I'm failing my kids!

You are not failing your kids.

Just keep talking about healthy foods, having good daily options, and allowing "sometimes" foods every so often.

I have two kids, one with whats called selective eating disorder.

He struggles with food a lot, and his variety of foods is limited at best. Even normal kid foods don't make the list. I choose the healthiest options that he WILL eat, and serve water for most of the day.

In my home,You can get juice once per day, 1 single 8oz glass. Same with milk.

Here is his typical day (he is 6 and slim)

Breakfast-
Whole wheat crackers( a bowlful)
Milk
Chewable multivitamin with iron

Lunch-
2 plain peanut butter sandwiches
Peeled apple
Water

Snack-
Stovetop cooked popcorn with salt (1/3 cup dry kernels)
Water

Dinner-
Whole wheat crackers (a bowlful)
Craisins (1/4 cup)
Water

Dessert-
Chocolate chip cookie
Welch's Fruit snacks

So yeah, not perfect, but not child abuse either. I just keep on trying, and who knows, someday it might pay off.

(Fwiw my daughter is 2, and eats everything. Loves food, new tastes, very few dislikes at all.)

You really are making excuses. I am in my late twenties and I learnt the hard way - the home is not a restaurant.

Stop making excuses for them. For their future.

If you buy healthy, nutritious food and do your best to prepare balanced meals you are well on your way.

If they don't like what you have provided, too bad. I guarantee (from experience) that after missing two meals consecutively they will gladly eat ANYTHING you offer them - whether it breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

tl;dr you are making excuses for your childrens unhealthy eating habits and you are enabling these habits.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just think about this- If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.
Since you most likely do the shopping for the household, just cut back on buying things you are worried about your kids having. Then, when they go to reach for snack after snack, they won't be tempted to keep eating all the sugary, artificial foods.
Start stocking your fridge with healthy, tasty snacks like a variety of fruits, greek yogurt, nuts, granola, etc.

Good luck!

Adriana
lovefreeliving.com

Start by changing one thing at a time. If I had just told my family we are changing the entire way we eat, everyone would have been mad at me. If I change 1 or 2 things here and there, it's done and they don't really realize it's changed. Good luck!

I was thinking the same thing. If I were you I would start with the juice habit. My kids get one small glass of OJ in the mornings, and that is it, period. If I caught them sneaking juice all day I would stop buying it.

What type of yogurt are you buying? I buy those Chobani kids tubes...they are higher in protein and lower in sugar than other brands I've seen (and no artificial sweetener).

Go easy on yourself. It's a tough issue.

If you read what the authorities say, it's usually to let your kids make food choices but keep a good variety of options on hand. Don't buy all junk food but don't prohibit it, either.

Keep it simple. It's just food. Sugar cereal isn't going to kill them. If you don't demonize it, odds are they'll have a little of that and a little of the healthy options, too. Use very small dishes for sugary cereals and serve it with fruit.

Many books will even say if you have a kid who refuses to eat anything but say ice cream for a week, let them play it out.

I used this approach on my daughter, who was a very picky eater. She's 14 now and her weight is perfect and she has no real food issues and chooses healthy options about as often as I could hope. She's gone long spans with wanting more junk food than I'd prefer but I don't harp on it (much) and she comes out the other side and realizes healthier food usually is tastier and leaves her feeling better.

My main goal wasn't 'optimal nutrition' so much as for her to avoid being overweight OR having issues with food, like so many teens do. I accomplished those and she's had no health issues from the Gogurts and all.

Good luck!

At 6 and 5 years old, this shouldn't be a problem, in fact. Why are the sugary cereals in your cupboard?

A couple of things. Buy real food, good food, and if that's what is there, that's what's there. You are in control of this because of what you choose to buy and have in your household. Full stop.

However, badgering kids, making food a battle ground, is actually the fastest way to eating disorders.

So, the answer - buy good stuff - ditch the junk. Have fresh fruit, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, egg salad, tuna, cheese, less sugary yogurts, fresh raw veggies, nuts, raisins, and lots of healthy things in the house to eat. Ditch the juice. Just buy real oranges and apples. Then, let them eat what they want.

Kids tend to eat in cycles.... one day or a for a few days they might eat all meat, another just fruits, and so on. It evens out. So, don't sweat it. My child wanted a tuna fish sandwich for lunch every day for almost a year. So, that's what she ate.

