Triggers I notice on MFP

i'm obsessive.

Go deeper, It's fine to say you're obsessive, but that's not the underlying reason for your issues, it's a symptom. What causes the obsessive behavior?

i have never "analyzed" myself like this before. i' m not comfortable doing so.:ohwell: :ohwell: but i know this is/could be very good 4 me, so........:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

why might i be so obsessive??:huh: :huh:
:yawn: it's easy?
:devil: i do not think i like myself very much.

i'm obsessive.

Go deeper, It's fine to say you're obsessive, but that's not the underlying reason for your issues, it's a symptom. What causes the obsessive behavior?

i have never "analyzed" myself like this before. i' m not comfortable doing so.:ohwell: :ohwell: but i know this is/could be very good 4 me, so........:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

why might i be so obsessive??:huh: :huh:
:yawn: it's easy?
:devil: i do not think i like myself very much.

deeper, why don't you like yourself? And don't say your appearance, that's a circular argument. You need to find the beginning, what caused you first to not like your self. Nobody comes out of the womb unhappy with themselves. When did you first notice you didn't like yourself? Who was your biggest influence early on? Was there any traumatic event early in your life? If you can't think of one, think about the first time you can remember feeling this way.

I know this stuff is uncomfortable for many people, but only by truly understanding our issues can we solve them.

What I've been told (as a useful tool) is to ask yourself the question (about bad/obsessive behaviour) "what/who trained me to do this?" I'm willing to wager than someone, somewhere along the line trained you to not like yourself.

And, this stuff is hard as hell, believe me...but it is so worth it.:flowerforyou:

man o man.:noway: :noway: :noway:
:grumble: :grumble: deep stuff.:grumble: :grumble: :grumble: i've been thinking about this all day.:embarassed: :embarassed:

i remember, in elementry school (and beyond) never feeling "good enough" or "popular" and that is what i wanted more than anything! :glasses: :glasses: :glasses: of corse, popularity is not important to me anymore, but i question my being "good enough" in my current life roles of mom, friend, daughter, etc...:huh: :huh: i know most people doubt themselves like that, but maybe my doubt is overboard??:huh: :huh:

i talked w/ my hubby about this. i told him things i like and dont like about myself. he added to the like list:smooched: and explained why he feels i'm incorrect about most of the dislike list.:smooched: . he explained that some of my obsessive behavior is great! he says it helps me focus, explain, complete and other good traits, far better than most people!:bigsmile: :bigsmile:
i can honestly say i feel i am the perfect wife (to him)!

I'll add another voice to the chorus of Banks and ViviaKay are awesome, heroes, 300 Warriors! (This is M...F...P...! LMAO) Can I sign up as a shield bearer and work my way up the ranks? :laugh:

I recently realized that I've likely come as far as I can without understanding and overcoming my triggers. I started on MFP in February of 2009. Between February and July, I lost 42 lbs. I was eating healthy foods 80% of the time and I was exercising regularly. In August I started to back slide, by the end of December I had regained 32 of the 42 lbs and had to buy new clothes because I'd donated or sold my "fat clothes."

:grumble:

I got motivated at the end of December and for the first ten days of January and, wham, can't get up to hit the gym in the mornings, don't have time after work, yadda, yadda, yadda. :grumble: again

So triggers - growing up, my dad routinely told me I was stupid or called me Stupid instead of Chris. I was a precocious kid, by age 4 I was using words he didn't understand. He would tell me I don't know what a word meant and I would define it for him. (And if you are guessing that didn't help matters, you get a gold star. ).

I was also severely asthmatic as a child - collapsed lung, trips to the ER for breathing treatments, medicines, steroids, etc.

When my parents divorced (I was 7), I assumed it was my fault (after being told point blank, it had nothing to do with me). I lived with my mom who held down a few jobs and put me through private school. I spent a lot of time on my own.

We lived 45 minutes from my high school. That meant I didn't know many of my classmates and I wasn't able to socialize easily until my junior year when I got a car. The not being good enough for my dad morphed into not being "good enough" to have many friends in high school. I trained for football the summer before my freshman year - worked out in the gym for conditioning. The first day in pads on the field, my body broke out into welts everywhere my skin had been exposed to the grass. My doctor said quit or wear a full body-suit. It was 90+ degrees with 90+% humidity that August, I quit. Some of the less kind players on the team bullied me for years as a consequence.

My dad remarried. He became more unreliable - he had visitation every other weekend; when he showed up, he was always late. I had to compete for his attention with step-siblings and their children. My step-mother constantly compared me (unfavorably) with the step-brother who was a year older. I started working at 14 and by the time I was 16 work became an excuse not to see my dad - easier to shut him out than to be hurt (it took years to realize I'd done this bit of self-preservation).

As an adult, I hold two conflicting beliefs: I don't think I'm good enough (in frighteningly generalized terms) and I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to - black belt in karate, did it and a brown belt in aikido; get master's degree, done; ace the GRE to get into grad school, yep - not perfect but 100-200 points higher than the program required; get a job at a prestigious university, done. You get the picture, I've enjoyed success. I can point to events in my life that contradict every automatic negative thought I have, but those thoughts still have the power to sabotage my goals.

I can even lose weight - a lot of weight - and I can follow a diet. But I seem not to be able to make the transition to keep the weight off. Is it that I think I'm not "smart" enough to be healthy? No, I know all the right things to do, I just don't do them with enough consistency for them to work! :noway:

Food has been a constant companion - a source of comfort, an expression of love (no matter how misguided) - and a false friend.

So it's the "good enough" in all it's many forms ("my boss is unhappy with me," "this project is tanking," "I can't possibly get all of this done," etc., etc.) that I have to work with. It's not easy, but I'm not going to spend the second half of my life the same way I spent the first half.

Thanks again for the post, Banks. I read through the whole thread tonight and it's been very informative. Good luck to everyone who's struggling with triggers!

Thanks for reminder!! I loved this post.

Good post!! Thanks for the newbie bump, SHBoss.

Great read, thanks for the bump.

Bumping. need to read this whole thread!

Awesome post!!! This applies to so many of us on different levels in our journeys. Everyone has triggers... I have figured out a few of my own over the past few years, and it's helped, but I most certainly still have others that I'm unaware of.

Go Bruins!!! (From a Pens fan!)

very well put. good job on that.


that will be an eye opening for many people.


good job! i couldnt have said better myself

Great post!!




I was really enjoying it until I got to the Red Sox Nation. I can offer you SF Giant salvation however...:drinker:

At least he's not a Yankees fan, right?