Rudeness of a total stranger!
Options
Replies
-
what did he say that was rude?
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.
And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.
he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!
So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
so noone can have a different opinion to yours... ok then....
It's not about having a different opion, the OP found it rude, it happened to her, not you. Its not about how you would react if it happened to you.0 -
Where I come from, offering unsolicited advice to strangers about someone's very personal situation is appallingly rude.
That said, I usually cringe when reading these kinds of threads, because there's so little focus on what one is going to do about it, how one will move on. There's lots of patting on the head and "aaawwww"s, "I'm so sorry!"s, "How rude of him!"s and the like. If a member were to post something about nutrition or movement, we'd jump on the chance to fix the problem, but when someone's been mean, rude, inconsiderate, etc., usually a voice or two goes totally overboard regarding trying to "help" whereas the rest mostly remain in the head-patting phase.
So, OP, what can be done for you not to ponder this experience much longer? I doubt that guy thinks about this days after it happened and in that sense it wasn't about you as a person, but about someone with overweight to whom he offered unsolicited advice. How can you turn this into something useful for you? Because someone might have it in them to be as rude or even more rude next week or next month; will you be pushed off course as easily then? That would indicate that you haven't pondered much nor learned from the story nor worked on becoming a stronger person with teflon skin.
I love this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." While this situation isn't about feeling inferior, you can substitute with whatever word is appropriate. If you let people get to you, it's because you allow them to do so. And that's where I think the community should put in the biggest effort, not in offering awws and how rudes. A healthy person has a strong mind and knows which battles are worth it, where to stop wasting energy immediately. This "helping" guy is a waste of energy.0 -
You say you "work" at a church, regardless if its your faith or youre doing it as being part of the community, maybe in some way it was God intervening??
2 times Ive had people come up to me and ask if they could pray for me...1 of the times was in a busy mall.
At 1st I was shocked and bewildered then I thought "sure, why not"
As Ive heard, things happen in mysterious ways
The Christmas Guest
Helen Steiner Rice
It happened one day at the year's white end,
Two neighbors called on an old-time friend.
And they found his shop so meager and mean,
Made gay with a thousand boughs of green.
And Conrad was sitting with face a-shine,
When he suddenly stopped as he stitched a twine,
And said, "Old friends, at dawn today,
When the **** was crowing the night away,
The Lord appeared in a dream to me
And said, 'I am coming your guest to be.'
So I've been busy with feet astir,
Strewing my shop with branches of fir,
The table is spread and the kettle is shined
And over the rafters the holly is twined,
And now I will wait for my Lord to appear
And listen closely so I will hear
His step as He nears my humble place,
And I open the door and look in His face...."
So his friends went home and left Conrad alone,
For this was the happiest day he had known.
For long since his family had passed away
And Conrad had spent a sad Christmas Day.
But he knew with the Lord as his Christmas guest,
This Christmas would be the dearest and best,
And he listened with only joy in his heart.
And with every sound he would rise with a start
And look for the Lord to be standing there
In answer to his earnest prayer.
So he ran to the window after hearing a sound,
But all that he saw on the snow-covered ground
Was a shabby beggar whose shoes were torn
And all of his clothes were ragged and worn.
So Conrad was touched and went to the door
And he said, "Your feet must be frozen and sore,
And I have some shoes in my shop for you
And a coat that will keep you warmer, too."
So with grateful heart the man went away,
But as Conrad noticed the time of day.
He wondered what made the dear Lord so late
And how much longer he'd have to wait,
When he heard a knock and ran to the door,
But it was only a stranger once more,
A bent, old crone with a shawl of black,
A bundle of *kitten* piled on her back.
She asked for only a place to rest,
But that was reserved for Conrad's great Guest.
But her voice seemed to plead, "Don't send me away
Let me rest awhile on Christmas day."
So Conrad brewed her a steaming cup
And told her to sit at the table and sup.
But after she left he was filled with dismay,
For he saw that the hours were passing away
And the Lord had not come as He said He would,
And Conrad felt sure he had misunderstood.
When out of the stillness he heard a cry,
"Please help me and tell me where am I."
