Comment from my mother...what do YOU think!?

delaney056
delaney056 Posts: 475
in Chit-Chat
So, this topic isn't exactly fun and games. I'd like to get your opinion on something. I need to vent. Lol.

Yesterday, I went over to my friend's mom's house. She has been sick for awhile and hasn't been able to work. She had no money, no gas in her car, and no food. I gave her $100 so that she could get some gas, go turn in some job applications, and buy some food. Keep in mind, I'm 19 years old and thus still live with my parents. I work part-time (3 days a week, less than 20 hours) and am in college full-time for Nursing.

So I come home and (apparently this was a mistake) tell my mom what I did. She blew up at me and said, "Oh...so WE have to go without?" I am still seething after that comment. My reply was that we have food, we have gas in our cars, this woman can't eat. Only a few people will help her, including me. Most of her family is gone. You WANT a new computer...she is hungry...how are WE going without? I didn't borrow money from anyone else to give her. I gave her MY OWN money.

I just want to see how you all would have reacted and what you all think of this comment. I was surprised because I never thought she would have said something like that about me helping someone. She always taught me to help other people, yet when I get the ability to do that I get put down for it.
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Replies

  • L4manski
    L4manski Posts: 1,012 Member
    I am on your side and would have done the same thing. That $100 doesn't kill you and it helps them. You did a good thing no matter what your mom said...
  • ACanadian22
    ACanadian22 Posts: 377 Member
    Maybe Mama deserves some rent as you are an adult now. Maybe you eat her food, use her home and drive her car and yet you give to a friends mother???
    You are not a kid anymore :)
  • StraubreyR
    StraubreyR Posts: 631 Member
    I agree, you did a good thing. I guess you know going forward not to mention this stuff to your Mom!
  • dedflwrs
    dedflwrs Posts: 251 Member
    Maybe it's the way your mom postulated her question, which I agree is not the best way. But here's something to think about: You live at home and you are, for all intents and purposes, an adult. Do you pay rent? Utilities? If you don't then the money you make is not really your own. It's money your parents let you have. If you are, on the other hand, helping your household by paying rent and other expenses then your mom's comment was out of place.
  • delaney056
    delaney056 Posts: 475
    ACanadian22 wrote: »
    Maybe Mama deserves some rent as you are an adult now. Maybe you eat her food, use her home and drive her car and yet you give to a friends mother???
    You are not a kid anymore :)

    I don't drive her car. I have my own.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    ACanadian22 wrote: »
    Maybe Mama deserves some rent as you are an adult now. Maybe you eat her food, use her home and drive her car and yet you give to a friends mother???
    You are not a kid anymore :)

    This
  • ACanadian22
    ACanadian22 Posts: 377 Member
    I am just saying...You did a good thing, but maybe living on your own would open your eyes more
  • delaney056
    delaney056 Posts: 475
    dedflwrs wrote: »
    Maybe it's the way your mom postulated her question, which I agree is not the best way. But here's something to think about: You live at home and you are, for all intents and purposes, an adult. Do you pay rent? Utilities? If you don't then the money you make is not really your own. It's money your parents let you have. If you are, on the other hand, helping your household by paying rent and other expenses then your mom's comment was out of place.

    I help out whenever I can. I make $400 a month and the majority of my income goes to gas for my car to get back and forth to school and work. I save a chunk of it and I'll help her out with bills and groceries and such.
  • ACanadian22
    ACanadian22 Posts: 377 Member
    So who is paying for your nursing?
  • delaney056
    delaney056 Posts: 475
    ACanadian22 wrote: »
    So who is paying for your nursing?

