Comment from my mother...what do YOU think!?
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You did what your heart told you to do and helped someone in need. Never have regrets about that! If you feel that your family is totally fine and your Parents, knowing that you have a part time job and make a little extra money on the side aren't asking or expecting you to pitch in at home, then they have no reason to be upset with you! As a parent myself, I am very proud of your kind heart and generosity! God Bless you Sweetheart for thinking of other's needs before your own. Don't dwell on this dispute with your Mama, she'll get over it and recognize how Blessed and Proud she is to have such an amazing, compassionate child.
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In reference to one of your earlier posts randomtai, I am certain there's a LOT more wrong with society than a 19 year old full time college student who works part time and gave $100 to a lady to help her.
Do not patronize me. To say that my actions are what is wrong with society (another reference to your earlier post) is absolutely ludicrous. I'm a young adult trying to find my way in the world and do what is right. You are pretty much the only one who has had very little, if anything, constructive to say. I am seeking advice, not to be belittled.0 -
delaney056 wrote: »
In reference to one of your earlier posts randomtai, I am certain there's a LOT more wrong with society than a 19 year old full time college student who works part time and gave $100 to a lady to help her.
Yup. DO whatever makes you happy. :flowerforyou:
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You did what your heart told you to do and helped someone in need. Never have regrets about that! If you feel that your family is totally fine and your Parents, knowing that you have a part time job and make a little extra money on the side aren't asking or expecting you to pitch in at home, then they have no reason to be upset with you! As a parent myself, I am very proud of your kind heart and generosity! God Bless you Sweetheart for thinking of other's needs before your own. Don't dwell on this dispute with your Mama, she'll get over it and recognize how Blessed and Proud she is to have such an amazing, compassionate child. 0
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Seriously...You are an angel...do not even consider all of the negative feed back...You did good!!!0
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I am a little surprised you mom's friend took the money from you. Could not imagine taking the equivalent of $100 from one of my kids friends when they are older even if in difficulty. You however have nothing to be ashamed of. You saw someone in need and offered help. If my daughter did that would he happy as long as I didn't feel the friend had taken advantage of a much younger person.0
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Being a mother of 3 grown sons, I can tell you that maybe your mom was having a bad day. Her response might not have had to do with what you told her, but a string of other stresses. Another thought here is that, perhaps your mom knows something about your friends mother that she isn't telling you. She might think that this woman does not deserve your generosity, and you don't know the whole story. As for your living at home---if your mother is disabled, this may be a godsend for her. I assume she needs help. You sound like a good daughter, and I'm sure she is proud of you. When there's a calm moment, do talk to her and try to find out why she reacted that way. Best of luck to you. 0
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In the future if you are going to help someone else and your only contribution to your family's finances is paying for your OWN gas then I would recommend not telling your family that you helped someone else out with their finances.-1
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farmgirlrrt wrote: »In the future if you are going to help someone else and your only contribution to your family's finances is paying for your OWN gas then I would recommend not telling your family that you helped someone else out with their finances.
Did you read the part where I said I've offered to help her more and she has refused my offers or did you just comment without reading anything?
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Last I looked it was 100% ok for you to spend your money on whatever you like ... sorry Mom failure here.0
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You are a sweet and nurturing person. The world needs more compassionate people like you.0
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Unless you pay your mother rent, and even if you do, why don't you keep your discretionary spending choices to yourself. Your mother probably feels like you're ungrateful and squandering your household's resources. Some people feel like it's a dog eat dog world out there especially if they try hard and make sacrifices to stay within budget. If you want to be generous with people who aren't family and your mother has no personal investment in, maybe don't advertise it to her as long as you are living under her roof, IMHO. Otherwise, do as your conscience leads you.0
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forkofpower wrote: »I don't know, I'm not sure if it's normal for a 19 year old college student to have to start paying rent to her family already. I mean, if she graduated and had to live at home for a while, that would make sense, but at 19, you're just getting started in life, and still dealing with education/paying student bills/etc. It would seem kind of harsh to me to ask a 19 year old to pay rent if she wants to keep living at home during uni. Also, it sounds like OP is already pretty independent -- as long as it was her money she was giving, I don't see how the mother's comment was in any way justified.
19 is an adult. This is what is wrong with society now a days.
Really? I am 47 and when I was in high school, my parents gave me the same offer they gave my siblings. If I went to college, they would pay for it and I could live at home until graduation. If I didn't, I would have to get out at 18 (or graduation from high school) and make my own way. I chose door number 2. I never got a college education. I have become successful, but it probably took me a lot longer than it had if I had gone with option #1.
A 19 year old who is on the college track and living at home is NOT what's wrong with society now a days.