Kids, if left to their own devices and presented with an abundance of real, fresh wholesome food, will actually eat quite well, and the more you interfere the more problems you are likely to create. But it starts with you. At 5 and 6 years of age, they are totally dependent on what you stock in your house.

First off, I haven't really read through all the comments, just kind of scanned through the first page. I have 3 children, a 14 year old (my step-daughter, met when she was 8 and she came to live with me with HORRIBLE eating habits), my 6 year old and an almost 4 year old. My 4 year old is in feeding therapy at the moment. He is a "picky" child, but beyond being just "picky", he is one of those children where saying "he'll eat when he's hungry" will not work. There is a very small percentage of children that this method doesn't work on and he is one of them.

That being said, a few things I do to help with food and snacks around my house. First, I limit what I buy. I try to find alternative cereals that they like in the morning that don't have as much sugar. They also like to do bagels, English muffins, cinnamon/sugar toast (I mix my own and don't add much) and sometimes applesauce. I don't cook hot breakfast for my kids (during the school week), and I don't feel all that bad about it either.

Lunch snacks do not go in the pantry. They are locked in my closet and are dished out in the morning. They can't see them when they're looking in the kitchen and therefore rarely ask for them outside of "I want XXX in my lunch today!". On weekends, they are allowed ONE snack from the closet each.

I try to buy healthier alternatives. Instead of Goldfish crackers, I buy Annie's cheddar bunnies. Instead of most fruit snacks, I buy Annie's (or other natural brands) that contain no added sugars, preservatives, artificial colors or flavors.

We do not have juice in the house, period. Not that I'm against it, but if they see it, they want it...and they want too much of it. If we EVER do have it in the house, I dilute it. They can't tell the difference. They drink water or milk. For my youngest difficult underweight eater, I give him carnation instant breakfast once a day. It really helps to maintain his weight and to him, he thinks the "chocolate milk" is just the best part of his day.

My 14 year old packs her lunch. She knows she's allowed 1 salty snack and 1 sugary snack for her lunch box and she isn't very difficult. I pack my 6 year old's lunch. What he doesn't eat during lunch, he can eat as a snack when he gets home. One of his favorite lunches is a bit of raw spinach, some salami & cheese. I'll add some pirate's booty, cheddar bunnies, or a type of crackers for something salty. Then I add a fruit cup (in no-sugar added syrup), fruit snacks, or fruit leather for something sweet. Some days I'll also add some pistachios and mini chocolate chips too. That's a super treat for him. I also pack a stainless steel water bottle with ICE WATER in it. No juice boxes.

When they are at home and hungry, I do not limit fresh fruits or veggies. If they want an apple, they can have an apple. If they want carrots, they can have carrots. I try my best to encourage better snacking choices for them. If they beg for cheddar bunnies as a snack during the school week after school, the answer is no. I don't care how much they cry or whine. The answer is no. I always let them know what choices they ARE welcome to.

It's hard. It's hard to tell our kids no sometimes. We want them to be happy, we don't like to think of them as being hungry. We want them to grow up to make great choices and know that it starts now. It is a struggle and part of being a great parent is recognizing that.

You can do it! Try to lock up things that you want them to have in moderation. Try to find similar alternatives to what they do like and are consuming. Tell your husband he's going to have to stop at the store and buy himself a bottle of juice on his way to work if he really wants it, that you don't want to have the temptation in the house for the kids anymore. Buy a small quantity of something new that you want them to try every week. Kids need to try something several times before they really know if they like it or not. Make sure you pack at least 2 preferred foods in their lunch every day along with 1 or 2 other non-preferred. Even if they just sample it, it's better than nothing.

Best of luck! Please feel free to add me if you ever want to chat more about it!

I don't bring in foods that will 'tempt' me. and I'm the mom and I buy the foods. on occasion, we will treat to icecream but it's a weakness for me so I just don't buy it.we usually go out to DQ or something. one cone and we're ok.

If you are on a tight budget, as I am, the food thing can be extra tough. I have spent thousands on food my son (with selective eating disorder) won't eat.

I do not do that anymore. I cook our normal foods, offer him some, and prepare him a plate of food he feels safe eating.

This is not socially acceptable, and I get a lot of flack. But it is more important (to me)that he eats with us as a family, and that our mealtimes aren't any more stressful than they have to be.

Every so often he does try something new, and rarely, he adds one to his repertoire.

I do have my ground rules though, and it sounds like you could try setting some yourself. Juice is a once a day thing here, and dessert/candy is a once a day thing too. You must eat a plant food with your meals, he usually picks a peeled apple.

