Rudeness of a total stranger!

Okay, first of all, be proud of how you handled the situation. It takes A LOT of gut to stay calm and polite on the outside, even though you hurt like hell on the inside. Maybe some people think he deserved to be lashed out at, but you found the strength to be the bigger person (I'm sorry, horrible pun not intended!) in the situation, and good for you.

Yes, people can be very inconsiderate, if not downright rude. Sometimes they really mean well. When I was at my highest weight, my grandma told me that I look wonderful, I must have gained weight, good for me! Yeah, grandma, not really, but I just smiled and said nothing. Old people often think being overweight is the most healthy thing for you, at least in my country, because they remember the thin years of the World War and the socialist regime.

Personally, I think he THOUGHT he meant well, but some people have the need to 'help' others just to feel better than those they are 'helping'. I don't want to accuse him of any such thing, but it happens. And yeah, they can be so delusional that they won't understand their 'helpful' comments or advice can be hurtful. Family, coworkers, friends, complete strangers, you name 'em - they do it sometimes. I don't even know if it's worth it to educate them on their manners (or lack thereof). But it certainly is not worth it to let it get to you (although easier said than done, I know).

Point is (sorry, I tend to digress quite often), you chose to start losing weight for yourself (at least I hope so). I wouldn't use this situation as a reminder of why you want to get in shape (what an absurd thing to say, everyone is in SOME shape, unless they're, I dunno, a ghost), because you're not doing this for him, or your coworkers (on a side note, they're good guys if they stood up for you), so what do you care what he'll think. We can rarely change other people, so focus on your own journey and do your best! We MFPals will always support you.

Here, have a virtual flower! :flowerforyou:

I think there are two sides to every story. Yes, he could have handled his approach very differently. He humiliated you publicly. You are working hard and doing the right things for you. However, you don't know his story either. Perhaps with all the obesity stories and shows in the media, he really felt inspired to try to find someone to help. He could have worded things differently, but maybe you're the first person he tried to help, and maybe he's cringing inside thinking of how he went about it the wrong way this first time and how he'll do things differently next time. Perhaps he saw what you were eating, and thought "at least you're already trying, so now let's take the next step". Don't judge too harshly; you don't know where he's coming from either.

It is always rude to make presumptions about a stranger and then voice them. Always. In every circumstance.

And to assume that you have free reign to comment on someone's body, assume that you can speak as an authority on their circumstance, their very presence? Rude, condenscending and presumptious.


When in a restaurant:
Do not offer to give fashion advice to those who you think are poorly dressed.
Do not tell single people that you have dating tips that may help them with their problem.
Do not go up to people you think may be poor and offer them career advice

What is it about heavy people that other people feel compelled to comment on? I can't fathom ever going up to someone and commenting on ANYTHING about them, be it their weight, hairstyle, clothing choice or whatever! Jeez...

The thing I find the most ridiculous about all of this is that this random person had absolutely no idea about where you are in your weight loss journey. You could have already lost 100lbs from working out and eating better and are well on your way to living a healthier life, but maybe you still have a lot of weight left to lose. That's what I've been pointing out to some of my more critical family members whenever I hear them saying something about someone that we see who is substantially overweight. You NEVER know where someone is on their journey and you have NO right to comment. Think whatever you like, God knows I don't always have the kindest thoughts towards humans but I try to respect everyone's personal journey.

I think that instead of just sitting there with that awful feeling, you could have just smiled very sweetly at him and said "Thank you for your attempt to "help" me, but I find your presumptuousness quite rude. Hopefully next time you will make a better decision about approaching strangers with unsolicited help. You can go now."

Harsh? Maybe. Deserved? You didn't deserve his comment, however well-intentioned, so I say it's fair game.

While this guy might have had every good intention in the world, he grossly overstepped his boundaries.

Some people are over zealous and his approach stank...((HUGS))....Hope you have a better day today!....

OP, I'm sorry that someone felt the need to approach you that way. Had you asked for help, it would have been one thing, but you didn't. Props to you for working hard on it on your own and best of luck!!

I had to stop reading at page 2 because I am absolutely appalled at how many people are justifying this guy's actions. That is one of the rudest things I've ever heard. Up until I got braces in my twenties I had pretty gnarly teeth for awhile, and I was painfully self-conscious about them. If someone had approached me in public to talk about helping me with orthodontics IN FRONT OF MY PEERS I would have absolutely died. And then slashed their tires. (kidding... kinda)

Anyway, OP, I'm sorry that it happened to you, but I'm glad your friend stuck up for you!

Just want to add my 2 cents that DUH that was horribly rude! I mean, seriously. I can't believe anyone in their right mind would think otherwise. Some people here are just being contrarian - ignore them.

But keep up the good work!!!!!

So, today I'm having lunch in a food court with work colleagues. I'm eating my turkey sub from subway and drinking water - all good. Out of nowhere this guy comes to the table and asks if he can speak with us - me in particular. Now this is not overly unusual because we all work at a local church which is heavily involved in the community. So, I say sure. He then proceeds to say to me "I just want you to know that there is help available for someone like you; I'd like to help you". He went on to say how he attends a gym and would be willing to workout with me and help me with my 'problem'!!! I was horrified!! In 38 years this has never happened to me! I was humiliated! I was polite and thanked him for the offer and suggested I probably would not take him up on it - but inside I just wanted to die. None of my colleagues know I'm working so hard to lose weight, and at only 8kg loss, they can't tell. So, I just had to act like this didn't bother me. As we left, one of the men on my team went and spoke to said stranger about the inappropriateness of what he'd done - but no one could really feel how gutted I was. I mean, I know I'm big, but how big must I be that a complete stranger felt so compelled to come and 'help' me!!! I just have to keep moving forward - I've made such great progress and I can't let this ignorant person discourage me - but I just wish people thought before they 'helped'!

This is how I feel when strangers knock at my door, talk about their religion and assume I don't go to church. ; ) I do understand how you feel. People look at me and think I don't exercise. I do, you just can't tell it yet. I grew up skinny and people are a bit shock at how big I've gotten. Doesn't matter that most people do gain weight over the years. Let's hang in there

I guess it was rather rude but he could have been trying to be helpful and phrased it rather awkwardly.

As a newbie at various sports over my life I've had a number of people want to "adopt me" to help me on my way. Some of them have been rough around the edges lets say but they have been well intentioned.