How do you deal with siblings and yours/their weight?
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It sounds like you're being controlling, passive aggressive, and invasive. And thinking that because you've had a caretaker role in their life it's okay to do those things. If you really want to help them, I would say give them the space to learn to care for themselves. They might need that more.
NO, OP is a very caring, smart, level-headed individual. Clearly shows through her posts. Your comment is unhelpful and unnecessary, but hey, if it makes YOU feel better, whatever...
I think that someone can be a caring, smart, and level headed person and still sometimes come to a place where the things they do are more negative. In the first part of this thread she sounded like she was coming from a controlling and invasive place. However, she has been thoughtful and obviously cares for her family. I wasn't trying to condemn her as a bad person, I just thought she was coming from a bad place.
We all have a good and bad in them, I take no offense - we are all rather one dimensional on the internet, so can't expect strangers to be able to reasonably judge me as a whole person based on very limited information!
Can't we all just get along?!
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I have found with family members it is best to do your own thing dont nag don't talk about it unless they initiate conversation. Lead by example and when they see you doing well you will inspire them to do it to. Do not be pushy or say blatant things even if its true. You will catch them in a negative way against you and that you don't want. But do invite for walks just as a bonding experience or having them over for dinner tgey will definitely notice your changes and feel included in your lifestyle change.0
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SpockAdventures wrote: »It sounds like you're being controlling, passive aggressive, and invasive. And thinking that because you've had a caretaker role in their life it's okay to do those things. If you really want to help them, I would say give them the space to learn to care for themselves. They might need that more.
NO, OP is a very caring, smart, level-headed individual. Clearly shows through her posts. Your comment is unhelpful and unnecessary, but hey, if it makes YOU feel better, whatever...
I think that someone can be a caring, smart, and level headed person and still sometimes come to a place where the things they do are more negative. In the first part of this thread she sounded like she was coming from a controlling and invasive place. However, she has been thoughtful and obviously cares for her family. I wasn't trying to condemn her as a bad person, I just thought she was coming from a bad place.
We all have a good and bad in them, I take no offense - we are all rather one dimensional on the internet, so can't expect strangers to be able to reasonably judge me as a whole person based on very limited information!
Can't we all just get along?!
Yeah we can If I came across too harsh, I apologize. Thanks for being understanding.
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I'm the youngest and fattest of my siblings. They are not necessarily healthier in their lifestyle- just aren't overweight. They don't eat better or exercise regularly. They have issues of their own. I don't tell them how to live their lives.
I would not like it if they said anything about how fat I am. I am an adult. I see myself every day. I know my issues. My siblings are not the people I am looking for coaching from in my healthy lifestyle journey.
If I were you, I would just lead by example. You could invite them to join you for an exercise class, a 5k race, or a weekly walk because it is fun spending time together and you like doing active things. You can share tasty healthy recipes you've found. If they come to you and ask for advice or support in making changes then that is different.0 -
You can't change anyone. If & when they are ready to change, and they ask for help, be there for them. That's about it.0
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Just losing the weight yourself will make you the best role model you can be. I know it takes time until others (especially family) notice the difference of your body shrinking but once they do they will be inspired by you (that is if they actually care about the fact that they have gained)
Some people just aren't ready to make big changes in their eating and lifestyle habits. Once they are actually ready to do something about the weight they will come to you. Each in their own time. You can't force anyone to lose weight0 -
SpockAdventures wrote: »TL;DR: How do you guys deal with siblings or loved ones that need help, either to gain weight or to lose weight, if you help at all?
You leave them the devil alone until they blasted well ask. They're not morons. You've got your hands full taking care of yourself. That whole saving someone from themselves narrative is arrogant and unloving. They probably all own scales and mirrors.0 -
I think I've inspired my brother with my weight loss. He has always been athletic and fit but recent years have made that more difficult for him. He texted me last week to tell me he had tried a really fun HIIT workout on YouTube and it turned out he had discovered one of my favorite fitness channels, Fitness Blender. It just happened that they were beginning a new 5 day challenge this past Monday so I asked him if he wanted to do it with me, even though we live 600 miles apart. He agreed, and we've been keeping each other accountable and on track all week so far via Facebook. It's been really fun and a great bonding experience (we both hate freaking SQUAT JUMPS!!!).
Hopefully those of you who are wishing your siblings were on board, will be the inspiration they need to join in and maybe work out and eat healthy right alongside you!0 -
Even though I think you would be best served to mind your own business about it, maybe you could just suggest an activity to do together. Tell them you were thinking about taking up hiking or something but don't want to do it alone and see if they would be willing to go with you. I wouldn't even mention their weight.0
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I'm sure they are aware. They know. Everyone knows when they've gained weight whether they admit it to you or someone else or not. They know. And I'm sure no one appreciates unsolicited advice, whether meant well or not. I know you want to help them, but unless they ask, I'd just try to keep it to yourself for now.
As for how I deal with my siblings and weight. My younger sister is a healthy weight, however, her boyfriend believes she needs to lose weight. So he made he go buy a gym membership, pay for personal training sessions, berates her for not losing fast enough, tells her she is not allowed to eat when she's hungry, etc. That, IMO, is AWFUL! So when she approached me about it, I tell her how I feel. Otherwise, what can you do? She came to me so I did talk to her about it. But alas, she is old enough to make her own decisions - if she wants to live like that...
