Wife upset I am losing weight
Replies
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:laugh:So was this thread about your wife being upset, or how awesome you think you are??0 -
here is my question. do you bring it up or does she?
is there a reason you got on the scale right after her when you know it makes her self conscious?
i notice you asked her to go to the gym with you, but maybe she doesnt like the gym. maybe you guys could do something else that is just for the two of you, like bike riding or hiking or something more intimate, where she wont feel like it is her coming into your world, but that you think the two of you can be closer to each other with your shared goals.
but most importantly, you will not be able to make her decide to stop blaming you and everything else. she will or wont come around. so dont push the subject, and maybe try not to rub it in her face. just make her an offer to spend some quality time with her outside of your gym world, in a relaxed but active way. maybe she will learn to love something. but if she doesnt or doesnt want to. maybe dont weigh yourself in front of her right after she looked down and saw no progress. it doesnt help.0 -
I don't feel it's my fault she can't stick to a proper diet.
She's unsupportive, shallow, insecure and probably evil.
You should get out of that relationship ASAP and find someone supportive, like you deserve.-1 -
I wonder how many people calling OP obsessed for spending 2 hours a day at the gym spend 3-4 hours watching tv, facebook, or other time wasters.
OP 2 hours a day isn't that much time. She feels insecure. She needs to address that insecurity. Having you stop going to the gym so that she won't be insecure about her body isn't cool. It's horribly selfish of her. Don't get flowers. Don't hug her and proclaim your love. She's acting like a child and needs to grow up.
Also, you're not egotistic. Looking at your stats, you're a beast brah.-1 -
First I just want to commend you for being a loving committed husband I can tell you really want to make things right! We don't always go about doing that in the best way. Weight is a very sensitive issue so it can be hard. I would say have a good long heart to heart and ask her how she is feeling. She may be feeling insecure and not know how to deal with her feelings. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments just make sure to make time for her. I don't think she is really mad at you but more so mad at herself or feeling that she is doing something wrong or maybe feeling that she is not good enough because the weight is not coming off. I would ***** to my husband about how fat I am and how I don't feel sexy and then get mad when he suggested we exercise together. It was irrational because he was just trying to help me solve my problem but I wasn't ready to hear it. Now we are doing it together and am very happy for him when he loses even if I don't. She needs to support you as much as you need to support her so hopefully you can find a compromise that works for both of you.0
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I'm going to take a bit of a different tactic.
You say you love her and I believe you do. The best thing you can do is let her decide what is best for her. Let her know when you are headed to the gym - she can come if she wants (assuming there aren't kids that she really needs to stay home and take care of); cook some of the meals - healthy ones; be supportive but don't nag.
No one switches to a healthy lifestyle until they are really ready. She needs to be ready.
Good luck!0 -
I do agree with everyone but my husband and I took marriage classes at our church and I just want to throw this out there that it is not OUR job to make the other person happy..saying that as a FEMALE, its not my husbands job to make me happy. So she is mad, OK? She needs to deal with her junk(food that is) or it will deal with her…
you do need to find out what it is she can deal with and both of you need to make some kind of compromise…she NEEDS and ought to meet you somewhere n the middle.
If I want to be leaner why can I do that?????? You don't have to go to the gym to be leaner-but if she asking you to stop losing so much weight then WTH is wrong with her?????
Im sorry you all but I'm not. You can and should cut back but if you start gaining weight because she is happy when you go to MCpukes every weekend then idk what to say-messed up…yeah you did sound conceded whatever but I'm trying to look past that. It seems she is becoming intimidated by "potential" competition is what I am seeing. I may be hey totally wrong AND THATS fine but its what I see and not everyone is going to see the same thing….take from this what you CAN idk but thats IMHO0 -
Oh Race, You magnificent *kitten*. Flogging is never the right call. For one thing, it burns very few calories... you'd be surprised. Above all, on sites such as these, unlike twitter or other general comment sites, I like to take everybody at their word. Hopefully your many critics will also lighten up and recognize that everybody on this crazy site is on the same side... no fluoride in water, ever! (and fitness, yes, fitness...)0
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She's insecure about your success, so continue with your progress but let her know you love her.Wife being upset but I don't feel bad about what I am doing. I love her and want things to not be like this.
Good Luck!0 -
One, I don't think OP is self centered as much as he was just trying to display the difference in fitness attitudes between him and his wife.