The iron fist thing does not work with him, so we use a cooperation approach. It helps that my husband is on the same page with all this!

Nope not a first world problem. It has to do with my son being on the autism spectrum, he struggles with the smells and textures of most foods.

He has no nutritional deficiencies, and he has had a full 2 week evaluation of his diet conducted by his pediatrician and allergist.

We sent him to a preschool where his ONLY educational goal for the year was to expose him to new foods.

He would literally go hungry than eat unfamiliar food. And he has done this many times.

There are many different kinds of families out there, and I am not a bad mother. I will always keep trying to get him to eat healthful food, but ultimately, he is well loved, and well fed.

(The only reason I posted his diet is to show the OP that a child can thrive on a limited array of food. )

Nope not a first world problem. It has to do with my son being on the autism spectrum, he struggles with the smells and textures of most foods.

He has no nutritional deficiencies, and he has had a full 2 week evaluation of his diet conducted by his pediatrician and allergist.

We sent him to a preschool where his ONLY educational goal for the year was to expose him to new foods.

He would literally go hungry than eat unfamiliar food. And he has done this many times.

There are many different kinds of families out there, and I am not a bad mother. I will always keep trying to get him to eat healthful food, but ultimately, he is well loved, and well fed.

(The only reason I posted his diet is to show the OP that a child can thrive on a limited array of food. )

I apologize for the the assumptions I made. It didn't occur to me that autism might be in play. I'm not ignorant of the challenges you deal with. It just didn't occur to me at the moment. I sure as heck didn't mean to imply you are a bad mother, though I see how it could be inferred. I apologize for that as well.

HOWEVER.... I stand my apple remark. They're over rated, and have less nutrition than a Snickers. Having said that I don't think an apple a day is "bad". C'mon, let me have my apple remark. I beggin' here.

Honestly, I am sorry.

:flowerforyou:

If you are on a tight budget, as I am, the food thing can be extra tough. I have spent thousands on food my son (with selective eating disorder) won't eat.

I do not do that anymore. I cook our normal foods, offer him some, and prepare him a plate of food he feels safe eating.

This is not socially acceptable, and I get a lot of flack. But it is more important (to me)that he eats with us as a family, and that our mealtimes aren't any more stressful than they have to be.

Every so often he does try something new, and rarely, he adds one to his repertoire.

I do have my ground rules though, and it sounds like you could try setting some yourself. Juice is a once a day thing here, and dessert/candy is a once a day thing too. You must eat a plant food with your meals, he usually picks a peeled apple.

The iron fist thing does not work with him, so we use a cooperation approach. It helps that my husband is on the same page with all this!

Good info. We have similar parenting styles. And I too pick apples over Snickers. :laugh:

As for flack, you probably feel the same as I do, but ignore it. Every parent has their own priorities, challenges and values and your choices are none of their business. People who assume their own choices can or should apply to all parents are fooling themselves.

My cousin (now 21) is also on the spectrum, and for years his diet was: vanilla ice cream, milk, ranch dressing,white bread,french fries, banana baby food, and bologna. IT SUCKS!

His mom (my aunt) just kept working on it, going to doctors, taking him to feeding classes.... and eventually his array of foods broadened. He still doesnt eat like "normal" people, but he can go out to a restaurant without too much trouble.

My nephew (age 8) is also on the spectrum, and his diet looked like that too, minus the meat.

I just hate to see caring moms who feel like crap because their kids eat only a handful of foods. As long as you are trying, your not failing in my book.

If your kids don't like eating anything other than cereal for breakfast only buy ones that are low in sugar. It's still not the best but it is better than complete. Shredded wheat is a good choice it's very similar to mini wheats (I loved it as a kid) as cherrios the plain kind has minimal sugar and it isn't too different from most breakfast cereals. All bran flakes with raisins or other dried fruit added.

As for snacks I would advise against having packaged snack in your house as much as possible though it is possible to have a healthy granola bar (like kind bars or Larabars) once they aere introduced kids except that packaged kind of thing for a snack instead of fruits or veggies. It you really have hard time with fruit or veggies serve them with a dip of some kind. Crackers with cheese nuts are good options.

Oh juice limit it to one cup a day my boyfriend loves OJ (probably more than he loves me) so what he does to save is waist line and and wallet is he drinks have OJ and half water twice a day which adds up to about one cup. This isn't perfect but it's better than 3 cups like he used to drink.