Why is MFP so mean??

mccindy72

Then why do it? Why keep opening and responding when it's so frustrating that you feel the need to be mean?

Many time these "mean" people are being honest, straight-forward, or just blunt. Not the same as being mean. Also having different opinions is often interpreted as being mean.

Perhaps. But some posts are just mean. Honest, straight-forward, right or wrong, is there ever a reason not to be nice?

Nice is overrated.

I disagree. Present your point in a nice friendly manner and it's far more likely to be considered. State your point in a mean or demeaning manner and it's highly unlikely that it will be given any heed at all.

Then there are those who come in and put in sweet, nice, pointed, meant to prickle and cause trouble posts with the realistic honest posters who've been here for a while and try to be helpful without sugar coating.

You seem so nice at first, but you're just stirring the pot.

DAM5412

Because this is the internet...and people represent themselves differently in their virtual worlds then they do in their real lives.

I personally don't get it. If anything the way I interact on-line is dialed way back from how I act in my real life, because...well, this is not my real life. I come on here to log my food and exercise. I visit the forums when I have a specific question or, yeah, when I am bored and wondering who is attacking who today. The forums are informational or entertaining, depending on what I need to get out of them that day.

However, I do avoid certain members. If I see their name in a thread, I just back out and move on. I've learned that no matter how accurate some people may be, I just don't like them so I don't bother with them.

RebeccaMae1983

I'm a newbie to the forums and most of the time when I've wanted to ask a question or even comment on something I'm discouraged because some of the forums I have read some people are mean and nasty.

I have no problem when someone posts a link or corrects someone but it seems most of those posts take a turn somewhere and just become personal attacks. Yep I'm a sensitive sally and no I don't like negativity. I think if someone posts something that isn't true then make a post pointing out why it's wrong and leave it at that. Does it really need to go on for 9 pages with people making fun of everyone else and putting people down. If the OP is looking for an argument then why keep responding if you have already made your point? Don't feed into the misinformation of the OP and don't turn everything into a personal attack when they don't agree with you. If they follow bad advice it only hinders their weight loss.

How do you survive real life? :huh:

Perfectly fine because I surround myself with positive people who are blunt without being a**holes. You can offer advice without being mean about it and while some members on here are helpful some are downright nasty just because they like being that way. I suppose you must be one of them. Thank you and have a nice day.

the problem is its the internet you cant cater for all tastes
for me i like the truth but in a pleasant manner, some like it slapped in their face.
also because we are hiding behind our computers people may or may not be using a different personality.

I agree and because I don't like negativity I guess that leaves me open for attacks from people who thrive on it. I would rather have support and offer support then be a negative influence. I'm a happier person for it.

RebeccaMae1983

Awesome post, OP, and I fully agree.

For those who are saying that there is never a reason not to be nice...YES there is.

When I joined here 2 weeks ago, I got a massive wake-up call by some very "blunt" people. I asked a few questions (I don't believe they were stupid questions, but they were questions) and got very to-the-point answers, some of which were stated very harshly...some answers made me bawl. lol

I've been babied all my life by everyone (except my fathers, yes plural) who treated me like garbage (story for another website, not this one). Because of how I was treated, everyone else went into overtime "delicate" mode and treated me with more sugar than a stuffed cotton candy machine to make up for "the dads" mistreatment of me; wrong method.

It took me joining MFP at 37 years old... to learn a lesson. Sometimes, it's the people who are NOT nice in their replies, that have the most important message the OP of any given thread will ever hear.

You know what else I've learned since then? *gets all emotional* The majority of the people who were blunt, stand-offish, harsh, and "in my face" 2 weeks ago, are the most sincere, compassionate, kind-hearted people I have EVER met in my life. :sad:

Sometimes, it takes a painfully-worded comment to make the point *stick*. If those people were sugar-coated and "sweet" with me when I joined...I wouldn't be here. I'd be gaining more weight and not giving a crap.

MFP people are teaching me who I am *because* of their initial "Reeeeeeer"ness. and I LOVE THEM for it.

im really happy it worked out so well for you, but remember that not everyone is the same way and some people get offended, discouraged and hurt when being personally attacked for no obvious reason. im not talking about people who say "youre doing it wrong, forget everything and do this instead", by all means, no need to sugar coat. im talking about people who go "*rolls eyes* oh god, another know-it-all who buys into this crap *insert gif*". thats not helpful, thats condescending.

^ This!

GothyFaery

Sometimes, it takes a painfully-worded comment to make the point *stick*. If those people were sugar-coated and "sweet" with me when I joined...I wouldn't be here. I'd be gaining more weight and not giving a crap.

This! Some people need that to "shock" them into reality.

I was talking to my mom about my weight loss and she said she wanted to lose weight too. I then started to tell her to eat all the food she wants but in moderation and about calories in vs calories out and after about 5 minutes of pleasant conversation she says "But if I don't eat I feel like really sick."