Two, we all know that what works for one person doesn't work for everyone. Maybe your wife would do better with having one cheat meal a week? Maybe she needs more encouragement to get in the weight room?
I think it's great that you want to help and encourage her, I don't think you should have to sacrifice your fitness goals to do that. I don't think she would be happy with that either. I think you just need to humbly tell her that you want to help her reach her fitness goals in any way you can but only if she wants your help. You don't like the distance that is forming between you guys lately and would like to be an encouraging partner not a discouraging one. Tell her the things you miss, and that you love her just the way she is but want her to be happy with herself.
Maybe write it out if you're afraid of it leading to an argument or being taken the wrong way.
Good luck and hope this helps0 -
So was this thread about your wife being upset, or how awesome you think you are??
LOL! Exactly what I was thinking....0 -
FMC you MAGNIFICENT *kitten*! * I * READ * YOUR * BOOK!!! *
Look it up on the dubya dubya dubya internets folks....you too pink stuffed animal lady.-1 -
Unfortunately friend, you can't change someone else, you
can only help them change themselves.
Perhaps she's just not ready yet?0 -
I think there's a LOT that you are not telling us here....or admitting to yourself. You claim she is "upset that you are losing weight" But I would submit that she is upset that you are obsessed with yourself and possibly pushing her to be like you.
You may not even realize what you are doing.....doesn't make you a bad guy....but it just sounds like there's some communication issues there. She may not want to go work out with you because your workouts are more intense than she would like....maybe she loves the "home" you....but isn't too fond of the "Gym" you....if that makes sense.
Cut a couple days off the Gym...it's not gonna make you go soft....and spend more time being a Husband....Good luck!0 -
You guys are a mob of b!tches, seriously. Original poster is clearly into the gym, which is fine. You should hear me talk about my horse riding. Nothing wrong with being passionate about what you do, even if it's boring to others.
It's incredibly hard when a partner projects their failing onto you. Same thing as when I lose weight and my mother makes b!tchy comments because she's been fat for 50 years. I lover her the way she is, and I'm indifferent to whether she loses weight, but she hates that I can do it and she "can't". And by "can't" I mean hasn't put the effort in required and is cranky she hasn't got the results.
What can you do about it? I don't really know. I ignore my mother but it's hard to do that around your partner. I'd say only weight yourself at the gym and don't talk about it at home, but what is a relationship with taboo subjects? You should be able to be open about everything without resentment. Bottom line is mate, you are not responsible for her weight issues. If she doesn't eat well, and she doesn't want to exercise, or take you up on your offer to work out together, then she is going to remain unhappy with her body. If you are not pushing her to lose weight, and you love her how she is, then the issue is not yours. You can tell her frankly how you feel, you can stop talking about your success and weighing yourself in front of her. Short of getting a divorce there's little else I think you can do about HER issues with HER weight.
I asked a serious question and got a ton of criticism for it. That is absolutely fine because I know who I am and who I am not. It does not bother me all at to get criticism. Facts remain the facts. I will love her forever, she is my partner in life, I will do whatever it takes to make her smile and yes my passion is bodybuilding and fitness. A few good responses on how to handle the situation I did see. Just want to thank you guys who really did give useful tips to help out this situation. I think the flowers, not weighing myself around het and not mentioning my progress are all great ideas I will definitely use. Thank you everyone for your comments (even the negative ones). I do appreciate your time, thanks
) 0 -
You guys are a mob of b!tches, seriously. Original poster is clearly into the gym, which is fine. You should hear me talk about my horse riding. Nothing wrong with being passionate about what you do, even if it's boring to others.
It's incredibly hard when a partner projects their failing onto you. Same thing as when I lose weight and my mother makes b!tchy comments because she's been fat for 50 years. I lover her the way she is, and I'm indifferent to whether she loses weight, but she hates that I can do it and she "can't". And by "can't" I mean hasn't put the effort in required and is cranky she hasn't got the results.
What can you do about it? I don't really know. I ignore my mother but it's hard to do that around your partner. I'd say only weight yourself at the gym and don't talk about it at home, but what is a relationship with taboo subjects? You should be able to be open about everything without resentment. Bottom line is mate, you are not responsible for her weight issues. If she doesn't eat well, and she doesn't want to exercise, or take you up on your offer to work out together, then she is going to remain unhappy with her body. If you are not pushing her to lose weight, and you love her how she is, then the issue is not yours. You can tell her frankly how you feel, you can stop talking about your success and weighing yourself in front of her. Short of getting a divorce there's little else I think you can do about HER issues with HER weight.