    I get the HOPE scholarship for my grades and a grant for income. That pays for everything.
  • forkofpower
    forkofpower Posts: 171 Member
    I don't know, I'm not sure if it's normal for a 19 year old college student to have to start paying rent to her family already. I mean, if she graduated and had to live at home for a while, that would make sense, but at 19, you're just getting started in life, and still dealing with education/paying student bills/etc. It would seem kind of harsh to me to ask a 19 year old to pay rent if she wants to keep living at home during uni. Also, it sounds like OP is already pretty independent -- as long as it was her money she was giving, I don't see how the mother's comment was in any way justified.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    forkofpower wrote: »
    I don't know, I'm not sure if it's normal for a 19 year old college student to have to start paying rent to her family already. I mean, if she graduated and had to live at home for a while, that would make sense, but at 19, you're just getting started in life, and still dealing with education/paying student bills/etc. It would seem kind of harsh to me to ask a 19 year old to pay rent if she wants to keep living at home during uni. Also, it sounds like OP is already pretty independent -- as long as it was her money she was giving, I don't see how the mother's comment was in any way justified.

    19 is an adult. This is what is wrong with society now a days.

  • thatsillyshana23
    thatsillyshana23 Posts: 106 Member
    Idk why people think you owe your parents money for rent or tuition. They're investing in you and thats not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing to live with parents. That $100 was yours and you had the right to help your friend. If your mother is upset thats a personal issue. She should be proud to have a child who would go out of your way to help a friend. :]
  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
    I'm thinking it may have had a lot to do with timing. Maybe some money issues she hasn't discussed with you.

    If it was your money and you didn't owe your mom anything, she shouldn't have gotten angry.

    If she would like more financial support from you for living there, that should be a separate conversation and you should have a set "rent" and or responsibilities.

    Maybe something you could talk to her about.
  • delaney056
    delaney056 Posts: 475
    liekewheeless wrote: »
    I'm thinking it may have had a lot to do with timing. Maybe some money issues she hasn't discussed with you.

    If it was your money and you didn't owe your mom anything, she shouldn't have gotten angry.

    If she would like more financial support from you for living there, that should be a separate conversation and you should have a set "rent" and or responsibilities.

    Maybe something you could talk to her about.

    Right. Of course I would help more if she asked, but that conversation hasn't come up yet.
  • Deborah105
    Deborah105 Posts: 183 Member
    I'd be proud to be your momma. What a lovely and selfless thing to do. <3
  • delaney056
    delaney056 Posts: 475
    edited October 2014
    OhQueSeraSera wrote: »
    forkofpower wrote: »
    I don't know, I'm not sure if it's normal for a 19 year old college student to have to start paying rent to her family already. I mean, if she graduated and had to live at home for a while, that would make sense, but at 19, you're just getting started in life, and still dealing with education/paying student bills/etc. It would seem kind of harsh to me to ask a 19 year old to pay rent if she wants to keep living at home during uni. Also, it sounds like OP is already pretty independent -- as long as it was her money she was giving, I don't see how the mother's comment was in any way justified.

    I agree with this i have girls the same age and similar situations. if you were no longer a student and not contributing towards your mothers house where you live then i can see her point.. plus i think maybe she isn't asking you for money because she wants you to have it for what you need and you gave it away. I do this with my girls and it does annoy me that I go without so they can have extra money then they blow it on taking their friends out on a night out :\

    I understand. I just wanted to get some opinions. My mom is disabled and I drive her to doctor's appointments sometimes, I've paid for her prescriptions numerous times, I buy things for the house frequently and bring home dinner from work sometimes so she doesn't have to cook. It's hard to contribute a lot more than I do when I only make $400 a month because of school. I offered to give her money for my car insurance (that's the only expense related to my car, it's paid off) and she told me not to worry about it.
  • Keepcalmanddontblink
    Keepcalmanddontblink Posts: 718 Member
    ACanadian22 wrote: »
    Maybe Mama deserves some rent as you are an adult now. Maybe you eat her food, use her home and drive her car and yet you give to a friends mother???
    You are not a kid anymore :)

    I think maybe it was your mom's passive aggressive way of wanting you to offer to pay rent or something? Maybe you could sit down and work out something with her?

    It was very nice of you to give this lady money, but just don't let her use you from now on. Did she just suddenly fall on bad times or does she normally struggle with money?

    Also, just don't tell your mom anything like this if its going to bother her.

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