How do you deal with siblings and yours/their weight?

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  • blossomingbutterfly
    blossomingbutterfly Posts: 743 Member
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    I'm sure they are aware. They know. Everyone knows when they've gained weight whether they admit it to you or someone else or not. They know. And I'm sure no one appreciates unsolicited advice, whether meant well or not. I know you want to help them, but unless they ask, I'd just try to keep it to yourself for now.

    As for how I deal with my siblings and weight. My younger sister is a healthy weight, however, her boyfriend believes she needs to lose weight. So he made he go buy a gym membership, pay for personal training sessions, berates her for not losing fast enough, tells her she is not allowed to eat when she's hungry, etc. That, IMO, is AWFUL! So when she approached me about it, I tell her how I feel. Otherwise, what can you do? She came to me so I did talk to her about it. But alas, she is old enough to make her own decisions - if she wants to live like that...

    I just mean, think this way, how would you feel if you were the other sibling and someone would approach you about it? Chances are you wouldn't like it, that you know already.

    I hope this helps.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
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    Only read the TLDR. I don't comment on anyone's weight. If they ask, I'll help. Other than that, it's none of my business.
  • SpockAdventures
    SpockAdventures Posts: 103 Member
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    extremelygrumpycat wrote: »

    I just mean, think this way, how would you feel if you were the other sibling and someone would approach you about it? Chances are you wouldn't like it, that you know already.

    Every bit of input is helpful! See, I'm weird and I ask my friends and family to be honest when they have a concern about me, or to not *kitten* foot around things with me. I have mental illness so a lot of times I don't clearly see a situation that needs addressing, and that includes my weight and health. I think because I require that and ask others to do that for me, my instinct is to do that for those that I love as well - even though they may not need it. I know I can be overly forceful with my opinions and advice sometimes, and my family and I all publicly acknowledge this, so because we are all openly aware that sometimes I should exercise my inner filter more frequently, they also know I never mean anything to be mean or bad intentioned, and that even the harshest of criticism I might come up with, comes from a place of love. The weight thing I've talked a lot about with my middle sister - she has, from time to time, come to me and asked for help and because of that we have an ongoing conversation about healthy choices. Not specifically about weight, but healthy alternative foods and exercise and stuff. The other two we've never talked about it, so it is even weirder for me not to address since I have been with one of them. I dunno. I'm just keeping my mouth shushed for now. As I said earlier, though, if one does come up against a health concern that is potentially permanent or life threatening, I am removing the filter. I'd rather hurt their feelings in the immediate so they get medical help, than just accept that they are killing themselves slowly for the sake of our relationship.

  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
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    They know their own weight issues. If they ask for your help, then help them. Otherwise weight control is an extremely sensitive subject- let it go and focus on your goals.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    their weight has nothing to do with me. thank god. as my little brother is over 6'9 and weighs over 350 lbs.
  • MelanieMamaof5
    MelanieMamaof5 Posts: 75 Member
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    I am the youngest child in a large family. And I mean large in both numbers and size. I love my siblings dearly and worry about them too. We have a family history of high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, etc and I fear for their lives sometimes. The thing is, they are not dumb, sometimes in denial, but not dumb. They know they are not in a good place. They don't need me to point it out. However, it is for THEM to decide when they are ready to take it on.

    My advice to you is to continue to set an good example through your action. If and/or when they bring it up, don't be afraid to share your successes and struggles with them, but keep it to yourself otherwise. If you play your cards right, you can be a great resource of knowledge and encouragement for them when they are ready to work on it. Until then you have to let it go.
  • LadyHobbledehoy
    LadyHobbledehoy Posts: 91 Member
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    SpockAdventures wrote: »
    I am the oldest of four sisters. I've always been the chubbier one, and I'm sure that part of that is because I'm 6 years older than the next oldest, and 12 years older than the youngest. However, in the last year, my weight hasn't changed much, but all three of them have gained - and I'm not even joking - a minimum of 30lbs a piece. My youngest sister started college last year, and easily put on 60lbs. Even my oldest of the three, who has danced her whole life, put on like 30lbs over the last year.

    I feel like a terrible person for it, but looking at them is part of why I am so dedicated to losing weight now. I think that the weight they have gained is...well....kind of gross

    Really read what you are saying.

    I'm gonna be super blunt. You used to be the "chubbier" one, meaning, they were ALL smaller than you at one point (seemingly for a long time by how it's worded). How would you feel if you thought your sisters thought YOU were gross? That how you lived YOUR life was gross? You can't honestly say that that wouldn't hurt your feelings. No matter how you want to word it, being called "gross" regarding any aspect of a person's life is terrible. So, really, you have no room to talk, since you used to be bigger than they were.

    I say don't say anything. Leave them be. They'll stand on the sidelines and watch you do your thing. They may get motivated; they may not. Don't force anything. It may not seem like it to you. It may be coming from a good place, but letting them know over and over again what you're doing to feel better and what-not is borderline shoving it in their faces. You're basically telling them that the way they live their lives is unacceptable, and "Hey, look at me. I'm doing what people are supposed to do, and you're not."

    Like I said, I'm not saying that that's what you're trying to convey, but when you're on the other side, and may be feeling guilty about how you're eating and the way you look, it can be taken as nothing but put downs and reinforcing how they see themselves.

  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    NoelFigart1 wrote: »
    SpockAdventures wrote: »
    TL;DR: How do you guys deal with siblings or loved ones that need help, either to gain weight or to lose weight, if you help at all?

    You leave them the devil alone until they blasted well ask. They're not morons. You've got your hands full taking care of yourself. That whole saving someone from themselves narrative is arrogant and unloving. They probably all own scales and mirrors.

    wow abit aggressive response i thought
    but yes its a tricky situation. and truly of what i have seen until someone is ready they wont do anything about their situation. But on the other hand sometimes its about not knowing what to do and where to start. Until i joined this site i actually believed you needed to near starve yourself or do some weird celebrity diet. Watching you might spring them into action, or as someone else said you can ask them if they want to join in with some of your activities. Its nice to have a work out buddy. I guess you know your family best so would know how to approach them.

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