Wife upset I am losing weight
pknjhh
Posts: 117 Member
I have always been in to fitness. She knew that when we married. She knows I will be at the gym a few hours 5-7 days a week depending on goals I am going to reach. For years I stayed around 300lbs. I am in to bodybuilding so 300lbs I was not round. I still would hang 90lbs and do wide grip pullups. I could incline bench 425. 20-30 minutes cardio a day. Diet was always on point for my goals. I decided to lean out and get my abs in. Started at 313 and down to 266 in a month and half. Still can lift almost same weight in upper body. Squats suffered a lot though. Seated military dumbbell presses got 120s for 8 yesterday. So overall happy with strength with cutting down. I am going to 240ish. I will be very very lean there no doubt. 266 I got sides of abs coming in. Also can clearly see the v shape on the bottom. I do 7 days a week. Core everyday, cardio everyday, regular routine 2 days on one day off then 3 days on. I am using Keto to cut down along with a small dose of t3, clen and prescribed test to speed up results. Anyway, wife has been trying to lose weight forever. She doesn't exercise hardly at all, eats junk food in small potions and takes phentermine or relies on it I should say. She has been so upset I am cutting down. I love her the way she is so I am not trying to force her to change. I see how upset she gets about her weight so I try to say lets go workout together or how about you try this. She gets mad at me. Today I got on the scale after her and now she won't even talk to me. I don't feel it's my fault she can't stick to a proper diet. I can go 6 months with no cheat meals and not caring about them. I eat for performance not pleasure. She is the opposite. What can I do to help her feel better and stop her frustration with me?
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Replies
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So was this thread about your wife being upset, or how awesome you think you are??1
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Divorce.0
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Wife being upset but I don't feel bad about what I am doing. I love her and want things to not be like this.0
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Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!1
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Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!
I can't hear you over how awesome I am...1 -
pure speculation here, but she's probably upset at your attitude about it
to be honest you sound like a cocky prick, maybe you can tone that down a bit?0 -
Thank you for the reply. You are right I do get so focused on my goals I sometimes lose sight. Always been an issue. I do love her though and really don't want her upset0
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Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!
^^^ This. You say you're concerned about her, but your post is all you, you, you, you you. If you spend as much time talking to her about you and how awesome you are as one would assume you do from your post, no wonder she's sick of hearing it.1 -
Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!
This.^^^^
I don't think the root issue of your problem is the fitness/weight stuff. I think there are underlying things you need to deal with. The fitness/weight thing has just become an example of other, deeper issues that you guys need to work through. Figure out what those issues are, learn to clearly communicate and LISTEN to her...don't just try to convince her to understand your POV. Put your POV aside and just listen. Learn what's actually upsetting her and try to come up with a viable plan to move forward. If you can't manage this through conversation, maybe consider couple's counseling or something.0 -
I would say I am extremely confident in everything I do in life. Would not really say cocky. Only area I am not always confident in is how to approach her about things or how to help her feel better sometimes. Tried apologizing for upsetting her, tried to make her dinner, tried telling her how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much). Say what you want but I love her 110%0
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Thank you for the reply. You are right I do get so focused on my goals I sometimes lose sight. Always been an issue. I do love her though and really don't want her upset
Then why are you telling us, dude?
Go get her flowers, take her away for a romantic weekend and apologize for being so self centered.
Tell her you want to look good for her....open up a dialogue. And not with us total strangers...0 -
I would say I am extremely confident in everything I do in life. Would not really say cocky. Only area I am not always confident in is how to approach her about things or how to help her feel better sometimes. Tried apologizing for upsetting her, tried to make her dinner, tried telling her how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much). Say what you want but I love her 110%
... have you tried listening to her rather than talking to her?
It's not going to get fixed straight away, and you're not going to fix whatever it is with an apology or a dinner. You need to be available to her when she's ready to talk to you (and be ready to LISTEN to her), but if you keep pressing, you'll just piss her off. By thinking she should be ready to make up just because you've said sorry, your completely discounting whatever it was that bothered her in the first place. How about you try to understand what ACTUALLY bothers her, for a start.0 -
I would take it one step further and work on not being so self centered.
Then why are you telling us, dude?
Go get her flowers, take her away for a romantic weekend and apologize for being so self centered.
Tell her you want to look good for her....open up a dialogue. And not with us total strangers...
there's give and take in any relationship. let her know she is more important then your gains(she is right?)0 -
The bodybuilding lifestyle is all about being selfish about your needs to make gains.. Your even taking illegal drugs to achieve your goals, not if the AAs is prescribed, but I knows for a fact no doctor prescribes clenbuterol and cytomel. Do you also prepare all 8 of your meals in Tupperware and take them everywhere you go? Your not going to turn pro or compete, so I would be aware of my wife more if I were you...0
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I would strongly suggest ASKING her what she would like you to do to help, what she would be comfortable with you commenting on and stating, and what her goals are. TALK to her about each of those areas. I will say, my bf tries to be supportive, but his good intentions are shot out of the window if he doesn't approach it right because women can be (or rather, anyone can be) very self concious about their weight and if she's in that mindset about it, you need to approach cautiously. That's why I suggest asking her those three questions above. Then listen to her answers and go accordingly.0
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did you tell her this - in so many words?
"how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much)" and follow it up with "i love you 110%"? i know that would do it for me. and do you do things with her, things she likes to do? sounds like you have a passion in life - your workouts - but i'm guessing either that she doesn't or it needs some nurturing.I would say I am extremely confident in everything I do in life. Would not really say cocky. Only area I am not always confident in is how to approach her about things or how to help her feel better sometimes. Tried apologizing for upsetting her, tried to make her dinner, tried telling her how much I missed just laying there talking to her (which I miss so much). Say what you want but I love her 110%0 -
I would take it one step further and work on not being so self centered.