I asked a serious question and got a ton of criticism for it. That is absolutely fine because I know who I am and who I am not. It does not bother me all at to get criticism. Facts remain the facts. I will love her forever, she is my partner in life, I will do whatever it takes to make her smile and yes my passion is bodybuilding and fitness. A few good responses on how to handle the situation I did see. Just want to thank you guys who really did give useful tips to help out this situation. I think the flowers, not weighing myself around het and not mentioning my progress are all great ideas I will definitely use. Thank you everyone for your comments (even the negative ones). I do appreciate your time, thanks)
The weekend staycation/getaway that's close by is also a great one.
My husband and I went through a rough patch not long after we got married...we found a B&B about 1.5 hours away from us...stayed just one night, went to a romantic dinner...it was a little indulgence, but if you don't have the money for that maybe do a weekend in and do romantic things together...find a way to connect again-things you know you enjoy together/shared interests.
Best of luck. Nothing feels worse than being at odds with one's spouse.0 -
Is it too late to second the part to not get her to the gym?…i would not do that…but she def. should not be nagging at you for taking care of yourself so long as its not time consuming.
I feel bad when we have to postpone dinner till I'm done working out on some occasions only so you are def. not a bad person here just some minor adjustments and a clear understanding on both parties what is allowed and not allowed from each of you and to respect those wishes-write them down, hang it up on the wall so this won't happen again:)0 -
likeDivorce.0 -
OP 2 hours a day isn't that much time. She feels insecure. She needs to address that insecurity. Having you stop going to the gym so that she won't be insecure about her body isn't cool. It's horribly selfish of her. Don't get flowers. Don't hug her and proclaim your love. She's acting like a child and needs to grow up.
K bro.0 -
The weekend getaway is a great idea. We were actually going to do last weekend but didn't have a babysitter. We have my son every other weds-sun and one at home all the time except during school. I have my own business and my wife has a really good job. I was actually thinking about surprising her for Christmas with a trip back to the Nassau. We both love going to the Atlantis. She loves doing the dolphin close encounters and I just just enjoy the heat. I would love to take her this year again but she doesn't have enough time left at work. So a nice local weekend getaway sounds like a very good idea.0
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One more thought on this ....and I apologize if it's already been said, I couldn't read through all the negative comments. Alot of women are frustrated and irritated at how fast men can lose weight, (of course men lose weight faster, their bodies are designed to have more muscle and not store fat as efficiently) but a lot of men don't realize the frustration and irritation is not with thier success at losing weight as much as it is with herself for failing to lose weight.0
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For all of you hating on him and calling him selfish and arrogant and conceited for going to the gym and talking about going to the gym, you seem to have missed the very first line of his post. He was like this before they got married. And she married him, therefore the only problem she has is her own inability to succeed. It's natural to lash out at those we're closest to rather than accept our own shortcomings. Not acceptable, but natural nonetheless. I happen to think he's a pretty decent, caring guy, who is looking for a way to fix things, and she is probably lucky to have him.0
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She knows I will be at the gym a few hours 5-7 days a week depending on goals
This jumped out at me.
Does she have 10-21 hours to do what SHE wants every week? Sounds like you take off and do your own things for that long every week. Where is she? At home? Kids? Cleaning? Cooking? I get that getting into shape has to be a self-centered activity, but you have to moderate HOW self-centered when you are in a relationship. If you're shirking duties or relationship time in order to spend that time at the gym, yer doin it wrong.
1) If you get that time to yourself, she should get the same.
2) Workouts don't have to last 2-3 hours to be effective.
3) Activities with your beloved can be beneficial for your health and your relationship.0 -
bump0
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All I see is "me, me, me."
You are WAY too focused on fitness. She's so upset that you are losing weight most likely because you rub it in her face (unintentionally or not). Kind of like how you bragged about how much weight you can lift for the first half of this post. Your wife clearly feels like she is chopped liver. Perhaps you should cut down on gym time and make more wife time. You've been treating her like she's your second lover (the gym being your #1). So no, she isn't going to act like everything is okay or lovey-dovey toward you right away. If you truly love her, you'll tone down the egocentrism and the bodybuilding. Or I hate to say it, you'll lose your wife.
