Affair after Weight Loss

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  • lookin4gains
    lookin4gains Posts: 1,762 Member
    edited November 2014
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    Honestly, now days divorce is much more acceptable and easy. Vows don't mean much anymore. Granted I've only been married 5 years. My wife gained a significant amount of weight after pregnancy. I would never cheat, although I found myself being very complacent and I stopped trying to woo her. Our marriage has been extremely rocky. I'm in the gym every day, not for others, but it is a release for me for frustrations and it makes me feel great. With her struggle, I was very insensitive because my mentally was get off your hiney and do something about it. Lately, I've been trying to treat her like we were dating. And the response is staggering. It takes both parties to give effort and sometimes all it takes is one to stop being defensive and put their spouse in front of themselves. Weight loss has very little significance on cheating. Attention from others when you feel invisible at home is going to create some realization they deserve more. Now granted weight loss creates a lot more confidence and regardless of size, that is sexy. The problems are much deeper than weight loss. I just have to ensure I don't become complacent again, and that requires a conscious effort daily. And she is worth it. My opinion is only developed from my personal experience. Obviously different situations warrant different scenarios. One thing I completely disagree with is cheating. Pretty crappy in my opinion after promising vows to each other.
  • Wookinpanub
    Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
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    Thanks for all the great input!
  • LynneW1983
    LynneW1983 Posts: 1,161 Member
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    lookin4gains wrote: »
    Honestly, now days divorce is much more acceptable and easy. Vows don't mean *kitten* anymore. Granted I've only been married 5 years. My wife gained a significant amount of weight after pregnancy. I would never cheat, although I found myself being very complacent and I stopped trying to woo her. Our marriage has been extremely rocky. I'm in the gym every day, not for others, but it is a release for me for frustrations and it makes me feel great. With her struggle, I was very insensitive because my mentally was get off your *kitten* and do something about it. Lately, I've been trying to treat her like we were dating. And the response is staggering. It takes both parties to give effort and sometimes all it takes is one to stop being defensive and put their spouse in front of themselves. Weight loss has very little significance on cheating. Attention from others when you feel invisible at home is going to create some realization they deserve more. Now granted weight loss creates a lot more confidence and regardless of size, that is sexy. The problems are much deeper than weight loss. I just have to ensure I don't become complacent again, and that requires a conscious effort daily. And she is worth it. My opinion is only developed from my personal experience. Obviously different situations warrant different scenarios. One thing I completely disagree with is cheating. Pretty *kitten* in my opinion after promising vows to each other.

    How sweet.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    No, but sometimes you are a different person by the time you have put 2 or 5 years into changing yourself and the partnership that was once ideal is now one you have grown out of.

    It happens.

    One person changes one way, the other changes in another way or doesnt change at all. People grow out of each other.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    lookin4gains wrote: »
    Honestly, now days divorce is much more acceptable and easy. Vows don't mean *kitten* anymore. Granted I've only been married 5 years. My wife gained a significant amount of weight after pregnancy. I would never cheat, although I found myself being very complacent and I stopped trying to woo her. Our marriage has been extremely rocky. I'm in the gym every day, not for others, but it is a release for me for frustrations and it makes me feel great. With her struggle, I was very insensitive because my mentally was get off your *kitten* and do something about it. Lately, I've been trying to treat her like we were dating. And the response is staggering. It takes both parties to give effort and sometimes all it takes is one to stop being defensive and put their spouse in front of themselves. Weight loss has very little significance on cheating. Attention from others when you feel invisible at home is going to create some realization they deserve more. Now granted weight loss creates a lot more confidence and regardless of size, that is sexy. The problems are much deeper than weight loss. I just have to ensure I don't become complacent again, and that requires a conscious effort daily. And she is worth it. My opinion is only developed from my personal experience. Obviously different situations warrant different scenarios. One thing I completely disagree with is cheating. Pretty *kitten* in my opinion after promising vows to each other.