So I again start to explain calories and you can eat whatever you want as long as it's in your calories and you don't have to starve yourself. I tell her that I fasted all day so I had room for All You Can Eat sushi today then she asks "Is sushi fattening?"

I gave up at that point.


TL;DR:
After sugar coating it 3 times doesn't work, sometimes you have to get snippy to drive the point home. Yes, that puts some people on defense but it also wakes some people up and they realize they are just making it way more complicated than it has to be.

_Zardoz_

Then why do it? Why keep opening and responding when it's so frustrating that you feel the need to be mean?

Many time these "mean" people are being honest, straight-forward, or just blunt. Not the same as being mean. Also having different opinions is often interpreted as being mean.

Perhaps. But some posts are just mean. Honest, straight-forward, right or wrong, is there ever a reason not to be nice?

Nice is overrated.

I disagree. Present your point in a nice friendly manner and it's far more likely to be considered. State your point in a mean or demeaning manner and it's highly unlikely that it will be given any heed at all.

Every single one of the helpful, nice posters on these boards has been called negative, mean, bully, troll, etc. at some point or another. Every single one who's been here long enough. It's hard to talk about the "mean people" and the "mean advice" when everything and everyone is called mean at some point or another.

Please, can we not turn this thread into an actual mean people thread? Because then I have to do my spiel about how mean people threads are actually discouraging those helpful users from posting advice.

I didn't turn it into a mean people thread. It started out as one. And I'm not talking about people being nice but being called mean. Mean is mean, no matter what you call it.

What mean like the way you're responding?

Monkey_Business

Why can't we all just get along?

apokryptein

"Why is MFP so mean"......... because, internet.

...its science

Monkey_Business

Somewhere, all you meanies, will make a kitty cry.....

k8blujay2

Because many users have been around for a while and get frustrated giving the same answers over and over again while the OP gets defensive because the responses were not what they expected. No, you do not need a cleanse. Diet supplements do not work. Sugar is not the devil. You do not need to go on a 1200 cals, low-carb, low-fat, all fruit, no fruit diet. You signed up on this website for a reason, use it properly.

Now, I was never obese. I started off wanting to lose 10-15 lbs and wanted to look “toned”. I started off on this journey confused and knew nothing about calorie counting, BMR, TDEE, IIFYM, etc. I “tried” losing these last few pounds for YEARS. I spent too much time reading those girly fitness magazines that put you on a 1200 cal diet, high cardio, and low-weight/high rep “strength training”. I got nowhere with this and ended up yo-yo dieting, trying cleanses and diet teas. Maybe I’d lose a pound or two but would gain more of it back because I’d go crazy and binge on the weekends. I started reading the forums on MFP (thankfully never posted any stupid questions and got attacked or else I’d probably rage quit) and saw there are some pretty knowledgeable people on here who had great success, and yes mostly with a sense of humor and a bit of sarcasm. I learned about the TDEE method, lifting heavy and started seeing great progress within months. I learned to have a healthier outlook on food and still enjoyed my pizza, hamburgers, and ice cream in moderation. I had to do this twice, once when I first started and then again after I gained 60 lbs with my pregnancy. Now I am the lowest weight I’ve been in my adult life, the most fit, and the healthiest I’ve ever been.

So to the meanies of MFP out there, thank you. You’ve opened up my eyes and have given me many laughs. Most of you are my friends, some have been since before my pregnancy, and maybe some of you I am too chicken to friend request.

Oh, and for the newbies, here some links that I found helpful and written by some pretty awesome people

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1161603-so-you-want-a-nice-stomach

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1343719-get-rich-quick?hl=get+rich+quick&page=1

^^^ Meant in a geniune tone.

No_Finish_Line

Because many users have been around for a while and get frustrated giving the same answers over and over again while the OP gets defensive because the responses were not what they expected.

i could give a **** less who says what to whom on the internet, but if this is really how people feel, whats the point in wasting the time to post?


if your like me its simply to waste time at work

No_Finish_Line

i think the bottom line is that a forum is a poor place to go to learn things, particularly on a subject like fitness where there typically isn't one clear cut answer on many aspects.

if people went into it understanding that all they really are going to get is opinions, maybe they would take those opinions less personally.

Need2Exerc1se

Then why do it? Why keep opening and responding when it's so frustrating that you feel the need to be mean?

at least someone here displays common sense :laugh: :flowerforyou:

This, right here, the implication that no one else here has common sense, this is the kind of thing that causes the nice users to get fed up and start posting gifs. Yet we're the mean ones and you're the nice ones?

well, this is a "mean people defense thread", you are trying to justify being jerks to new people by saying you are frustrated with the question. common sense would suggest to simply close that thread again and not pick a fight, if the whole thing is so tiresome and frustrating to you.