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First, I just want to say that what you did was kind, generous, and this world needs more people like you.
In terms of your mom's comment - could there be something behind her words? Maybe financial struggles that you don't know about? (I'm not judging or anything - I'm just saying, maybe there's something you don't know about?)
I remember when I was 19 and was working full time over the summer in order to pay for school in the fall. I worked part time on top of that and paid for my own car and chipped in for groceries at home (I lived with my dad at the time). Outside of the train station near the office where I worked, there was a man who sat every day and begged for money along with his dog. My heart went out to him and the dog, so I used to give him a couple dollars whenever I walked by. I told my dad once that I had done that and his response was "who is going to give you money?" In his mind, I was working hard for money to pay for school, etc. and should keep that money. I still don't think it's the right mindset, but in his mind, I had worked hard for it and deserved it. It's not quite the same as your situation, but he really meant well... Maybe your mom is thinking something along the same lines?0 -
Deborah105 wrote: »I'd be proud to be your momma. What a lovely and selfless thing to do.
I agree. I taught my daughter to think of others. I have had to bite my tongue sometimes, but she does think of other people and blesses them as you have done. I also bite my tongue when my mom says things too… she doesn't understand why I tithe and give to my church. She has no idea about my other charity works… You are a good girl. The burden of caring for your mom isn't yours unless you make it as such. The Bible says the parents are to take care of their children, not the other way around.
Don't take it out of context. I'm not saying we don't care about out parents who need help. I'm saying that this young woman who helped a friend in need did good. My daughter would do the same.0 -
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This is my opinion...
I've lived on my own successfully since 15 years old. I know what its like to pay bills, support a child, and be mooched off of by friends. My almost 30 year old brother still lives rent free at my parents. That being said...
You did the right thing. You'll have to make a lot of decisions like this in life, you will NEVER be able to please everyone. This woman needed immediate help and you stepped in. The only thing I can say is, you took extraordinary measures to help and show this woman that you care. If you're not already, do the same, even more so, for your mom. Express your gratitude and appreciation for everything your mom does for you. Help her cook the meals. Clean the house for her. If its true, tell you you love her and couldn't do it without her. And OFFER to help financially, don't make her ask. Sometimes you may have to insist. If you're already doing all this than you're everything a mommy should hope for.
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You worked for that money spend it how you want. As far as I am concerned you don't really owe your parents anything but respect and love. You did not ask to be born your parents chose to have you and take care of you. The support you give your parents be that physical support, monetary, or emotional should be given out of love not obligation. Your doing everything your supposed to do to grow into a responsible adult. My son will always have a home with me as long as he is on the right path trying to better himself weather he can pay rent or not. You did a good thing!0
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It sounds a bit like mom was expecting the money you spent...If it was owed to her than you should have talked with her about your intentions before you decided on your own. It would be a let down to think that you had no say in money that you were counting on, even if it were for the purchase of something like a computer. I also think as most parents might that knowing the situation of the individual that you gave the money to may not sit well if she was worried that you were being taken advantage of. No good deed goes unpunished. She may worry that you are now an easy mark for someone who will see your kindness as an easy free ride. You may want to discuss with her what her thoughts on the situation are and why she got upset. 0
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Well I TOLD her I was going to start giving her money to help out more and it's settled at $100 a month. I didn't give her a choice this time. lol. It's not much, but it's 1/4 of my monthly income. She refused when I mentioned it this morning.0
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At the end of the Day you are going to reap what you sow. Just know by your sacrifice to this lady, it will come back to you in another form. Family is important, I would try to calm your mother down cause you live with her. Don't argue with your mom or try to provr yourself, just let that go and try to make peace as best as possible. I have paid my friends rent before, bought, clothes, diapers, food, utilities whatever. Let people borrow money, sometimes they pay back sometimes not however God has always provided me. Be of good cheer and know you did the right thing.0
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If she wants a new computer, and refuses the $100 a month, perhaps set it aside and use it towards a laptop or desktop down the road? You can get some decent ones for under $500 now. Or tell her the $100 is to help get a new computer. If its something she really wants, she might accept it easily.delaney056 wrote: »Well I TOLD her I was going to start giving her money to help out more and it's settled at $100 a month. I didn't give her a choice this time. lol. It's not much, but it's 1/4 of my monthly income. She refused when I mentioned it this morning.
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You don' t wanna hear your mom's mouth about things? Move out. Simple.
that seems a really silly comment to me.
People living together sometimes say thoughtless things, or angry things, or things they dont mean.
Every time my husband makes a comment I dont want to hear, I dont rush into moving out.
Why should it be any different if you live with your parent?
(am not talking about people living with constant verbal abuse - but moving out on account of a one-off angry or thoughtless comment - really? )
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