I just mean, think this way, how would you feel if you were the other sibling and someone would approach you about it? Chances are you wouldn't like it, that you know already.
I hope this helps.0 -
Only read the TLDR. I don't comment on anyone's weight. If they ask, I'll help. Other than that, it's none of my business.0
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extremelygrumpycat wrote: »
I just mean, think this way, how would you feel if you were the other sibling and someone would approach you about it? Chances are you wouldn't like it, that you know already.
Every bit of input is helpful! See, I'm weird and I ask my friends and family to be honest when they have a concern about me, or to not *kitten* foot around things with me. I have mental illness so a lot of times I don't clearly see a situation that needs addressing, and that includes my weight and health. I think because I require that and ask others to do that for me, my instinct is to do that for those that I love as well - even though they may not need it. I know I can be overly forceful with my opinions and advice sometimes, and my family and I all publicly acknowledge this, so because we are all openly aware that sometimes I should exercise my inner filter more frequently, they also know I never mean anything to be mean or bad intentioned, and that even the harshest of criticism I might come up with, comes from a place of love. The weight thing I've talked a lot about with my middle sister - she has, from time to time, come to me and asked for help and because of that we have an ongoing conversation about healthy choices. Not specifically about weight, but healthy alternative foods and exercise and stuff. The other two we've never talked about it, so it is even weirder for me not to address since I have been with one of them. I dunno. I'm just keeping my mouth shushed for now. As I said earlier, though, if one does come up against a health concern that is potentially permanent or life threatening, I am removing the filter. I'd rather hurt their feelings in the immediate so they get medical help, than just accept that they are killing themselves slowly for the sake of our relationship.
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They know their own weight issues. If they ask for your help, then help them. Otherwise weight control is an extremely sensitive subject- let it go and focus on your goals.0
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their weight has nothing to do with me. thank god. as my little brother is over 6'9 and weighs over 350 lbs.0
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I am the youngest child in a large family. And I mean large in both numbers and size. I love my siblings dearly and worry about them too. We have a family history of high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, etc and I fear for their lives sometimes. The thing is, they are not dumb, sometimes in denial, but not dumb. They know they are not in a good place. They don't need me to point it out. However, it is for THEM to decide when they are ready to take it on.
My advice to you is to continue to set an good example through your action. If and/or when they bring it up, don't be afraid to share your successes and struggles with them, but keep it to yourself otherwise. If you play your cards right, you can be a great resource of knowledge and encouragement for them when they are ready to work on it. Until then you have to let it go.0 -
SpockAdventures wrote: »I am the oldest of four sisters. I've always been the chubbier one, and I'm sure that part of that is because I'm 6 years older than the next oldest, and 12 years older than the youngest. However, in the last year, my weight hasn't changed much, but all three of them have gained - and I'm not even joking - a minimum of 30lbs a piece. My youngest sister started college last year, and easily put on 60lbs. Even my oldest of the three, who has danced her whole life, put on like 30lbs over the last year.
I feel like a terrible person for it, but looking at them is part of why I am so dedicated to losing weight now. I think that the weight they have gained is...well....kind of gross
Really read what you are saying.
I'm gonna be super blunt. You used to be the "chubbier" one, meaning, they were ALL smaller than you at one point (seemingly for a long time by how it's worded). How would you feel if you thought your sisters thought YOU were gross? That how you lived YOUR life was gross? You can't honestly say that that wouldn't hurt your feelings. No matter how you want to word it, being called "gross" regarding any aspect of a person's life is terrible. So, really, you have no room to talk, since you used to be bigger than they were.
I say don't say anything. Leave them be. They'll stand on the sidelines and watch you do your thing. They may get motivated; they may not. Don't force anything. It may not seem like it to you. It may be coming from a good place, but letting them know over and over again what you're doing to feel better and what-not is borderline shoving it in their faces. You're basically telling them that the way they live their lives is unacceptable, and "Hey, look at me. I'm doing what people are supposed to do, and you're not."
Like I said, I'm not saying that that's what you're trying to convey, but when you're on the other side, and may be feeling guilty about how you're eating and the way you look, it can be taken as nothing but put downs and reinforcing how they see themselves.
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NoelFigart1 wrote: »SpockAdventures wrote: »TL;DR: How do you guys deal with siblings or loved ones that need help, either to gain weight or to lose weight, if you help at all?
You leave them the devil alone until they blasted well ask. They're not morons. You've got your hands full taking care of yourself. That whole saving someone from themselves narrative is arrogant and unloving. They probably all own scales and mirrors.
wow abit aggressive response i thought
but yes its a tricky situation. and truly of what i have seen until someone is ready they wont do anything about their situation. But on the other hand sometimes its about not knowing what to do and where to start. Until i joined this site i actually believed you needed to near starve yourself or do some weird celebrity diet. Watching you might spring them into action, or as someone else said you can ask them if they want to join in with some of your activities. Its nice to have a work out buddy. I guess you know your family best so would know how to approach them.0
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