My fiance keeps gaining weight !

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Telton66
Telton66 Posts: 74
in Motivation and Support
when I met him he was 175 lbs but now he is up to 250 pounds. He used to be obese when he was younger and I am concerned he might be heading the same path. He eats big potions of food, eating out of boredom and little to no exercise since we moved in together. He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him. I tried suggesting myfitness pal and invite him to the gym but he gets angry when I bring up his weight.

Anyone ever been in this situation?
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Replies

  • KiKiRee87
    KiKiRee87 Posts: 4
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    Yes!! I was with someone a few years back who did the same thing. What does he say in defense of his weight?
  • Telton66
    Telton66 Posts: 74
    edited October 2014
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    KiKiRee87 wrote: »
    Yes!! I was with someone a few years back who did the same thing. What does he say in defense of his weight?

    He just says that its touchy subject for him and he accuses me for calling him fat when I suggest he comes to gym with me. Then he does nothing about it and doesn't make an effort to get back in touch

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,565 Member
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    You can't force someone to change their habits. They need to do that on their own. If you're no longer attracted to him because of this reason, then you need to be honest with him about it.
    It's not uncommon for people to gain weight when they feel comfortable with their relationship statis. It's funny how when people split up, that they become more concerned about their weight and how they look more seriously.

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  • agal129
    agal129 Posts: 215 Member
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    Maybe suggest that he go on walks with you? Perhaps that would get him feeling better and be more motivated to work out on his own or more often.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    The obvious thing to do is nag him. Men love that.
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    a significant weight gain (not just your holiday or vacation 5 lbs) is usually a sign of some underlying *stuff* unresolved. there is a good reason why he is not taking care of himself. that is the real question. he may not know the answer...and then you have a make a decision as well.
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
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    Dem gainzzz
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Either learn to deal with it or break up.
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
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    It's ok, he's bulking!
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Threaten to dump him. That will give him a wake up call. I work hard to stay in shape and look good so I expect the same thing in return with my significant other
  • osothefinn
    osothefinn Posts: 163 Member
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    BFDeal wrote: »
    This is why 18 year olds shouldn't get married.

    Yep, because older people never let themselves go in a relationship, or get defensive about their weight.

  • horndave
    horndave Posts: 565
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    Oh the joys of being vain.
  • Christineclendaniel
    Christineclendaniel Posts: 367 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Another one of these threads....in for the great comments.

    OP, this is a conversation for you and your SO, not a public forum.

    You cant make someone get healthy, they have to want it. Tell him your feellings once, he will remember and do it if he wants. It is all in the delivery of this message on if it will be taken as you calling him fat or trying to look out for his health. If you nag it will never happen and your relationship will go downhill fast.

    My 2 cents because you asked for it.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    horndave wrote: »

    Oh the joys of being vain.

    Wanting to be physically attracted to your SO is vanity? LAWL.

    Ok, then.
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?
  • Isabelle_1929
    Isabelle_1929 Posts: 233 Member
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    horndave wrote: »

    Oh the joys of being vain.

    Well, it's not vain to want a sexual life (unless you are hyper religious, or 90 years-old - and even then ...).
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
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    I'm getting the impression you're phrasing it wrong, or maybe not using the tact you could be.

    Instead of telling him he's not attractive to you anymore, or that he should point blank join a weight loss site, why not say something like, "Hey, I found this really awesome trail. Want to come for a hike with me this weekend?" or, "I'd love to spend time doing things with you instead of watching TV, why don't we try ____(some sort of activity that isn't blatantly exercise)________?" or offer to make food for you guys and make healthier options.

    If you're putting all the onus on him, you're just making him feel bad. It's not like he miraculously didn't notice the 75lbs he's put on since you met; he's aware of them, likely self-conscious of them, and you bringing it up is likely just making him feel like you love him -- just not unconditionally.

    While you have every right not to be as attracted to him as you used to be, throwing that in his face is going to cause a screaming match, not a healthier fiance. The reality of having a partner is that, over time, you're sex life is going to take a dive and if you can't function on other forms of intimacy, you should be questioning your relationship, not his waistline.

    Good luck.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    Tanie98 wrote: »
    Threaten to dump him. That will give him a wake up call. I work hard to stay in shape and look good so I expect the same thing in return with my significant other

    Ooooooooooooor he'll find the door and walk out of it for good, which he probably should do anyway.

    *assuming this is an actual issue and not trolling

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