So again he opened his friendly door--
And stood disappointed as twice before,
It was only a child who had wandered away
And was lost from her family on Christmas Day. .
Again Conrad's heart was heavy and sad,
But he knew he should make this little child glad,
So he called her in and wiped her tears
And quieted her childish fears.
Then he led her back to her home once more
But as he entered his own darkened door,
He knew that the Lord was not coming today
For the hours of Christmas had passed away.
So he went to his room and knelt down to pray
And he said, "Dear Lord, why did you delay?
What kept You from coming to call on me?
For I wanted so much Your face to see...."
When soft in the silence a voice he heard,
"Lift up your head for I kept My word--
"Three times My shadow crossed your floor--
Three times I came to your lonely door--
For I was the beggar with bruised, cold feet,
I was the woman you gave to eat,
And I was the child on the homeless street."0 -
I kinda find it rude. He made assumptions. For all he knows, she could be very happy with the way she is. He assumed that she had a "problem" and took it upon himself to target her like some kind of project. He is misguided and it's not the worst he could have said, but just because he wasn't explicitly rude with his words, it doesn't mean that it wasn't impolite.
If someone isn't seeking your help, especially in such a personal and sensitive area, don't try to place it upon them, no matter your intention or how desperate they may "appear" to be to you.
(not bashing you btw haha)
And Pammy, I'm sorry you were upset by this guy, continue to focus on your journey and your successes so far!0 -
Ugh trust me I understand, once I was with my 2 (much skinnier) friends at the mall after getting ice cream. The other 2 finished their cups and we went into a shoe store (while I still had my ice cream) and the attendant came up to us and asked if we needed any help.
After we all said no, she looked me up and down and said, "You shouldn't eat so much ice cream, your friends probably don't eat ice cream, that's why they're so skinny while you're..." and at this point she blew her cheeks out and spread her arms around herself (to show I was bigger than them.
Thanks b*tch.
NO!! SERIOUS?!? I'm sorry that happened to you - my story is tame!0 -
Not really the time or place, keep it in your place of worship.You say you "work" at a church, regardless if its your faith or youre doing it as being part of the community, maybe in some way it was God intervening??
2 times Ive had people come up to me and ask if they could pray for me...1 of the times was in a busy mall.
At 1st I was shocked and bewildered then I thought "sure, why not"
As Ive heard, things happen in mysterious ways
The Christmas Guest
Helen Steiner Rice
It happened one day at the year's white end,
Two neighbors called on an old-time friend.
And they found his shop so meager and mean,
Made gay with a thousand boughs of green.
And Conrad was sitting with face a-shine,
When he suddenly stopped as he stitched a twine,
And said, "Old friends, at dawn today,
When the **** was crowing the night away,
The Lord appeared in a dream to me
And said, 'I am coming your guest to be.'
So I've been busy with feet astir,
Strewing my shop with branches of fir,
The table is spread and the kettle is shined
And over the rafters the holly is twined,
And now I will wait for my Lord to appear
And listen closely so I will hear
His step as He nears my humble place,
And I open the door and look in His face...."
So his friends went home and left Conrad alone,
For this was the happiest day he had known.
For long since his family had passed away
And Conrad had spent a sad Christmas Day.
But he knew with the Lord as his Christmas guest,
This Christmas would be the dearest and best,
And he listened with only joy in his heart.
And with every sound he would rise with a start
And look for the Lord to be standing there
In answer to his earnest prayer.
So he ran to the window after hearing a sound,
But all that he saw on the snow-covered ground
Was a shabby beggar whose shoes were torn
And all of his clothes were ragged and worn.
So Conrad was touched and went to the door
And he said, "Your feet must be frozen and sore,
And I have some shoes in my shop for you
And a coat that will keep you warmer, too."
So with grateful heart the man went away,
But as Conrad noticed the time of day.
He wondered what made the dear Lord so late
And how much longer he'd have to wait,
When he heard a knock and ran to the door,
But it was only a stranger once more,
A bent, old crone with a shawl of black,
A bundle of *kitten* piled on her back.
She asked for only a place to rest,
But that was reserved for Conrad's great Guest.
