Rudeness of a total stranger!

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pammyd76
pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, today I'm having lunch in a food court with work colleagues. I'm eating my turkey sub from subway and drinking water - all good. Out of nowhere this guy comes to the table and asks if he can speak with us - me in particular. Now this is not overly unusual because we all work at a local church which is heavily involved in the community. So, I say sure. He then proceeds to say to me "I just want you to know that there is help available for someone like you; I'd like to help you". He went on to say how he attends a gym and would be willing to workout with me and help me with my 'problem'!!! I was horrified!! In 38 years this has never happened to me! I was humiliated! I was polite and thanked him for the offer and suggested I probably would not take him up on it - but inside I just wanted to die. None of my colleagues know I'm working so hard to lose weight, and at only 8kg loss, they can't tell. So, I just had to act like this didn't bother me. As we left, one of the men on my team went and spoke to said stranger about the inappropriateness of what he'd done - but no one could really feel how gutted I was. I mean, I know I'm big, but how big must I be that a complete stranger felt so compelled to come and 'help' me!!! I just have to keep moving forward - I've made such great progress and I can't let this ignorant person discourage me - but I just wish people thought before they 'helped'!
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Replies

  • granniegreenow
    granniegreenow Posts: 7 Member
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    :smile: Chin up girlie don't dwell on the" total stranger" he probably mean't well, some people can't switch off from their job.Good luck.
  • jenmar17
    jenmar17 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    Awe, I'm sorry. I think many of us have been there. I can't even tell you how many times I have been humiliated and embarrassed in situations similar to yours. Even by people you who are trying to "help". All I can say is, as hard as it is, try to use it as motivation.

    Also, how cool is it that you have a coworker that supports you like that?!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
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    So sorry this happened to you. Remember his bad manners reflect on him - not you! Many of us have been in your situation or have made an insensitive comment to someone else (I have been on both sides).

    You have great friends/co-workers when they are willing to stand up for you - good for them!

    Keep up the good work! You'll reach your goal!
  • pammyd76
    pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
  • pammyd76
    pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
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    :smile: Chin up girlie don't dwell on the" total stranger" he probably mean't well, some people can't switch off from their job.Good luck.

    Thanks - but just to clarify - not his job, he just attends the gym.
  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
  • JenniDaisy
    JenniDaisy Posts: 526 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    Yeah, It would be like a hair stylist approaching someone and being like 'I work in a salon, please let me help you with your problem. I won't even charge you for the haircut.'
  • coraltint
    coraltint Posts: 3
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    You can continue to get healthier with hard work & determination, but I'm guessing there is very little chance that hard work will improve his propensity to be a tool.
  • tinks475
    tinks475 Posts: 5 Member
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    Ok someone offers you free help in the gym. I wouldn't be offended, i'd be grateful. The dude was trying to be helpful. Just because no one talks about your weight problem doesn't mean they're not aware of it.
  • pammyd76
    pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
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    You can continue to get healthier with hard work & determination, but I'm guessing there is very little chance that hard work will improve his propensity to be a tool.

    This made me smile...thanks : )
  • wyrdsister
    wyrdsister Posts: 16 Member
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    He was probably just trying to flog gym membership. But that being words can only hurt us if we allow them to - be positive and perhaps if you did see him in the gym setting you could let him know how uncomfortable his comments made you feel. He probably is totally unaware that you are so hurt. if it was me id take time to see him and spell it out v e r y clearly to him how inappropriate his remarks were even better find his boss and make him uncomfortable (share the love). As a solid overweight woman I would have loved him to have a go at me.
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    Yeah, It would be like a hair stylist approaching someone and being like 'I work in a salon, please let me help you with your problem. I won't even charge you for the haircut.'

    Is it wrong that I totally would not turn down a free haircut if that happened to me?
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
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    And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.

    As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.
  • pammyd76
    pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
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    He was probably just trying to flog gym membership.

    If this were the case...I'd wear it...but he doesn't work for a gym, just goes to one. He didn't introduce himself as a trainer etc (and certainly didn't present as one) - just a average person.
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

    So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

    Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

    I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

    I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
  • pammyd76
    pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

    So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

    Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

    I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

    I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.


    THANK - YOU!!!
  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
    Options
    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

    Sorry but in that context he really might as well have. And it isn't up to the guy or you to determine whether or not it was humiliating. I think anyone who struggles with weight loss would probably agree with me and her. So people need to keep their unsolicited advise to themselves. Personally I wouldn't have just meekly accepted it. I would have chewed the guy out for being a prat and ruining my enjoyment of my turkey sandwich. Being fat is sometimes a choice. Like being a smoker. Or in fact driving a car or getting on a plane. We do lots of things in life that are risky. just walking up to a complete and total stranger and offering unsolicited advice is simply disrespecting that right. It's a weak meek little survival first oriented mentality. And it's the province of cissy's and the terminally self deluded. Now don't get me wrong I'm hardly criticizing losing weight on principle. But if you just wanna be fat and eat all the food and you accept the consequences then NO ONE has any right to tell you to stop or judge you for it. As a complete stranger he had zero knowledge of her circumstances. He just marched in with his we all gotta fit and healthy or were a failure at life mentality that frankly YOU seem to share.

    Not so long ago people threw themselves at artillery fire to buy us the right to do with our lives what we please. His attitude is fascist elitist and rude.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

    So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

    Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

    I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

    I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.

    so noone can have a different opinion to yours... ok then....

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