Then why are you telling us, dude?
Go get her flowers, take her away for a romantic weekend and apologize for being so self centered.
Tell her you want to look good for her....open up a dialogue. And not with us total strangers...
there's give and take in any relationship. let her know she is more important then your gains(she is right?)
Good point.
Also being open and having a conversation-allowing her to express her feelings and have a discussion about it...not just making her ok with how the situation is.0 -
Good God. Cut the guy some slack.
He's putting his numbers out there. Strong and maybe a bit 'focused'. But that's one way you get to those results. By focus and commitment.
10-1 if you tell your wife she's your priority and mean it, she will get it. but as others point out (don't become diplomats guys) you might need to really rethink how you come across to her. if exercise isn't her thing and she feels like she looks lousy, you might need to really discuss why she lacks confidence in the relationship....because that sounds like the route of the problem. there is my 1 minute evaluation of your marriage - I am waiving my normal fee.
* the fact you haven't laid into people for speaking their minds, suggests you probably aren't the ego job suggested on here. *
signed - a guy who bench presses minivans when I'm not being my plain old awesome self.0 -
OP Said "I" 25 times in the first post...unless I miscounted. I didn't even start on "My" or "Me" or "myself..."... This should be a clue.0
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Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!pure speculation here, but she's probably upset at your attitude about it
to be honest you sound like a cocky prick, maybe you can tone that down a bit?
QFT on both counts.
Race - The fact that he put his numbers out there when he's asking about his WIFE speaks volumes. If *I* were his wife, I'd likely end up feeling like I'm taking a backseat to his gym goals, because seriously the post was at least half filled with his lifting stats.0 -
My husband and I have an absolutely amazing relationship but it still irks me when he loses more weight than me. It's not about him, it's about me. But we talked about it and now we weigh ourselves in private and we strive to mention the positive aspects about each other when we see them. For example, just him saying how much he's noticed the curve of my waist now has kept me beaming for weeks! While talking things through with your wife is good advice, sometimes knowing when to keep quiet is the hardest skill to master. Are you constantly talking about your progress? Maybe she thinks every time you do that it's a hint to her. No one likes to feel constantly under scrutiny and it's the fastest way to get someone to start stress eating.0
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I would strongly suggest ASKING her what she would like you to do to help, what she would be comfortable with you commenting on and stating, and what her goals are. TALK to her about each of those areas. I will say, my bf tries to be supportive, but his good intentions are shot out of the window if he doesn't approach it right because women can be (or rather, anyone can be) very self concious about their weight and if she's in that mindset about it, you need to approach cautiously. That's why I suggest asking her those three questions above. Then listen to her answers and go accordingly.
^This.
If you're approaching her in a way that you know all there is to know and that you can "fix" her, she is going to shut down. Reach out to her and let her tell her what it is she needs from you.0 -
yeah, i get it. but it's a bit of a pile on. nothing like a public flogging, even if it's on the internet. when i want a beatdown i go to pirate4x4, not here!0
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All I see is "me, me, me."
You are WAY too focused on fitness. She's so upset that you are losing weight most likely because you rub it in her face (unintentionally or not). Kind of like how you bragged about how much weight you can lift for the first half of this post. Your wife clearly feels like she is chopped liver. Perhaps you should cut down on gym time and make more wife time. You've been treating her like she's your second lover (the gym being your #1). So no, she isn't going to act like everything is okay or lovey-dovey toward you right away. If you truly love her, you'll tone down the egocentrism and the bodybuilding. Or I hate to say it, you'll lose your wife.0 -
yeah, i get it. but it's a bit of a pile on. nothing like a public flogging, even if it's on the internet. when i want a beatdown i go to pirate4x4, not here!
*points to the door*
Have fun.
This dude came trotting onto the internet asking for advice about why his big ol' ego is pissing off his wife... MFP is not exactly the place to come have sugar coated unicorn farts passed out to you.0 -
My first thought was "7 days a week a few hours a day?" More than likely she's not as upset about the weight loss as she is about the fact that you're never home with her. That would be how I would feel. This has taken over your life and has slowly pushed her out.
My suggestion would be to cut back on the gym time and spend more one on one time with her (without talking about weight lifting or weight loss).0 -
Talk to your wife..its time for less gym, work, internet, cell phones...I say couples vacation time and focus on you and her and fix things ......0
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Original poster is clearly into the gym, which is fine. You should hear me talk about my horse riding. Nothing wrong with being passionate about what you do, even if it's boring to others.
It's incredibly hard when a partner projects their failing onto you. Same thing as when I lose weight and my mother makes b!tchy comments because she's been fat for 50 years. I lover her the way she is, and I'm indifferent to whether she loses weight, but she hates that I can do it and she "can't". And by "can't" I mean hasn't put the effort in required and is cranky she hasn't got the results.
What can you do about it? I don't really know. I ignore my mother but it's hard to do that around your partner. I'd say only weight yourself at the gym and don't talk about it at home, but what is a relationship with taboo subjects? You should be able to be open about everything without resentment. Bottom line is mate, you are not responsible for her weight issues. If she doesn't eat well, and she doesn't want to exercise, or take you up on your offer to work out together, then she is going to remain unhappy with her body. If you are not pushing her to lose weight, and you love her how she is, then the issue is not yours. You can tell her frankly how you feel, you can stop talking about your success and weighing yourself in front of her. Short of getting a divorce there's little else I think you can do about HER issues with HER weight.0 -
So was this thread about your wife being upset, or how awesome you think you are??
I'm sorry, really I am but.....
LMFAO!0 -
Your wife sounds like just another hater. Just keep livin' and she'll eventually recognize how awesome you are.0
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