But her voice seemed to plead, "Don't send me away
Let me rest awhile on Christmas day."
So Conrad brewed her a steaming cup
And told her to sit at the table and sup.
But after she left he was filled with dismay,
For he saw that the hours were passing away
And the Lord had not come as He said He would,
And Conrad felt sure he had misunderstood.
When out of the stillness he heard a cry,
"Please help me and tell me where am I."
So again he opened his friendly door--
And stood disappointed as twice before,
It was only a child who had wandered away
And was lost from her family on Christmas Day. .
Again Conrad's heart was heavy and sad,
But he knew he should make this little child glad,
So he called her in and wiped her tears
And quieted her childish fears.
Then he led her back to her home once more
But as he entered his own darkened door,
He knew that the Lord was not coming today
For the hours of Christmas had passed away.
So he went to his room and knelt down to pray
And he said, "Dear Lord, why did you delay?
What kept You from coming to call on me?
For I wanted so much Your face to see...."
When soft in the silence a voice he heard,
"Lift up your head for I kept My word--
"Three times My shadow crossed your floor--
Three times I came to your lonely door--
For I was the beggar with bruised, cold feet,
I was the woman you gave to eat,
And I was the child on the homeless street."0 -
Just remember, you can lose weight, but he may forever be impaired by a lack of appreciation of social boundaries. Can't believe there are people defending his actions on here really - there are just some lines you don't cross in polite society and that's that.0
-
Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!
OP, I agree with you. I would find this stranger's comments acceptable from a child or someone with learning difficulties. If I was able to recover from the shock of such an approach, I'd like to tell him what to do with his offer.
Maybe, he was trying to chat you up?0 -
And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.
As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.
i'm sorry, you're not allowed that opinion in this thread.... :laugh:
Your allowed whatever opinion you like. That's exactly the right that the man who approached her was ignoring. He is totally allowed to have the opinion that she needs to exercise more and lose some weight. If he had kept it to himself that is.
It doesn't mean I have to like you for it. Or agree with it. Especially if it's a weak and arrogant argument.
By the way I think that blue top you are wearing in your photo looks totally ridiculous. I know I'm a complete stranger but clearly I have the right to comment on it in your book. So i thought I would take you up on it. I mean clearly your not going to be offended that I think it makes you look like a grannies tea cosy.
what your doing is not the same as the situation the OP described. Your scenario is rude as where is your offer for assistance.
In the OP's scenario the chap offered to help her in the gym.
The person obviously offended the OP but i think his heart was in the right place.0 -
Ugh trust me I understand, once I was with my 2 (much skinnier) friends at the mall after getting ice cream. The other 2 finished their cups and we went into a shoe store (while I still had my ice cream) and the attendant came up to us and asked if we needed any help.
After we all said no, she looked me up and down and said, "You shouldn't eat so much ice cream, your friends probably don't eat ice cream, that's why they're so skinny while you're..." and at this point she blew her cheeks out and spread her arms around herself (to show I was bigger than them. Thanks b*tch.
NO!! SERIOUS?!? I'm sorry that happened to you - my story is tame!
Hahhaha yup 100% serious! And the worst part is she seemed to be disappointed that I didn't fall on my knees and thank her? I guess she thought she was helping me... It makes for a good story to tell people now but at that moment I was MORTIFIED.0 -
Some people just say such insensitive things, he probably had no idea how hurtful he was being in his attempt to help.
I remember 31 years ago pushing my one year old daughter in her pushchair and a guy I knew came up to me and said - 'Girl, when are you having that baby, you have been pregnant forever', I was so hurt and humiliated. He didn't mean to be hurtful, but I took it that way and after all these years I still remember it but it doesn't bother me anymore.
Just keep doing what you are doing and try not to let 'helpful' people bother you.
Good Luck!0 -
I had a strange little boy come up to me when I was waiting in line to pick up a prescription and tell me out of nowhere "What worked for my dad losing weight was whey protein, you should try it."
I was like "um, thanks..."
His whole demeanor bespoke politeness, I don't think he stopped to think that mentioning something like that around other people could be rude or embarrassing.0 -
And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.