Here Here!!!0 -
I agree with the posters who have said she might be feeling neglected, in addition to projecting her "failure" on you. Maybe you need to make time for a weekly date night or something along those lines. Just make sure she doesn't feel like she's playing second fiddle to your fitness goals.
If you're going to try to get her to come to the gym with you, make sure you're not just asking her at a time when she's already focused on the situation. If she's already fussing at you for going or for being obsessed or whatever, tossing out "Why don't you come with me?" isn't going to go over well. She'll just get upset, as you've noticed. Ask her when she's a good mood. If she really just doesn't want to go to the gym, see if there is some activity that she DOES want to do that you could do together. Maybe on the days that you aren't weight training, your cardio could be going for a walk/jog/run, at whatever level she's at.
Good luck! It sounds like you really do care for her, so I hope you're able to find a solution that makes you both happy.
EDIT: I see that you posted about going away for a weekend while I was writing this. I think that would be great!0 -
Seems like you need to shift your focus off of you a bit and focus on her. For instance, did you realize that, in a thread with your wife as the subject matter, you spent half your post talking about your numbers? I just skimmed through it because I don't care. But if you are self-centered, then she will feel alienated. I can tell just by your message that you are way too into yourself right now. So, dial it back a bit and find out what SHE needs. Maybe going to the gym 15 hours a week is not what she does. But you better do something fast, because that wave will pick up some momentum fast!
Absolutely-take this advice op. Btw: She's not mad that you are losing weight --she's mad that you are ignoring her.
The fact that you think she is upset that you are losing weight tells me how selfish you are. You don't even know that.0 -
One more thought on this ....and I apologize if it's already been said, I couldn't read through all the negative comments. Alot of women are frustrated and irritated at how fast men can lose weight, (of course men lose weight faster, their bodies are designed to have more muscle and not store fat as efficiently) but a lot of men don't realize the frustration and irritation is not with thier success at losing weight as much as it is with herself for failing to lose weight.
I definitely agree it's genetics. Women have to be much more on point with their diet. Estrogen makes weight loss more of a challenge. Been working out for 10+ years. She let me help her before and she dropped 35lbs. Where I screwed up was I assumed after a few months she wouldn't need me to push her through. I thought she would find the motivation after seeing the results. That wasn't the case. She gave up and got frustrated. I helped her for 2 months 4 days a week. Not sure how to get her motivated to do it on her own. If somehow she could get that drive she would easily get to where she wanted pretty quick no doubt. It's such a touchy subject I don't want to bring it up. I hate seeing her feel depressed and don't want her to feel that way.0 -
One more thought on this ....and I apologize if it's already been said, I couldn't read through all the negative comments. Alot of women are frustrated and irritated at how fast men can lose weight, (of course men lose weight faster, their bodies are designed to have more muscle and not store fat as efficiently) but a lot of men don't realize the frustration and irritation is not with thier success at losing weight as much as it is with herself for failing to lose weight.
I definitely agree it's genetics. Women have to be much more on point with their diet. Estrogen makes weight loss more of a challenge. Been working out for 10+ years. She let me help her before and she dropped 35lbs. Where I screwed up was I assumed after a few months she wouldn't need me to push her through. I thought she would find the motivation after seeing the results. That wasn't the case. She gave up and got frustrated. I helped her for 2 months 4 days a week. Not sure how to get her motivated to do it on her own. If somehow she could get that drive she would easily get to where she wanted pretty quick no doubt. It's such a touchy subject I don't want to bring it up. I hate seeing her feel depressed and don't want her to feel that way.
I'd talk to her best friend about it.0 -
She knows I will be at the gym a few hours 5-7 days a week depending on goals
This jumped out at me.
Does she have 10-21 hours to do what SHE wants every week? Sounds like you take off and do your own things for that long every week. Where is she? At home? Kids? Cleaning? Cooking? I get that getting into shape has to be a self-centered activity, but you have to moderate HOW self-centered when you are in a relationship. If you're shirking duties or relationship time in order to spend that time at the gym, yer doin it wrong.
1) If you get that time to yourself, she should get the same.
2) Workouts don't have to last 2-3 hours to be effective.
3) Activities with your beloved can be beneficial for your health and your relationship.
I go when she is at work or after she goes to bed. I have my own business so I make my own hours. I get our son on the bus in the morning and pick him up. I work at night so I get more family time. Family does come first. You got the wrong guy if self centered and selfish are what comes to mind.0
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