get a bingo card.

    For the record, this is a tame....tame forum.

    For those that think this place is mean, please avoid forums with the following topics:

    Video Games
    Sports
    Religion
    Parenting
    Politics

    On the flip side, gardening forums (my only other experience with forums) are almost always civil and friendly.
  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
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    The anonymity of the internet makes it easy for condescending, self-righteous trolls to express their self loathing by ridiculing others with snark and derision. Just watch how they respond to this post.

    Again did you read the OP? It's not a mean people thread.

    I was going to quote him and jokingly/angrily ask him how dare he posts in this thread unknowingly with his stupid Bob Ross ticker and happy trees. But then he changed his post.... smart.

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