    You are proof that if you (and your SO) are willing to work for the relationship, it can come back from rocky and unhappy and become what you've always wanted. My husband and I have been there, done that and have been together for 25 years now. My husband is significantly heavier than he was when we married. But he's still the same person inside, and that's who I fell in love with.
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
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    Love is a decision, not an emotion. You choose to love, even when it gets hard, or when the other gains or loses weight. Too often love is confused with lust, infatuation or some other feeling. My wife and I chose to love each other, and 34 years later we make that same decision everyday.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Veil5577 wrote: »
    My ex tried finding someone online to have an affair with when he got into really good shape and I was not. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end for us.

    Losing weight is not an excuse for cheating. Sorry.
    To me there's NO excuse for cheating. Check out of the relationship completely...take a break ...when you think you're ready to jump back in....take a bit more time.

    Then go meet someone... but it never fails, someone cheats and then hooks up and is horrified that the person they cheated with cheats on them. Why is that a mystery?

    BTW... regarding your thread... losing weight isn't like you're a magnet with no power to control your sexual appetite so you have to head out and cheat because someone turns around and looks at you (you might have tp on your shoe..who knows). lol

    Oh..and Fat girls get looks too, guys like all sorts of women, not particularly cheaters but women with a good personality, fun to be with, like minded (athletic, gamer, reader, whatever 2 ppl have in common) etc.

    So if it was a cheating relationship you're expecting it to last are you? So you were flattered because he had sex with you? Lots of guys enjoy having sex.. and to some guys it doesn't mean anything but having a good time.


    nah...no emoticon good enough for this thread...... nothing that fits.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    edited November 2014
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    6ftamazon wrote: »
    If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. There's no excuse for cheating. If you aren't attracted to your partner, discuss it with them. Hell, even discuss the idea of an open relationship. But to cheat simply means that you don't care enough about hurting your partner. I get there's temptations. We've all been there. But if you had respect for your partner and you actually cared a lot for them, you'd be honest with them.
    I think it also means you have absolutely no respect for yourself.

    I also agree with the poster that shared.. ppl cheat before losing weight, ppl cheat after... it's not about the fat. It's about your lack of self esteem and the lack of respect for your partner... it likely would have happened anyhow...weight loss or not that you cheated on him. Now you just can give an excuse that guys were surrounding you checking you out and you had no control over the situation? smh

  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    tuckerrj wrote: »
    Love is a decision, not an emotion. You choose to love, even when it gets hard, or when the other gains or loses weight. Too often love is confused with lust, infatuation or some other feeling. My wife and I chose to love each other, and 34 years later we make that same decision everyday.
    <3
  • sparkynazca
    sparkynazca Posts: 169 Member
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    tuckerrj wrote: »
    Love is a decision, not an emotion. You choose to love, even when it gets hard, or when the other gains or loses weight. Too often love is confused with lust, infatuation or some other feeling. My wife and I chose to love each other, and 34 years later we make that same decision everyday.

    I disagree. A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP is a decision. I couldn't stop loving my husband if I tried, through thick and thin, up and down, he is something my thoughts turn to at various points in the day, every day - even after 15 years... even when I'm pissed off at him...when things suck, and he's being an *kitten*, an I'm being a *kitten*, and life is going terrible, I find thoughts of him in my head and I just smile. Because really, him being there is as natural as having my hand attached to my wrist. He's just a part of my life in a very mundane way, a way that makes sense. I just can't fathom it being any other way. And I can't fathom that love would go away without my conscious decision to give it.

    I don't make the choice to love him. I make the choice to apologize when I'm being unreasonable. And to tell him when he is doing the same.

    Meh, I'm not making any sense.

    But I agree, love is often confused with lust. Fluttery feelings, and whatnot... they are nice, and addictive. But really... love is matter of fact. Love is boring. Except it isn't.
  • Medivh73
    Medivh73 Posts: 140 Member
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    As an above poster said, love is too often confused with lust. If you truly love your spouse, nothing should change after either one of you loses weight.

    If you don't love someone anymore, the both of you should move on. Cheating is wrong and no one deserves that heartache.
  • ParamoreAddict
    ParamoreAddict Posts: 839 Member
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    When I got married, it was til death do us part; not until it gets inconvenient. Both divorce and cheating are wrong imo.

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  • nick40vmi
    nick40vmi Posts: 70 Member
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    I think that person is shallow beyond all doubt if they cheat on you because they have improved their physical appearance.

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