Wife upset I am losing weight

I would strongly suggest ASKING her what she would like you to do to help, what she would be comfortable with you commenting on and stating, and what her goals are. TALK to her about each of those areas. I will say, my bf tries to be supportive, but his good intentions are shot out of the window if he doesn't approach it right because women can be (or rather, anyone can be) very self concious about their weight and if she's in that mindset about it, you need to approach cautiously. That's why I suggest asking her those three questions above. Then listen to her answers and go accordingly.

^This.

If you're approaching her in a way that you know all there is to know and that you can "fix" her, she is going to shut down. Reach out to her and let her tell her what it is she needs from you.

All I see is "me, me, me."

You are WAY too focused on fitness. She's so upset that you are losing weight most likely because you rub it in her face (unintentionally or not). Kind of like how you bragged about how much weight you can lift for the first half of this post. Your wife clearly feels like she is chopped liver. Perhaps you should cut down on gym time and make more wife time. You've been treating her like she's your second lover (the gym being your #1). So no, she isn't going to act like everything is okay or lovey-dovey toward you right away. If you truly love her, you'll tone down the egocentrism and the bodybuilding. Or I hate to say it, you'll lose your wife.

My first thought was "7 days a week a few hours a day?" More than likely she's not as upset about the weight loss as she is about the fact that you're never home with her. That would be how I would feel. This has taken over your life and has slowly pushed her out.

My suggestion would be to cut back on the gym time and spend more one on one time with her (without talking about weight lifting or weight loss).

Original poster is clearly into the gym, which is fine. You should hear me talk about my horse riding. Nothing wrong with being passionate about what you do, even if it's boring to others.

It's incredibly hard when a partner projects their failing onto you. Same thing as when I lose weight and my mother makes b!tchy comments because she's been fat for 50 years. I lover her the way she is, and I'm indifferent to whether she loses weight, but she hates that I can do it and she "can't". And by "can't" I mean hasn't put the effort in required and is cranky she hasn't got the results.

What can you do about it? I don't really know. I ignore my mother but it's hard to do that around your partner. I'd say only weight yourself at the gym and don't talk about it at home, but what is a relationship with taboo subjects? You should be able to be open about everything without resentment. Bottom line is mate, you are not responsible for her weight issues. If she doesn't eat well, and she doesn't want to exercise, or take you up on your offer to work out together, then she is going to remain unhappy with her body. If you are not pushing her to lose weight, and you love her how she is, then the issue is not yours. You can tell her frankly how you feel, you can stop talking about your success and weighing yourself in front of her. Short of getting a divorce there's little else I think you can do about HER issues with HER weight.

Your wife sounds like just another hater. Just keep livin' and she'll eventually recognize how awesome you are.

here is my question. do you bring it up or does she?

is there a reason you got on the scale right after her when you know it makes her self conscious?

i notice you asked her to go to the gym with you, but maybe she doesnt like the gym. maybe you guys could do something else that is just for the two of you, like bike riding or hiking or something more intimate, where she wont feel like it is her coming into your world, but that you think the two of you can be closer to each other with your shared goals.

but most importantly, you will not be able to make her decide to stop blaming you and everything else. she will or wont come around. so dont push the subject, and maybe try not to rub it in her face. just make her an offer to spend some quality time with her outside of your gym world, in a relaxed but active way. maybe she will learn to love something. but if she doesnt or doesnt want to. maybe dont weigh yourself in front of her right after she looked down and saw no progress. it doesnt help.

I wonder how many people calling OP obsessed for spending 2 hours a day at the gym spend 3-4 hours watching tv, facebook, or other time wasters.

OP 2 hours a day isn't that much time. She feels insecure. She needs to address that insecurity. Having you stop going to the gym so that she won't be insecure about her body isn't cool. It's horribly selfish of her. Don't get flowers. Don't hug her and proclaim your love. She's acting like a child and needs to grow up.

Also, you're not egotistic. Looking at your stats, you're a beast brah.

I'm going to take a bit of a different tactic.

You say you love her and I believe you do. The best thing you can do is let her decide what is best for her. Let her know when you are headed to the gym - she can come if she wants (assuming there aren't kids that she really needs to stay home and take care of); cook some of the meals - healthy ones; be supportive but don't nag.

No one switches to a healthy lifestyle until they are really ready. She needs to be ready.

Good luck!

Oh Race, You magnificent *kitten*. Flogging is never the right call. For one thing, it burns very few calories... you'd be surprised. Above all, on sites such as these, unlike twitter or other general comment sites, I like to take everybody at their word. Hopefully your many critics will also lighten up and recognize that everybody on this crazy site is on the same side... no fluoride in water, ever! (and fitness, yes, fitness...)

One, I don't think OP is self centered as much as he was just trying to display the difference in fitness attitudes between him and his wife.
Two, we all know that what works for one person doesn't work for everyone. Maybe your wife would do better with having one cheat meal a week? Maybe she needs more encouragement to get in the weight room?

I think it's great that you want to help and encourage her, I don't think you should have to sacrifice your fitness goals to do that. I don't think she would be happy with that either. I think you just need to humbly tell her that you want to help her reach her fitness goals in any way you can but only if she wants your help. You don't like the distance that is forming between you guys lately and would like to be an encouraging partner not a discouraging one. Tell her the things you miss, and that you love her just the way she is but want her to be happy with herself.
Maybe write it out if you're afraid of it leading to an argument or being taken the wrong way.

Good luck and hope this helps