99% are not jerks and do not pick fights. OPs just get butthurt when they get honest and direct answers they don't like. Common sense would be to listen to the majority of the advice, even if direct and not full of sugar, rainbows and unicorn poop, than to get all defensive and call everybody mean.

I disagree with this. If I listened to the majority of the advice I've been given on MFP so far I couldn't eat sugar, grains, or nightshade vegetables. I would need to eat high fat without eating oils and eat only lean meats. I shouldn't eat anything not organic but I shouldn't give up fast food.

This site is amusing, but OMG what a lot of nonsense.

Who the hell is giving out that kind of advice? From what I've seen the majority of the community defends all food in moderation, including sugar, grains and nightshade vegetables (even though I really don't know what that is?), fast food, oils, GMOs, etc. etc. That is the whole point of this website. Of course there are always those few special snowflakes who do defend what you just stated.

There are a lot of these special snowflakes, as you call them (which I imagine is not a nice nickname). I've been here less than a month, but I have been on the forums most days in that month and my experience has been that the majority think some foods should be avoided. Sometimes just one thing - sugar, usually. Sometimes so many things I can't even imagine what their they allow themselves to eat.

Once I was even told not to do cardio. Not that it wasn't necessary, that it was bad. Funny? A little, but honestly it's more like a train wreck. Horrifying, yet I can't look away.

randomtai

if people went into it understanding that all they really are going to get is opinions, maybe they would take those opinions less personally.

Need2Exerc1se

Then why do it? Why keep opening and responding when it's so frustrating that you feel the need to be mean?

Many time these "mean" people are being honest, straight-forward, or just blunt. Not the same as being mean. Also having different opinions is often interpreted as being mean.

Perhaps. But some posts are just mean. Honest, straight-forward, right or wrong, is there ever a reason not to be nice?

Nice is overrated.

I disagree. Present your point in a nice friendly manner and it's far more likely to be considered. State your point in a mean or demeaning manner and it's highly unlikely that it will be given any heed at all.

Every single one of the helpful, nice posters on these boards has been called negative, mean, bully, troll, etc. at some point or another. Every single one who's been here long enough. It's hard to talk about the "mean people" and the "mean advice" when everything and everyone is called mean at some point or another.

Please, can we not turn this thread into an actual mean people thread? Because then I have to do my spiel about how mean people threads are actually discouraging those helpful users from posting advice.

I didn't turn it into a mean people thread. It started out as one. And I'm not talking about people being nice but being called mean. Mean is mean, no matter what you call it.

What mean like the way you're responding?

Was I being mean? I didn't intend to. I didn't even think I was being blunt. I was just trying to understand why people are mean.

lizzybathory

100% of the questions asked here are fully answerable by googling, or my using the MFP search box. 100% of them.

Those who answer with accurate information should be thanked, even if they're d!cks about it.

Well goodness, why have a community at all? Let's shut it all down and ask people to use Google, otherwise someone might see the same question asked more than once. Which would be terrible.

GothyFaery

if people went into it understanding that all they really are going to get is opinions, maybe they would take those opinions less personally.

RGv2

I disagree with this. If I listened to the majority of the advice I've been given on MFP so far I couldn't eat sugar, grains, or nightshade vegetables. I would need to eat high fat without eating oils and eat only lean meats. I shouldn't eat anything not organic but I shouldn't give up fast food.

This site is amusing, but OMG what a lot of nonsense.

Who the hell is giving out that kind of advice? From what I've seen the majority of the community defends all food in moderation, including sugar, grains and nightshade vegetables (even though I really don't know what that is?), fast food, oils, GMOs, etc. etc. That is the whole point of this website. Of course there are always those few special snowflakes who do defend what you just stated.

There are a lot of these special snowflakes, as you call them (which I imagine is not a nice nickname). I've been here less than a month, but I have been on the forums most days in that month and my experience has been that the majority think some foods should be avoided. Sometimes just one thing - sugar, usually. Sometimes so many things I can't even imagine what their they allow themselves to eat.

Once I was even told not to do cardio. Not that it wasn't necessary, that it was bad. Funny? A little, but honestly it's more like a train wreck. Horrifying, yet I can't look away.

I was going to stay out but this legitimately flies in the face of everything that I have read in the past 2 years. Some people will make the "claim" that you need to cut out certain foods, etc.. or that you must do one exercise to lose weight...or that a certain exercise (both strength or cardio) are bad for you, but that is normally met by a storm of MFPers (normally the mean ones) with all their data disproving such claims.

loconnor466

Well, for one thing we're hungry and that makes us cranky.

For another many of the ladies here seem to hang with this shady dude named TOM. He seems to put them in a bad mood.

Thank you for that wonderful laugh!

Monkey_Business

While Google may or may not help find information on a subject, it does not indorse and of the pages it does not own the content of.

So Google MAY NOT BE YOUR FRIEND!



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