As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.
i'm sorry, you're not allowed that opinion in this thread.... :laugh:
:sad:
Now I actually feel kinda weird about myself for ever considering saying something to someone...even if I'd been there, and knew what it was like and was willing to help them in any way that I could. I'm glad I haven't ever done this now
But if you where in the gym and offered to help me out or heard me speaking about gym ect I wouldn't be annoyed in the slightest infact I kinda wish someone in the weights area would offer to help me lol
right now i would jump at the chance if i was offered help in the gym free weights section0 -
Ugh trust me I understand, once I was with my 2 (much skinnier) friends at the mall after getting ice cream. The other 2 finished their cups and we went into a shoe store (while I still had my ice cream) and the attendant came up to us and asked if we needed any help.
After we all said no, she looked me up and down and said, "You shouldn't eat so much ice cream, your friends probably don't eat ice cream, that's why they're so skinny while you're..." and at this point she blew her cheeks out and spread her arms around herself (to show I was bigger than them. Thanks b*tch.
Anyone who tried that *kitten* with me would be picking their teeth up off the floor lol.
I like to pretend I'm a badass but at that moment all I could think to do was laugh awkwardly while my friends were angry enough on my behalf to berate her and drag me out of there.
Well yeah maybe i wouldn't have actually hit him. Was more a turn of phrase. I'm not so barmy to risk getting rung up on assault charges just because I meet someone rude. But I would have at least managed an insult right back. XD
Hahahaha I've definitely developed a sharper tongue since then. There have actually been days where I wander around that shoe store seeing if she still works there so I can think of a comeback 1 year in the making (but so far, nothing).0 -
Rightly or wrongly, he thought he was doing a good thing. That doesn't make it better, but it can help to understand where the other person was coming from.
As another poster said though, it would be good for you to use this opportunity to figure out how you'll move past such comments/rudeness in the future. The world has plenty of d**ks in it, who say mean, stupid stuff all the time. This probably wasn't the first time you've encountered a stranger being rude to you (as everyone has), and it won't be the last (again, same for everyone). Sometimes they'll be over minor, non personal, things, and other times they'll seem bigger, and very personal. The question is, how will you choose to react to it?0 -
I had a strange little boy come up to me when I was waiting in line to pick up a prescription and tell me out of nowhere "What worked for my dad losing weight was whey protein, you should try it."
I was like "um, thanks..."
His whole demeanor bespoke politeness, I don't think he stopped to think that mentioning something like that around other people could be rude or embarrassing.
Has the world gone mad!?! Why do people think its ok to do this?0 -
Dear pammyd76,
You've already lost 8kg! While on here you'll read a lot about how those first kgs are easier to get off than the last few you need to lose, I know first-hand how difficult it is to get started on weight loss and what a change in mindset it is to start taking this serious.
Don't let idiots like this rude man doubt the hard work you've already put in. Don't let him distract you.
Keep on doing what you're doing! Tell your friends about your weight loss, surround yourself with people who will cheer you on rather than get you all depressed. Use this site to educate and motivate yourself, to keep track of all the hard work you're doing.
Rock on!
Eveline.0 -
Because he was a little boy. A child. Who thought he was helping. Since it had worked for his dad. Children usually speak the truth.I had a strange little boy come up to me when I was waiting in line to pick up a prescription and tell me out of nowhere "What worked for my dad losing weight was whey protein, you should try it."
I was like "um, thanks..."
His whole demeanor bespoke politeness, I don't think he stopped to think that mentioning something like that around other people could be rude or embarrassing.
Has the world gone mad!?! Why do people think its ok to do this?
I'm done here, clearly we are supposed to be awwing and exclaiming how rude the guy was, rather than focus on fixing the problem.
Good luck on your journey.0 -
Focus instead on the coolness of your co-worker who had your back and went and told that weirdo that his "helpful offer" was totally inappropriate. Don't let this get you down. Sounds like you've got supportive buddies! :drinker:0
-
He just marched in with his we all gotta fit and healthy or were a failure at life mentality that frankly YOU seem to share.
:huh:
hangry much!?
Is this person a troll, or just really THAT dense? *smh*0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 394 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 944 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions